Politically Correct?

I dont understand why I cant be politically incorrect?

I am a racist, so what!? But I dont go against all races. I have my share of experience with some in that race then make my decision why I dont like them in general. But I am an extreme person. I dont like that race, dont mean I cant like one particular person of that race.

Why do we have to be politically correct all the time? I am sometimes politically neutral, as I got no preference but when I choose to be politically incorrect, I dont think people should correct me when I dont correct them.

I have other things which may sound politically incorrect. Racist is just one of them. I am racist against 2 races only, but after the hostage siege last nite, it may bump upto three. I hvnt made up my mind yet.

In short, I want to say something to praise myself. haha.....above is just an intro. When I was studying in Aus, I was trying to be a good person and also a good representative of a Hongkie. I did get various compliment from various nationalities saying that becoz they ve known me they ve changed their views on Hongkies. However, I hv met many various different nationalities that not only they never try to be a good citizen, they never even try to be a nice person. So in one sentence, they deserve my despise. :)

This is just me, being so politically incorrect of being racist and a show-off person. :D

Another Horrible News of HK

I am sure you are feeling really angry & sad for the hostages that were kept at a tour bus in Manila last night. WHo knows! It's their last day of the trip. It was meant to be? It was fate?

I say it was SHIT.

Honestly, I have never been fond of philippinos. One of them even not just seduced my late grand-dad, I believe she even took his money. Anyways, men frail, fial at old age, no big biggie. Now, I will dislike them more. I know it's super childish, but this is what I have to do.

I hope the families and people who stay alive keep strong, though honestly who can? Easy to say it, isnt it? I put myself in their shoes - it's just impossible. I just hope they allow themselves time to heal.

My Memory Sucks!!!

Do you sometimes feel like you mix up the memories of where you meet certain people? This always happened to me. When I first came back to HK, I walked on the street - I saw faces or people or friends who greeted me..............I got confused if I knew them from HK? S'pore? Melbourne? KL? China? Or even some travellers I bumped into during the trips to Cambodia or Laos. Or they are just friends of my other friends.

Yesterday, I heard a bad news. Someone I was supposed to know in Australia passed away. He should be very young. But I got no recollection of who this person is? Am I seriously a bitch? I wasnt, actually, when I was in OZ. I was very gullible, naive, thou complicated & deep thinker - yet maybe instrinsically I am a bitch. How could I not remember someone whom I might have seen every week in a church fellowship & he used to hang out with my friend's ex - and my fren & ex were always hanging out with me!!??

Maybe, I could indeed let go of past memory. I used to be very good at remembering every detail of my memory - I saw it as a duty to remember, to be precise. However, I realized it's actually a bad thing - so I started deleting details. Well, of coz I would remember important details.

After 10 years back in HK, I have become less confused. But now, another problem surfaces - Oh, I met this person from this friend or that friend or at a party or at another networking meeting? Man, I am not paid to remember people's faces and I am bad with names. Very bad. I need to see the name written down to indeed remember. So, if you introduce me to your frenz, I would surely make them very happy but pls ask them not to ask me what's their name, as I am 99.9% sure - I WONT REMEMBER.

Shutter Island

I didnt sleep as I got morning meeting.....I was afraid I couldnt get up. Anyways, as some may know, my lack of sleep does sometimes spark crazy creativity and bad spelling. Shit, I shud have studied advertising or something - those pple dont sleep and they are bad in vocab.

Anyways, I watched Shutter Island. To my amazement, it's pretty damn good. I never liked "prison" drama so I never watched Prison Break. I wasnt fond of Leonardo, thou I would go to see most of his films. This one - his performance was fantastic. He got the neurotic look going on. 

And the suspense was very well done. Some parts of the "dreaming" or "Hallucination" scenes were shot really great. I thought to myself, it must be done by a great director.....oh yea, By Martin Scorsese. Man, he's 68 yo but he still got alotta projects going on!!! 

Sometimes, it's great to see a movie because you know which director is in it. Like this case, it would be great to have no idea like me. As I am not fond of this Martin.....I glanced through the movies he directed, didnt like. Esp, I so digusted by The Departed, which I fell asleep half way, which is something I rarely do. He so didnt get the concept of Infernal Affairs - he & the cast did suck jobs in there. Sorry, I like the HK version too much!!!

