Vampire/Zombie dreams & Karma

1. Vampire/Zombie Dream

Well, I just had a vam/zom - I couldnt tell it's Vamp or Zomb, anyways, either.....that one in my dream bit my hand. It was in some sort of morgue, brightly-lit, and few of us - galz (dont really know them, must be my buddies in the alternate universe 103) - we were trying to fight the vamp (lets imagine it's a vamp, nicer), it's a SHE as well. 

How it started was some corpse came alive or something - then we galz trying to leave the room but she was chasing us and we kept throwing some objects to her. There was a trick, we could throw her....maybe it's some kind of blue substance and I suspect she luved eating that and she would kinda pause & grabbed it. Then it would be the moment we could run - so we all ran from the room and I knew she couldnt get outta the room so we tried to shut it - and there shud be another gal but she wasnt helping at all - BITCH! And I was trying to shut the door & got bitten, ie when I got woken up.

Somehow I am not scared. Anyways, so I checked the dream dictionary:

- To dream that you are attacked by zombies, indicate that you are feeling overwhelmed by forces beyond your control. You are under tremendous stress in your waking life. Alternatively, the dream represents your fears of being helpless and overpowered.

- To see a vampire in your dream, symbolizes seduction and sensuality, as well as fear and death. The vampire represents contrasting images of civilized nobility and aggression/ferocity. It may depict someone in your waking life whose charm may ultimately prove harmful. Deep down inside, you know that this person is bad for you, yet you are still drawn to him or her. Vampires also sometimes relate to decisions about sex and losing your virginity. Alternatively, to see a vampire suggests that you are feeling physically or emotionally drained. The vampire may also be symbolic of someone who is addicted to drugs or someone in an obsessive relationship.

I cant understand how vampire, zombie relates to sex, and overwhelmed or drained....though yes I am very drained as a person but I am getting very filled up too in all aspects, esp mind....but that tires me out too....does it mean my dream has given me signs?? Anyways, kinda interesting.

2, Karma

Mr Zoodgar asked me what's the meaning of Karma. I am quite intrigued as he's pretty smart dude with revolver brain in his own language....haha. Karma sounds like such an easy word, yet when I attempted to explain then I realized I didnt ever try to check the meaning of  the word Karma. I just somehow "knew" the meaning of the word when I first heard about it.

I knew it, as I used phase to explain, which I always understood since youth - maybe coz of my studies, I needed to do alotta research. Hence, I came to conclude that everything is a grouping, a pattern, a category. And as for me, I like to categorize things or people - despite some are openly against the way I do it, I feel it fits me pretty well, as long as I keep open-mind and flexibility.

I feel that Karma is like a hamster running around the revolving circle - and our duties-  somehow is to learn how to "break" the pattern or jump out from the revolving thing. And the circle or pattern of things which give rise to chain reactions - are in my dictionary, vaguely, my version of "Karma".

http://dharma.ncf.ca/introduction/truths/karma2.html

In Buddhist teaching, the law of karma, says only this: `for every event that occurs, there will follow another event whose existence was caused by the first, and this second event will be pleasant or unpleasant according as its cause was skillful or unskillful.' A skillful event is one that is not accompanied by craving, resistance or delusions; an unskillful event is one that is accompanied by any one of those things. (Events are not skillful in themselves, but are so called only in virtue of the mental events that occur with them.) 

(Sorry, maybe I did check the word meaning but not in english - I think maybe I asked some of my very spiritual mystic fren - they gave me a chinese word which then I correlated to my "version" - which I thought mine sound more +ve than the chinese word....anyways. )

Jan6th 1980 Andrew Tang See On

I dont know this person, but I got his book from Book Attic - the secondhand bookshop. His gift to someone he called Mr Lam on 1980, Jan 6th. I just luv holding the old stuff - filled with vintage smell & history. I kinda think....what's the reasons of giving Mr Lam - I presume it's his teacher - such a scientific crossover philosophy book back in 30 years ago. And wonder if he did read it himself?! Or was it a hit book then?! I am pretty sure nowadays students wouldnt read much apart from comics. It's a small book but crammed with words. it was almost 2pounds being sold in Ireland, so it's quite an expensive book back then, should it be few penny only 30 years ago for a book!?!?!

I want to meet this Andrew Tang.

