I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

Was Watching Ally Mcbeal and this song came on....really luv it, despite I never had a white Xmas before. But this song is kinda lonely & yet so hopeful too.


(Luv Robert Downey J voice......luv luv luv)

Then made me think of a neurosis of mine.

Yes I am a neurotic person, if not psychotic. Someone called me sociopath, thou I dont think he knows what this word really means - yet in the light of me liking reading up serial killers, yes, it could be a word to describe me. I was listening to this song, I remember how I handled my tears. I used to be a super gigantic crying baby, but last 2 years have made me become.......no tear adult (almost). Recently, heart kinda being softened up, I started crying again.

And for e.g. (I am seriously nuts) before I went to get my result, I was at my ex car crying. We just had a wonderful national park trip in Melb, he asked why the ferk U were crying. I said, U wouldnt understand, coz I believed by shedding ALL my tears, I wouldnt be able to cry if the result was bad. OK, the result was FINE. hehe.......but this is how I managed my disappointment. 

Or with my ex-es, ie how I did too, I cried & cried......when we broke up, I couldnt even squeeze a tear. So I gotta say, why usually my ex-es kept good relationship with me, as I didnt leave them a horrible breakup memory - so somehow they would think I was untouchable. It became a turn-on, yet they didnt know the little secret of how I shed it all. hehe 

O yes, also, when I was applying my 1st job in S'pore hospital, I cried alot too, as I didnt know how to answer ONE single Q the interviewer asked. So I came out, I cried & cried. My ex asked, why the heck you were crying, did she yell at u? I said, No, I didnt know how to answer ONE single Q. But next day, I got the offer.........

LOL..........................in retrospect, maybe my tears would be my luck.

I also remember one time I was flying back to Melb, I was watching Time Cop. I saw how lonely he must be - as he was the only person remembering the present (due to time shift), and his family all was unaware and went about doing their "normal routine" at the time-plane they thought they were in. I felt so identifying to his loneliness and so I started SOBBING on the plane till landed.....lol...crazy huh!?!? But the detoxification of the heavy heart & sad soul was AMAZING. And u know what, few months later I had my 1st bf....

hehe, now I think.....why last 2 years were so shitty coz I wasnt able to have tears. Tears could very well be my lucky charm......so my frenz, if I want to cry, let me cry. 

Ummm, thinking of that, my roomate Ellie - she's the same. She likes to cry too. And many nites, I could hear her sobbing - like a monster, I did think if she would turn into one of those monsters of something coz she sounded horrible....hehe, but we always let each other cry.

And I guess, why pple like sharing saddness or secrets with me, coz I never ask them not to cry. I always just let them.

Nude Body Paint

Ar.....yes, someone asked me to be a "nude model".........for a fren anyways - the body painting kind.
Well. Honestly, I am not thrilled with displaying my flappy tummy to the public, but it was for a charity cause, I started thinking about it....
Then they told me it might be on SCMP with face.............SHIT.........nah nah nah...........
I dont want my 5 min fame due to few reasons:
1. Sex Scandals
2. Nudity pics
3. Sex Tapes

If U may be interested, I can refer you. :)

Bygones!

Nomad

I think I used this in another entry before. But today I am not talking about moving.,  I want to talk about something else.

I suspect a nomad has a heart of detachment,  alienation, positive attitude, daring, being able to adapt.....................................etc. 

Suppose, you give them a shelter, tell them, hey man, U dont have to move anymore. What would happen to them? I think they would feel insecure, to attach to 4 walls. OK, then after few decades, U tell them, hey, sorry, there's no more walls for you, plz start roaming around and be a nomad again. Ummmm...........

Do you think the nomad would be happy? It's not like they forget the skills. I think underneath no matter how "detached", "alienated" a person is, at the end, they want attachment........normal nomad would be attached to the possession. Once sheltered nomad....I suspect......he got too much possession he might not be sure how to pick again which is best for him to roam around......he has become attached to things he may not understand.

I now feel he must be lost. A nomad ie lost must be lost. The feeling of void, the feeling of unskilled, the feeling of emptiness or missing abundance is........killing.

