Questioning Mind

I LUV questions. Being asked or asking. 

But today I am learning not to ask certain questions.

It's very tough for me actually. Coz I am just like a conversation wizard....or witch.....

I luv understanding, knowing, exploring.....the unknown answers.

But then, many a time, we know the Q&A & the FAQ....so why bother?!?!

But still we would want to know.

I need a terrible heavy thick book to gear my mind these days soon.

ok. so much blah......I will stop, as I blah too much.

My mind is kinda empty now.

Feeling like Million Buck (Euro)

Guess, it's time to feel abit melancholic. Maybe that time of the month is coming. I dont know, while I was sitting in the toilet....yes, I do think alot while sitting in the toilet bowl - I thought....

It's very important to feel I worth million bucks (Euro) -

My high school fren asked me if I still missed Mr Maus. I said No, everything just so faded that I couldnt recall a thing. But as I realized I very much a person responded to Questions. I luv Questions. Some answers I feel I am in a haste to answer, I would really think about it when I have time. Even a food Q. Sometimes people ask me what's my fav dish is....really....I got no idea, so I have been thinking of this Q for....like over 20 years! I think what dawned on me while sitting on the bowl was that....for a split moment, he made me feel like Million Bucks.

And of coz, I have my great frenz like my best frenz who always make me feel I worth more than Million Bucks. 

My dogs, they make me feel I worth the world.

My new potential business partners make me feel important and I hope I could make Million Bucks for them.

And then, some.....they make me feel centless. And then we would get hiccups over such people......we humans are just bad at counting the blessing. I am learning. Learning very hard, very diligent to continuously remind myself that the centless feeling is stupid, naive and super worthless. For one, they just dont deserve your hiccups. 

What's with our brain that we would sometimes cling onto such worthless feeling? Why sometimes melancholy would offer such an amplifying magnitude when we could have a choice to overlook it? And why sometimes moodiness make us more arty, more charming.....that drive some of us searching for the feeling of existence? Why happiness doesnt give us grounded feeling....while depression offers the heaviness? (though we need the happiness to build the ground).

I somewhat feel saddened by something I saw. Just a little. As I said, gimme a day. I am a stronger gal now, wanting to search for better meanings of things, creating more glamour around me, spreading more radiance to the world, esp to my frenz who luv me....no complaints. Not any depressing thoughts either. Maybe just a moment....ie all. Hving such a moment....sometimes yack me outta my dreaminess too. So I welcome all kinda feeling.....understand it at my best and the move ahead. 

K, need to hug my dogs now. ^O^

Gimme 1 day I will be fine

Had a good evening. But when I got home, I saw some msgs....really disturbed me.

Anyways, just gimme a day....I will be fine.

Maybe tmr I need to browse the secondhand bookshop, so I will be calm again.

SMILE................:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

We are all LONELY entity.

OK.....I am doing some research & experiment. If anyone who has followed my life for 2 years, they know...I do that alot. Always doing some kinda mental research....etc etc. So, I joined something, and it gave me a chance to talk to quite a few guyz. Well, actually one is very special - I suspect he would be reading it, lets call him......Mr Karma. hehe.

Only after 2 days, I came across many....maybe a few....guess we r all just lonely in a big crammed city, so to speak. Not every guy is nut and sleazy or their ultimate goal is to get to a gal'z pant, thou, yes 99.9% they do have this fantasy. But indeed men are able to keep their "meatloaf" in their pants. 

I had an interesting email exchange with a man of his 50's about philosophy, writing, and authors, of coz....unbearable lightness of being too

Then Mr Karma, we shared a long phone call, which I never NEVER would do that as I dislike this kinda phone conversation....but we basically laughed our head off during maybe if not 3 wud be 2 hrs phone-ing.

Then another....a lonely soul....who lives around my area. I guess I could feel his loneliness, so I let him come to my place for a drink. He's super cute and decent. Honestly, I told him....if he wants I would hook him up with galz....

Within 2 days, despite very risky experiments, I did a couple of first time. And my conclusion is......it';s very nice. And esp very often, we forget how lonely people could be. They may not want anything, but maybe 15 min of your time....just to be there....even without a word. We all do stuff becoz, not just we want to do stuff, sometimes we want to do stuff so others will know what we are doing the stuff. That's why Facebook is so popular. And ie why we sometimes want to go Karaoke.....not coz we think we are fantastic singers, but we want to be heard.

====================================

AND.................just happened, one of the most craziest craziest thing happened. YES.............my god. So, I already drafted a plan, a plot..................it's gonna be excruciating funny and exciting. I cant wait to see my plot play out....YEA YEA YEAHHHHH. I cant reveal as it's too intimate, but if U want to know, feel free to send me a msg and I can...tell u. heheheheheheh

Erotic Story from a useless dude

OK, I received something as below, in chinese, but I will attempt to translate it into english. One thing, this guy, I could 99.9% be sure that he 1. doesnt get any woman, except hooker; 2. he didnt even write it himself, 3, his jerkoff time is less than 1 min, 4. he couldnt even do a woman more than 7 mins (or 11 mins - according to the time used to do a prostitute, average time is btw 7-11 mins. I bet his world-record time would be,......ummmm 30 sec, hehe.

Note - if find erotic stuff isnt your glass of milk, pls skip it....as it's too funny to me and I gotta put it here.

酒店房間裏,流水聲音跑進我的耳朵, 幻想花灑水從你的頭部流向你的頸上,一直跑到你的胸前,

Dripping water race to my ears, in the hotel room, me, fantacizing the shower splashing onto your head & neck, and gradually runs ti your chest

不斷冲激胸部頂點,真是誘人.

