Love Actually

I am facing a horrible moment - Shadow is sick and I can't do anything about it and then realize alone again, naturally! Life hasn't been very nice to me despite I have been pressing on relentlessly! Sorry to rage this negativity again but this blog has always been about me and my feelings! Started little less than a year, from a depressive suicidal inclined person to back to the fun happy dawn to now a wounded soul. Faced with so much in such intensity past 2 years, I now pause - and feel I dunno what to do! Do I still have strength and braveness to march on. To be frank, I'm not sure anymore! I hv always been sure even I say I m not sure but this time, I'm not!

So afraid shadow is going to die in my arms! She has been with me thin n thick - she has never abandoned me once! Yet at this moment, I'm totally helpless to help her! I'm such a selfish bitch! I feel guilty!

I hope tomorrow will be better! My heart is sorrowful that I dun think I'll b here for few days! Hope I hv no courage to do silly things! Guess if I vent out here! I got none!! So I picked a movie while hugging shadow - my fav movie - love actually! Everytime I watch it I can go to sleep! N ESP luv the song.....hehe! Ai...life....luv.....

Haha! Have a good weekend!

My life SUX

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Things are going to fucking slow that all my projects seem to be on hold again. I have reached my limit of exercising coolness & patience - I am going to kill myself and drown my dogs in one minute. I hate the situation so bad..............FUCK. I know its going to good. Yet.................WHY the fuck is doing to me????!?!?!??!?!?

Every fucking asshole is delaying everything.............DELAY DELAY

so equal => I HAVE LEFT WITH NOTHING!!!!!!!!

No, I am not killing myself...........I hate it when I am so at the edge of the edge. :(

Everyday, I try to act my cool.........it's really getting impossible.

Can we have more than one "another half"?

From Paul Coelho's book - Brida - on his blog, there's this Q.

Unmm, frankly, I know I need more than many another ONE. I dont understand or accept the another half theory. I mean I do understand.....as "when I was growing up", I was like anyother gal dreaming to find my white knight or prince charming or a perfect man. hehe....no diff from others, so I guess before 16, I was still a normal human. However, I was asked once to write a list of criteria of what kind of man I wanted, I wrote 3 only. Yet, my frenz in the group wrote at least 13 to 30......lol......U know, ie very first time someone outshone me in giving reasons.

Now, after so so so many experiences, I really really dont even think my 3 criteria could be easily accomplished, and for surely my 3 requirement would be the most difficult to achieve than the other 30 ones. 

And before due to lack of specific requirement, I wrote a list of specifics to Bruce Wayne and asked him to check if I met another person. So recently, I re-read my list........my goodness, so idioitc, just like the other 30 criteria. And plus I realized they were too easily attained. hahahahaha............so I kinda felt Id rather keep my 3.

OK, back to topic! I always sidetrack.

The answer is U CAN NOT HAVE MORE THAN ONE ANOTHER HALF. Coz there's no half in this world. Yes, U can hv half brain governing emotion, or half brain doing the logic......but to be frank, I dont need another person to complete me, as I am not a HALF. My brain is one, no matter how a scientist or philospher want to dissect it, it's MY BRAIN - ONE.

However, if you are saying I need million ONE to complete me, then I can accept. As I believe also that we have more than one soulmate. I believe that ONE is split into infinity anyhow. Or, Soul. My brain has billion of cells. My body has billion of cells. The universe has billion of stars. The beach has billion of sands. The sea has billion of fish.

And somewhat, human kind is all inter-connected. As mentioned before, we all came from the same core, the difference is on the manifestation, or expression of genes, ONLY.

Shit, what am I talking about, huh!?!?!

kakakaka, I hv been more out of body nowadays.............seems my brain doesnt belong to me any longer. it's time I have to go networking again, just to talk to people, fake smile alittle bit, and say, Hey yo, how U doing? "yea yea, I am good", what hv U been upto? "ummm, same old stuff, U?" arghhhhh......................................................................

Period.

Dawn Says - Men not from Mars, and Women surely not from Venus

As I was replying my comment toYakitori, I realized it was so long, so might as well open another entry. He was saying that I was creating a philosophy. haha.....yes, ie what I did since young. Too much a bullshit yapper. Honestly, I think most writers dont even know what they r talking about. Anyhow, I wanted to say, esp I hate the freaking title - mars men, venus women. I didnt bother to read it of coz, as I was too proud of my own self, to make myself to read it. It's OK U read it. It may hv touched U. Argh, ie the pb.

They touch people so they become rich.

Yes, I am thiking of this formula, thou I suppose it may be hard for me, as I dont want to say something directing to the normal people - which is 90% of them, if not more. U see, only fewer than 10 of you are invited, and only 2 of you are reading my blog........I doubt how I could change the world. hehe

And the % that can influcne the world could very well be less than 0.00000001% (the filthy rich with secret society background). ummm.......... gut feel la.

