Alot of invitations, I am thrilled....

1. Invited to go to Germany with my luvly dearest fren in June
2. Invited to Brittany by a french couple who are my fren's parents in Bangkok. He just told me they luved me.
3. Invited to go to some kinky, if not, maybe crazy party at agogo club in BKK by another frenchman.
4. Invited to go to S'pore by another.....person. hehe, or maybe Europe, depending where we want to meet
5. Invited to attend a traditional Thai wedding.
6. Invited to go to M'sia, UK to meet my old buddies since Uni
7. Invited to.................few other couldnt be named things...............but very exciting & thrilling ones.
8. Of coz, was invited to hop onto a car......in BKK highway


I hope I can indeed do all of the above, but now, I need to work hard N make money. It's so luvly when pple asked so sincerely and would want you to be there. They and YOU have made me feel so warmth. :)

Thank you so much.
Luv U guyz!

I think I cant help it.....

Well, sometimes it's out of my ability to control my crazy genes, somehow I guess someone is destined to lead a different life. I cant say whatever I did and am going to do are daring, but it does have a touch of risk factor and uncertainty. Honestly, apart from Mr Funny, some did hint me not to be so "wild" or "should be a lady, get married..."

Today, Bangkok highway incident reminded me that it's not the first time I hopped onto something. In Laos especially, around couple of years ago, I was too desperate to head home, despite non-english speaking laosian told me it's wrong bus, I went with my gutz N hopped on...........lol...............guess what! I went to where I wanted to go, though during the whole trip I realized it was a good thing to go without breakfast, everyone around me was.....throwing up, except me. And on my way, I did worry if there would be any gunman jumped out & started shooting us along the hillsides...........

I guess, I followed my instincts or gutz alot. If I feel it's rite, I went ahead. Just like my ex-es, inside I knew it was wrong, I went ahead and of coz - bad bad!!

Lost in Bangkok Highway!
1. Taxi died and driver left me alone in the cab and I thought he was trying to find me another cab
2. after 10 mins, no show....I decided to run for my life
3. I took out the luggage & stood by the side of highway hoping maybe somehow an empty cab wud pass by 

4. Of coz, it's almost impossible & the chance was abit gleam so I was planning to walk to the other side of highway as it seemed there were more cab w or w/o passengers

5. Caught between running for my life or risking my life in the raging traffic
6. A car stopped and the driver asked me where I was heading
7. So I jumped into the car, and here we went......
8. Safely arrived at airport & just in time actually

Then I called my mom & told her what happened, she scolded me....hahahaa, actually the driver was a gal who is soon-to-be-a-pilot.......Now I made my very 1st thai fren on my own!!!

A deep fried birdie

Someone said today to me, I shud get settled down. I am taking too much risks in life. Well, he's kind-hearted, actually we have never even met! But he makes me laugh. Basically he's a perfect man, he has a perfect kid, a perfect wife, a perfect life (hahaha, say ha jeh)!

So I said no one wanted me. Couldnt be tamed. Well, actually how hard it is to tame a legless bird? Actually its quite easy, as he put it, just deep fry it.....LOL, funny, yeah?! Really, there's no other way. I wonder what's the analogy to deep fry a bird to correlate my life. I got no clue. I thought it's funny so I just want to say it here.

However, really, what does settling down mean to everyone? Getting married, having a mortgage for life, raising 2 kids....as I put it before, are all these really secure in such world? Are these called "settling down"? Sorry, I dont seem to see many who hv the above (except him -as he may be reading, hehe) are actually happy and glad that they have "settled down"? Sorry, I am mute, I cant name one (yes except Mr Funny)! 

I no longer can grasp the peace in settling down, as again said before, we are living a life span with few life times (means we live 60 years but it's like we are living in few lifes already, as things move so fast, info pass by us like lightspeed - compared to all the previous generations). Coz very likely, we change our way of life or way of thinking drastically every 10 years. Anyhow, I am not against people "settling down", I think it's important for a human to feel grounded, stable & at peace. I want that too. Very much. Believe me. But maybe it's not entirely the way they put it.

I am pursuing something indeed risky....guess in work or life. But then, I am also at lost if I should walk like others. It's not just simply saying "nah, it's not for me"........but I guess really somewhere somehow I always want to be revolutionary. I have this belief that the value has changed, and I am working towards the changed values, hopefully, faster than others. Whoever hits the finishing line 1st wins. I cant say I am right or wrong, I just believe following everyone wants me to be or to do IS wrong for me. At this moment, really it appears to be wrong, but but but........I am actually a patient person. I will prove everyone wrong, one day, haha, I sound crazy, aint I? Anyhow, really honestly, if I am wronged, then, so, how? 

I guess I still could write a book ie called, DONT BE LIKE ME, SHOULD ALWAYS CONFORM. hehe....sorry, I really sound grumpy lately. I am really tired, really sleepy, but I am leaving home in an hr for a shitty early flight. I think I will kill someone on the plane for sure......................ARRRGGGHHH

Thanks for listening. See U later, my frenz.

Sometimes babies are not really that cute

Sorry, I met a baby or toddler today.
Supposedly all babies are cute.
Maybe I have become more heartless.
Really, babies are not that cute.
I am always the babysitter when my frenz bring their babies along.
I luv playing with them. But today, I got no freaking mood to play with them.
I dont like active ones, esp the ones that are put at places whereby there are sharp edges & staircases.
They then make me nervous. So to avoid such feeling, the best for me is to dislike them.....

Contradictory? yes pretty much.
So now I officially dislike BABIES.

Questions

1. Are you a male?
2. Do you think you are pretty smart? Yet, you did poorly in school?
3. Did you wet your bed upto age 12?
4. Did you play with matches when you were a kid? (actually I did)
5. Are you a voyeur?
6. Are you addicted to fetishism?
7. Are you into S&M pornography?

Guess if U got more than 3 of the above YES,



U R a




SERIAIL KILLER POTENTIAL. hehe



http://www.carpenoctem.tv/killers/ch.html

Vintage Porn

I have been doing some research on my own on some porn sites from my frenz. 

Do you know that there are actually vintage porns? collage porns? celebrity porns.

Now, the porn doesnt need to be a story based ones. Internet world.

Amazing, ie all I can say.

Actually, I also get to understand why guyz like to see porns, some are quite amusing actually. hehe.

I have some regrets this morning

My motto is never to regret over things you have done.
Think of the consequences before acting upon it.

But today, I have, which is very very rare in my life. I dont say much like....yes I do have this regret that I did....etc etc. Today, I feel it.

I regret I have dogs. They are driving me crazy. I tried to clean my place, they folowed me around. I tried to vaccum, they thought I was playing with them. I was worrying about next few days issues, they jumped all over me wanting some luving from mama.

I think, I hv never said that before, maybe I am just abit melachonic today. If they die, I wouldnt hv another pets ever ever again. You know, once you have them, you target to be responsible for them for 15 years. Lottie is only 1 year old, meaning I have another 14 years. And by then, to have another active dog would be impossible. Maybe you say I could pick a quiet one........but this is my character, things are with me tend to be neurotic & crazy. I wont try to fight this kama, but enjoy it as much as I can.

That makes me understand why men dont want to have kids after certain age. Seriously, it takes stamina, energy, alot of committment & responsibility to have kids, even worse than me having 2 dogs. For women, we may not need to think too much about it, as the biology will help us decide anyways. I start to understand more now........I guess, galz, dun push your guyz to have kids. If they actually dont want, but this is the most important thing for you, find another man.......really.

Come Back to Earth

Today marks of the end of, as for many people, long CNY holidays. As for me, it marks the start of hardwork. Feb, so far, is very lazing around month. Everything is dreamy. Things went past so quickly, including the minutes, the hours & the days. I am starting to freak out.

I need to come back to earth and be a human again.

I esp slept more today as I know next 2 days, I am gonna be sleepless. Too much to catch up, too much to prepare....next whole week is all about meetings, meetings. I am concerned my brain will die of exhaustion. Coz those pple that I am gonna meet are going to non stop talking and their pace of speech is so fast that usually wud just shut me down....but I cant.

U wonder if anyone has ever died of listening too much? Hope I wont be the first one!

How to be charismatic

Well, depending what kind of friends or guyz you want to attract, I want to share with you some of my findings:

1. Dont try to be pretty or sexy - 

Many guyz luv sexy galz, but then I believe smart guyz dont look at galz who wear low cut or just less. Though, indeed LESS is MORE. But sometimes I find galz trying to radiate the aura to everyone that I AM PRETTY - good way to see it is self-confident, yet when you cant balance it, you become like - not attractive. Always Always be yourself - as this is an eternal sexiness in it.

