On educating Kids

I dont have kids and I am not planning to. Unless one fine day, I am wealthy & married, I want to adopt kids instead. I want 3 kids - african baby, Beijing baby and a russian baby. Hoho......but nah, I prefer to be god-mothers for all my friends' kids. :P

But I know quite abit about kid education as I am involved in tutoring my sister's kids-Uma & Morris They are handful, as they were born with Lok's blood. Lok's blood I believe is cursed. Anyways.

It's really difficult to train HK kids so to speak, esp the standard & mentality of school teachers are not upto standard at all. I doubt many of them have a vision to create a better world. I once wanted to be a teacher, as I always have till now still this mentality to change the world. What if I couldnt do it myself, I could actually influence the kids......hohohoh! Anyways, we cant blame the teachers too much either, as they were never influenced before.

One thing I disgust with the school education in HK is that everything the teachers say is right! I try to instill a training to my sis kids that they can actually challenge whatever I say - of coz they wouldnt do so, as really how dare them to challenge a teacher. I am trying.......no one is absolutely right, this is my message! Why they got this idea they need to be 100% obedient? It must be from parents & teachers. Sigh! I doubt I could influence both of them to have a vision to change the world. They are not of that degree of calibre, though I am still putting a slight hope on the younger boy Morris.

Really, if you never make mistakes, how well do you know what's right or wrong. But, HK parents & school will never allow kids to make mistakes. Such a depressing thing.

I hope one day if you have a kid, give them good insights, train them to be a visionary individual, allow them to make mistakes. Dont just throw the words - U r so stupid! (I live with this phrase all my life - of coz purely from my family. Honestly, since I was 3, I always felt I was different and they are the just abunch of idiots - roaming around aimlessly, stupidly, sheepishly)

Yes I remember there was something once a teacher put it - chinese always say to their family : BE careful. Or Bring an umbrella. OR You should have brought a jacket, see now U got a cold.  Chinese always say - you should have, you should have.....................While, the west would say: Have fun! (though I am now a grown-up, the above events are not entirely true - but the gizt of it is true). Just being stay-put vs trying spirits.

I am so not putting down chinese. Actually east philosophy is so darn good - e.g. patience. Patience means giving it time. But if giving it time without trying - then it becomes stale. While, trying without giving it time, it becomes a crushed peanut. (zeal without knowledge is heading to hell too) Yes I am trying to instill a East/West fusion to my sis kids. I hope I succeed. It's really tough when you are trying to fight against the whole universe.

Arrr...................enough of kids talk. Had lunch yet? ^^

A new view on Depression

Well, this is like a cancerous word to many. O, you are depressed, you should see a DOCTOR and get a prescription! Lets look at it in a new better way.

If the form of depression handicaps your every move - well, yes maybe you need some help. But I believe it has a grace period for it. I went through depression stages at various degree. Actually I went to see psychiatrist, doctor or councellor at various states, but to my amaze, I find them "useless" and actually they could very well be more depressed than me. No one asked me to go, but I went there for help. Honestly, seeing people more depressed make me cure........abit nuts of myself here. However, it goes down to how much you are HONEST with yourself too. 

We adore lying to ourselves.

I believe my depression started when I was trying to be honest with myself. I  saw (around 16-18 yo) it as the pivot of being a true human and the ultimate suvivial kit. That of coz as you would know had come with a price. Depression was just a side product of seeing the true side of yourself - the ugliness of hearts, even when I was a teen. By the time I looked around the world, the world was filled with filth, dust, shits, rubbish and many satans - then I was collapsed into a pit, I hid there for months. I even experienced a borderline nervous breakdown moment - it was a trance state and they gave you a choice. Everything is about choice. Of coz I chose to NOT go down - even I knew going down that path wouldnt make me suffer as much, and might very well make me very happy (if I never attempt "cure").

Why I am talking about depression?

As I blogged here couples of days ago, I talked about writing a book. And I am now really trying to scribble down the core concept. It's very very hard to construct. -while building a  complcated concept, and then insert my own dream-sets into the book. Then, I suddenly remember and maybe I should say I praise about my 18-year-ago depression. I wish I could find back all my entries then. They were all really original thoughts - I never studied any philosopher or psychogists theories ever before. Honestly, I always thought my thoughts were so much better & powerful - NOT bragging here. I believe my old entries could give me very good insights on my existing struggling concept.

Then, I realize.......

Depression is actually a good tool to tap into your untapped brain or even your heart!! As some of us discussed before, when we are "moody" or "depressed", we tend to write more because we feel more. We wont usually talk to our hearts, asking how we feel today! But when you are hit with some moodiness/depression, you would really try to ask your heart what the heck is happening. Right? Bet most should have gone through these but whether in such a talking mode with onself is upto different individual.

Only compassion & depression could be a bridge to get to your heart, my current belief.

Anyhows, I am not really in that "depression" state anymore so I rely heavily on research. I am still trying to tap into my brain to create the concept. My old me could have done it so easily as she was so connected with herself. Ummm, I hope sometimes soon I could find not only compassion or depression could tap into the core being, some other emotion could too.

So in short, more controlled depression isnt a bad thing afterall. Sometimes we can embrace it with thanks since it sparks us inspiration.

Note: oh yes, there's another form of depression - I would call it self-pity depression. It's very common amongst us. They feel deprived, so they get depressed, later turn into anger. I always dont get it why some would get angry when they wouldnt have as many toys as other kids when they were young. I agree, they should get depressed too due to their stupidity & uselessness!