That brings me to remember - in the beginning of the year, I always promised myself I would find a way to meet a guy who has remodelled a factory into a very nice office. Everytime I passed by North Point Highway, I couldnt help but get intrigued by the white windows - shoot out from the other dark gloomy factory windows. Who is so stylish to do it? or I should say who is so smart to do that?! I would do the same if I got the money to rent or buy a loft facing the sea.....I shouldnt say it's a smart thing to do, but it;s a logical thing to do. I even wish I could work there.

:)

My dreams

As been prompted in my head - "what's my dream?" I have been pondering for days....I know I cant answer it now, but I am desperately searching. I am glad I dont think my dream relies on another entity, for e.g. a husband, a kid, a soulmate, etc. These are not exactly what I want. To me, they are just nice to have, but not the ultimatum to save my wrecked soul. Yet, I start to accept the fact, maybe I do need another person or a companion to fill the gap of something.....which I never thought it was necessary in the past. But, I do feel, I shouldnt live alone like this, finding the joy of being alone. haha.....I mean I dont plan to be a hermit or something at all. I enjoy connection, though I am greedy, I always want many connections - hence that makes me believe we dont just hv ONE soulmate, but multiple to fill the mainly holes in the gap.

So, as I pondered about the question - I started sketching a mindmap. I know since young what I always wanted.....yet I am not sure if they are called "dreams", but I think I need to verbalize my dream at least to myself so I could have various goals, aims, destinations I need I know I need to achieve before I could finalize my dreams. The pb is that I was always a drifter, why? COz I didnt know what my dream was.

As I drafted down - I cant identify if it's indeed my dream but I suppose it's close enough. I read somewhere or a wiseman told me....the "dream" is the thing I would keep doing everyday (like U cant live without it). Frankly - laziness seems to occupy my everyday life, or I wish I could shit three times a day. So, I think the wiseman is not saying it right....yet, I cant yet explain to him why I think he's wrong! Hence, my mindmap could be one day to show him - my theory, of coz when I kinda "achieve" my dream.

I know inside my soul I always want that.......but to me, it's more like a after-feeling of achieving the goal. Hence, I am wrecked again. I need to maybe.....if not quantify it, at least - give a task or something to that feeling.....OK, well frankly, for e.g. I used to want to be the first HK astronaunt when I was in primary school. Or I wanted to win badminton competition in Olympics, as my uncle said to my mom I got this talent (now I am bad, apart from old age with brittle bones - I just couldnt feel the court anymore), or I wanted to be an archeologist so that I could discover the tomb of Emporor Chun - the mercury skyline with mapped out landscapes & rivers.....I fantasized it alot seeing the mercury starry nite on the tomb. Or when I was going to church, I would imagine to walk into the Ark or the Tabernacle (not like Indiana Jones, but close enough) - though I suspect there wud be no presence in those objects but it was thrilled to discover them - the awesomeness being the first, being the one is excruciating thrilling. Also, I did imagine I would be a missioary, esp inspired by Jim Elliot who was killed by the Eucador (? cant recall) tribal pple.....or became a pastor to offer great sermons to change lives or make pple cry......LOL......................Of coz I did envision I would obtain a Nobel Prize but I thought that was only for scientific discovery but then I realized one could get Nobel Prize for being peace advocateur or just simply writing a book......my enthus died coz it's not that special anymore. Then thought, maybe I could try out to get Oscar for the best screenplay or the best foriegn language director.....hahahahahahah

Sorry, all silly thoughts, but all these contribute to my "dream" feeling.............if ever I achieve one of those.

We are All Screw-Up......

I think it's a fantastic thought. Somehow, we are all One in the screw-ity.

But I gotta say, I met one who to me....by far I couldnt accept. Usually as U know me, I am open-minded, liberal. I dont really care much what opinions one has on his or herself, or even on me. Or if u hold the truth of the world or secrecy of humanity, I really....dont bother much either, but of coz I always luv to talk & listen to different opinions. However, my fren, Mr Loo.....I told him that I was sorry  to even bother to argue or "enlighten" him, as hvnt seen him for so long, I totally forgot I was talking to....."him". 