Do grab a dvd. Worth your time.

I hate chinese thinking 2

Same as the other one beginning, I am not exactly sure about if chinese tend to do it more, but then it kinda instills in chinese minds. Never praise someone. By saying something negative "constructive criticism" make someone grow.

I hate my parents and my whole family for that. All I could remember about them is nothing constructive but destructive. I love them, too. Actually more like pity love. How sad sometimes for so many folks who are not qualified to be parents in this modern world to be parents. And they were parents of five, plus with another 10 dogs and other freaking animals - I had a crocodile before.

Well, yes, I already let it go. Many people would say "suen la" (aka never mind, let it go). I do. But honestly, I am just being honest here. What's wrong with being truthful and honest? Not that I am going to revenge.

Pls dont misunderstand I am not proud of being chinese. Actually, I am very much. I dont want to be of any other nationality actually. But the fact is, many chinese in HK are so old-schooled, so outdated, so boring, so shitty dead zombie-like - but then pointing fingers at people like me who dare to be different, or who try to be different. WHY WHY WHY??? People like to step on others? Is it the other way to survive???

I forbid my mom telling my sis kids any negative words such as ":not smart enough" "stupid" "Slow"..................as best as I can. I am just so frustrated sometimes, if you know what I mean. How hard it is to get rid of the negative words out of your mind from your loved ones. The outside people only add on more coals, which are not the origin.

Anyways, pls I beg of you. Say something nice to your spouse, your friends. Dont u think that I dont know my weakness? Why stress on it when I already know? Your family, your kids, your friends, your staff - THEY KNOW (most likely anyways) - even they dont know, I believe being a simple minded person is god-sent-gift!

Thanks to 3 very important people at various stages in my life, they were the ones who just speak of kind comment honestly - I know they see my weakness too, but they know I know my weakness too.

1. My high school teacher Mr Pong - he told me I was a potential child. I could achieve great things.

2. My room-mate Ellie - who reinforce my confidence in believing I was indeed a cool & creative person. keke

3. My best friend Leo - who speaks kindly to me and has been encouraging to my every move.

Not that I need to hear something positive all the time. I am saying, dont speak negatively all the time.

Guess what! I bet many people misunderstand my meaning already. haha

Sorry, this week is an anger week. I am kinda venting them all out.

I hate some old chinese thinking

I cant honestly say whatever I am going to say is purely chinese thinking....maybe it's general earth people thinking. But well, to me, it seems more fucking chinese MEN (esp) speaks to me like these. I want to tell them, DIL NEI LO MO!

Are you sure you want to get married, as you know, you are going to be 40 soon?!

HUH!?!? For one, I am not thinking much about GETTING MARRIED AGAIN. And do you think all women ONLY goal is to get married????????????????????????????????????????? DIU!

When I tell them I am not actually thinking much about getting married, honestly, they start to get offended by further saying..........

Forget finding one.

I think old traditional chinese men, they are all so fucking idiotic. Is it a problem being a tough woman who is hitting menopause in another 10-15 years? I dont see myself begging to get a man - my goal in life isnt to get married, have kids. My goal, on the contrary to them, is to influence the world. Why chinese have to put everything in such negative tones????????? Is it so edifying for them to feel they could step on people?

Lastly, whatever people or even friends comment on me. I know my universe and my nature. This is something I gotta stress. I dont buy into fate. I buy into faith in goodness. Whatever you say negatively about me, I dont really care. And dont give me the "constructive crisitsm' crab. But pls look into yourself first. Have I commented you negatively? Why some people just want to dig through nothingness to stress a tiny character hiccup, people have to amplify it. But pls, dont you think you got issues too? Have I non-stop surfacing them? 

I am hating some people more.

Finally, I managed to cry.....

As a child, till adolescence till come-of-age, I always loved to cry. I was a crying baby.

These 2 years, it was so difficult for me to cry. I wanted to, but I couldnt.

Tonite, after hearing something, I couldnt control my tears, I cried for hours........................

