Pressing Headache

Sometimes, when you reach certain moments, you just become afraid to be vulnerable. I am always pretty vulnerable (in a humble good way), as sometimes I feel everything is like fluid, motion. Nothing much can harm me. Tomorrow, I have to meet with my accountant to explain (in my pts of view) complicated relationship with my partner. And then I have to spend time to make all paperwork. I have been just hiding from it, seriously. I dont want to face it.

When I was younger (till maybe 2-3 yrs ago), I crowned myself as a great escapist. I escaped to my own world. I escaped not to confront. I escaped to not look, listen, or just plain do anything..............Today, again, I realized I've finally grown up again.

This french guy who broke (but he said it's postponed) the contract that made my life hell these few months wanted to see me on Monday, he didnt show up at 11am coz he couldnt find the MTR exit. Anyways, so we met again at 7pm, I just wanted to know why they would break /"postpone" the contract - I told them, your project delayed wasnt my problem, you didnt give me work was your issues, not mine. If I would be an employee, you would be obliged to pay the salary - I stressed that they should honour the contract. Anyways, he wanted me to go with him to a meeting - I reluctantly accepted it as it's a big company, I just hoped to be more connected, so to speak. When I got up at 7:30, I really wanted to send him a sms & then turned off my phone - just to tell him I was so fucking sick, blhblhhhh. But now, I couldnt do it, I guess I must have grown up, despite I really really wanted to.

My another pressing headache is, I need 3-6 months to build up the projects I am working on. They do have good prospects, but it seems they arrive abit late.........now I am not sure what I should do. It's been so so so tough & difficult. I just hope I could win some jackpot tomorrow. DIU!

Then came another bad news too, but I guess I was already immuned to bad news, I kinda felt nothing. haha. When I was talking to a fren yesterday about my past 2 yr situation, I somehow had this belief inside my heart that I would make it. Very strong feeling. My "chance" hasnt actually arrived yet, it's a matter of time the universe has to toughen me enough. Anyways, wish me good fortune..........:)