2. Dont just talk to the guyz, always talk to the galz around U

It's a mistake of many galz. I see it DAILY. They have this cat-fight spirit in them. Honestly, I have none. I always opt to talk to the bitchy galz (who usually are the targets of cat-fights) or arrogant guyz. Somehow, they just need to wear a facemask to protect themseleves, maybe I like the challenge, once I could tap it open - they usually become my great frenz. Maybe ie why I am so adored by both guyz N galz.

3. Similar as above points - dont be DESPERATE

U know, actually people could see your desperacy, no one is a great actor anyways. For me, since I got good training in my mind & body language, also I am indeed not very desperate at all to for e.g. get married or get laid (of coz I would slip sometimes if I indeed meet some cute guyz) - I know guyz or galz tend to enjoy talking to me once I could break the ice. As I cant help it, I dont look very friendly since young, but people usually find me non-threatening. But if you are indeed desperate, try to stay abit aloof with an indifferent smile but not arrogant attitude.

4. Proactive as a communicator

Actually, a good Q will give a long-lasting good impression on someone. This sparks hours of great topics. If you are not good, train yourself. As I used to be a bad one, but since I am a very curious person about many things, I ask always many Qs. As well, dont be shy to speak up your mind, Yes indeed sometimes it backs fire by speaking own mind, but there's always way to refine a truthful comment - think alittle before you speak (I am not 100% great on this). Be willing to open your mouth & your thoughts, pple will be more willing to talk the heaven & hell with you.

My best fren Leo is super good at this.

4. Be an attentive listener

This is something 90% people are bad at. When I was in teen, my great teacher taught me to listen. So I listened.......attentively always (not as diligent now), but when you indeed listen well, you could hear the truth or lies in someone's choice of vocabulary & their hearts. And stay open, even if that person lies, dont judge them. It doesnt really matter, as we should stay as unbiased as possible.

5. Be interactive

Combined both no3 & no4. Dont just ask Q, or talk or purely listens. Always give good feedback, not the uh, yea, uh huh.....kinda feedback, but feedback with some wise comments or intelligent jokes or maybe just a truthful sympathy.

6.Dont use "should" word too much

I used to use it alot when I was in teen as I got this very black & white in my head. I luv correcting pple. But believe me, no one likes to be should-ed. I dont like it either. I think most pple know they shouldnt do certain things...anyhows.

7. Involve others

Guess it's something quite difficult for galz to do it at times. Maybe asian as well. They like their own secure cluster gang. But well, dont be, it's totally not sexy! Include others in a conversation in a graceful way - it would turn both galz & guyz on towards you!

8.Never tell others you had worse pain or situation than them

I find it's like a disease. People so want to identify with you that they would say they are worse than you. As I said in another entry, pain can never be compared. Suffering is one's own private sense, which no one can be more or can understand it fully. Hence, be nice, dont say that again!

9. Stay super open-minded

Everyone has some secrets, some darkside. I do, I hv alotta dark sides, not so much with secrets though. Embrace pple's choices or philosophy of life. But dont expect others to embrace yours. Seriously, if you get it, it means you have bigger grace & heart to accept others, then why the needs to expect others to do likewise?

10. I let you tell me some of the ways to stay charm....:)

Snap Movie

Not Snapshots, but snap movie.

After re-watching Reality Bites, I really wanted to start doing a Snap Movie about people around me. I started doing it during CNY and I realize, all I took was the funny ones. Hilariously funny ones. As the only thing I could hear was my laughters. So, I will try to learn how to cut & paste into a super hilarious movie of my Wabbit CNY.

But, still, I want to make a snap movie about something deeper. Actually, I am not sure if my frenz would be willing to do, but well, issues I want to be in it would be:

1. What is your true sexuality?
Pure straight or pure gay or you actually do have some inclination to bi?
2. The wildest things U ever done?
3. What's a smile to you?
4. You ever think of suicide? What wud be the ways to do it?
5. If you could speak to Bruce Lee, what would you want to ask him & tell him?
6. Why are you afraid of ghosts?
7. Why are you sometimes afraid of yourself?
8. If you could publish a book, what wud be the title? What are you gonna write about?
9. Give me 5 words to describe yourself and 8 sentences to describe your spouse/partner/gf/bf.
10. If you win 50Mil HKD lottery, how are you going to spend it, for real?

Others:
1. What's your philosophy?
2. What would you name your babies or your business?
3. Why are you so dull? And when are you dull?
4. Do you believe in Aliens? What do you think they look like?
5. Where do you think U came from? I meant, which part of galaxy?

extra:
1. What position do you like in bed?
2. What kind of jobs you wouldnt do in bed or with your partner?
3. What are your true fantasies?
4. If you fell for someone at Alaska, would you fly there to meet him or her for 3 nites?
5. What is your size?

Ummm....guess you could choose 5 Qs to answer.....hope U will be willing to do for me when I ask....hehe. Actually, I could very much answer most of the above Qs at any given time......hehhehehehehe

I have a crush

I just know this crush has been a while. hehe.

I think he has some kind of artist vibe in him where I got intrigued. He's abit aloof to many things, yet, he's a super gentleman. That triples his sexiness. I just had a dream of him..........we were doing some daily stuff. I told him the reasons why I did certain things before and he was smiling secretly. The whole scene was very sweet.

Ar, I know, you guyz would say "GO FOR IT, GAL"
But no, I am too crazy for him. haha..............but I luv this feeling of "crush", inflatuation.

WHAT THE HELL

Though I got no particular person to sing to, this songs is like me singing to the whole world. hahahaa.

You say that I’m messing with your head (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
All ’cause I was making out with your friend (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Love hurts whether it’s right or wrong (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
I can’t stop ’cause I’m having too much time (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
You’re on your knees
Begging please
Stay with me
But honestly
I just need to be a little crazy
All my life I’ve been good but now, I-I-I-I-I’m thinking what the hell
All I want is to mess around and I-I-I-I-I don’t really care about
If you love me, if you hate me, you can’t save me, baby, baby
All my life I’ve been good but now, whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-a, what the hell
What… what… what… What the hell?
So what if I go out on a million dates (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
You never call or listen to me anyway (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
I rather rage than sit around and wait all day (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Don’t get me wrong. I just need some time to play-ay (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
You’re on your knees
Begging please
Stay with me
But honestly
I just need to be a little crazy
All my life I’ve been good but now, I-I-I-I-I’m thinking what the hell
All I want is to mess around and I-I-I-I-I don’t really care about
If you love me, if you hate me
You can save me, baby, baby
All my life I’ve been good but now, whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-a, what the hell
La la la la la la la la… Woah… Woah…
La la la la la la la la… Woah… Woah…
You say that I’m messing with your head
Boy, I like messing in your bed
Yeah, I am messing with your head
When I’m messing with you in bed
All my life I’ve been good but now, I-I-I-I-I’m thinking what the hell (what the hell)
All I want is to mess around and I-I-I-I-I don’t really care about (I don’t care about)
All my life I’ve been good but now, I-I-I-I-I’m thinking what the hell
All I want is to mess around and I-I-I-I-I don’t really care about (if you love me)
If you love me (no), if you hate me (no)
You can save me, baby, baby (if you love me)
All my life I’ve been good but now, whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-a, what the hell.
La la, La la la la la la, La la, La la la la la la la

CNY eve

Well, I met a bunch of frenz again, though I couldnt remember a single name last nite. I had drinks, "scunt" (dunno how to spell) - and we kept laughing. I remember I kept laughing, as all of us were so relax, happy being around with each other. Indeed the flowers at flower market after 4am were super cheap, my frenz bought the big Tao Fa (luv+luck flower) was like $50 or $80. It's cheaper than my waffles I got at the food store there!!!

As for me, I didnt buy any. I dun want any baggages, whereby if you got one branch, according to the tradition, you have to get one for every year upto the 3rd year. This is a committment I couldnt keep.

I took some vid of some hilarious moments. This morning, I re-watched that, I still couldnt stop laughing. This is what I call the BEST CNY EVER!!!

Wabbit Wabiit

Thanks Leo for combining Wild Rabbit to WABBIT.
I luv it, Wabbit Wabbit.

First thing in the morning, I was lazing in my bed, checked my iphone emails...........BING! The asshole is fuckingly gone! The shitty asshole made my life hell in 2010. He basically delayed all my contracts (that wud reap money) last year, and I lost my clients........and had a hellful 2010. Now, on the day of CNY, what's the sign?????? ie my 2011 is gonna be FREAKING AWESOME,. My WABBIT year is gonna be bubbly with joy & bubbling wine!!! Yey, yay yai!!!!!!!!!!