I think it's great finally I managed to cry. I was just fulfilling my purpose - to cry. It's so good to really cry, unstoppably cry..........anyways, I just want to tell u, I am feeling so good now, becoz

I had a good cry!

After 3 months

After 3 months of a new addition of canine - Lottie - into my life, I struggled for the first two months. As her character is abit like Shadow - NAUGHTY & CRAZY (also just like me)!! I at first cried because I couldnt understand why all my dogs, the two of them, were so handful and chaotic creative. I felt exhausted every second just looking at both of them, messing up my every inch of home.

Lottie (aka Lor Lor)

But now, I am starting to enjoy both of their presence. With shadow alone, it was great, afterall we have been together for like 10 years. Now, even Shadow is adjusting to the new addition Lottie. They never fight, it's a good thing. They both sleep peacefully with me, and need to be around me all the time. Life....without them would be so empty & less smile..

Shadow (aka Shadow BB)

I love them so so much!!!!

My high Heel days r coming......

I went jogging abit tonite. I only jogged like maybe 3 times few weeks ago, then I just go swimming instead. But tonite, I wanted to test my stamina if it had any improvement.......IT DID!!!!! I only needed to stop twice for my targetted track, while before it would be like 4-5 stops. My target by end Aug, I could do one whole round w/o stopping.......

I find that swimming is harder to stretch. While for my jogging, since I am so afraid I would hurt myself, I keep doing alotta streching......but anyhow my left knee usually had some pain or discomfort if I walked on stairs or jog, but tonite it was totally fine.

I am really excited to see my high heel days coming back soon. I promise you, by Oct, you will see a perfect Dawn with beaming skin & smile. ^^

arrr......I am OLD

Shit, was looking at myself at my friend's album - well, we went to this private cooking thingie, supervised by a 5 star chef at Sogo Club (it was super fun) - I looked so freaking old. Like my mom. Shit, my mom looks younger than me. I really need to start taking care of my skin & my appearance........I couldnt let these 2 years shit life wear onb my face any fucking longer.

Pewh, thanks for listening!!!

On educating Kids

I dont have kids and I am not planning to. Unless one fine day, I am wealthy & married, I want to adopt kids instead. I want 3 kids - african baby, Beijing baby and a russian baby. Hoho......but nah, I prefer to be god-mothers for all my friends' kids. :P

But I know quite abit about kid education as I am involved in tutoring my sister's kids-Uma & Morris They are handful, as they were born with Lok's blood. Lok's blood I believe is cursed. Anyways.

It's really difficult to train HK kids so to speak, esp the standard & mentality of school teachers are not upto standard at all. I doubt many of them have a vision to create a better world. I once wanted to be a teacher, as I always have till now still this mentality to change the world. What if I couldnt do it myself, I could actually influence the kids......hohohoh! Anyways, we cant blame the teachers too much either, as they were never influenced before.

One thing I disgust with the school education in HK is that everything the teachers say is right! I try to instill a training to my sis kids that they can actually challenge whatever I say - of coz they wouldnt do so, as really how dare them to challenge a teacher. I am trying.......no one is absolutely right, this is my message! Why they got this idea they need to be 100% obedient? It must be from parents & teachers. Sigh! I doubt I could influence both of them to have a vision to change the world. They are not of that degree of calibre, though I am still putting a slight hope on the younger boy Morris.

Really, if you never make mistakes, how well do you know what's right or wrong. But, HK parents & school will never allow kids to make mistakes. Such a depressing thing.

I hope one day if you have a kid, give them good insights, train them to be a visionary individual, allow them to make mistakes. Dont just throw the words - U r so stupid! (I live with this phrase all my life - of coz purely from my family. Honestly, since I was 3, I always felt I was different and they are the just abunch of idiots - roaming around aimlessly, stupidly, sheepishly)

Yes I remember there was something once a teacher put it - chinese always say to their family : BE careful. Or Bring an umbrella. OR You should have brought a jacket, see now U got a cold.  Chinese always say - you should have, you should have.....................While, the west would say: Have fun! (though I am now a grown-up, the above events are not entirely true - but the gizt of it is true). Just being stay-put vs trying spirits.

