My last entry was in Feb 2013??? WTF???? Shits, U know, I kept seeing alotta prints everywhere rgd "time flies", and at times - I feel what a joke. Why time would fly off from my palms?? Is it me or is it time? According to me, I always blame myself first. But my work past 2 years have drained me, I have become a bed potato - yes my TV is right in front of my bed and I am always addicted to all types of TV drama...from cheesy Vampire Diaries to drama packed Hannibal.
I have many thoughts lately, as I went to see a psychic, she asked me to seriously write down my goals for 2014, as it's gonna be a great year. yes I know...many told me that and actually I am starting to freak out (lemme go into it later). Yup...alot happenings this year, and I even recieved a mail from a reader encouraging me not to stop writing....I am so sorry that I didnt reply. I was about to write an entry to thank you but I couldnt bring my fingers moving. As if you do read my blog once a while, you know that my fingers move faster than brain. I didnt want to fake a thank-you to anyone...more & more, i want to be real, real in my reality; be it it's my fairy tale land. Am I still a fairy tale gal? Actually I have become an aggressive fairy tale gal. More practical fairy tale gal....what I meant is....I am making my fairy tales happen. I lately also think, I want to see a unicorn, and I know I will see one soon...better if I could touch it.
OK.
What I hate nowadays is that - I got a thought, I got it as so enlightening & brilliant - next moment it just went off with my shredded skin cells....go went gone!!!! I hate it. I want to have a thought cream to keep my thoughts so moisturized and stuck back to my thought epidermis....so it dont shred off so easily. Aiiii....I am blue when I am thinking about it.
I got a topic originally, maybe 2 days ago....as I keep thinking about my past few years. I thought of the word - lifespan, but I wasnt trying to talk about lifespan, I guess (I so forgot now) I wanted to talk about various events that shape me..blahhhh, but as said, I so forgot about it now.
About my 2014 goals setting.....you know, so many keep telling me it'sgonna be a great cycle for me, but I am then starting to freak out. I guess, on some level - I aim for success, but I am so afraid of it too, so I always sabotaged myself many ways. As many do such psychotic thing in their lives....so I am trying to find the source code to hack my system, or to educate to learn to receive the crown....on another end, I know me too, I am a fucking arrogant bitch, yet - I know it would be my arrogance one day that demolish all my hardworks, which I have seen many times in my life....these 2 extremes are plaguing me in a very neurotic ways. Friends, i am scared indeed.
So then, I went to temple. I told whoever gods that I am afraid of my arrogance but also pleaded that - pls bring success to me. I as always do....help others to be enlightened.
Maybe at the end of the day, if there's a god or not, we indeed need to feel there's a higher being.....I dont believe by thinking positive, things will turn great. But I do believe sending positive energy to the universe. OK, i may sound scattered and conflict-ky again.
Till then, I will write again, as indeed.....by writing, by loading my cells here - I feel I can relive again. I can rethink again. I can revive again, as a human or as an ET.
Happy new Year. magical new year, that is. I think if we dont find life or events stained with a bit of magic, what's the point of all the cells regeneration or mutation.....hence there must be magic surrounding us. :)