I couldnt control this high!!! The real DAWN is back!

UPSET

Someone upsets me. >_<

WAHAHAHAHAHAHA

WAHAHAHAHAHA!
WAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

I cant help but keep LAUGHING!!!
WAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

YIU, again????

On Facebook, I saw the below - which kinda translates:
Everyone's phonebook has a number that you would never call and as well would never delete. Everyone has someone in his/her heart that you would never forget.


"每個人的電話簿，都會有一個你永遠不會打，也永遠不會刪的號碼；每個人的心裡，都會有一個你永遠不會提，也永遠不會忘的人..."

My god, sorry, maybe I shudnt hv read that but I dont get it why pple always say such things. For me, I dont hv someone like that in my life. Is it coz I am abnormal or just coz I am cold-blooded? The only number I wud keep N wudnt want to call EVER is 999. :)

This kinda messages are there to instill over-indulgence in depression!

This CNY

I find this CNY in HK very odd. 

Maybe coz there's no good or bad news. Everyone on the streets seems pretty calm N cool. Except, in CWB, basically you see 70% are from Mainland china. I go in stores, sales are not even pushing for sale. 

Everyone neither smiles nor frowns. It's weird.

Maybe somehow I live in my own world, this is how I feel hence project to the outside world. Yet, I dun seem to hear my frenz telling me their plans during this time. Or maybe I am not following the news close enough. Or maybe everyone, almost everyone has a job but the % raise is so-so, yet they think at least it's not reducing.

I go around, people are shopping but their faces are kind of emotionless & blank. I know crazy shoppers' look, but I didnt see them today..........

Also, I really didnt hear pple laughing, except when I told my fren many jokes, which as usual she laughed........and those jokes that happened to me are always quite hilarious......but me & her laughs were the only laughing I heard the whole day.

It's just weird.

A Yummi Guy told me.....

that I should keep my eyes open as the One may be out there.

"Pondering"

I always thought only galz talk about the one. I didnt know a guy would. kakakaka

Actually, I dun think I ever talked about the one. Man, nowadays men are sweeter than me!

Actually, when I was in teen, I knew I was always weird & outerspacey , or simply a ET gal, hence I always thought THE ONE would be from another space or maybe somewhere..........out there........far far away..........and I believed I would meet him. Then, one r/p after another, or one fling after another..............my vision of the one has dissolved to a mustard seed. I never really think about it anymore as I dun even know what's the definition. I need definition for many things so I am quite a curious person as I constantly look for "definition", guess it ties in with my major background.

To be honest, I gave up the idea of finding the one, as I doubt any men could stand me or accept my craziness. Anyways, but since it's spoken by a Yummi Guy, I would listen. Maybe I just need to open my eyes a little, understand myself a little...............guess he means it's hopeful somewhere somehow. :) Thanks sweetie.

While, people sometimes talk about soulmates. Actually, I dun un the term. To me, I dont believe in one soulmate. I think usually some horny guyz would say, I want to become your soulmate. HUH!!!?? How to be come someone's soulmate when supposedly I guess soulmate is just is. They are so idiotic.

Let me try to explain my definition that I just thought of about soulmate. See whether it makes sense.

I believe soulmate = your soul's mateS (HAHAHHA), hence it should be similar, it should be familiar, it should be harmonious, it should be recognizable, it should be likeable, it should be enjoyable, it should be......some parts of U like a mirror. Hence, I dont believe there would be one soulmate on this earth for me, but I believe in collective soulmates for me. My frenz who may be reading this could very well be part of me. And I jump to think - it may have something to do with energy, aura or chemistry. Ummm.................

OK, nough said. Abit tired from talking, writing & thinking.............

Have a great weekend. luv Luv LUV.

Purple Hoodie

It seems this week I am so stimulated, I couldnt shut my mouth. So I keep talking. I luv the stimulation. It's excruciating AWESOME!!

OK, purple hoodie.

I sometimes will just go out with purple hoodie if I dont bother to wear makeup or something. And strangers would ask me if I am still a student?! Wow, a hoodie does the trick, no wonder I luv hoodiessssss.

Today, I just really relaxed myself. Did a facial which I had a course for at least over a year but went there less than 3 times. The last time I went was in Aug.........Man, I am super lazy.

Then rarely I wud take the mini-bus from there back to CWB, but this time I thought I would just try. At the stop, I asked the lady if it was the right place to take the green minibus. She smilingly told me yes. OK, when we reached CWB, somehow we went to the same small restaurant called Hokkaido Milk Restaurant at Sun Wui Road, we sat on the same table, not plan to..anyways. So she started talking to me. We talked about from my business (she might refer me to someone), to how to raise kids, to HK generation issues within the span of one set of meal............There, she told me she studied MBA 30 yrs ago, but she decided to be a mother, rather than a career woman.

I am amazed & thankful to have a chat with her. It's so sweet to spend time with a stranger talking about life.

I am so BLESSED. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!!

vulnerable

This morning, I woke up. Hadnt done that long time, lying in bed pondering.

Well, one of my 2011 goals is not lying in bed so much, which I actually managed it quite well. The whole Jan, I didnt, except when I was sick.

I have this feeling of vulnerability. Actually, I am quite vulnerable (not in a bad way) - it's like I dont think anyone or anything can hurt me. But today, I feel I might get burnt one day. I dunno.....I believe in subconsience. I get that quite alot. So what I need to do now is to mentally prepare when it happens. And I will continue to do what I feel good to do N not afraid of the potential danger.

Yet, another side of vulnerability is bad. I feel inconfident. I am fearful of Feb, Mar....I am not sure how I am going thru these 2 months. I am scared of many proposals I am supposed to do, but no where to start.......this insecurity is going to grip in me for a while, I believe. Hopefully, I can hear more good news after the CNY.

It's a constant battle......but anyhow, maybe its end of Jan, Jan has been fantastic. I couldnt thank enough for all the good things, good people that have surfaced in my life.

Stay Cheerio, Hong Kong Babies.

I do give a shit!

I met a guy at a business group tonite. He kept saying "I DUN GIVE A SHIT". Actually, honestly, if for certain frame of topics, you say I DUN GIVE A SHIT once- it sounds cool, it sounds tough, it sounds U got a point. But when you hit the 3rd time about the same scenario, it means U do GIVE a FUCKING shit. I had a moment of hidden "eye rolling" - I wanted to say to him, SHUT your FUCKING mouth, man!!!!


U know, to be frank, I actually give it a shit about many things. I give a shit about my frenz, as they are my dearest assets. I give a shit about my dogs as they are important to me. I give a shit about my work as they make me have a better life. I give a shit about my family as they are my blood. I give a shit about myself as no one wud actually care to give a shit anyways.

It's different from I dont care what other people say. Dont give it a shit is a giving up status to me. I think he shud go & kill himself, as indeed if he doesnt give a fucking shit. As shits accumulated will end up death from over-toxicated!

I luv giving shits, simple. hehe. :)

Something Happy!

I just got a call from this SH company and they may want me to help them with something simple in HK. We talked about working together on a project some 18 mths back, and now it's my 1st step to take on a new project with them. Not something big, actually it's something so simple that I am super overqualified, but then its good sign as it may lead to others.

And hey these pple r starting to call me back, hehe, happy day!

My secret rainbow

My aunt posted this on Facebook and it reminded me I luv this song, so I am gonna post here to share with you! I like the english version mentioning something "my secret rainbow" - actually I had my secret moon & rainbow as well when I was in 20's. Esp walking back home from the library in the dark in Melb - I always talked to my secret moon. hehe.

Hope U like this song as well. Madarin version is my fav. Lyrics....super. If you cant read chinese, one day I will explain it to you, if you want. :)

歌名：歲月輕狂
歌手：李治廷

作曲：盧冠廷
填詞：羅啟銳
編曲／監製：Henry Lai

水一般的少年 風一般的歌
夢一般的遐想 從前的你和我

手一揮就再見 咀一翹就笑
腳一動就踏前 從前的少年

呀 漫天的回響 放眼看 歲月輕狂
呀 歲月輕狂

起風的日子流洒奔放 細雨飄飄心晴朗
雲上去 雲上看 雲上走一趟
青春的黑夜挑燈流浪 青春的愛情不回望
不回想 不回答 不回憶 不回眸 反正也不回頭

呀 漫天的回響 放眼看 歲月輕狂
呀 歲月輕狂

起風的日子流洒奔放 細雨飄飄心晴朗
雲上去 雲上看 雲上走一趟
青春的黑夜挑燈流浪 青春的愛情不回望
不回想 不回答 不回憶 不回眸 回不了頭...

