I hate that....

When that crazy Eric called me at MN, and I missed his call.
Shits...not sure if he got bad news for me from the company.
Anyhow, prepare the worst!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Called him back, he didnt pick it up.
Guess he must be making devil plan in his head.
ASSHOLE.

But I just hope that he pressed the wrong number. Whereby, actually, he always sent the wrong email to me.
LETS HOPE.
I cant take in more bad news.
it's a time for good news.
I want GOOD NEWS.
GOOD NEWS PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!

The thing is I feel so agitated inside.
Tjis shitty asshole always brings bad news.
ALWAYS.
I really need to find a job so I can quit this shithole once & for alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
But though I really still want to continue what I am doing
Universe, Gods, SAVE ME FROM THIS AGITATIONNNNNNNNNNNNNN

A habit is not a need

I just start to really luv his quotes and read his books.

Paulo Coelho -
Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.
Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need.

You know, it seems human race is more driven by habits than needs. I try not to be trapped in such, but the fact is I AM very much in the core of many habits.

I dont need coffee but I drink it, reasons? nothing to drink so I drink coffee, and of coz I prefer its taste more than maybe lets say - Milo.

I dont need alcohol esp I dont actually like it but I will order many till I am drunk when I am out. Reasons? It's kind of stupid asking for soft drinks when the bars would charge you 10, 15 times more than you got from 7-11.

I dont need to shower but I have to coz I would smell. But think about it, in cavemen time, they got no soap but they were sensitive. Apart from less scent distraction, do you think it's possible that one's own pheramones or smell would be the catalyst of  ascending subconsiousness? The most deteriorating of our 5 senses, I would have to say is SMELL, coz we are so intoxicated by the present air. Yet.....I many a time would love to understand more about our olfactory system as it stores alotta memories or recalls. A scent is dead-on, irreplaceable but selective (I think).

I dont need to miss someone, but it has become a habit.

Despite hating & feeling disgusted by it, I admire people who could cut a habit and recognizing his actual needs - though the reasons of need could be something stupid, like need of sleep, need of being lazy - yet he could make a step changing his pattern, breaking off an essence of habit.....I admire such people.

I hope I could achieve what he said. Nothing is irreplaceable. It's so true, yet, more you know how it could be replaced, more you dont want. O well, It's but just a Habit of Stupidity & Procasination.

:)

Being Butterfly

Not once in my life, many say I am actually a butterfly. 

A social butterfly.

A metamorphic butterfly.

Butterfly personality.

Come & go like a butterfly.

Floating like a butterfly.

I think, I am actually a butterfly, apart from being "reptilian" from Orion.

As I glanced through my pics from young, I indeed look very different. It's not just being nerdy when I was young. I just really changed. I dont think I could recognize myself if I could go back in time machine. And I think, I should start to forgive my old frenz or family, how they couldnt even talk to me anymore. I mean, I dont just change, I have become another person.

Not sure if you read up paranormal stuff. There are few kinds of hybrids, one is called starseed (I believe it;s me), the other is walk-in. My witchy astrology friend was a walk-in. I think I have been walked-in many times then.....I think once this group of "weird" people did tell me - people like me would change every 2 years and there would be no way for them to recognize me again. 

I guess, to others is very threatening. For me, I have lived with many of my problems & flaws for so many years, I sometimes dont even know it if I dont pause a moment & think. Esp, when I am uploading some pics of my past & present to picasa - I realize, I couldnt actually recognize the "me" in the picture, also I realize I look like a cat.

My god, I am just blahblablahhhhh............becoz my mind is so empty nowadays. I just want to yack something so.....to make my synapses work again. Ummm, I did make a wish yesterday that I would meet someone challenging & mind provoking soon. I need some renewal again. I have been in cocoon for sometime.....and I want to breakthrough the nutshells again & fly out a prettier & smarter butterly.......

:)

SCREAM

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH just want to scream
SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
HATE what I am doing
and need wisdom to get out
lack of brainwave to know
powerless inspiration
FERKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

PEWH. Thanks.
I hate all the guyz called ERIC. 

Wow, another 30 somthing

.........hehe, entries, I will hit 400 entries
which, I gotta say, 95% of my stuff is so bullshit.
I hvnt got the mood to write lately
so I resort to photo blogging on iphone now
I suddenly feel this cageless bird blog is a drag
I want to open another one with more exclusive limited viewing
though, I think.....I only have 1-2 readers here

I want to start something more provocative
more crazy
more erotic blog
I mean, really, put what I think inside
anyhow, I hv been naked basically this year
why not!?!?! huh!!??????

Seriously, I felt like being stripped clean, robbed naked these few months
my mind has become so stale that
I mocked at every word I spoke
I hate my stupid slow mind
I dislike my powerless brainwave

It's like my neurons can no longer synapse
there isnt any chemical, there's lack of neurotransmitters to transmit
does it mean I need to take on some dopa
or just dope

I hate this feeling
I hate slow mind
I cant even joke about anything
I am supposed to hv quick wit, but I am lacking so badly lately
I find myself becoming like a boring person
I need some electric shock
in the past, I wud hop on a plane & go somewhere
just to somehow to shock myself alittle bit in diff way
now, I cant
The only excitement I have is I can shoot tequila
hehehehe
yes................when it efferescents from the throat back to the tongue
the kick was amazing
i suppose U got that from whisky too, but I hate malt

Full stop of my bullshit
I am just hysertically calm nowadays
YUCK!