I am so not putting down chinese. Actually east philosophy is so darn good - e.g. patience. Patience means giving it time. But if giving it time without trying - then it becomes stale. While, trying without giving it time, it becomes a crushed peanut. (zeal without knowledge is heading to hell too) Yes I am trying to instill a East/West fusion to my sis kids. I hope I succeed. It's really tough when you are trying to fight against the whole universe.

Arrr...................enough of kids talk. Had lunch yet? ^^

A new view on Depression

Well, this is like a cancerous word to many. O, you are depressed, you should see a DOCTOR and get a prescription! Lets look at it in a new better way.

If the form of depression handicaps your every move - well, yes maybe you need some help. But I believe it has a grace period for it. I went through depression stages at various degree. Actually I went to see psychiatrist, doctor or councellor at various states, but to my amaze, I find them "useless" and actually they could very well be more depressed than me. No one asked me to go, but I went there for help. Honestly, seeing people more depressed make me cure........abit nuts of myself here. However, it goes down to how much you are HONEST with yourself too. 

We adore lying to ourselves.

I believe my depression started when I was trying to be honest with myself. I  saw (around 16-18 yo) it as the pivot of being a true human and the ultimate suvivial kit. That of coz as you would know had come with a price. Depression was just a side product of seeing the true side of yourself - the ugliness of hearts, even when I was a teen. By the time I looked around the world, the world was filled with filth, dust, shits, rubbish and many satans - then I was collapsed into a pit, I hid there for months. I even experienced a borderline nervous breakdown moment - it was a trance state and they gave you a choice. Everything is about choice. Of coz I chose to NOT go down - even I knew going down that path wouldnt make me suffer as much, and might very well make me very happy (if I never attempt "cure").

Why I am talking about depression?

As I blogged here couples of days ago, I talked about writing a book. And I am now really trying to scribble down the core concept. It's very very hard to construct. -while building a  complcated concept, and then insert my own dream-sets into the book. Then, I suddenly remember and maybe I should say I praise about my 18-year-ago depression. I wish I could find back all my entries then. They were all really original thoughts - I never studied any philosopher or psychogists theories ever before. Honestly, I always thought my thoughts were so much better & powerful - NOT bragging here. I believe my old entries could give me very good insights on my existing struggling concept.

Then, I realize.......

Depression is actually a good tool to tap into your untapped brain or even your heart!! As some of us discussed before, when we are "moody" or "depressed", we tend to write more because we feel more. We wont usually talk to our hearts, asking how we feel today! But when you are hit with some moodiness/depression, you would really try to ask your heart what the heck is happening. Right? Bet most should have gone through these but whether in such a talking mode with onself is upto different individual.

Only compassion & depression could be a bridge to get to your heart, my current belief.

Anyhows, I am not really in that "depression" state anymore so I rely heavily on research. I am still trying to tap into my brain to create the concept. My old me could have done it so easily as she was so connected with herself. Ummm, I hope sometimes soon I could find not only compassion or depression could tap into the core being, some other emotion could too.

So in short, more controlled depression isnt a bad thing afterall. Sometimes we can embrace it with thanks since it sparks us inspiration.

Note: oh yes, there's another form of depression - I would call it self-pity depression. It's very common amongst us. They feel deprived, so they get depressed, later turn into anger. I always dont get it why some would get angry when they wouldnt have as many toys as other kids when they were young. I agree, they should get depressed too due to their stupidity & uselessness!

Inception

Actually I saw few DVD & movie but these 2 weeks I am not really in the mood  of saying much. But want to drop a note regarding Inception.

First off, I luv Chris Nolan. He's so dark so I like...I like it very much. I like dark-mattered mind. This Inception movie, I can say is indeed interesting but as for me it's not mind-blowing enough. 

Leonard Dicarpio is a great actor. I have seen few of his movies, but I think they picked the wrong lead actor for this one. I guess when you have to discuss a deep concept, you need somewhat a more intellectual with action flavour actor - though I cant suggest another one yet. So maybe ie why he was picked....haha. 

Ellen Page as the dream set designer to me is even more unconvincing. She looks non-smart, non-creative. She doesnt have the spark of making something complex.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Artur (Leonardo's assistant in the movie) is a superb actor too. He was the lead in 500 days of Summer. I must say he stole alotta screen time from Leonardo. Honestly, I didnt like him as an Arthur too, just dont feel the chemistry between Leonardo & him.