ReConnect

Ar, U guyz maybe reading about yourselves by now, as yes I am writing about you!!

I am quite happy these few days as I manage to "recollect " with few friends that we have known for years out of some funny circumstances. Yet, we dont feel like strangers, and actually our topics are pretty open and smooth. You know how hard it is to reconnect with pple you once connected with then drifted apart......I suppose it's good that they are not married.

I find married frenz will be abit hard to reconnect if somehow we got drifted apart as they would be indeed living in a different warzone than us. I so enjoy the chatting or emailing to bullshits stuff that most likely we wouldnt remember the next day, yet the feeling was so good. Umm, stay close, dont drift apart no more. Be there for me & with me when I want to drink, write &....do some fun. hehe

Nite Nite, sleepy now!

remedy for an obsession

Lately, I am obsessed with something.....
I started thinking, what would be the killer switch to an obsession.
Simple, another obsession.
But when an obsession cannot be replaced, then?
U become an addict.

I have this killer switch inside that I could kill a feeling if I want to.
It used to take me few months.
Now, maybe days to weeks, depending on the intensity.
I am not sure if it's good but the training has been intense, and I am doing it quite well.
Esp, I know I would turn addict on this obsession.

But then, I already find two substitute obsession to replace that one obsession.
hehe, I should be fine!

Ummm, of coz I am not talking about drugs, Apart from pot, alcohol, I dun take others....not yet try anyways. Esp I am usually natural high.

6 namecards

If each namecard represents 1Mil, I still couldnt buy a decent flat in TaiKooShing. I meant the rooftop.....or could I? OK, this is my target, each namecard will give me 1Mil. I am going to have 2 more new namecards. I wonder if any card holder could allow me that amount, esp the no is going to keep growing in times to come.

People collect stamps or credit cards, I collect namecards. :D

Ex in my dream

I was very bothered by that. Actually he showed up in my dreams very very often and everytime I got up I was very angry, more angry than b4. 

When he was in my dreams, he would never be the main character. He would be passenger A,B or C. And everytime he walked abit near me, I would show my contempt & try to walk away. Yet, I do not want a bad person to show up in my dreams that often. I am glad I dun hv a killer instinct, if not, I would find some ways to stap him & melt him with hydrochloric acid, then with Sodium hydroxide - kinda make it neutral to a point of nothingness. haha.

So one day I went to this new fren I met, she owns a bar. We started talking about many things, then dropped the topic on our ex. She had a horrible ex, incld her ex'wife N son. They collaborated to lie together to her. It's horrible - if it's me, I wouldnt know if I wud ever recover from it. We are pretty baffled by the fact that they would be around us, like stuck in our conscience. We actually have become very angry with ourselves.

We came up a solution, we should forgive them.

OK, so I got home, thought about it for 2 days. I couldnt find a way to forgive him. It's impossible for me to go to him and said, hey asshole, I forgave u. Nah..............so I got a lightning strike while I was picking up my dog's poopoo. hehe. No, I should forgive myself. Not forgiving him. I am angry not becoz of him, but becoz of the fact that I was so stupid. I hated my idotic compassion & stupid kindness towards someone didnt deserve it.

And these 2 weeks, I could tell you I feel more relieved, as I didnt blame on my past foolish acts no more. I am looking ahead, like the past is just simply past. The feeling is good, maybe you should try it sometimes.

dreams

Do you guyz have a group of frenz who would share dreams? The real dreams. The sleeping dreams? I do.

Actually it may have started off with 2 pple only - guess me & L will share dreams like dirty dreams, or sci-fi dreams. And I gotta say L's dreams are always so vivid so crafted so plot-detailed, and always with a twist. Mine is always scattered, but then somehow I always find the ideas within my dreams are pretty awesome. Actually, until now, I realize only 2 of us would share but the others would read. 

I think we all pass 20's and to substain friendship isnt as easy or as hard as before. In 20's, you can break up with your frenz so easily, maybe just one drunken nite or topic. Now, it takes some more maybe money, biz to break up frenz. Yet, it wouldnt be as easy to make frenz either now, you cudnt afford to talk for 5 hrs non-stop when U gotta work tomorrow. I guess I am somehow still living in my 20's - I talk still with pple for hours, the reasons I dun get much opportunity to talk till dawn is simple - people have nothing to say, no topics, no individual mindsets.

I hope we can all share our dreams, be it a weird, kinky, dirty ones or very sci-fi end of the world kind. I will share my dreams here, as usual - but lately I am so tired all the time I got no dreams. O, no, actually I got some, I will share in next post.

Copyrights!

I am waiting for the design for my new namecard N logo. I will have a young german designer to do it for me, and its free.................as it's my recent luvly german fren's daughter. I cant wait. I luv my new name, which was actually created by my best friend, Leo. So if you read it, dont ever copy it, as it's so super cool

WE ARE FREERAISIN FILOSOFY. lol

Thanks everyone, I need to go to bed. I have been non stop drinking for days................but I wasnt drunk at all. I hate that. When I drink I still cant sleep. It's so not a good sign. Yet,. I have been so happy with all the blessings I recieve so far.

LUV. HAVE A GOOD WEEK, for those WHO READ ME.

One more special blessing in 2011

I met a group of new frenz yesterday. U know, I am not bragging but yes I am pretty proud of it. 

Many times, my frenz introduce me to their frens, of coz as eloquent as I am, I always charm most people who are genuine & open-minded. Their frenz will usually end up telling me, they really like me. And I think it's good for my fren so that he/she will have confidence to continue to introduce me to more. And I guess, to me somewhat apart from me having a fabulous personality & intelligent mind & vast range of topics (which I am never good at the details, but I am quite good at expanding from one point from my own views - pracrice from University), I listen intently from what they have to say.

Like last nite, I really wanted to go to bed early. But due to my good fren's bday so I went to the studio to surprise her. Believe me once I sat down, I sat down. I left there at 8:30am. I was talking to my fren's frenz for straight 10 hrs, within which 6 was between a guy (my fren's fren's bf) and me. We talked from childhood, to their r/p, to the end of time, to raising pets, to parents, to marriage, to drugs............. My fren's fren was worried that I was so bored. I said No way, how hard it was for me to meet someone who had such a clarity of mind of what he went through & was so sensitive to the world & people around him. By date, I gotta say I would be the only person that I know who was so intense in such awareness (not that others dont have but then i repeatedly reflect, act, re-examine, observe, feel, pain, then find solution then verbalize it) so I am so happy to meet my twin. I luv pple hving their own weird way of thinking which stimulates my mind that I want excel. Around us, we are indeed lacking so much of these stimulations at times.

Actually his gf has very complex personality too and she's so genuine & frank that I so adore. I told them I felt their r/p (not to many pple eyes) would be my fairy tale. Somehow, oddly, their r/p makes me want to have one of those one day - I never really hv much of this feeling past 10 yrs. So it's so good for me.

Again I am blessed. Just within 1st month of 2011 - I got what I never wish I would have. Universe, pls keep it coming. Thank you so much!!!!!!!

Co-incidence, coincident not?

This is how the story goes.

I got the nicest compliment about my brain tonite for 2011. Things are looking up, within less than 3 weeks, I got things I never got for past 6 years!! My goodness.

OK! I went to a nice bday dinner at Hunghom, actually just rite at my french date's place. Well, I didnt really bother to text him to say, hey I am here dude. After the dinner, I went to meet another guy who had been asking me out for a drink for 6 months. I thought, I was abit dull and January is my only crazy drink month as the rest of the year I wud prefer to stay focuz. So I went back to Central to meet up with him, thought maybe just had 2 drinks then I would be gone. Oh goodness, at that bar which I rarely went - I SAW THE FRENCH DATE TOO. LOL. So funny but I didnt feel embarassed..............anyways................wont want to say more. hehe

Then, just 30 mins ago, I got an urgent msg from a fren. She wanted me to call someone who wanted to commit suicide. This guy has his shares of problems, big ones too. I would say mine was 50% 2 yrs back. Anyhow..........it's weird after 2 years I gotta encourage someone not to kill himself. I am still at the bleak of curing myself from the tendency. Anyways, guess the universe is telling me - I am doing great. See, U got the tough strength now.

Again, I am so happy. I feel very content as of this moment. Life is gonna be great. It's gonna be tough but it's gonna be fabulous.

i RETARDED

OK, I started 3 posts here within an hour but none could get finished. I got an idea but after 2 lines I didnt know what I actually wanted to say, haha. Me so retarded, huh!!?? So what I am gonna do is just doodle everything here.

