A Stuck Mind

After 3 years of working alone at home without talking to anyone, I am now rejoining the workforce! But......I am still talking to myself!!!!! I have to think through all strategies, activities, details to training...BY MYSELF. Now, my mind is stuck and I am fucking bored..............I like what I am doing but without connecting w anyone without brainstorming - my mind is basically stagnant.

I need panadol.

I did a little evaluation today

Many men said I was too serious.....yet, in the very beginning, they liked my nonsense mind, filled w crazy ideas thoughts, intense conversation.......also my adorable demeanour. Yet, after a while, people would put what you think is merit and repackage to sound as if it's  something bad. I often wonder, am I that serious? Am I that intense? Maybe, but I dont see anything wrong in that! The funny thing is.....I am a legless bird, I always look for ground, frankly - I am always dead serious about it. Then, I think many r attracted by my thoughts, deep Inquisition about life, humans.....but always in such, you flip the coin - really depends which side U think is better.

I think it's time....to know maybe this person doesnt indeed embrace you as much as u think they do. Or maybe we dont love or adore each other as much to a point that we can accept each inadequacy anymore. one thing led to another. It's saddening to know, it takes long time to break a seed open, u water it, and wish it would grow.....then, u realize U were dreaming it was growing and actually it actually didnt even sprout. Maybe it's how it is......

Then,next, I am fortunate enough to be a modern woman, a woman living in this free city whereby I am not bound by any traditional rules. I could date anyone I want, I could work any job I want, I could make any frenz I want, I could shag anyone I want or I could breakup/divorce anyone I want. No one would officially lawfully have the rights to stone me!

So my conclusion is....I am crazily serious and seriously crazy! U can love me or U can hate me, and it doesnt make much difference to me when I die. If things r not meant to be, it will go into the river of forgetfulness, gradually things will fade away, memories will be diluted; then other things will be renewed and reborn through this river. Strangely, from same river.....ie river of life or cycle of sucks?! :)

Anyhow, I am not depressed....not moody....not even melancholic. I think I am just realizing something and I am not going to fight against it anymore.

I feel....

Supposedly, things should be better this year.....but soaking in such mood, waiting, expecting mode......make me realize I let almost 1st month drain me by. Some things r really a waste of time..........I need to re-strategize about my life. Reshuffle.....my heart.....which shud be given more. Women r at times really fucking idiots, I am defintely the most idiotic idiot. Grrrr...........

thanks! :)

Cold.....

Well, considering places with temperature lower than zero, HK's cold is nothing but still to us now...it's cold. And actually, it's always what we want during CNY - wearing layers of new clothes from most intimates to most external - we want new. I think we shouldnt whine about that, as it's very much climate offsetting when during Xmas, CNY, we could go out in shorts.....

About cold, I thought of love. Usually during winter, I drink alotta hot teas, hot ribena. hot mint tea, etc.....last nite, under freezing nite, I made myself some hot tea, I put it there for just a lil while and of coz the physics won....it turned cold really fast. That, I want to associate with love. Love should be something hot, = passion......when 2 is in love, the heat generated from sex or just kiss or just the butterfly feeling is intense. Everything could be warm up, even an argument or after argument, or making up from argument or sex or intimate conversation or just a casual conversation......all could be warmed up fast! Yet, when 2 persons love turned cold, everything is cold.....ignoring, sleeping far, an argument will never be kicked off or it will never end (scorched instead of just being hot)  no need even to talk about after argument or making up, everything becomes cold really fast, there's no time for warming up, just like the winter now I experience. I think some pple relationship is in the land of North Pole or some belongs to forever Thailand, yet, I quite prefer the temperament of 4 seasons manifestation like HK or Melb, at times it chills you to the bones, and others, it kisses ur heart with shinning sun.