I am not Chris Nolan's brain so I am not exactly sure about the real plot. But from what I have seen, it's not something very complex. Though the concept is complex. Ie why I am starting to read this mutual dreaming research. It has alot to deal with the untapped brain, which is something I am deeply intrigued with.

But still, I highly recommend this movie. At least, let us think alittle....it's not really a movie that easy-go-funny style. Though it's not really that difficult to get it either. After the movies, I overheard many couple's conversation "wow, so deep, so complicated, I dont understand" - it's just because not many directors dare to make a movie that make people - stop/pause and think. Of coz, Chris Nolan has the advantage of getting big budget to hire in-stars. O well, hence HIGH FIVE to this movie - HK people should go to theater for this one!

I am starting on a new thing...

Well, actually it's inspired by a dream. I am starting to write a book! It's a sci-fi based, as most dreams I could remember vividly are pretty sci-fi. Now, the more I ponder over it, the more I realize most of these dreams have something to do with water and end-time. Water dripping by a slope, hurricane water monsters, underwater training....................I am going to devote my time to combine all these dreams into a sci-fi book. Of coz, my ultimate wish since very young was to make a movie.

Wow, hope I could be brave enough one day to show it here for all of you guyz.

6 Aug

I believe in fairness & unfairness of the world. Humans are never fair. The universe is always fair.

That's why I am never jealous of what people have - money, power, fame, even beauty. Those that constantly nagging & having a sense of deprivation. I just so dont get why people always complain of what they dont have, or why other people's parents are rich to make these pple something, while they dont have rich folks, or why they have no umbrellas while raining. HEY let the rain drop on you wont kill you, I want to tell these people. Why not think of - wow, it's good I wear a black top instead of a white top in the midst of dogshit raining?

Recent case of Amina Mariam has aroused some fever anger within some Hong Kong people. It's not to me about rich & famous, though it surely is something of a substance about this case. I understand & accept about unfair treatment towards rich & powerful. It's not even new news. However, this case to us is borderline  corruption. Honestly, if she looks prettier or hotter, I wouldn have let it go. hahahaah. Yet, with the modern technology, everything she did was captured. Come on, judge, you think we would let this go. It just aroused more anger with that stupid sentences - allowing her to head to US for some psychology retreat? Might as well, tell us all, she has been sent to Bali for a tan!!?? How come people could be so stupid? I meant the judge.

I do not see the point of arguing justice, as within law, there's no real justice (with my limited knowledge of law)...:P And there's no righteous politics as within the boundary of politics, it's only greed for power. My father taught me this. I so believe & abide in it. I sometimes wish I could be even more dark, less emotional driven - I believe I could very well be a cult leader (as my roomate once said).

To me, I am going to protest on 15 Aug, not coz I want justice. But more, coz how can an educated non-hot non-pretty bitch got away with this. She deserves some jail time. Not 10 years la......even 10 weeks will bring a smile to my face!

2009 till now

2009 was bombful. 

2010 is dreadful.

I think those who have known me for over 3 years would know I am a very different Dawn compared to maybe lets say when I was in 2003. I was constantly at war with my emotion. My EQ was always the worst one. My AQ though was pretty good, considering I was the project manager at one stage.

Now, I find myself so patient. So quiet in my ambitions. High in EQ. AQ not sure yet as not yet tested for some time. But I cant deny, I am somewhat abit exhausted, abit tired with all the challenges I gotta face these 2 years. I know everyone has problems, but for me, I was more or less alone facing all kinds of trials, which some are very difficult to tell or confide with anyone. Thou, I tried my best to record the end result "happiness" "sadness" "suicidal tendency" "depression" here, I today feel tired. But still hopeful. Anyways, one thing that never changes is I am extremely extreme person. From star sign or palm reading to personality analysis to even Enneagram................................

I believe, strongly believe, I wont die now. There's no way I can die now. I need to press on. I seriously want to show the world how someone like me could stand up again...............alone. 