Inception

Actually I saw few DVD & movie but these 2 weeks I am not really in the mood  of saying much. But want to drop a note regarding Inception.

First off, I luv Chris Nolan. He's so dark so I like...I like it very much. I like dark-mattered mind. This Inception movie, I can say is indeed interesting but as for me it's not mind-blowing enough. 

Leonard Dicarpio is a great actor. I have seen few of his movies, but I think they picked the wrong lead actor for this one. I guess when you have to discuss a deep concept, you need somewhat a more intellectual with action flavour actor - though I cant suggest another one yet. So maybe ie why he was picked....haha. 

Ellen Page as the dream set designer to me is even more unconvincing. She looks non-smart, non-creative. She doesnt have the spark of making something complex.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Artur (Leonardo's assistant in the movie) is a superb actor too. He was the lead in 500 days of Summer. I must say he stole alotta screen time from Leonardo. Honestly, I didnt like him as an Arthur too, just dont feel the chemistry between Leonardo & him.

I am not Chris Nolan's brain so I am not exactly sure about the real plot. But from what I have seen, it's not something very complex. Though the concept is complex. Ie why I am starting to read this mutual dreaming research. It has alot to deal with the untapped brain, which is something I am deeply intrigued with.

But still, I highly recommend this movie. At least, let us think alittle....it's not really a movie that easy-go-funny style. Though it's not really that difficult to get it either. After the movies, I overheard many couple's conversation "wow, so deep, so complicated, I dont understand" - it's just because not many directors dare to make a movie that make people - stop/pause and think. Of coz, Chris Nolan has the advantage of getting big budget to hire in-stars. O well, hence HIGH FIVE to this movie - HK people should go to theater for this one!

I am starting on a new thing...

Well, actually it's inspired by a dream. I am starting to write a book! It's a sci-fi based, as most dreams I could remember vividly are pretty sci-fi. Now, the more I ponder over it, the more I realize most of these dreams have something to do with water and end-time. Water dripping by a slope, hurricane water monsters, underwater training....................I am going to devote my time to combine all these dreams into a sci-fi book. Of coz, my ultimate wish since very young was to make a movie.

Wow, hope I could be brave enough one day to show it here for all of you guyz.

6 Aug

I believe in fairness & unfairness of the world. Humans are never fair. The universe is always fair.

That's why I am never jealous of what people have - money, power, fame, even beauty. Those that constantly nagging & having a sense of deprivation. I just so dont get why people always complain of what they dont have, or why other people's parents are rich to make these pple something, while they dont have rich folks, or why they have no umbrellas while raining. HEY let the rain drop on you wont kill you, I want to tell these people. Why not think of - wow, it's good I wear a black top instead of a white top in the midst of dogshit raining?

Recent case of Amina Mariam has aroused some fever anger within some Hong Kong people. It's not to me about rich & famous, though it surely is something of a substance about this case. I understand & accept about unfair treatment towards rich & powerful. It's not even new news. However, this case to us is borderline  corruption. Honestly, if she looks prettier or hotter, I wouldn have let it go. hahahaah. Yet, with the modern technology, everything she did was captured. Come on, judge, you think we would let this go. It just aroused more anger with that stupid sentences - allowing her to head to US for some psychology retreat? Might as well, tell us all, she has been sent to Bali for a tan!!?? How come people could be so stupid? I meant the judge.

I do not see the point of arguing justice, as within law, there's no real justice (with my limited knowledge of law)...:P And there's no righteous politics as within the boundary of politics, it's only greed for power. My father taught me this. I so believe & abide in it. I sometimes wish I could be even more dark, less emotional driven - I believe I could very well be a cult leader (as my roomate once said).

To me, I am going to protest on 15 Aug, not coz I want justice. But more, coz how can an educated non-hot non-pretty bitch got away with this. She deserves some jail time. Not 10 years la......even 10 weeks will bring a smile to my face!

2009 till now

2009 was bombful. 

2010 is dreadful.

I think those who have known me for over 3 years would know I am a very different Dawn compared to maybe lets say when I was in 2003. I was constantly at war with my emotion. My EQ was always the worst one. My AQ though was pretty good, considering I was the project manager at one stage.

Now, I find myself so patient. So quiet in my ambitions. High in EQ. AQ not sure yet as not yet tested for some time. But I cant deny, I am somewhat abit exhausted, abit tired with all the challenges I gotta face these 2 years. I know everyone has problems, but for me, I was more or less alone facing all kinds of trials, which some are very difficult to tell or confide with anyone. Thou, I tried my best to record the end result "happiness" "sadness" "suicidal tendency" "depression" here, I today feel tired. But still hopeful. Anyways, one thing that never changes is I am extremely extreme person. From star sign or palm reading to personality analysis to even Enneagram................................

I believe, strongly believe, I wont die now. There's no way I can die now. I need to press on. I seriously want to show the world how someone like me could stand up again...............alone. 

I hope I will be rich very soon, so I can grant all those who have supported me unconditionally  & selflessly a grand trip. hahaa, this is one of my goals, actually. Anyways, I feel good to say this, even though it seems so far away (not really.....just abit of time & luck). 

Anyhow, with all the happening in my family & my business as of today, I feel tired but I am going for a swim in half an hour. I dont want to lose the momentum of doing something ever again. Depression is one that destroys ones motivation & most of all the momentum. I luv this word "momentum" alot. Anyhows, thanks for reading........:)