Having kids

Well, now it's indeed sunrising, I cudnt sleep, becoz my brain keeps working on my business ideas, proposals, how should I tell them they shud indeed give me all the territories, and why. Then, how I can incorporate my network of frenz & people who are already in this field. I just feel a nice burden - if I can make this work, then everything else will follow this pattern, and one of my long term dreams will fulfill. But all I am talking is just one small step, but well, I have been lazy in my head & body for too long. I deserve no sleep.

Well, as I was thinking about my stuff, then I was also thinking about my fren's blog entry. Yes women's multitasking ability is based on they could utilize their brain in different dimension. :P (actually i tried to tire myself out by playing with & taking pics of my dogs)...anyhow.

She was writing a letter to her future kid. I find this to be very sweet. And as we were advocating the needs for adoption, and I vowed to myself that I would choose the option of adopting kids and raising them like my own. Then I looked at my dogs and I wonder if I could do it. I mean, I could, becoz I wanted to hug all the kids in the world, luv them, protect them, enlighten them. But.....I am not sure if I could accept another little being talking back to me. haha. I was imagining having another Lottie (my dog). I am sure I could luv the real human kids more (be it adopted or my own), yet, I realize I am not very motherly.

I think I am too free spirited. I allow too much freedom. I am not sure if this method is right for HK at all. Looking at my dogs, I have been giving them too much freedom, basically they are behaving like humans in many ways. Whilst, as I look at my fren's, my sis pets - they do exert some form of discipline to them. Mine, they give me hands, I already find to be well-done. My fren's cute poodle could say sorry and turn when U ask him to. And she has been diligently taking care of him and training him to behave in all possible ways.....but I am not like that. I many a times just let them be.....I mean I trained them, but I got no patience to train them to be better than now. Ummm. So I feel I am a really selfish person. I dont think I could really have a kid of my own.

Of coz I looked at my Uni fren's kids. Gosh, they r so big now. And I could see the luv she gave them, despite she herself has given up so much. And lets also talk about my most devoted reader here, my roommate - she basically as well has GIVEN herself to her 4 kids & her husband. I admire them so much, as this kind of effort wont be rewarded immediately. Sometimes during the hurricane adolescence stage - the kids may disrespect you or misunderstand you, then your husband or family may think U r not doing good enough. Then U yourself may start to have self-doubt too. So, I have to say working mother is more balanced. My frenz - they suffer more than working mothers. Working mothers are still very much in touch with the world, and they gain reward by being paid, and they got people like maids or mom to take care of the kids. I also strongly believe the kids being raised by the non working mothers will have more healthy life in the future (relative terms).

So what I really want to say is that - if U have kids, I want to be their godmom. More the merrier. But I really think I cant be one. I am too introverted & extroverted thinking at the same time, no discipline (look at my dogs), and most importantly I am OLD. hehehehehe...............so u guyz toil, while I will be their great honey godmom. Yeah!

Bless to all moms who luv their kids or pets unconditionally.

xoxo

Think or Dream

Read Somewhere - Brian Aldiss: “There are two types of writers: those who make you think and those who make you dream” 

Ummmm,  do I want people think, or dream?

Can I have both? How can you dream without think, and think without dream? Actually, U can totally think without dream, I mean according to my system. I think in the past, I would want people to think more, however, after using most of my adult life THINKING, I missed out the DREAMING. Thinking is very much using your brain, dreaming uses both. brain & heart organs. I think I want people dream....then.

But it takes such a skill. I guess, I can make people think, sometimes mind provoking if I dare to raise certain subjects.....nowadays, I dont want to do that as much, really. Coz it's kinda boring hearing similar or cliche answers, without even a minute of pondering, digesting & then regurgitating one's thoughts.....and most of all, I dont know how to verbally explain my thoughts too. 

Ummm,,,,,,,,,,,my challenge, I want to make people DREAM. OK!!!

Paused

I HATE holidays.

Whenever, I go on a holiday (=PAUSE), then I want to quit my job.