I hope I will be rich very soon, so I can grant all those who have supported me unconditionally  & selflessly a grand trip. hahaa, this is one of my goals, actually. Anyways, I feel good to say this, even though it seems so far away (not really.....just abit of time & luck). 

Anyhow, with all the happening in my family & my business as of today, I feel tired but I am going for a swim in half an hour. I dont want to lose the momentum of doing something ever again. Depression is one that destroys ones motivation & most of all the momentum. I luv this word "momentum" alot. Anyhows, thanks for reading........:)

More "leftover" Women than MEN

http://hk.dv.nextmedia.com/template/dv_channel/index.php?fuseaction=dv15.player&mode=section&id=all&range=d&dv_iss=20100730&sec_id=4104&art_id=14293438&av_id=14293763

It's such a boring news but again it says there are more LEFTOVER women than men!

What does it imply? 18K men go to China to get married - coz we women are more educated?! Another debate.

But this kinda news threatens women. I dont like it. So more women just pick anyone to get married. All I see is vicious cycle. Anyhows.

In my next life, if I have a choice, I still want to become a woman. As in the view of progress, development & vision-forward, I see women going to rule the world soon (hey, I didnt say this. My ex ex ex said that!!! I always find him to be one of the most intelligent in HK......hahahahahah)

Sometimes I just dont get it..............

Two people, who have gone through hardship. Flip when there's money involved. It's surely not NEW news. But then, when a good person suddenly becomes a monster, I really, say I am so naive, innocent.......I really cant take it, esp they are your closed ones.

I want to say more, but the horror is too near to describe. I cant describe it. I dont understand the psyche, usually I am pretty good at quieting knowing one's intention of one's behaviour. But this one is abit out of reach. I get why some want to have it all. I just dont get how a kind and good person maybe in his "previous" life (era), could say certain things, act certain ways - becoming a monster that you would only watch it on TV (usually you would laugh - impossible for such beings exist!)

Anyways..................if you pray, pls pray for my family. No specific points, but just safety to us ALL.

Me & My Victoria Park

I remember, when I was very very little, I went there to swim. My uncle took me. I went to a gent's toilet to get changed, I remember.

I remember, I almost got drown there, despite no adult actually could remember it.

I remember, I was told about the Queen Victoria's staue which could walk at night, when I was very  little. That freaked me out, till now, actually.

I remember, I played the long-lost-now-found drama with my sister there when I was little, as I always felt I wasnt my parents' kid.

I remember, I got very exicted to learn I could go there everytime my aunt suggested. Becoz, I rarely went anywhere.

I remember, every mid-autum festival, my parents & aunt & uncle would take us to that little green pasture (big in HK) to play candels. My uncle made a gigantic rabbbit - we would always be so proud taking the candled rabbit roaming around the whole park, just to really show off.

I remember, I went to the park alot with my classmates. We took pictures. I had long hair.

I remember, I often went there to play squash & tennis with my F.3 friend. Now, I no longer........

I remember alot.....somehow, somewhere, you will always bypass there. Now, alot has changed. Really. But I am back there now 2 to 3 times a week. I am luving that old swimming pool. I luv their changing room. I just realize I really luv it there (not on any Sunday though). Many memories lost but some left. Still good, after so many years! :D

The match-making scene in HK

Was talking to some galz & some guyz regarding the match-making scenes in HK. I believe most of you are already attached, married, divorced or even dating few dudes or chicks!! hoho.......

Do you know that there are age limit for everything?

1. If you want to apply for a working holiday in asutralia, sorry miss, U r over 30! You are not ELIGIBLE! "shit, does it mean I must be so successful in my job that I dont need one in AUS?? or  I must be having no interest to have a "WORKING HOLIDAY", or I am just too old to be competitive!!??"

2. Speed-dating. Galz, if U r turning 33 this year, then quick, go join as many as possible. WHAT THE FUCK!!?? I gotta pay few hundred to thousand of dollars just to attend such whirldating thing, allowing me few mins with each person. WHAT"S fucking MORE - the guyz are usually bald & SHORT!!!!!

(I never been to one as I am too OLD or too GOOD/HOT for that.....whatever it's a truth!)

3. I wasnt aware there were indeed match-making service in HK, still......:P And the fact is you have to pay few thousands dollars to get, lets say roughly 3 dates. 