1. Acknowledging it

Was talking to a good fren about confidence. I felt somehow I needed to work hard to attain it. I wasnt born with it, with my family background & their sarcasm of coz wouldnt give any maxium edifying results to it. Then, after living on earth for a while, we got bumped by work or frenz or lovers, arrr, that would be the killing dose sometimes. I am fortunate that I am kinda like ah Q person - I usually forgot about it, however, subconsciously it did wound me. I think the best way to solve it is to aknowledge it, not being shunk from it, then next steps.

I dunno about next steps also, basically each person uses different ways. For me, I do need some compliments or encouragement to pick myself up again. It's like some ignitor. I know a self-independant woman shouldnt ask for that - Hey, exactly my point! Why not? I acknowledge it my pb and now I ackowledge my method for making me feel good.

2. Being Available

We are all an island, alone, as a being. Me, a loner. However, I do need some attentions once in a while. Not attention from guyz....nonoononn........but I do appreciate deeply people who would make themselves available to me. Like my gd fren C, she's always on gchat, we whatsapp each other often, we have made ourselves available to the other person. Or, I call my TWN fren asking when he would be in HK. He's a busy man, very busy man. I cherish that despite he knows it's me, he picks up the phone.

Actually its important that we do get ourselves surrounded by pple like that, then we know we are not that lonely. The fact is alone & lonely has big different. I dont get lonely feeling alot, as I have people who will spare their moments to read here or to msg me once a while or call me here n there. I feel loved & fulfilled actually.

3. I forgot what I wanted to write. haha.....doesnt matter la. Now as of this moment I feel very hungry. I just had some plain yogurt with pomegranate+banana. It makes me feel I am onto some healthy spree. But my coffee dosage is on the rise daily as I really prefer the bitter taste of things nowadays..............

Sorry, I actually feel this is a very boring entry. But ie how I feel now. BORED.

Jan 2011

I got some sorta fun experiences within these 3 weeks. It's good that so much has already happened within 3 weeks, I guess my 2011 should be fantastic. I am proud to say that the first month of the year doesnt pass by without some results.......I am getting so excited, my frenz!!!!!

To Drop Dead

Today, this thought came to my mind again. I dare not even quiet down to think or to feel what I am feeling. It's crazy. Crazy.

I dont like to drink alcohol actually, but I feel I am drinking more than ever without feeling a thing. I even smoked weeds, NO FEELING. NO FEELING AT ALL. I dont feel a thing.

After I feel abit tipsy from alcohol, I could only SLEEP 3-4 hrs, then I would wake up - couldnt go back to bed. It's horrible.......I dont incline to become alcoholic but isnt it easy to be one when you are at such stage?

What is FREEDOM?

I know it long time ago, freedom without boundary is boredom. U need boundary to enjoy the real freedom.

Give it some digestion.

I dunno, I always want people to see this movie "Unbearable Lightness of Being" - that's it. It means just that.

Tipsy, but not drunk

IS THE BEST FEELING!!!!

Suddenly the world becomes transparent. The clarity within is extraordinary. When I die, can someone promise me that they will publish my emails, my blogs, my stories? O also my letters. I lost my diary.......which was depressingly genius written when I was in OZ.

To be very frank, after my last ex, my sex drive became subzero. I was proud of things about myself, now no more, but recently, thanks to a french, I got vindicated. Maybe I shouldnt say it here, but the feeling was fantastic when U are no longer in your own jail. I am like a prisoner in parol - trying to fit into the normal lifestyle, it's freaking difficult for me. I dunno if pple get my meaning. It's not abt my ex - it's about my family + my ex-es. But also, no....it's the bondage I put myself into. What the heck?

Actually, I am not that intelligent. I also got envious with people who have Einstein brain. I hate it to know I dont hv the mc square equation inovated.

As I said, in our lifetime or this era, we are moving so quick, so stuffed that we are actually living more than one lifetime. It's horrific, rite? But, as I was talking to a guy who turns 50 in few months. He dissect our life into 4 stages.
1. Learnt fr others - 0-20
2. learning by yourself - 20-40
3. Making people suffer 40-60
4. Redemption 60-80

I cant say I totally agree with the stages or definition but it has a grain of truth in it.

Treasure your life, Enjoy your moment, Stay sad if you need to but give yourself a timeframe (everyone has to feel pain, dont bury it at all, feel it before you move on), keep posiitve energy, smile more often, have a pet, kiss your lovers, hug your family.....................................

ok. thanks for listening to my bs again.

Luv in a Puff

I watched this movie on a pirated dvd a month ago, arrgghghhh I thought it was OK, unlike everyone around me I didnt feel excited by it. So, I was bored at home during the weekend and kinda wanted some sweet romantic comedy to lighten up my day- not in english thou, I want something cantonese. Of coz it would be my 1st choice.

And maybe it's this song. Just maybe. They had a scene at K room singing the song, it just couldnt get outta my mind, so I rewatched the movie with director's commentary. It's kinda intriguing from what he said, yet it's so true.

1. The romance is great as it's at the guessing stage - aint we humans pathetic? We like the torture of guessing games.

2. Love usually springs from a small misunderstanding

At the love hotel scene:

the guy said: not everything has to be done within a day, it's not like we dont have time

the gal : "smile sweetly & fall asleep"

THE TRUTH - the guy of coz wanted to have sex with the gal, if not, why would he bring her to a love hotel, yah!? Yet, he actually bumped his penis to a car window so he was sore = couldnt perform. Then, the gal was already so sweet and thought this guy was so so fantastic that she couldnt help but fall in love -> misunderstanding.

But at times that's how life draws us to the beginning & conclusion.

"Dont you just hate it when reality bites"

Starting off like this......

Someone posted on Facebook - "wow, couldnt believe now 80's is considered as 3 decades ago"

Another replied ; "dont you hate it when reality bites?"

O MAN!!!!! 80's is considered 30 yrs ago now. MY GOODNESS. Anyways, the next is suddenly I get the meaning of reality bites!!!! Am I retarded?? Totally!!!! I watched this movie back in Melbourne I guess, alone, of coz. During my 20's, I never liked watching movies with anyone. I was very affected by this movie as I was Gen X, god knows the definition but I could feel it. Crossroad, Cross-over, Crossdress..............etc. It's the vibe within that affected me, until today I believe....I didnt know it until today. Trully, reality could bite (cliche!! but True).

I quickly searched PPS stream if they got the movie on and it was awesome as I found it. I am gonna run down to HMV still though or ask my fren-Dion who always almost has 2 copies of great movies, maybe I could get his non-bluray copy! After 3 decades, I still find this movie awesome, original, fantastic..............................

Next I started to think.......what these 2 characters at the end ended up (my idiotic mediocre mind wandered to such, pretending to be a great scriptwriter or director) - the guy would go and find a stable job as they realized they were pregnant within a year. The gal would work in Gap or Guess. After another 10 years, they would both have affairs and they divorced...................I think this is the true meaning of the movie....the reality.

Not Easy.....

To substain one's belief and life direction - on the path, you would face so much obstacles. I couldnt help but asked myself often if I would be willing still to endure. My answer so far is still YES, but I am indeed afraid. Indeed.

My fundamental flaw.....

I believe, if it's a fun word would be "mysterious", bad word would be "directionless" or "a bird" or "a butterfly" or whatever ie floating on the water - like water lily or floating algae.

I dont get it why I would give people that kinda impression (though I do understand abit as well). One described me as "if I would date you, I would be afraid that you may be gone suddenly" - it's said by a gal fren, actually. Then bosses usually find me......everywhere.....

Sometimes such things confuse me. I know I am not very grounded as a person, as how can I? When I know I am a caged legless bird??

I think one of my another problems is nothing threathens me much. So I dare to say basically anything........I think this is a mistake. I shouldnt do that anymore. I should shut up and when I speak, I only focuz at selling myself.

My fundamental flaw........

Dejection & Rejection

Just let me whine here little bit. Ar, no....Id better not talk about it. No, I want to talk about it. hahahaha

O well, I felt abit dejected as my effort in a company was regarded as something intangible. You know I hate this word GUTZ, as it's not first time I heard about it describing me. Ie why I changed from doing background jobs to sales jobs more nowadays. However, I am indeed good at attaining details, fixing things - I was regarded as a good fireman material. However, as many self-help books say, dont be a fireman. The thing is I am not just a fireman, I am also a constructor. I dont just extinguish the fire, I would fix up the things too.

Anyhow, ie the reality when you put your heart out there............anyways.

