Surprises

Did I ever mention I luv surprises?

And I always luv giving surprises too. Maybe I like shocking pink.....or just pitch dark. I mean all the extremity, I indulge in. Frankly, how hard it is to surprise people u luv & care?

I luv thou little surprises from frenz. E.g. this bday, Bruce & his wife gave me 2 gifts that are supposed to be given by lovers....hehe. Or at times my dog surprises me with her questionably sweetness when I am moody or a gentle msg to tell me I am missed.....or someone told me he wud check on my blog frequently here to see if I am ok......all these r so luving.I luv every gesture someone makes to make me smile and surprise me

Lately....

My very sweet fren asked me to attend a party, becoz she wants to introduce me to her frenz - like a parent's day. I find this to be soooooo sweet......and I am glad with honour to be the mom of the day. And I hope I could be a well-behaved mom. :)

I have been moody, emotional terribly for weeks, due to various situations. Yet, hving all these little surprises at times intrigue me to move on, to be a better fren, better person, possibly one day better lover and better mom to my dogs.

So, think of a little surprise to give to your honey or ur pets or maybe ur parents. But most of all, give to the one U indeed luv becoz very likely they so deserve it. :)

frak fake

I am not a fake person but when U grow old, U just hv to be......esp, U r working w many assholes. N fake smile to fake them to think u r stupid or innocent, a fake innocence to fake they can con u or a fake to make u keep the project, u just hv to fake all the way......

how frak?

no, I just hope to fake my way through to buy some times but for a person like me I hate faking too much, way too much. If I dont want smile, I cant. I want to love I love. I want to cry I cry. But now. I smile, laugh, talk in fake tones....yuck! OK, I am so grown-up and I should.

Shit, ignorance is such a bliss. Not adventurous or ambitious is just a fortune. I always ask myself....why mom has 5 kids......only me behave like a nutjob!?!?!?!OK my siblings are handful too, but they aint as crazy and ups & downs like me. Frankly.....when I am standing outside of that circle, I feel a hint of jealousy. Then some frenz have told me how they feel what they r doing comfort them, a secure job, a stable family......

Why am I not wanting the same thing? What I want absolute love or impossible adoration or romantic success in life & career.......? I live in fairy tale, as I always said.....maybe also ie how I win many frenz, frenz love me....who wudnt luv me when I am kinda silly-ingly dreaming like a lunatic in an adorable way?! I thank for my frenz who see great stuff in me, esp Bruce.....he has been encouraging me, praising me all these years......giving crazy ideas to me and asking me I should do....

How can I not continue to dream on when people want me to achieve impossible? I think.

maybe in many ways, many have their dreams too......and I seem to be indeed like a bird which would indeed try to flip her wings to fly to Mount Everest. Thou....I am afraid of cold, I may never be able to reach the summit, yet however, my frenz know......I wud flip my wings.

hehe,thanks.....dont worry, I will continue to flip flop flip while trying to fake frak fake. :)

Sheung Wan is so growing on me

I think....maybe 5-6 yrs ago, why I wanted to move to SW? 2 reasons....I saw many gay couples and I wanted to live away from my family, as far as possible.

Gay couples? Why?? Well, to me it's like "Fu Shui" thing - somehow I find gay couples tend to be non violent and they are so nice to be looked at. :)))

And of coz SW is quite a busy place during the day and silent place during the nite. If I live in a residential area, I find the noise level and to me the pollution level bad - e.g babies always cry at nite, parents always yell at kids at nite, couples always argue and bang door at night, then, everyone turns on the air-con the highest capacity and U have to turn it on too, as all exhaust gas just compass your flat.

Then, of coz as couple of entries ago, I talked about my stroll in SW - man....I know 1-2 people just by sitting at the cafe. It's nice...I like...as we just talk rubbish anyways. What do you expect to talk on Sun!? World economic or end time? Well, we could too, of coz, but everything becomes so light over a cup of coffee.