Actually, for 2.5 yrs, I hvnt had a holiday, I mean my style of holiday. 

Today, I was very busy, and I was thrilled, as I didnt think of any silly things, including my few entries inspirtation just gone down to toilet, flushed.

So I paused. As I still got few things to finish before I can sleep.

Shissh....Pause, when I paused, this song came to mind. Sorry, I know I posted here before but I am a very boring person.

Last time, when I posted it, I had a person in mind.

And now, this song is exactly exactly.

Of coz, the melody is so sweet, so lullaby. 

And at a very refined fine split second, I felt abit melachonic 

I couldnt help it, my emotion just rushed to my eyes

no tears, no no......maybe a mist

Maybe I was trying to listen to a story I recorded coz I wanted to search for some info from there

 

Some said Time would heal a wound

No, Time can only numb a wound

but, well, as I said....many times

time doesnt heal the wound

it numb the wound only

(from a physiology pt of view, I am still rite, unless the wound was done to you when you were before 3)

"pouting"

 

yea, now in my head I would even laugh about it

guess time does help, to make me laugh

 

Past, like Dexter swinging the hammer onto a bloodfilled faked skull, walled splashed bloodie murder

Present, like an unknown painter, being forgotten, left behind a canvas with faded paint

Future, like a crowned princess, gazing, the reversed moon-rabbit on the mirror pond

Hope you like the song....:)

I gave UP and A Book

OK, I was writing an entry about Solomon again, but after 12 hrs, due to various engagement, chats, phones, etc............I still couldnt finish it. It's not short, but I couldnt know how to go on as my inspiration was gone. :*( That's the problem, I think when one gets busy - you kinda lose your romantic touch, Shiishhhhh.

So I gave up. Leave it for a while and see tmr I know how to continue.

Jorge Luis Borges once said that there are only four stories to be told:

A] a love story involving two people

B] a love story involving three people

C] the struggle for power

D] a journey.

For A - I thought about it lately. But I want this story to be more obscure. I already thought of a basic framework, and even a name for this relationship.I am yet to get someone to write it instead.......becoz I am not a good luv story person. But I couldnt sleep at nite thinking about the whole plot, hohohohoh. I am sure it could become a classic.....kakakaka.

For B - ok, well, I think this is too simple. always hate, luv then hate again, the last step is kill.

No fun!

For C - I dont desire power. No idea at all.

For D - Ar, yes, this will be a story I am going to write. Maybe a journey of my life or some forms of journeys to......maybe middle earth, Paradise or black hole.....well, preferably they must be genuine stories. So I need to ask for miracles to transport me to those places first. OK, lemme finish the few projects first and I will go......dont do it nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Stat & Term

Stat:

If not mentioned by my fren -T, I didnt know you could check the statistic of how much my blog has been viewed. Do I care? ummmmm...........I dont know but it's nice to know somehow I have been read. But most interesting thing is I got some from Iran, Russia, Spain, or even Peru. I want to meet all of them.....haha, as I wonder how they could search to this part of Asia...then to my blog....I did find out that there's a search word "Legless Sex" though...haha....huh!!???

Terminology:

I think I am very poor at reading signs. Maybe it deals with my poor spatial recognition. U know, my another goal apart from being archaeologist, was to be an astronaut. I think I would damn fail because I can never get all the buttons right, I am 100% sure. As until now, I still turn on the wrong light....sometimes.

And I dont know what my problem is, despite I like short-forms alot, I couldnt understand terminilogy at all. For e.g. people taste red wine, they would use "layer" to describe their supposedly different "layers", but to me it tastes more like different segmentation & tone (kinda like the perfume I luv). I cant understand the layer thou I do....U know what I mean?

I hereby conclude I am a very stubborn person as I dont want to accept people's created terms, though many are authentic & justifiable.

I hereby conclude that I am kinda stupid as I dont understand the wisdom behind the jargons

I hereby conclude that the jargon makers are super arrogant as they make me doubt my intelligence. HOW DARE YOU!!????