Words that I Like

Momentum
Precipitation

Sublime
Consolidation
Agape

Also,
Secret Society
Paranormal
Vintage

The first few words I used alot in my head when I was in Melbourne. I did well in chemistry so I guess ie why I like precipitation & sublime. Sublime is such a beautiful word, esp U see the compound skip the middle state to become guess, it was awesome. I cudnt exactly recall which though....is it iodine or iodine oxide. Sublime actually gives me a feeling of heaven..........:)

Merits & Strength

Actually I cant tell the difference. To me, I am good at everything. To me I am bad at anything. I dont even know........when someone asks me how good you are, and what are your strength. Do people still ask that? It's so weird. I really want to sum up by saying - Oh yo, man! I am perfection.......ummm....I meant close to anyways.

I find these Qs so boring, U know.....close to cliche. I like presenting myself but not like this way - I luv answering Qs, but seems it seems it's too confined.

can I tell them if flamoyant count as one!!! hahahaha or I am not exactly from plant earth as one?

Shit, I really cant communicate with normal earthy people................anyhows.

Have a good night, good week everyone. I am looking at spending most time with my dog - Lottie. I need to shower her now, then observe her at my new place, make ways for her to move around. But now,  she's SLEEPING again on my clothes.....man, she's too lovey dovey lahhhhhhh......................

"sweet Smile"

It's time to go Karaoke

My goodness, Bruce Wayne incorporated this song in his latest movie and I just couldnt get this song outta my mind.......however nowadays Neway doesnt seem to have this song, which I fucking used to luv to sing, amongst others which are oldies, yet would cause your heart bubbling and legs wiggling.......:D



I could remember the words and I have to say, my singing version is better, despite she's BETTER a singer than me, but seems my version is more.....how to say FUN.....heheheeh

Hopeless Romantic

Well, I once called Edward - the vampire in Twilight Saga.....a hopeless romantic as a guy asked me what the heck was this movie about, guess that really sums up the meaning of the whole movie.

U know, I wud never call myself romantic as it feels ICK, YUCK - but truth be told, I am super romantic. Actually, it's too much. But I dont release this magnetism to everyone. Yet, I think I should really shrink this side of me......I am such an extreme person, I never know how to control the intensity...shit, I am idiot....but ar well, learning fast, early is gd, but to me it's learning abit late I guess. But I dont regret one second of it....it's ME ME ME. ME ME ME! :P Sorry..............too egoistic again. Sigh, ie me, what can I do???????

I really wish I could find back my University journals. I am not sure if you know or not, but I write without thinking. My hands are connected to my cerebral nerve endings, they just synapse synapse.....like lightning. I dont type fast, ie why I always seem to type more making sense than I talk, as my synpasing is faster than typing, so I always have next chunk of words or sentences ready at my handtips.

At the moment, my mind is all scattered, thinking about anything & everything.........I realize when this occurs, I have more typing error. yes I could type in the dark without looking at the keyboard too....:P

Lost Love

When I was very young, I saw pple crying coz they broke up with their bfs or something
And then I had my share of experience
I realize the sad thing isnt the breakup
but the feeling of void and saddness remembering the happy moments
THE HAPPY MOMENTS

Of coz U cud cry coz the guyz are assholes, which I had my shares too
like how stupid I allowed myself to be with him or to trust him

Yet, there's one kind ie the worst
is you actually still luv him and there's no flaw in whatever aspects you see
I am a flaw finder so I detect flaws very easily
Also, esp you so dont hate or in any milli-meter dislike the guy
You still find everything he does adorable, cute, sweet, highly regarded.............

Guess, apply to guyz too
maybe you wouldnt use tears as an outlet
maybe go to a niteclub or get drunk with your frens?! hehe

O well......:)

Rotten

This is how I feel today. Rotten. SO Rotten.
My next dog, I will call her Rotten. hahahahaa............

Tick

•  Bought some household thing. TICK
•  Bought some wine. TICK
•  Moved some furniture. TICK
•  Got the Dog Gate. TICK
•  2 Friends already visited me. TICK. More to come, NOT TICK.
•  Starting to put my files to my cabinet. TICK
•  Sent out CV. TICK
•  Arranged 2 interviews. TICK
•  Not yet taken my dogs back. TICK
•  Not yet got the wardrobe & bookshelf. TICK
•  Await for my housewarming gifts - from C & J. TICK (HEHEHEHEHEHEH)
•  Too many things NOT yet DONE. TICK

Whoever reads this has all the rights to come to my place....TICK TICK TICK