Something fun happened few days ago. It was fun but also left me with some confusion. As usual, I didnt plan for it, but when it happened, it kinda disrupt my routine. I didnt like it entirely, thou I would continue with the fun when I have decided my next steps shortly.

Scars

Paulo Coelho

Don't complain because our scars are our medals. But hit back whenever it's possible, because we are not saints.

 I havnt really read or finished one of his books, it's always halfway. But I really like his quote. As I conclude my past 2 years venture, I realize that I am left with alot of wounds/scars.....whatever you name it. But I am not dismayed at all, for those who did talk with me recently (very few, one or 2 frenz) - I am so proud of myself for very one thing - is that I didnt complain about my fate. 

If you know abit about wounds & scar - lets say you keep hurting yourself your body will heal itself over & over. However, you will leave with scar tissues which are pretty rough skin. I always thought about it when I was in my early 20's, as I went to church. There's a song called -----shit, I forgot, but somehow the lyrics goes - asking God to soften our hearts (oh, wait, was it in a prayer? :P). I remember ie usually in my mind all the time, as my heart was pretty hardened (though on another face of my heart, it was bloody soft, dripping with blood). 

 As for now, I am in H&B business. Few buzz words always intrigue me. Inflammation, Infection, De-pigmentation, de-scar, anti-ageing................do you know that they are all inter-linked? keke, I cant tell you why as they are my medals to make money!

My good friend - Naoto

Not sure if he would have the time to read or not. I gotta say meeting him was "yuen fun "some 5-6 years ago, at least, I guess............

We both have very similar worldview in many ways. We go through ups & downs at different time, but usually they are pretty similar at times. Sometimes he had it 1st then he could share his experience with me or vice versa.Talking with him each time is so refreshing, as he's a great listener, and I luv it whenever I talk, he always laughs his head off. He makes me feel I am very humorous and also very entertaining. He's a very sensitive person, even more so than me that makes him such a unique person as he understands sufferings & pains, as well as joy & luv.

I guess we both at the moment at a crossroad. Truly identifying who we are & what our role is.We struggle at our own different ways, for him being a japanese isnt an easy task as he has to go against his own self to fit into the more tradional way of Japan. It's been tough, since he got back there for 3 years. Yet, the strength of believing who he is in that world needs extra effort & will-power - it's much easier to be in HK.

And I trully hope that with his new-found clarity of his role being there would be strengthening each day as he walks his path. One thing, being different is so lonely, yet we are not alone.

Dog's outfits are more expensive

But I just cant help it.........need to get ready for CNY..........ah mom not easy to be!

Inexpensive quality living report 1

Well Well.

1. Ikea coffee powder, 10$ per pack. Go & grab one while it lasts. I find that the coffee taste is quite OK, cant expect much when you dont even have an expresso machine. The magic is on the milk. I use 3.7 Hokkaido milk. 

2. Import & Export Outlet in CWB. I luv dropping by there once in a while, I bought a pretty nice & comfy hoodie at 39.9, and very sweet hoodie tee at 20. Then today, I got a vintage looking leather jacket for 168, which I gotta say not many would dare to wear this color......it's very oldie, - kinda prawn meat color but I am gonna make it stylish.

Me & leo luv leather jacket and he always gets those v inexpensive ones, despite some are faux leather. I think mine is real, I will let Leo check it next time. However, I am in a race with him now (on my own accord) to beat him getting cheaper jackets. hoho...........actually, what was I thinking?? Why I spent so much money on leather jackets in the past?! Shitty me............

2011: Manual for conserving paths

By Paul Coelho.

1] The path begins with a crossroads. There you can stop and think what direction to follow. But don’t spend too much time thinking or you’ll never leave the spot. Reflect a lot on the choices that lie ahead, but once you have taken the first step, forget the crossroads for ever or else you will always torture yourself with the useless question: “did I take the right path?”

2] The path doesn’t last for ever. It is a blessing to travel the path for some time, but one day it will come to an end, so always be prepared to take leave of it at any moment. However enraptured you may be at certain landscapes, or scared whenever you have to make a great effort to go ahead, don’t get too used to anything. Neither to the hours of euphoria, nor to the endless days when everything seems so difficult and progress is so slow. Don’t forget that sooner or later an angel will appear and your journey will reach an end.

3] Honor your path. It was your choice, your decision, and just as you respect the ground you step on, that ground will respect your feet. Always do what is best to conserve and keep your path and it will do the same for you.

4] Be well equipped. Carry a small rake, a spade, a penknife. Understand that penknives are no use for dry leaves, and rakes are useless for herbs that are deep-rooted. Know also what tool to use at each moment. And take care of them, because they are your best allies.

5] The path goes forward and backward. At times you have to go back because something was lost, or else a message to be delivered was forgotten in your pocket. A well tended path enables you to go back without any great problems.

6] Take care of the path before you take care of what is around you. Attention and concentration are fundamental. Don’t be distracted by the dry leaves at the edges or by the way that others are looking after their paths. Use your energy to tend and conserve the ground that accepts your steps.

7] Be patient. Sometimes the same tasks have to be repeated, like tearing up weeds or closing holes that appear after unexpected rain. Don’t let that annoy you – that is part of the journey. Even though you are tired, even though certain tasks are repeated so often, be patient.

8] Paths cross. People can tell what the weather is like. Listen to advice, and make your own decisions. You alone are responsible for the path that was entrusted to you.

9] Nature follows its own rules. In this way, you have to be prepared for sudden changes in the fall, slippery ice in winter, the temptations of flowers in spring, thirst and showers in the summer. Make the most of each of these seasons, and don’t complain about their characteristics.

10] Make your path a mirror of yourself. By no means let yourself be influenced by the way that others care for their paths. You have your soul to listen to, and the birds to tell what your soul is saying. Let your stories be beautiful and pleasant to everything around you. Above all, let the stories that your soul tells during the journey be echoed at each and every second of the path.

11] Love your path. Without this, nothing makes any sense.

My NY dreams

I had two....

First dream was that - it urged me to lose weight!!! OK this is my 2011 goal then.

Second dream was abit sci-fi again. I dreamed I was in a car, when it stopped, I went out. There, I saw a sky-high tower (in a fast zoom motion when I saw that). Then the bottom, I saw a glass winged man. Very beautiful glass wings. He was instructed by the "master" to lure me to jump down from the building then I could be like them - having the glass wings. However, the glass winged man didnt want to follow his instruction and took me back to reality....................then I started to have other dreams.......

First Cantonese Song of 2011

A new song I just learnt, cant sing it yet but I quite like the lyrics



lyrics:
Rubberband - 發現號


撞進了冰山 捲上了急灣 一秒從未想折返 就望到了 就能望到了 終會踏足這峽灣 劃破了風衣 丟了救生衣 未曾想過會倖免 若生於某個 總擠不進我地點 註定遠征一遍 這發熱汗腺 也都乾透了 雙腿卻繼續狂放 在衝出那人浪 幾次被埋葬 窄巷中 復活過幾趟 留一口氣講 再失敗 至懂看透 那不甘 去為我來營救 向著太陽狂走 撞進了冰山 捲上了急灣 一秒從未想折返 就望到了 就能望到了 終會踏足這峽灣 劃破了風衣 丟了救生衣 未曾想過會倖免 逆光中進發 不甘安置到盲點 上路去再實踐 板塊移動了 亂世中絕地裡反抗 誰躲於暗光 直到失敗 至懂看透 讓那不甘 去為我來營救 向著太陽狂走 撞進了冰山 捲上了急灣 一秒從未想折返 就望到了 就能望到了 終會踏足這峽灣 劃破了風衣 丟了救生衣 成全這最美歷險 逆光中進發 不甘安置到盲點 上路去再實踐 撞碎了冰山 衝過了急灣 登上完夢的峽灣 望到了 望到了 白雲搭上一片藍 記載了凶險 傷勢也不淺 腳踏這裡這一天 歷史中結算 一心走出錯地點 幹下遠征一遍 

Another 600+ odd days to go

Actually, 2011 means alot to me.

It's a lookout to 2012, a giant step of my curiosity about the Mayan calender thingie. I trully believe that something would be opening up. I hope it's going to be our spirtual awareness, rather than nuclear bombs.

It's, I believe, a closure finally of my 2 year of suffering.

It's also the closure of the past 10 years of relationship stuff..............cant say I got too much but they were all pretty burdening. I believe this year it's going to be brighter, lighter, prettier

It's a beginning of very crucial 10 years for me - I cannot waste another more of one second of my life here onwards.