His view on marriage....I just wanted to slash his throat. I mean, for surely he's not gonna be faithful to his wife, which I am actually cool with that. Most men or some women arent anyways, just abit of human nature....But his reasons of why he wants to get married.....is....how to say.....hahaha, shit, I couldnt even recall what he said as it just doesnt have any freaking points in his "belief" => ie my main problem with people like that. It's fine to have a belief, but pls have or make up some points in it.

Next, of coz I got offended, as he just shoved me into a cab so that the "men" could go & have fun. I feel absolutely offended. Usually, I would respect their boundaries, and left on my own accord. Hey, I am not gonna judge anyone....but dont shove me into a cab and pretend nothing is going to happen (which I didnt know if anything did happen - and not that I cared but I hated the action gutz, NO EVER a GUY fren treated me without some kind of supreme respect on such subject!!!!!!!)

Sleazy little jerk with no soul.

Good Omen?

OK, do you always come across same group of numbers alot in your life? There are movies about that but I couldnt even remember. Some wud be intrigued by the 11 11 11 thingie, but I wud be more intrigued by maybe 12 12 12 next year. But anyhow, I think each person has their unqiue group of codes.

As for me, it's always my bday, 626. And I observed it since I was very young. Everytime I look at my watch, my computer, my phone....it's very much always 626. Like just now I was talking to a potential supplier, so we skyped. Not meaning to, but as I looked, yes again it's by 6:26 am I messaged him. I counted it as a good omen esp as I talked with him. He's working with small female co-operative at his country and aims to teach the ladies to read.....I like working with people with a conscience. Anyhow, lets see how it will result in.

So what;s your code?

SecondHand Book Shop in Hong Kong

Moved back to Sheung Wan, already couple of months. Honestly, due to few shocks beginning of the year,  I was having few deep depression modes, but I guess something has been rid of and I am fine, and getting very finer. Since last month, I have been devoting more time to read and work on some projects that make me super anxious, but finding a good bookshop always calms me. When I am abit anxious, I like to go around just to smell the vintage books made from the forest.

First one is Flow- I have known of its existence for years but I never really went there for treasure hunt, esp I wasnt a prolific reader at all. However, lately I went there once every 2 weeks just to browse, they have selection of dvds, romance, spiritual, or just plain novels or many old lonely planets (which I swear by everytime I go solo elsewhere, I dont think it needs to be updated ones anymore, unless U need the particular phone no or so, maybe U cud even search online to verify with modern technology), I was abit excited to find Jung & Ouspensky books there, as I dont think normal Page One would carry the old collection anymore.But they have so many so many books which somehow would make one feel dizzy when you step in, though I think they try to organize at best.......and guess that's why they call themselves Flow, as it's kinda freeflow spirit. I managed to visit their upper floor with even more disorganized setting corner, but for someone like me, I luv it, as I could smell the vintage paper. Yes one of my feitshes. :D

However, they are moving by end of the month, but address not known yet, shud be somewhere in Hollywoord road. If you are interested, you can still drop by within these 2 weeks or call - 2964-9483, or find from http://www.facebook.com/flowbookshop?sk=info for more info.

2nd one is Book Attic - I esp like the ambiance there. It's very organized & clean. I talked to the owner Jennifer and she told me that she would carefully clean every book before she put on shelves. Indeed, even books that are really old & very classic could be found there very clean & erect. I could find some really interesting classics in very old editions. I am not a collector, and dont know if they are of any collector value, but I think holding those classic hardback (only cud find in university library) already give me some goosebumps. Imagining the history - gosh, yum!

It was originally in Wan Chai and just moved itself to Soho area. Elgin Street 2, just abit diagonally from Sahara, and 7-11. The entrance next to the outdoor food hawker place. Tel: 22593103. 

They even have weekly or monthly (I forgot) book or poetry reading, but I am not a fan of reading class, though maybe I would join one day just to rub off some intellectual energy from them.

Do go & have a look. I have many books in my iphone kindle, but there's nothing like holding a treasure on your hand.....:)

I had a thought

While I was shopping for my household stuff which I didnt do it for a while.

I thought to myself - I have good genes, how come I dont want to have a kid?

hahahaahah..........maybe I should so I can create another butterfly gang in this world.

Just a thought. No...I am too old for that by now.