WAKE UP!!! 

So I "argued" with some guyz N some galz - which kind of men who could pay thousand of dollars, have a decent job, look OK, financially stable, a gentlemen, mid 30-mid 40 --require such a service to find a woman?? 3 dates? Men are very practical. 3 dates??? To them (the good ones) - I would suggest them to find an escort! 

Honestly, my views. It's an inevitable fact that everyone is getting old. Very much depending which year you were born in, post 80? post 90? So? Many times, we allow the world to make us suffer, very much likely so, where you were young, you mocked at the pre-50, pre-60 - now it's your turn. Hey, ligthen up. U could stay hot, there are plastic surgery, botox, laser, etc etc.........................

A True Rat Story

I was born in the year of Rat. 

When I was born, my parents were renting a room just above our store. According to their recollection, there was a rat infestation when I got home from the hospital. It made me think I must be a rat queen in previous life. After staying there for few years, we moved to our existing old chinese bldg. Yes, there was rat infestation too. I was always home alone, in regardless how old I was. I saw them running around between the shelves & my great grandmom's room. Until now, I hate those aluminum shelves. Dont get it why the fuck they gotta be there. Anyhow, I always screamed to the rats - they would stop for a minute then kept running again. Honestly, now I am not sure if they really existed or it was my imagination. Also, with that so many rats, how come we still have our big toes. Dont they like kids toes? Should they be already eaten off by those huge rats, vicariously running around?

Ok for long intro. The true rat story comes.

2 years ago, I moved to GZ to start on a new position that was specially created for me. I dont get it why bosses like to create a title for me. I am not that good anyways. I rented a hotel-managed apartment, totally new & cheap as well. It was on 26th floor. Basically, I felt pretty safe there as I assume there should be no insects, no rats, no thieves, no even human - as the occupancy wasnt full at the time I moved in.

I brought quite abit of stuff from HK, clothes, food, instand noodles, etc. Inside the flat, there were quite a few built-in compartments, so in order to feel I was occupying the whole place, I put a bit of things in every compartment. I noticed a strange opening (man-made) at the kitchen cupboard. That opening was connected to the ceiling (the central air-con) to the kitchen shelf. I wasnt really paying much concern there, so I put a korean spicy cup noodle - Shin into the top compartment - it is a wrong compartment to put a SHIN noodle. I got no clue why I put it there.

Few weeks later, my friend & my ex came to GZ to visit me, so they stayed in my place. And I think my friend wasnt feeling well, so I was looking around for panadol, hence opening the SHIN compartment. I saw my SHIN cup noodle was ripped open. The SHIN spicy flavour sachet was also ripped open. I WAS SHOCKED and moved a step back. And whe  I came to my senses, I realized it must be rats doing. That's the only explanation. I freaked. I seriously freaked. I dont even remember how helpless I felt, despite my ex was there. As usual, he made some stupid comments which I flared. I flared. 

As a personality, many say I am a bitch, or arrogant, or tough/strong, whatever. But actually I am very ah Q.

I saw it as a lucky sign to realize it with people around me, despite their stupidity & uselessness to a situation. I of coz went to the front desk to get them DO SOMETHING! But basically, they gave me more stupid answers or catching-the-rat method, which to my horror, basically I stumped, I freaked, I screamed in front of the front desk. As they recommended me to use a rat sticker. My friends, to those who are reading this, DONT USE STICKER. You'd rather a rat eat your toe then using a sticker to catch the rat. Now I want to puke.

As a logical person & crime solver lover, I started going through everything inside the flat to see if the rat did do some damages on my everything, or if they hid somewhere. And, I deliberately put all the plastic bags I had around the flat, just to make sure I would be alarmed if something stepped on it, be it a ghost or a rat! I realized there was nothing, no rats in my flat. How Come?!?!?! There were more food, delicacies just right under the SHIN compartment. I just couldnt get it. 

After weeks of waiting for a rat to jump to my bed at night - it's my imaginery horror story. I concluded that there was no rats in my flat, but what happened to the SHIN cup noodle. The truth is I couldnt give you a correct answer, except. If you indeed want to fight off rats, put SHIN noodles around your house! I believe rats dislike spicy food. They wouldnt be able to take the SHIN spicy powder. Ie my only conclusion.