I dont know why, but I feel alotta excitement bubbling within my soul. :D

Huge Virus

It's roaming around the city. Everyone is sick. At least people around me. 4 out of 7 within my family are sick. I am sick of coz. I slept for > 30 hrs just on Xmas & Boxing Day - it's a gift to me though, haha, as I usually didnt get to sleep so much in one go.

So pls beware!!!!! Stay Healthy & Fit.

Take Care, My friends!!

Happy NEW YEAR!!!!

I havnt thought of any resolution yet.
But my Japnese fren asked me the day before if I fulfilled any of my 2010 resolution, I said NONE. But, haha, he actually corrected me, as I did manage to fulfil ONE - ie no dating, no anything for 2010. I did that!!!!! Yippeeee..........though to be honest, I think I did manage few of my goals. However, the few I wanted the most, didnt get them done, coz some of the circumstances were beyond my control.

2011, my 1st I thought of was on NYE. I hope I would be still working in 2011 on 31st till 11pm. Even more better would be I could have a flat with a patio or rooftop, so I would be working in my home office, and my frenz are enjoying themselves with BBQ, alcohol, etc, then by almost MN, I could join them straightaway. Ummm.....lets see if this would be realized.

I will start my resolution draft within 1st week of Jan, I hvnt really sit myself down to think about it so far.

Here, I want to take the chance to wish all my frenz here - Happy New Year. May your 2011 be filled with happiness, contentment, exciting moments & serenity.

Luv Always,
Dawn

Lucky Me.

I AM A BITCH but I AM A SWEET BITCH!!! What's the paradox? or the Irony?

I dont really know.

However, I wrote an "somewhat angry email" to my aunts, telling them I dont really freaking care if I would see them again. But I gotta make my point. I dont know, maybe at the end the worst will be on me, as maybe they would chase me for some kind of redemption - through my sibling.....I feel sad for my bro & sis, really. Ie what the email I wrote was telling them (1) I hv been angry with them for 30 yrs, (2) they DONT even say a bad word to my bro & sis for whatever my dad's situation at, (3) this kinda family things should hv dealt with before we were born so why r we the excuse now, maybe they should do something for their "brother" (my dad) instead of asking us to be nice to him.

For one thing he IS NOT actually mad at us. The root, We always go back to the root. It's HIS PARENTS, my grandparents. NEXT, it's his sisters. Final, us. We mix up the order. They mix up the order. And HE mixes up the order. How pitiful, we human have such small capacity of brain wave, brain power, brain juice.

Always just point to the nearest object? So, does it mean it's the best OR the worst? Stupid. We are all so STUPID. LOOK at the whole timeline (I am a good project manager, I look at the whole process, excuse me if I am nasty - coz I couldnt help it, as I am unbiased to every step)!!!!

Ok, why I am lucky!? haha................

Seriously, with my complex conflict mind + my childhood - I shouldnt have lived on this earth for over 20 yrs. I shud hv killed myself long time ago (back to the 1st few posts of this blog - why I had this blog), as some know, I did attempt once or twice or few times.....I cant recall. As past is the past, why dwell on it any longer after U r 30!!

I am lucky as somewhat dont know how I was cured after 30......thanks to a good heaven. Then, the ah Q spirit out of nowhere just exponentially grows! Then, I am so so blessed I made/hv made many dear frenz who somehow - one told me today if I would be marry again, he would rent the Grand Hyatt ballroom for me, kakakakak - stand by me, luv me, support me................Just be there for me, even reading this blog.  Responding here. U cannot NOT understand how lucky I feel.

I always feel I am a lucky person, yet these 2 yrs were tough (notice I use past tense? hehe) and I dont believe my luck drains off, rather it will grow much bigger as I am blessed with good people, I am blessed with my perseverance, I am blessed with many kind & splendid things..........uncountable, never could count.......................................................................

I hope, you will realize you have non-countable assets one day, truthfully feel it within. Then you will understand this moment of mine.

Stone & Water

hehe....see if you like my philosophy.

I was communicating with my aunt (the aunt who's an artist & poet) via emails. We were talking about mis-match between couples.

Actually, I dont believe in true match as it's just impossible. I am a fairy tale gal, I like fairy tales still. I believe in fairies & angels, of coz demons & witches too.Yet, finding a soulmate or the one =/= match. We cant become gel anyways. We are still 2 individulas, living in one own body & die alone one fine day. However, I was telling her that, if the man is a stone, then the woman could be water, it would already be nice. As the water polishes the stone, while the stone mineralizes the water, despite they can never gel - maybe till the end of time, everything vampourizes in the fury of a nuclear bomb. haha............

Anyways, find your stone or water in your life. :D

Handling sales girls

is really fucking troublematic. Maybe I should say handling women. yes, guyz, I know, I un, I get it.

They just never say things straight. They have issues with communication except selling & getting money. Ho Lun Feng!!!!

Solomon

I got two bible characters I adore most, one is Solomon from Old Testament & Barnabas from New Testament. Sorry, Jesus, I never really like the character as much as you sounded abit arrogant & bitchy at times  and you were way too perfect!!!! (kakaka, just like me.....:P).

Barnabas means the son of encouragement. I have always aspired to be more encouraging & supportive. I think I have been doing pretty well.

Solomon was the king as you all may know. Actually, he was illegitimate son from King David who actually stole someone else's wife and then sent her husband to the war front to be killed. When he grew older (not sure if he was a king already or not, but I guess he shud be by then when he said this), he was asked what else he wanted from God. He told God that he wanted more wisdom, not wealth. (mind you, he was already very smart, he wasnt asking for more smart, he was asking for more WISDOM)!!! All my life, ie what I am asking for too.

Sidetrack abit. I actually luv the bible, because if you could read carefully, they are indeed quite relevant today, if you put aside some bias judgement. And one thing about  the bible, if you are not reading it like a spiritual guide. It talks alot about being human, the difficulty of being a human. How at times in life they were doing great wonders, next they could have many flaws in them. No one is perfect. Even great kings or prophets can make mistakes also.

I specially attended Sunday School when I was young to hear this very articulate teacher to talk about King David. I wasnt that intrigued by the story of young David killing a giant with a stone, Actually, I find this reference abit dumb. I was very into the fact that King David was loved by God for his love for God and he was very obedient, yet like every perfect thing, he sinned against God more frequently after he became a king & was growing older (guess, my fren Ellie, you could correct me if any accounts are wrongly put - I write here based on my memory some 20 yrs ago).

Back to Solomon, he as well revered God, but as his wealth & kingdom grew big, so was his ego & disobdience. Yet & again, no one is perfect. And despite such a wise guy, he was dumb too. I think ego can indeed kill a success.

Wisdom is always what I ask for, getting good score at school may mean you have high IQ, but it doesnt equate you as being wise. 

Wisdom needs practice. Wisdom needs patience. Wisdom needs experience.

Why I am talking bullshits again? 2 reasons, I was thinking about myself yesterday, another one is I hope you may have interest to do some reading on the bible. Not that it's about converting yourself a christian, more it's indeed a great book to read if you dont reference so much the spiritual side of things.

OK, I was thinking about myself yesterday at Tin Hua MTR station, how tough it has been past 2 years. How lucky I am to have a few good friends & mom+sister supporting me, believing in me. How strong I feel life is going to be better in 2011. Then suddenly a fear creeped into my heart reminding me of the Solomon story - yes he was a wise man, yet like EVERYONE in the history he lost it when he made it. And then I reminded & counselled myself that I should Always Always remember the hardships, the helplessness I went through. I strongly & 100% am convicted that the universe made me go through all these coz it knows me very well - indeed I am very forgetful for the pain & sorrow I go through. However, this lesson to me is way too important, as I couldnt allow myself to be in it ever again. And when I indeed make it big one day, I shouldnt be too arrogant about it (as I am sure I would become super bitch). To me , 2 years is very long, it's quite unbearble honestly - yet I know why it gives me such a long dragful period too, as if not, I wouldnt get it at all, and it needs to imprint deeply to my every cerebral cell & juice.

The Best Bad

I think, I am not that nerotic afterall. Many people outpass me, as they all want to be the BEST BAD (the worst).

I heard my partner telling me that this guy who was going to be fired was at "worst situation" than me 2 years ago, when I heard the news I wouldnt be able to have a job due to their last minute informing me there would  NOT be a fucking office in HK for me to run. Man, how would that guy be worst than me, for:

1. I heard the news THE LAST DAY I left my job in CHINA

2. I MOVED back to HK without a job

3. I only got 1 MONTH compensation

For the only thing he was worst than me was that he got a family - HUH??? I got a family too. He has a wife, his wife works too....worst than me......based on WHAT THEORY??!!!

