I have been so busy that somewhat I have turned into a zombie, a zombie who doesnt know what she eats, where she sleeps...............working is zombie-like too, continuously tackling pbs....I dont even remember where I talk to a real person for real, yes hence not much update here. Not that I dont see people, I see.....but I feel it's not me talking. I know reasons, apart from busy, it's my metamorphosis state......I was shattered somehow sometime ago, I think I am finding a cocoon to hide myself or I am trying to numb myself from something, maybe pain, maybe reality......this is my process....I numb, I numb.....days after days, weeks after weeks....then gradually, I become cold....I like to be cold as it's the best mechanism.....think abt it, die in cold or die in heat better? I also cant say, I am afraid of both actually.....but I hv thought about it lately. Dying in fire must be too pain but usually may last 5-10 mins? Cold cud be longer....rite? The chilling pain isnt something we are accustomed to. Anyways, I am afraid of such pains and death.
So, I must start....yes the other blog, which I have delayed again and again. My excuses? Too busy? Too tired? Actually....the real reason is my yhome is in a mess and I need another computer. hahahahaha.........or tab. Yes I got no ipad, no tab......I have delayed getting it, somehow even I know I will need one, as I need to have sthg next to me continuously for me to pick up my ass to work. But, nowadays, apart from my work, I just got my bed and TV. I hate it all.
And every morning when I leave home and back to the office like now, I feel melancholic, as I realised I didnt look at my darling dog eyes alot lately. I didnt even play w her. I just feed her. Oh yes, this reminds me I need to buy them food.......arghhhh.......
Anyways, yes I am moody. Sorry....it's gonna be for a while again. It doesnt seem I am outta the wood. ever.