I sometimes just hope people will look into themselves. The Q&A are all within us & around the nature. As you know I used to go to church, and ie the thing I got frustrated. People, I meant christians, they listen to the sermons, but they never------------read the bible or-----------they just amen whatever the pastors say. Hey, sometimes I do find the pastors are not politically or humanly correct, but just denomination-correct. Amen for what!?!?! Actually the Bible says it very clearly - I mean esp if U r a born-again christians - U have the annointed spirit to guide u. I believe this is a way God is trying to tell the followers that you shouldnt just follow-suit. Of coz, the world consist of 90% population that needs 120% guidance, yet.......somehow, we are given a brain, enough brain cells & juice to synapse.....so I hope people synapse more indeed.

LETS SYNAPSE!!!

hehe, I luv this gospel singer, hv been listening to his songs as well. I dont just know Karaoke songs......:)
Enjoy!

Yo! Bruce Wayne!

Argh, Bruce is my best friend as I already mentioned.

I believe he's the most diligent reader of my blog, and I believe very much that he gets why I keep putting up songs in my blog, I bet he never EVER sees me so song-struck. Ummm, yes I've known him for.....8 years (?). 

Yes, to make it plain. I NEED TO SING K. I WANT TO SING ALL THE SONGS I POSTED.

This is another of my fav, specially luv this singer - Tanya.

I dont believe in "Positive Attitude"

After 2 years of downs, sometimes though rarely Up - I have come to a conclusion. 

Having a positive attitude = BE prepared for the BETTER & Get ready for the WORST.

Unlike the law of attraction or the Book : The Sctrets, by visualizing the positive outcome, U will get what U think of. It seems it wastes too much of my brain cell energy by doing this. The fact is my mind doesnt work at fixating at one issue. And I dont believe in fate, did argue or discuss with some frenz before. I believe in creating your own destiny. Though, somehow, yes fate does affect the course or cause of action/delivery. However, no one ever says FATE offers you ONE path only. I always think if I have to believe in the fact that fate governs me, then Id rather, RIGHT NOW, kill myself - what's the fun & challenge in living my life still, if fate already paves my path. It's upto discussion, but yes this is what I believe.

And I dont buy by saying U have +ve attitude, U get good things. No, I do believe in sending out positive thoughts to the universe, maybe the blackhole somehow, so at least my conscience is clear. I am not saying I wont get what I want if I dont think or think that way. I now start to think it's not how you think, but how you percieve & behave. 

I have been talking to a master - he read my lifeline. But to me, he's not a fortune teller, rather he's like a behavioural scientist to me, as I dont need to explain what I think, he knows how I think.....so it's easy just to ask him to analyse certain moment or situation to him, as I dont need to spend hours to explain my action. He KNOWS, ie how I would approach the situation. Of coz he thinks I am crazy intelligent...actually he used advanced intelligence to describe me. KAKAKAKA, sorry, I brag about me again. Yet, I know what he's talking about, sometimes my mindset, the way I percieve a situation is different from other people, though I may act upon it in similar way..........aiii, I dont know.

I find I have dumbed down recently. I find that summer time I am always more stupid, I dunno why. Is it coz of the excessive metabolic rate? I shud say Spring time to Summer time........my mind activity is super slow. I am not as funny. I am not as versatile. I guess, really, high temp doesnt suit me at all. I belong to leather jacket zone. Maybe I am just a caveman, I need to smell animal skin to strengthen my senses!!

See, I am already sleepy now. YAWNING nonstop.....Summer time SUX for me..........ARGH!!

It's not Cheap Luv.

Never listen to so many songs......seems most songs kinda make me feel something
happy or not..........still kinda intriguing
I feel I have been discovered...............discover another side of me.
That makes me very happy.............NOW, it's time I have to go K, even go alone
which I did it few times, so no one is going to fight the mic with me, hehe

Used to sing this song alot, but only today I get this song. :D



早已忘了想你的滋味是什麼
因為每分每秒都被你佔據在心中
你的一舉一動牽扯在我生活的隙縫
誰能告訴我離開你的我會有多自由

也曾想過躲進別人溫暖的懷中
可是這麼一來就一點意義也沒有
我的高尚情操一直不斷提醒著我
離開你的我不論過多久還是會寂寞

別對我小心翼翼
別讓我看輕你
跟著我勇敢的走下去
別勸我回心轉意
這不是廉價的愛情
看著我對我說真愛我

hahaha

I have been trying to use my iphone voice recorder to sing K....:P
I did dub one song so far
Maybe I will post them here one day..................:P

It actually wastes alotta time to do it..........
time killing!!

For now, I want to share this song with you, even if you are with someone or looking for someone, it's a luvly song. Guess, U r my someone then. Luv.



Goodnight, my someone,
Goodnight, my love,
Sleep tight, my someone,
Sleep tight, my love,
Our star is shining it's brightest light
For goodnight, my love, for goodnight.
Sweet dreams be yours, dear,
If dreams there be
Sweet dreams to carry you close to me.
I wish they may and I wish they might
Now goodnight, my someone, goodnight
True love can be whispered from heart to heart
When lovers are parted they say
But I must depend on a wish and a star
As long as my heart doesn't know who you are.
Sweet dreams be yours dear,
If dreams there be
Sweet dreams to carry you close to me.
I wish they may and I wish they might
Now goodnight, my someone, goodnight.
Goodnight,
Goodnight.