I think Id rather influence other pple's kids. hahahahahaahah

:P

Finally, Understood

When I came back from Aus & S'pore, studying & working,  more than 10+ years ago, I met a group of people who I sometimes would mention to some of my frenz - they are what I call - "wee wee wun wun" people ie spiritual gang, close to astrologists, witches, psychic and stuff like that. They would chant to the moon which I wud never be allowed to attend. One of them once asked me if I ever studied spiritual or read any of such books. I said, never....everything I thought through my experience & observation around me (people, the world affair), esp I wasnt much of a reader then. She was quite astonished at the point and said - u have quoted the specific phase & words that need us to pay great deal of money to learn, u r so weird. Well, I took it as a compliment and never really investigated why she said that.

As mentioned, I found few books. They were not the spiritual books, but more on the study of it, in a more scientific ways. Well, maybe to the religious pple, these are cultish. Actually I find it quite interesting, esp I luv reading books with either 1. out of their own experience; 2. filled with chunk of research that I could actually find to verify. And these books I got are more of the 2nd type this time. And I am amazed, as I read on - they indeed quote some of the stuff I always talk about or think about but I could never really express in such an eloquence.  So this reminded me of what my fren talked about. 

And I sometimes think religious people are too secluded. They miss out the point of why we are here - I got no answer, guess I sound more judgemental then. But as I observe religious people, they dont look around and understand stuff more. And I find many a time those who are against them tend to understand more of their religion than themselves. I remember once I asked about Judaism to some who claimed they are of this religion, thou actually they dont really practise it. But they were against Jesus being the Messiah. So I asked them why. I think they told me....they didnt really read the OT so......they just knew and Oh yes, a pass-on knowledge.

And I always dislike christians who quote what pastors say even when I was a devoted christian back then in Australia. I would question them why you thought whatever pastors said were right. They would answer me becoz THEY WERE THE PASTORS. Honestly, I felt sad for them. So stupid. So innocently naive. When, if they believe, God gave them the love letter pounded in the Bible, they would not even bother to verify, but would prefer to believe in a mere human being who was chosen to be a pastor?!?!?! Ummm, sorry, I cant accept it at all. I remember just for one topic of Holy Spirit, I shut myself for at least 1 month to go through every word with the spirit in it in the bible, thou I am not saying that;s the way to do it......but at least, I believe we should try to verify if it's right or not. But then of coz if we want to be a comfy religious person, it's cool too, as long as it brings U peace & joy. 

I hope I dont bring too much resentment from what I said.....guess I would in some ways, but then as my dearest christian frenz who know me....I am not in the same path as before. Sorry.

Anyhows, I realize that somehow we could be really blinded.....hving pre-deposited belief that something is bad.

As I am reading 1Samuel again, what strike me is that in one of the chapters, it talked about how King Saul summoned the spirit of Samuel (the prophet who annointed Saul as King and passed away) via a medium. And actually Samuel spoke to Saul and told him that God would not help him any longer. The thing intrigued me wasnt the mediumship, but.....by myself. 

I have been reading the OT many times, I esp like OT more actually since young, though it was very hard to read through their family tree, esp in HK, nobody cares about family tree, unless U carry a distinguished family name. However, I am pretty sure I read 1 Samuel at least more than twice, at least, if not 3rd or 4th time, I never could recollect I read such channeling thing ever. I think.....my own theory.....I was automatically blinded myself when I read as no church or christians ever talked about it coz it's evil. But it was in the bible though. OK, well, then our defence wud be.....it's by King Saul consulted a desert medium. But excuse me, why wud it be put in there, esp Samuel, being the prophet, spoke back. Have we missed something during the history of men or the evolution of christianity? 

OK, then the arguement would be - it's the NT time, the jesus time. But, then still could we omit the fact that channeling was actually a practice in the past? And is it possible that it's not an evil thing afterall.? I am just attempting to think in more objective way - coz if just another spirit....then fine, but it's Samuel.....so....it's abit baffling. U see.

I am not sure - as I still think there's no right or wrong coz we human simply DONT KNOW in this plane. And now, I will continue on what I am doing, reading the bible while researching other information in a more organized scientific research way. To be frank, I feel less confused.......even with this amount of info....than when I was sitting steadily in church when I was a young adult.

