i RETARDED

OK, I started 3 posts here within an hour but none could get finished. I got an idea but after 2 lines I didnt know what I actually wanted to say, haha. Me so retarded, huh!!?? So what I am gonna do is just doodle everything here.

1. Acknowledging it

Was talking to a good fren about confidence. I felt somehow I needed to work hard to attain it. I wasnt born with it, with my family background & their sarcasm of coz wouldnt give any maxium edifying results to it. Then, after living on earth for a while, we got bumped by work or frenz or lovers, arrr, that would be the killing dose sometimes. I am fortunate that I am kinda like ah Q person - I usually forgot about it, however, subconsciously it did wound me. I think the best way to solve it is to aknowledge it, not being shunk from it, then next steps.

I dunno about next steps also, basically each person uses different ways. For me, I do need some compliments or encouragement to pick myself up again. It's like some ignitor. I know a self-independant woman shouldnt ask for that - Hey, exactly my point! Why not? I acknowledge it my pb and now I ackowledge my method for making me feel good.

2. Being Available

We are all an island, alone, as a being. Me, a loner. However, I do need some attentions once in a while. Not attention from guyz....nonoononn........but I do appreciate deeply people who would make themselves available to me. Like my gd fren C, she's always on gchat, we whatsapp each other often, we have made ourselves available to the other person. Or, I call my TWN fren asking when he would be in HK. He's a busy man, very busy man. I cherish that despite he knows it's me, he picks up the phone.

Actually its important that we do get ourselves surrounded by pple like that, then we know we are not that lonely. The fact is alone & lonely has big different. I dont get lonely feeling alot, as I have people who will spare their moments to read here or to msg me once a while or call me here n there. I feel loved & fulfilled actually.

3. I forgot what I wanted to write. haha.....doesnt matter la. Now as of this moment I feel very hungry. I just had some plain yogurt with pomegranate+banana. It makes me feel I am onto some healthy spree. But my coffee dosage is on the rise daily as I really prefer the bitter taste of things nowadays..............

Sorry, I actually feel this is a very boring entry. But ie how I feel now. BORED.