Then, this S'porean guy told me he was at "Worst situation" than me. OK, lets hear him. He got his paycheck every month and he was doing admin work, yet he was called THE DIRECTOR. OK, well, my turn. I got no PAYCHECK and I named myself regional manager.  AGAIN, lets say it together, based on WHAT THEORY????

Then, as I was talking to my friend's wife. She as well told me she was at "WORST SITUATION" than me. 1. she was disliked by her fellow wivey group (his husband's frens' wives), ok....just one point. Me? I was DISLIKED by them first day I arrived. She came with her husband. I went alone. Worst??? how come?? I dont get it.....my goodness.

Then, many others. When they are single, I am attached, they are "worst" than me. When I am single, they are married, again they are "worst" than me. When I am single, and THEY ARE ALSO SINGLE, they are STILL "worst" than me. Why ???

WHY?? WHY??? WHY???? people like to be the worst?????

You know, they always think they are trying to encourage someone. I tell you what! If you are reading, PLS KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Coz by saying it, you are denying someone else's pain. Denying their experience. Denying their EXISTENCE. It's just another way saying - MY PAIN IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD. YOURS ISNT!!!!!!!!

Do people ever grow up & think in a more 3D dimension? I pity the world filled with all these people.

I was heard before I was seen!

I think.......

I just got a FB msg from a new-made french guy, he told me he saw , no, he heard me at Causewaybay "Eat Street" and he was 5 cm away from me. OK!? Well, am I that freaking loud??? And was I that "arrogant" & "unattentive" that I couldnt see a face?!?!

I guess, lately I am. I realize, the more "independant" I become, the more "arrogant" I have been and the more "couldnt care who the fark you are" attitude has dominated my aura and senses. I guess somehow intrinsically I am still a nice gal, yet, my attitude has changed. I forget a person after 5 sec, or 5 mins after the 1st msg.....pewh, the people just leave my mind! Honestly, if a person doesnt remind me he/she exists, I seriously cant remember this person exist.

Lets jump a topic, I was thinkiing - or I have been thinking since I was young, what was I doing at the very moment when someone was doing something 20 years ago.............................I like this thought as it's something you can never KNOW, except guess.

Oooo, time to sleep.

Lie master

I think why majority of people are bad liars as they are trying to make a lie. The true lie, lemme give you a truth lie hint, is to offer a half truth, half lie.

Why am I talking about it? As I find my mom a bad liar. We were trying to mask the fact that we went to Macau with her, without informing him. She was trying to say all the weird lies. I mean if she's an attentive liar, she would be able to make it through. However, my mom doesnt have a brain for such, and she's super bad in attaining details, so at the end I gave her a half truth a half lie - when she speaks to my dad about my fun trip, she wouldnt have to "lie".

Well, learn this, it takes a master to lie truthfully. keke

Family Meeting

I dont even eat dinner with my family, hence I was so reluctant to attend it, with my aunties & uncles to discuss issues between my dad and mom. I thought I would be 100% nothing to say, but once again as my client said, how could I ever shut up. hahahaha

Really, why do I talk so much? I talk and talk. lol. I dont think my aunties ever saw me talking so much. But this time is different. And honestly, they want us to make nice with our dad. And to me.....I am sorry, I wont do anything, unless he makes a small step first. It's not that I dont luv him, but I hate people blaming everyone for anything. I dont fucking care if he's my dad or not. People would call me heartless, it's true as my parents said that about me when I was a kid. The thing is, I dont look at the people, I look at facts. I was always defending my aunties when I was young in front of my parents, hence they said "finger bent out, not bent in" - it was very simple even in my young mind, I didnt really care it was my aunt or my parents, I looked at the damn facts!

I was "timid" when I was a kid. Now to think about it, it's more than just timid. I just didnt want to argue to people who didnt have the same view as me. Also, I would know they could never get what I meant. And on top of influcence from my parents - being scared of everything...........my timid was gigantic.

It's, to me, ridiculous that parents expect the kids to "SUPPORT THEM". Sorry, I dont buy in the same philosophy. Well, I may go to hell for that, but it's just plain idiotic. Well, coz they raised me I gotta repay? Did they have a choice to have me or not? YES. Did I have a choice to have them or not? NO. Did I ever want to live on this planet? NO. I would if I could. Why do I have to understand their problems? When they never understood their parents' problems (I am referring to my dad)? And so he wins it all lah......everyone has to understand him. Also, who gets to understand me?? (I dont need people to, actually) Sorry, in my formula, it doesnt work like that. 

Honestly, I have seen some people who were, have been in worse situation, they rise upon the horizon. It's just a plain character flaw he possesses. I already imagine if he would be in his deathbed, would I regret? yea maybe, but wouldnt be big. Yet, I am more concerned if he would start to regret when he's in his deathbed, then it would be sad. I am in somewhat quite rational & detached to things like that. I did have a bit regret after my grand-pa died, as we ALL totally misunderstood him. He was a smart guy, just that we didnt get him then, sadly. But with my dad, really not until he makes some small steps, I wouldnt consider to be OK with him. If I have the money, I would give to him, not out of respect, but out of pity.

hehe, I blow water again!

Pressing Headache

Sometimes, when you reach certain moments, you just become afraid to be vulnerable. I am always pretty vulnerable (in a humble good way), as sometimes I feel everything is like fluid, motion. Nothing much can harm me. Tomorrow, I have to meet with my accountant to explain (in my pts of view) complicated relationship with my partner. And then I have to spend time to make all paperwork. I have been just hiding from it, seriously. I dont want to face it.

When I was younger (till maybe 2-3 yrs ago), I crowned myself as a great escapist. I escaped to my own world. I escaped not to confront. I escaped to not look, listen, or just plain do anything..............Today, again, I realized I've finally grown up again.

This french guy who broke (but he said it's postponed) the contract that made my life hell these few months wanted to see me on Monday, he didnt show up at 11am coz he couldnt find the MTR exit. Anyways, so we met again at 7pm, I just wanted to know why they would break /"postpone" the contract - I told them, your project delayed wasnt my problem, you didnt give me work was your issues, not mine. If I would be an employee, you would be obliged to pay the salary - I stressed that they should honour the contract. Anyways, he wanted me to go with him to a meeting - I reluctantly accepted it as it's a big company, I just hoped to be more connected, so to speak. When I got up at 7:30, I really wanted to send him a sms & then turned off my phone - just to tell him I was so fucking sick, blhblhhhh. But now, I couldnt do it, I guess I must have grown up, despite I really really wanted to.

My another pressing headache is, I need 3-6 months to build up the projects I am working on. They do have good prospects, but it seems they arrive abit late.........now I am not sure what I should do. It's been so so so tough & difficult. I just hope I could win some jackpot tomorrow. DIU!

Then came another bad news too, but I guess I was already immuned to bad news, I kinda felt nothing. haha. When I was talking to a fren yesterday about my past 2 yr situation, I somehow had this belief inside my heart that I would make it. Very strong feeling. My "chance" hasnt actually arrived yet, it's a matter of time the universe has to toughen me enough. Anyways, wish me good fortune..........:)

13 days to go

For our magical Xmas.

Lets have a fun, positive, blissful MAGICAL Xmas!!!!

STAY FOCUZ..............

ME! yes......Focuz. Focuz. Focuz.

Erotic Dream

I just had an erotic dream.......my first 3P dream. hahaha
it was actually pretty real....LOL

Sometimes, overdo it.....

Just some words..........
I think some galz just overdo it, I hope I am not one of them!
They overdo sexy
overdo accessories
overdo thinking they r THAT pretty
overdo luv with a jerk
overdo reliance
overdo wanting a baby
overdo wantinging to get married
overdo staying deadfish
overdo crying
overdo dreaming
..........................................................

for me, I am sure I overdo watching TV series. hehe

DragQueen

I am afraid of few types of people.
One is stupid people.
The other one is DRAG QUEEN = people who are scattered mind & couldnt control not talk. Everytime they open their mouth, they TALK and they dont give you just a second of mind peace. They go on & on & on. The worst thing is the SPEED of their talking is usually FAST, yet, the content is meaningless.

E.g. when they are trying to quote example, many a time they would say, 1. water, 2, oil, 3. earth, 4. water, yes as I said 4 types......WHAT!!!!??? Cant they listen to themselevs they are repeating themselves. Ie one thing I find it's one of the attributes of sales - they like to repeat themselves. This is one way to hypnotize people to buy in what you are trying to sell. Another side of the coin is that they dont have much inside their head, so they gotta repeat whatever they have..............

I am very very sleepy, as listening to scattered mind people use my energy more than anything nowadays.