Convention of those wounded in love

hahaha, so true.....

Excerpt from Paulo Coelho's blog 

General provisions: 
A – Whereas the saying “all is fair in love and war” is absolutely correct;
B – Whereas for war we have the Geneva Convention, approved on 22 August 1864, which provides for those wounded in the battle field, but until now no convention has been signed concerning those wounded in love, who are far greater in number;

It is hereby decreed that:
Article 1 – All lovers, of any sex, are alerted that love, besides being a blessing, is also something extremely dangerous, unpredictable and capable of causing serious damage.  Consequently, anyone planning to love should be aware that they are exposing their body and soul to various types of wounds, and that they shall not be able to blame their partner at any moment, since the risk is the same for both.

Article 2 – Once struck by a stray arrow fired from Cupid’s bow, they should immediately ask the archer to shoot the same arrow in the opposite direction, so as not to be afflicted by the wound known as “unrequited love”.  Should Cupid refuse to perform such a gesture, the Convention now being promulgated demands that the wounded partner remove the arrow from his/her heart and throw it in the garbage.  In order to guarantee this, those concerned should avoid telephone calls, messages over the Internet, sending flowers that are always returned, or each and every means of seduction, since these may yield results in the short run but always end up wrong after a while.  The Convention decrees that the wounded person should immediately seek the company of other people and try to control the obsessive thought: “this person is worth fighting for”.

Article 3 – If the wound is caused by third parties, in other words if the loved one has become interested in someone not in the script previously drafted, vengeance is expressly forbidden.  In this case, it is allowed to use tears until the eyes dry up, to punch walls or pillows, to insult the ex-partner in conversations with friends, to allege his/her complete lack of taste, but without offending their honor.  The Convention determines that the rule contained in Article 2 be applied: seek the company of other persons, preferably in places different from those frequented by the other party.

Article 4 – In the case of light wounds, herein classified as small treacheries, fulminating passions that are short-lived, passing sexual disinterest, the medicine called Pardon should be applied generously and quickly.  Once this medicine has been applied, one should never reconsider one’s decision, not even once, and the theme must be completely forgotten and never used as an argument in a fight or in a moment of hatred.

Article 5 – In all definitive wounds, also known as “breaking up”, the only medicine capable of having an effect is called Time.  It is no use seeking consolation from fortune-tellers (who always say that the lost lover will return), romantic books (which always have a happy ending), soap-operas on the television or other such things.  One should suffer intensely, completely avoiding drugs, tranquilizers and praying to saints.  Alcohol is only tolerated if kept to a maximum of two glasses of wine a day.

Final determination : Those wounded in love, unlike those wounded in armed conflict, are neither victims nor torturers.  They chose something that is part of life, and so they have to accept both the agony and the ecstasy of their choice. And those who have never been wounded in love will never be able to say: “I have lived”.  Because they haven’t.

Da ME - Then I want to say "I have lived" at least another 10 times before I die, hehe.

Facebook

I had a good practice.

I had quite a handful best wishes msg for my bday on Facebook, it was sweet. However, I really want to use the opportunity to write something back to them. I dont use FB much anymore, except for posting my self-idolizing pics. I got not much word of wisdom or lamentation to tell the world, as I feel I should centralize my energy to write to people I care or here (for myself).

But when I wrote back to everyone, they were in my mind intensely. I really wanted to give my blessing to them, not just a thankyou, but maybe a word of encouragement. Most, we dont talk or meet ever, yet it's nice to say something nice to each other, making them feel like a million buck, which if translated, I shud hv more than 50million bucks, yeah!!??? hehe.

If U already have had some of the worst moments in 2011, listen....

I have a thought.

Some of us have been discussing, what the HECK is going on in the universe in 2011????

We started off all joyly for the beginning of the year, we cheered. Some of us even exchanged secret happy emails, as we knew that something GREAT was going to happy. And we thought THERE WERE. We were excitedly waiting for the moment, the reward, the news, we were so SURE it would come....

