Different Group of Friends

Last night, I talked to my high school friend for hours. Actually, she's the only high school friend I am still talking to.  And we were laughing coz it's like we were back in high school talking nonsense but we are willing to listen to the....kiddo-est things we gotta say.

I mean, I could always be myself 95% of the time with my frens. Yet, I realize, there's some so so so kiddo stuff that I cant even open my mouth to say it out, except to this high school fren. I luv her......

Then makes me come to think of it, maybe I mentioned it before, so basically I am repeating myself. We need different groups of frenz to make our net secured. I really think we cant just have one kind of best frenz, but multiply kinds. And truth be told, I am always blessed with great & cool frenz. And rgd best frenz, I actually have quite a number. I dont think for best frenz means I gotta tell them everything....different people cant accept different things, esp for a drama queen like me.

However, the quality of being my best friend is -

We gotta mutually respect each other, accept without prejudice. I know rest assured that he or she would be there if I need them, and vice versa. If it's something really urgent, I can call them 3am in the middle of the night and I know they would fly taxi to see me. (it never happens - I believe unless I am sick, I wouldnt call anyone at 3am.....hehehehehe). Though, I do recieve msg when my best frenz are drunk. Same, I would send msg if I am drunk at 3am to....my best frenz only. Somehow, when we grow up, we dont disturb people without reasons.

And I feel I am blessed with many great frenz whom we could cover various topics from UFO, Ancient Civilisation, Bible, Spiritual, Love Affairs, Business, Bullshits, Karaoke.......hohoho. Yes common frenz could be in these categories too, but mine are not....we could share the above plus other things. And I know, if they are not going smooth, they can come to find me anytime, and same here me to them.

Again, I luv U my frenz, My dudes, My galz.....MUahhahahaha

Sometimes we all get tired

One way or another.

Maybe waiting for a chance.

Waiting for a bus.

Waiting for the doctor.

Waiting for someone to change their mind.

Waiting......

I have been waiting alot....really.....I am not a 100% patient person.

But people who know me well know I am very impatient, yet very patient for things that are worthy of my time.

Like my sis kids. I was quite patient with their education.

For my ex-es, I was too.

For my life...maybe work....ummm...yea, ok......70%

I was telling Mr Pasta last nite, how I would send off my ex-es. hehe, he found me really weird.

E.g. before I broke up with my ex-es, I would - find a church for him if he's a christian; or if he was jobless, I would advise him and pass him some freelance; or he was social handicapped, I would force him to build the network and make some frenz first.

It's abit nutty doing all these things. But I couldnt NOT do it. It's not like they are all the best merited guyz on earth, but somehow I need to clear my conscience. Ie me. My conscience is so important. I do agree with the preaching - we all have the soul within to discern right & wrong - I think it's the conscience I am talking about. 

Sometimes, I do get tired with myself and lose sight of it. Like the scam few months ago, I think it's my responsibility to suck it up. I was ignoring my conscience. Many times we could be blinded. really. When we are kind of lost. Esp with a bit of my impulsiveness - I kinda got squinted, things become dreggy.

Esp someone told me, innately I am an antenna - ummm............to upstairs, so Id better check myself, examine myself more. I am abit scared, honestly. I want to be an angel, not an antenna. :( It seems things become so heavy for me now.....very hard to understand what I am talking about now, unless I could tell you face to face the whole story. Yet, it's like a long TV soap opera, some say about my stories, it's always episode after another episode with more dramas, more climax, heheheheh..................(I swear, I dont want it gahhhhhhh) !!

I believe this year is really a time of learning acceptance & awakening. To identify the difference between peace at heart vs blinded conscience. Anyhooos, I think.....whatever it is, it worths the journey.

By the way, I need different people to visit me in June, at my place....actually I have been arranging different frenz coming here every week.......somehow I feel this place needs more people. As the whole floor, I am like the only person....hehe....do bring tequila, I can serve coke zero & yummy juices!! ^^

Shit.

