Co-incidence, coincident not?

This is how the story goes.

I got the nicest compliment about my brain tonite for 2011. Things are looking up, within less than 3 weeks, I got things I never got for past 6 years!! My goodness.

OK! I went to a nice bday dinner at Hunghom, actually just rite at my french date's place. Well, I didnt really bother to text him to say, hey I am here dude. After the dinner, I went to meet another guy who had been asking me out for a drink for 6 months. I thought, I was abit dull and January is my only crazy drink month as the rest of the year I wud prefer to stay focuz. So I went back to Central to meet up with him, thought maybe just had 2 drinks then I would be gone. Oh goodness, at that bar which I rarely went - I SAW THE FRENCH DATE TOO. LOL. So funny but I didnt feel embarassed..............anyways................wont want to say more. hehe

Then, just 30 mins ago, I got an urgent msg from a fren. She wanted me to call someone who wanted to commit suicide. This guy has his shares of problems, big ones too. I would say mine was 50% 2 yrs back. Anyhow..........it's weird after 2 years I gotta encourage someone not to kill himself. I am still at the bleak of curing myself from the tendency. Anyways, guess the universe is telling me - I am doing great. See, U got the tough strength now.

Again, I am so happy. I feel very content as of this moment. Life is gonna be great. It's gonna be tough but it's gonna be fabulous.

i RETARDED

OK, I started 3 posts here within an hour but none could get finished. I got an idea but after 2 lines I didnt know what I actually wanted to say, haha. Me so retarded, huh!!?? So what I am gonna do is just doodle everything here.

1. Acknowledging it

Was talking to a good fren about confidence. I felt somehow I needed to work hard to attain it. I wasnt born with it, with my family background & their sarcasm of coz wouldnt give any maxium edifying results to it. Then, after living on earth for a while, we got bumped by work or frenz or lovers, arrr, that would be the killing dose sometimes. I am fortunate that I am kinda like ah Q person - I usually forgot about it, however, subconsciously it did wound me. I think the best way to solve it is to aknowledge it, not being shunk from it, then next steps.

I dunno about next steps also, basically each person uses different ways. For me, I do need some compliments or encouragement to pick myself up again. It's like some ignitor. I know a self-independant woman shouldnt ask for that - Hey, exactly my point! Why not? I acknowledge it my pb and now I ackowledge my method for making me feel good.

2. Being Available

We are all an island, alone, as a being. Me, a loner. However, I do need some attentions once in a while. Not attention from guyz....nonoononn........but I do appreciate deeply people who would make themselves available to me. Like my gd fren C, she's always on gchat, we whatsapp each other often, we have made ourselves available to the other person. Or, I call my TWN fren asking when he would be in HK. He's a busy man, very busy man. I cherish that despite he knows it's me, he picks up the phone.

Actually its important that we do get ourselves surrounded by pple like that, then we know we are not that lonely. The fact is alone & lonely has big different. I dont get lonely feeling alot, as I have people who will spare their moments to read here or to msg me once a while or call me here n there. I feel loved & fulfilled actually.

3. I forgot what I wanted to write. haha.....doesnt matter la. Now as of this moment I feel very hungry. I just had some plain yogurt with pomegranate+banana. It makes me feel I am onto some healthy spree. But my coffee dosage is on the rise daily as I really prefer the bitter taste of things nowadays..............

Sorry, I actually feel this is a very boring entry. But ie how I feel now. BORED.

Jan 2011

I got some sorta fun experiences within these 3 weeks. It's good that so much has already happened within 3 weeks, I guess my 2011 should be fantastic. I am proud to say that the first month of the year doesnt pass by without some results.......I am getting so excited, my frenz!!!!!

To Drop Dead

Today, this thought came to my mind again. I dare not even quiet down to think or to feel what I am feeling. It's crazy. Crazy.

I dont like to drink alcohol actually, but I feel I am drinking more than ever without feeling a thing. I even smoked weeds, NO FEELING. NO FEELING AT ALL. I dont feel a thing.

After I feel abit tipsy from alcohol, I could only SLEEP 3-4 hrs, then I would wake up - couldnt go back to bed. It's horrible.......I dont incline to become alcoholic but isnt it easy to be one when you are at such stage?