I am In Barcelona

Going to Spain was one on my list but now I am here, I feel nothing. Maybe it's coz it's a biz meeting, with some ass I am trying to find his loophole to....attack him....really. I hate him. I seldom hate but I am so good at faking smiles, hey brother, how r u doing? Everything OK on your side, blah. Anyways, just part of games one has to play in our lives anyways. This is my reality. Here, I am freaking honest, over the reality, I am trying to be as genuine, but I fake alot too....and sometimes I even seem ignorant. Anyways.

Yes BCN. Well, the weather is nice. Should hv some tour tmr or sthg. But it doesnt excite me alot. Frankly. And this place somehow reminds me of some melancholic moments I am experiencing - the forcing back to reality & giving up dreams. I mean I had a dream. I luv Out of Africa opening - I had a farm in Afirca. I always think, I want to start by saying - I had a dream in the alternate universe. :)

Yes BCN will forever remind me the drag & agony I am bringing with me. I hope it also means there will be renewal, revival of some sort within my soul or my heart.....embarking, ie what I am wishing for. I want to cry but I cant. I want to sleep but I cant. I want to drink but now wine makes me dizzy. I want to eat but food makes me want to throw up. (I am not pregnant....hehe)

 

Now I am no longer hoping to go to Spain, Prague....well, I will still go, but there are these few magical places I need to be...one day. I would see this as completing a dream someone drafts for me. And I luv the dream.......so, I want to put 2 songs here, both John Lennon. And I will write soon when I go back to HK or maybe tonite.....hehe.

Thanks for caring & stopping by. xoxo

Love is real, real is love,
Love is feeling, feeling love,
Love is wanting to be loved.
Love is touch, touch is love,
Love is reaching, reaching love,
Love is asking to be loved.
Love is you,
You and me,
Love is knowing,
We can be.
Love is free, free is love,
Love is living, living love,
Love is needing to be loved.

Eternal Sunshine of Spotless Mind

I did watch alot of movies, I mean....quite a number of movies, but still many a time I always miss some good ones, and thanks to my good frenz who love movies, they have endless suggestion or even free DVD or free service to download for me. And of coz, at times, with my best fren - Bruce, he would circulate the movie reviews to us. I am not very upto date what's coming up & so on, but I am glad I got good frenz.

So, last nite, I got the disc, should say my fren Dion lent me the disc. And I watched it from 6am, then by 8am, I cried for 15 mins. I always cry for such movies or plot - I guess it always reminds me of something, or some of my dreams or ideas. And of coz, the moments of trying not to "forget" something, trying to "fight" against the process of deletion - is something I am quite familiar with. Hence hving blog, hving letters are a good tool to assess to the memory. (I am a naturalist in deletion).

Yet, in the movie, the characters have to hand back in all the items, pics, letters, doodles in order to erase the memory that pains them - of coz, if it's so easy, we would all have gone through it somehow. Always, in our lives, we wish we would forget something....like we never lived that period. But it's impossible somewhat, of coz.

I think you should watch it if you havent, or if U did, re-watch it - esp if you are with someone, or desperately want to forget something - Is it all that good just to forget & erase?! Is there really such alienation between you & him or you & her that can't be saved? Why was it neccessary to forget the love you once felt & experienced? He/She is standing right in front of you. Make a choice to think - if he/she deserves your "working" once again? your "rekindle of luv" once again? I am sure most of you will say YES, he/she deserves! Then, go & do something!!!!! QUICK! NOW!!!!

I luv few quotes and sometimes I do think I am a concept but I am just an imperfect gal wanting to be perfected in her various little ways together with someone, maybe. 

And while, despite I claim myself a good deletion naturalist, it's just part of my survival skills. Someone taught me that, actually an indonesian that I met during the "riot" period in Jarkarta almost 10 years ago, I bid to his advice till today - always find a way SURVIVE. 

(umm, why I was there? Coz my reasons - wanted to see what riots or so called "wars" were like......and yes I was taking slight risks, as I was told they would rape CHINESE looking gals, but I went anyways. I saw many burnt bldgs. People were sitting sleepishly & aimlessly on the streets - I hated the look of emptiness in those pple's eyes. And I understood - they were dangerous, as in their head, there was nothing to lose.....)

And maybe its ageing or starting to understand abit more stuff - this phrase - Enjoy it! It's one of the toughest to say actually, becoz it makes alotta effort to really achieve. BUT, I find it to be most rewarding thing on earth if U could indeed be in it. :))

Have a great week ahead! xoxo

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 Some of the dialogue I like in there - 


Clementine: This is it, Joel. It's going to be gone soon.
Joel: I know.
Clementine: What do we do?
Joel: Enjoy it.

Mary: How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! / The world forgetting, by the world forgot / Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! / Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.  " the lines are from Alexander Pope's poem "Eloisa to Abelard"

Joel: Hi.
Clementine: Hi. Didn't figure you'd show your face around me again. I guess I thought you were... humiliated. You did run away, after all.
Joel: I just needed to see you.
Clementine: Yeah?
Joel: I'd like to, um... take you out, or something.
Clementine: You're married.
Joel: Not yet, not married. No, I'm not married.
Clementine: Look man, I'm telling you right off the bat, I'm high-maintainance, so... I'm not gonna tip-toe around your marriage, or whatever it is you've got goin' there. If you wanna be with me, you're with me.
Joel: Okay.
Clementine: Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's lookin' for my own peace of mind; don't assign me yours.
Joel: I remember that speech really well.
Clementine: I had you pegged, didn't I?
Joel: You had the whole human race pegged.
Clementine: Hmm. Probably.
Joel: I still thought you were gonna save my life... even after that.
Clementine: Ohhh... I know.
Joel: It would be different, if we could just give it another go-round.
Clementine: Remember me. Try your best; maybe we can.