I think I lost a post......it was a post with alotta gratitude inside. Anyone read that?? I lost it. Couldnt find it....arghhhjjhhhhhh

My roomate

I had a fun conversation with my back-in-Mel-days roommate on YES...........WHAT'sAPP. Best app ever!!!!!!!!!! APPALAUDE!!!!

WA brings me tears at times, but it surely brings me closer to some of the frenz who have it, even with my sis. E.g. My sis needed my advice on her nite gown, and she sent me 6 pics choose. Anyways, of coz I picked what fit her the best, and wanted to take the rest away from her. hehe....who can offer better advice than me on fashion?? :P

(actually I am out of touch with fashion, I am very very back to basic kinda gal now. And I feel if you could bring out the fashion SMELL from basic, U r a guru. hehehe...ie how I am sculpturing my sense of being and my pheromones now, yes. hehe.)

You know. 90% of people comment they prefer people to be honest & frank. The fact is, 90% of of these 90% cant actually take the truth. And among the 90% of the 90% of the 90% couldnt take bluntness. But then why people say they prefer honesty. To be honest, among these 90% of the 90% who want honesty ARE not capable of being honest. And then another 50% among the 90% of the 90% can only be the person to act blunt and "honest" but they cant take back the honesty. hehe.

OK, my roomate - E - isnt one of them. She's capable of being honest. And she's capable of taking my honesty and bluntness, at least, mine could be quite straightforward. I learnt not to be too blunt as I know my tone of voice....it's horrible. Even I am lying, I sound like BLUNT - O maybe ie why I could be a good liar. hehe. She is a devoted christian.....I respect her point of views alot, hence I always ask her some silly bible Qs, esp lately as I am re-reading Genesis. To me, there are alot of "flaw".....hehe, of coz she replied some really christian answer but with a sense of WIT.

Yet, I cant deny.....it's very hard to discuss issues with a grounded belief individual. I think, just like if people want to discuss about me - while I already have a fixated pt of views about myself - it wouldnt be an easy task to deal or bush around it to just talk about "ME". We all have walls. Walls being your fixated views about a faith or about a belief.......they are the boundaries. And on the contrary to some of your guesses (despite I am free spirit), I 100% agree in boundaries. These walls are the boundaries.....we cant bounce past them, we can only try to push the boundaries to give us bigger room, bigger space to bounce around them. As I mentioned before, freedom doesnt exist without boundaries. (a very very wise man once told me). Kinda zen....kinda weird......but I agree absolutely.

One more word back to bluntness. I guess it's very hard to execute it, it's simply due to each's perspectives on his own pride or mutual respect. I think....I have strong confidence that E & I have very good mutual respect to each other, though, it doesnt mean we agree on every term, it doesnt mean we could swallow each other's word with the biggest grin on face - yet the honesty was first founded from LUV.

So........ok....seems everything goes back to LUV again.

Cast Away

I need to find the dvd.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0162222/

I think.....I was like the character. keke.
In many ways. Taking to a volleyball? :P
I feel like revisiting the movie.................and the moment he was found.

Ummm........long movie, so guess I need to find another good day to sit comfortably, undisturbly to watch with my dogs....^^

Thanks to Guillaume Canet & Mr Funny

I had 2 revelation today. Sorry, listen to me like U r listing to a nut person. But I feel so happy rite now, and I have to say it.

1. I once asked Mr Funny for advice, but he rejected me coz he was tired. haha. He told me, I should go to sleep and have a shower. Dont go shit while thinking, as they will be shitty ideas. Go shower. They will be good ideas. Today......I started to have a fresher idea.....during shower. thanks thanks.

U know how hard it is lately, past 1 month for me to have fresh ideas.........I think I am revived.