Then, a day, a week, a month, months gone by, we felt shadowed by the gripping fear that our "excitement" was merely a false alarm. We honestly felt very upset and angry. At least I was very very very mad. At somewhat, along the way, we lost a bit of our faith, our optimism.

But my thought is.

I think, some of us have been put into the wheel of test. I dont always believe u need to go through pain before u learn to appreciate something. Actually, some of my frenz know how to appreciate things & gestures & blessings. However, I think and I feel strongly,

The rest of our 2011 is gonna be great. Not becoz of the sufferings, just simply becoz DA ME SAYS SO!

I cannot lie to you that I am sometimes feeling somewhat shaky in my path, yet, I feel inside a voice telling me I and my frenz will be OK.

For those who think 2012 would have some kind of transformation (Mayan thing) - I think to me, it's going to be hopeful, and we, my frenz & I, in our own little way agree - we can go pass that time with flying color, as we are so aware things r actually happening to us. Somewhat to test our faith, maybe; or to train our perserverance.

I hope U will find this light of hope, believing that tmr is INDEED a better day.

My real bday wish is - I want all my frenz & family finding the happiness in them, in their life by letting the universe show its own magical way.

Once Upon a Time...

Anyways, what sparked me to write this is a bday comment from a long ago big brother figure I knew him back in Melb, if he didnt remind me (few times) that he still had the bookmark I gave him, I wouldnt remember "that period of me". I always sent very encouraging msg or I should say msg to people viz bookmarks. I had many - I would write some heart-felt msg maybe from my own inspiration or from the bible and give to people. I never really cared if people would keep it, as I then already understood human behavior, they never indeed appreciated sentiment, I still did it, coz it was from me, I wanted to bless the world, I wanted to bless people. I thought I had superpower. hehe.

He said I was still geekie at heart on FB, didnt change. As a matter of fact, he's so right. I really havent changed much. Actually I used to hate this geekiness of me becoz it's so abnormal. Now, I start to appreciate it more. Not that I draw more attention but I feel at ease being "geekie", you know. And I have learnt to keep this geekiness more at bay, not to the whole wide world, as I have learnt through life, to change the world doesnt mean you have to do it to the whole world. If I could influence one person once in a while, in turn this person smiles more or says something nicer to maybe another few people, then the world is better than it already 'was".

And of coz I remember, many times I would go over to his place which was very close to where I lived, which he shared with another dude or 2 (all christians, I think) - I would sleep on his bed demanding attention. haha....I think I would talk non-stop (actually I couldnt remember what I would say). Guess I never had a bigger brother or sister, I really wished I had one ie like him, so sweet & always played with me.....or just kinda spoilt me. Actually, I really looked like a geek with ugly glasses, poor fashion sense, fat....but very adorable....kakakaka...........(unlike me now, so pretty & sophisticated, hehe). Of coz he would know that I had a secret crush on him. hehe....And I gotta say, he was the very first person who lavished me with many spoiling moments, but then he dated some senior gal. I couldnt recall if I was very upset, guess I should, but then it was so familiar that I just didnt bother much...(I think? He needs to confirm it, haha coz I simply couldnt remember). I didnt have many men (maybe 2-3 max) spoling me as I was always so....how to say as others say - TOUGHIE. But when he put it on FB that I should be spoilt BADLY, yea yea.....I find my light. haha

Actually, nowadays, my frens be it men or women spoil me too. I am very touched in many ways. Spoiling is good, it makes one feel so special, in turn I spoil my frenz with attention, if got enough money, maybe presents. Actually in my mind, I always know what I want to spoil my frenz with....wait till I become successful, U will be lavished!

Anyhow.......I gotta say, despite all that I have been through, life has more meaning at this moment, at this day. Though, I am not doing anything different, actually I feel very sleepy right now, I dont do the normal bday thing, I am alone, etc etc......pretty much the same as everyday......I feel so delighted that someone has kept my bookmark. Something just small, yet, now it touches my heart back. :)