PS:
1. Religion is always a very sensitive topic and ie why I would never openly discuss it, as I dont see the point anymore. Coz I am not to win or convert non chrisitans or something like that. I am just trying to bring out a point that maybe we should be viewing things more in a eagle-eyed view, more macroscopic way at times.......and how easily sometimes when we are so devoted on something based on the bias of a belief or own view, we could bypass some info (despite they are important or not). 
2. I could only quote chrisitanity or judaism as I just know them slightly more. Other religion, not really, but then I do experience similar microscopic comment.
3. I highly respect (though she wud say no need to mention, haha) my roomate - E, who sternly & plainly told me that if she wudnt cling onto the bible and believe in it, what faith does she really have? I completely agree with her and her words always have some impact to me, as little does she believe & know - I respect her as a christian the most than most other ones (despite the highly regarded ones) coz of the simple faith she has - well she studies alot on the Word, even went to Bible school. So I would listen to her or ask her more about the Word than any living chrisitian. :)

To Mr Pseudo SoulMate

I think I need to write it down, so that I dont ask such Question anymore - shuda, cuda, etc. This guy, Mr Pseudo, every once in a while I would think of him. As most of you know, I am not very fond of americans as I have number of experience with american guyz or bitches who just made me really mad. But though I do know some who are fun luving & kind hearted, he's one of those.

We met via a fren. Nothing much or so to speak a topic when we first met, but once I bumped into him by accident, so he took my number and he started messaging me and we would go out for drinks & so on. I had a bf then and we were hving a short break. So somehow I went out with Mr Pseudo quite abit.

Why I called him Mr Pseudo?! I think coz I thought he was gay. So I was really carefree when I went out with him, coz my best fren who just left HK. I was thrilled to have someone, who seemed to be so intrigued with my presence and felt so delighted to hear me speak. So He to me was a Pseudo Gay, and a Pseudo Lonely Person. And hence I always took him to a gay bar, haha, I thought I was doing him a favour - encouraging him to meet his luv or something. Of coz I was not that dumb, I thought maybe he wasnt gay either.

So, I went to his place upon his invitation. He didnt show any interest. Not even touching my soft smooth-skinned hand. OK. 1st confirmation. Then once he insisted walking me home, despite it was just 5 min away - so he hugged me really close, ok, it's not a same sex hug, it's more heterosexual hug. But not even a kiss on the cheek - OK. A lonely person who needed a faithful fren. OK, 2nd confirmation. And he "needed" to see me everyday - (to me, I am always afraid people being possessive, esp just frenz). So I started seeing him less.

He kept sending me msg why I didnt see him, why this why that. I got really frightened, as I couldnt understand why a person who shared the same sexual orientation as me (liking guyz) would be that "clingy". Then I think somehow he slipped that I meant so much to him,..blablah, and that he liked me very much blablah. Then I was so straightforward telling him that - I am sorry, I thought you were gay. I dont get it why you say all these things. He got really freaked & mad.

I think.....then I lost him as a fren. And our common fren - a guy - told me that he was.."xxxx", I couldnt recall the word he used but I think he was trying to say that he wanted to be with me or something. Anyways.

Then, after a while, we met again but I tried to keep a distance. And then he left HK and now is working in the desert. We didnt meet much few months before he left HK.

I have no idea why this person always appears to me when I walk along hollywood road. It's very odd. Maybe it was arranged that I shud ditch my ex and started something with him. haha, I dunno and dun think much about it that way - as hving regret or asking maybe I shud have done this & that isnt my practice, but it's very odd....whenever I feel abit lonely or sad, his face wud show up. I think why somewhat I miss him or think of him that way - coz somewhat maybe I feel "he accepted me and felt proud of me.....being my fren, being his fren". So, I should say he's my Pseudo Soulmate. "seems to be but I cudnt have a chance to know".....:)

After a year or 2, I did send him an email, as he just appeared to me quite abit.....but he was indifferent. ha ha ha........and guess time has past. I told him, I thought of him quite abit. Anyhow.........even that doesnt stop my head bringing him up here n there. I think the only way I could close this chapter is that.....to write it down. A msg to dedicate to someone special. I dont mind him showing up again.......if somehow his "essence" makes me less sad.......

Anyways, to My Pseudo Soulmate, thanks for your presence, that somehow makes me feel safe despite for that 1 sec or so once in a while, but that has been pretty enough for me. xoxo