Then, my dogs are welcome there, and esp Lottie is like a little human luving everyone, hugging everyone........frankly, half a day away from her makes me moody. So now, my wallpaper on iphone is her face only, pls dont tell my another dog, shadow....hehe.

Then at one of those lanes around cafe, they have floral shop that let you sit out on the streets to do some flower decoration urself, or I passed by a small gallery opening with some youth doing some singing and instrument on the streets. Well, if you do live in HK, you know...it's uncommon for all these happenings. I feel like I have been transported back to Melbourne....

But though, I think this stretch of streets will become too famous, once again - problem in HK, people flood to a location becoz we cool people hang out then we would escape from the overcrowdedness to another surreal place - but I hope this wont happen so soon, maybe another 3-5 yrs time!!?? since surrounding still stand many old short bldgs, developers will take alotta saliva to convince them to move, coz most of these bldgs cud be owned by the owners while running biz downstairs....(hence they cud still survive at this time in HK, this horrible era of.....loss & no found).

Hope....U can enjoy my SW too. At SW....:)

Tears & Blood and I am no idiot

Chinese saying goes, there's blood in every penny we made. OK, usually quoted by older generation. 

At this hour, I feel the same. Just for making that amount - not even enough for me to buy one side of the boots, I feel - there's blood oozed out everywhere. Whereas for tears, I think - I am way better than most people....so I shudnt cry.

Then, somewhere I read or heard from TV lately. Yes shud be Battlestar Galactica - you make the choices and you become the choices. So I made a choice (no, I was forced to) to have my own biz, now I have become my own biz. haha.

Frankly, being alone to do a so-called biz or self-employed isnt easy. And I think I dont have much specific skills - I am not a designer, thou too many (almost 99% of people who first meet me) would think I am one (no matter how glam or shabby I dress). I am not anything....sometimes ie how I feel. I dunno....is it a way god is trying to drain me from something, so I could be more flexible!?!?! (I think of the scene in recent episode of Bones - the corpse juices....kinda they have to drain it before they could examine the "bones")

I am very tired. I indeed feel drained. Just translating a press release is tiring me out - OK I never really work in PR before. haha......but somehow people think I can write such for of coz beauty products. If I count by every word, the few ones I did, I should get maybe 5 times more. But if someone could pay 5 times more, why do they want me? might as well get a pro!?!? :))

So, I am stuck. I am caught in between.

I have many threads of "projects" opened - but none is finalized. I wonder....if I am an idiot!? Seriously....ie what I am thinking. Is it me? or is it luck? OK, well what everything has in common is me....so it must be my problems. But it's hard to accept, coz I am not really that stupid....I pick up things so fast.....I always innovate whatever my hands put into....so what's going on!?!?! I am really tired.

Then people around me keep complaining......I dun understand what people are complaining!!! Have I complained much? As above said, u make the choices and U become the choices, and I believe - we never want to be the choices, then why we choose in the first place!? On a positive note....maybe god just wants to groom me into a real biz person. Yet then I wonder.....if I could be one!?!?!

HK really isnt my place. But I did try to weigh if I should come back there back then - and my conclusion was - it's going to lead me to the same place if I wud be there or here, just the paths could be different. This is my upside and also my downfall. I am too positive.....I believe in 2nd chances......I believe in learning from the paths......

So today, I am tired. I dislike the thing I am translating as the products are so boring....so fucking boring, it bores me out completely! OK, so I am like everyone else, I am complaining. So just may I complain silently.....:)

Beginning of the blog, I was comtemplating committing suicide, then it got better.....then worse.....lately, I just want a silent death. I am not sure if I could see myself through....this drag of exhaustion.....very hard to explain. This exhaustion is not like volcano explosion that one can see, but more like collective bubbles bubbling from hot springs.

That's all for today. Cant say something very positive lately. So be it, let it be......