It's such a turn-on knowing that the water keeps smashing to the tips of your breasts

水怎會甘心在兩點上,他們馬上順著你的小腹,進占你清理好的陰部. 水不但想擁有最頂點,也希望到達最深入,溫暖,潤澤的寶地.

How could water ever stay on the 2 nipples??! The water smoothly runs to your tummy and then to your vagina. Water doesnt just want to possess the top everest (nipples) but it has to go deepened into the warmest wettest treasure.

當然他們能做到是不斷冲激你敏感部位,重而提升寶地濕潤指數. 正好迎接一會我在洗手間外為你準備的活動.
When the water keeps hitting your sensitive areas, it actually enhances your wetness quotient. Ie when I would come to the bathroom to get ready all the aftermath action with you.
---------------------those just v boring etc etc
我的中指小心找出你的洞穴口.慢慢地放進去.發覺非常容易進出, 相信是你還在回味當中. 手指溫柔進出,你已不用再回味,
When my middle finger goes into your "hole", slowly go in I realize it's so easy to go in,. And believe you are enjoying my gentle fingering.
-----------boring, next

我的肉棒需要出場,他撫摸你的洞穴口,從而濕潤了肉棒.看見你的眼神,多麼渴望我的進入,等,等,直到你跟我說'快進來
IT"S TIME FOR MY MEATLOAF.......yes, my meatloaf on stage. He caresses your hole "cave hole" and u seeing the mosited juiced-up meatloaf, you ask me to enter you asap.
我一路而上,達到深處.不斷抽插,由慢而快,再快而慢,由慢而快，再快而慢， 當我差不多的時候, 我再用手指公震動你的陰蒂. 讓我們一起達到高潮的快感.
OK, something about going in & out, caressing the clit and I cum (?>) so eays....hehehehehe/....slow & qui ck motion - I cum.
你已滿足嗎? 還是你會顯出你的技術,讓我重新站起來?
Are you satisfied? Or you will show off your technique to see him rise up again. 

My god..............I didnt really read it but only 1st sentence, already made me laugh my head off. And now, translating it, I laughed till tears fall like crazy. For one, by washing or showering, U dont get wetter, U get drier......hehehheeh. A woman can cum becoz U move your meatloaf up n down & then your fingering her?? Man....then men will just want to shag men, not women. And actually alotta women dont like the fingering as men think it;s by swirling around.....no....only do the G-nnie, not the swirl. Shit, most men dont get it, they think by doing the repetitive up N down women luv it. No......the up and down is for men. Women are not up n down, women r front n back.

I should really think of setting up a class.....hehehehehehe

Update July 2011

* I got no ideas what to say or write here, as I have been reading some books......they r just too fascinating. And I very much want to go to the top & bottom of them but I prefer not to say what they are becoz.....I am concurrently reading 2-3 different topics, yes including Bible at the same time. Hence.....I am abit mixup in the head, haha....but I like this, as I dont believe in "studying" one topic...I am in for my own hypothesis & theories. As my fren - Bruce calls it - Dawnism.

* OK, I had a super weird dream last night, rarely I could sleep before 1am, but I did. Sadly I was woken up at 2ish then I tried very hard to remember the dream - I knew I remembered every detail as it's actually quite an interesting plot, but..........when I got up this morning, I couldnt remember a single thing. So I am going to record my points next time with iphone recorder....shit, why didnt I??????????????

* Another quote - 

Paulo Coelho - Don't live every day as if it were your last. Live every day as if it were your first

Luv this Luv this. Lateral thinking combining with opposite insights. Turning the world upside down, right-left shifted - to see the world that we think we know, then ponder upon it - makes one more alive.

* OKOK, I reveal - one of the books I am reading is I-Ching. Man, it blows my mind, as I always thought it was so difficult to understand or grasp. Still is. But then dont mistake it's a tarot-card or future telling oracle only...no...it's the last thing it was intended. While I am reading the book, of coz with commentary - I no good with old chinese poetic language, then I was reading the bible - same thing shot to my eyes.

Many a time, during difficult time we strive, we fight, we work hard as we want to get out of the situation. But when everything becomes peaceful, we become less enthus, less striving to make it better.....so the chinese/  Tong Emperor's saying  goes - "easier to get the empire but harder to keep the empire" . So I heed to my heart and I hope it would repeatedly imprint in my heart & soul as one day if I could conquer, I want to keep it and make it better. I know me, I tend to let the goodies drift between fingers, as my tendency of laziness is indeed high. While, in the Bible God complained to King David for forgetting building a house for the Lord, while he himself dwelled in the cedar wooded place, then next was King David stole a woman from a general (and intentionally let him die in a battle) - of coz God reprimanded him. I like King David very much, as I was reading 1 Samuel, he was very diligent in winning the territories and was luving God with whatever ways he could offer, Yet.....when things were smooth, peaceful, all belonging to his......he became "arrogant" I would say despite he wud be the almost last one I wud use this word, yet.....being the KING of so many lands, one would be very hard not to become blinded by the power & self-praise. He of coz then asked for forgiveness, but still he gotta suffer the consequences.

I think it's a lesson for big or small things.....even for your luved ones, when you start off...u doing anything to achieve the goal, yet we dont have the stamina to maintain the goal. Maybe we should remind ourselves, do a lit more to attain the "goodness" of triumph, or "the conquest of love", as we dont maintain it, WE will SURELY lose it one day bits by bits.

Winning always comes in multitude, Losing always fades away without a trace without you knowing it.