2. While watching the movie Last Night, I was awed by Guillaume Canet....by his eyes. This reminds me how much I love to look at people with eyes that can communicate. I remember I once could. At least I felt I could. My eyes have been dead for many years. I looked at the mirror for years, I hated my eyes as they dont talk anymore. I mean....I was not really hating them as much, but more like....I didnt look at them anymore. (that also proves I am not a self-idolizing person...:) ).

OK, GC.....I went on to watch from tudou his earlier movie "Love me if you dare" - yes his eyes again. I luv people who speak through their eyes. Tears r good if U can use tears to communicate emotions....not all kinds of tears r good. Anyways.

Then I look at myself. I have been dead inside for years. I mean, yes, I am still at times inspirational, motivational, challenging, crazy, sentimental, abit intelligent, abit posiitve, abit negative, abit this n that, but all were dead.........I am not sure, but I have this epipphany.

Maybe, just maybe.......the need of what I gotta go through last month - my broken heart.....was a way to revive my soul, to wake her up.....as I feel I lost her.....for long long time. I remember when I used to go to church or even when I was younger......someone would tell me, if I wanted to grow, I first needed to be broken down first - and there's no WAY to turn back. I would never think and jump to the challenge.

In church, the prayer would be - break me and mold me to be the vessel God wants me to be. Tell you, God did answer my prayers and I was.....shattered into pieces. Anyhow....no need dwell here.

Then in life, my high school teacher told me, if I wanted to know "life", I gotta open the door....and this door could never been shut and there was no turning back ever.

Today, there's no such prayers or opening & shutting doors.....rather, there came a need for me to grow up, a need for me to find back my eyes. The radical modification was for my benefit to redeem my eyes.....how could I see when I have been so blinded without soul? Shits................I am so excited. For tomorrow. For next week. For next month. For next year. I hope this thrill isnt just a thrill.....but awakening for me.

And somehow, my lost soul, despite, lost and abit dead before, she was guiding me to read some good books, she was making me feel weak N vulnerable, yet......a string to attach to my life, to my survival instinct............really, if I never felt my heart was broken into pieces....maybe today I wouldnt see I couldnt see. I am going to sleep..........I want to find back my soulful eyes tomorrow. I will look into the mirror....and see them...........hehehehehe

Sorry, I am really so thrilled and excited. Becoz...............I kinda finally recall what I have been lost. It just gave me goosebumps. :P

good movie nite....

1. No String Attached. Nice...cute....fun.....

2. Last Night......now, rekindle my luv for the frenchie charisma.....
a very dialogue movie....

3. Jeux d'enfants - Love me if you dare
cute, enchanting....^^


I am fulfilled.

Unexpected is good sometimes

OK, my sis lent me this dvd - No String Attached.

NOW, I want someone to spoon me in clothes. hahahaha...dont get it, watch it.
Kinda sweet romantic comedy. Dun get it why Ashton Kutcher could be so cute.....I dont actua;ly find him "cute", I mean he's so tall....and he just has that nerdy kinda cute. Anyways, just cute. Natalie Portman totally acted out how I felt at the last 30 mins of the movie, she's just a wonderful actress.

Amen!

Infinity

Infinity offers you another chance. hehe.
I heard something really nice today. Honestly, if I am more "awakened", I would say something more intelligent, however, now, I am abit dumb, I just recite what I heard.

Sometimes we worry if we will get a second chance
Even infinity moves both direction
it's not singular
........

:)

Bones

Bruce told me he was watching Bones. So after X Files, I took out my Bones and rewatch it, while I am doing my work, or helping my sister correcting her grammar, or reading my book. Still, Bones could make me cry.....shitty me. Really. Not cry, tearful, I should say, esp at this episode about Xmas. The bones they discovered was about a man being murdered - he was white and got a african american gal pregnant in 40's,50's(?). So he was preparing to take her to live in Paris, as at that time, marrying a black in America was not allowed. It's so touching...................:P

Flinch

Fridge
Fringe

Shits, I heard this word FLINCH - it sounds so good but it has "bad meaning" - to retrieve with fear. Yet FLINCH sounds so cool.