When I was packing & planning to move out from the flat, I was even more sure that the rat was coming via the central air-con. I saw their trails above my wardrobe, which was separated by a glass. I am glad I was so ignorant to realize it on the last day. Ignorance is a bliss.

Finally.....

Trying 2 weeks of exercise, like swimming, jogging, boxing. I finally could sleep before the DAWN. I really couldnt get it before why people could feel so exhausted to a point of hitting the sack rite away after exercise. I think I got a good taste of it after my boxing session last nite. Honestly, I was kind of slacking yesterday while doing it. Basically the coaches were almost to a point of ignoring me as I was like a brat not wanting to do anything, esp with my slow, unco-ordinated punching. But while they were ignoring me, I was punching my own way - it was kinda of relaxing. I hate coaches. Anyhow. I think I bottle up too much anger within for everything, for everyone. While I was punching, I felt like I was killing some people, some events, some moments. But I was too tired & unco-ordinated to punch further. So next Tue, I am going to punch some more, just to kill off more people, more events, more moments.

SHITTY HK news!!!!!!

I browse movies! TV!
But I also like to read things that are paranormal - UFO, ET.

OK, I read from yahoo news today (TODAY!!!) regarding a UFO sighting in early 8th JULY in China, IN CHINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. People were already posting thread about this all over in US..........shit, HK is just a arm-length away from our motherland. How on earth, newspaper reported it ONLY now!!?? I know HK is generally culturally/intellectually numb, BUT it's UFO - doesnt it deserve abit more ATTENTION?


STUPID Hongkie! Including me!

(C) http://hk.news.yahoo.com/article/100725/4/jcdo.html
(E) http://en.ce.cn/National/Local/201007/08/t20100708_21593914.shtml
(E) http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/5572398/china_reverses_itself_on_ufo_that_disrupted.html?cat=15
(E) http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread591466/pg1

Compelled by Ben Whishaw

Honestly, I wanted to use the title, "raping Ben Whishaw" as literally I watched his three movies in a row. 

I luv his portryal as Grenouille in Perfume - the story of a murderer. It's just magnificient for an actor being given so little of script but highly rely on his body language to play a murderer. Anyhow, just captivating.

While, his roles in Brideshead Revisited & Bright Star - he's the only thing that worth notice. Unlike other movie stars, he has that kind of awe radiating during each scene - you dont even feel like he's acting. These 3 movies - each is of very different character, yet he could carry it with such a grace & sensation in all three of them.

What's more, he literally made me want to read all THREE Novels. And I am digging into Perfume by Partick Suskind (Germany) now fervently! And doing some research on John Keats - I somehow suddenly want to read poems too.

More good people or More bad people

Maybe it's an asian culture. But as you were growing up, you always heard your mom, your dad, your grandmom, your aunt, your uncle, your teacher, your tutor, your anyone around you telling you every other day that LOOK OUT!!! DONT TALK TO PEOPLE!!! MANY BAD PEOPLE.

OK, now you are grown up. You still hear your mom, your dad, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your husband, your wife, your boss, your NEWS, your everything reminding you over & over- DONT TRUST NO ONE!! PEOPLE ARE BAD. ARE YOU SURE YOU WILL GET YOUR PAYCHECK!!??? ARE YOU SURE THEY ARE NOT OUT TO STEAL YOUR MONEY, YOUR STUFF, YOUR INFO, YOUR BOYFRIEND, YOUR HUSBAND??

Sigh! I think I am a gullible person.

I made a calculation seriously, when I was working in S'pore. By the way, I am not very fond of s'porean, maybe due to the fact I had 2-ex there and I lived with one of their mom before. (hahah!!) Why I was so 'free & crazy" making such a math? Coz I always grew up to think everyone was bad, and they were out to get you!!!!!! Look, just take a look at the people on the street in Asia (e.g  HK, Taiwan, China, S'pore) - they all look miserable esp if they are walking alone. They dont smile. They look so alarmed always. Some are even jaded or emotionless or motionless- like a pile of numb corpses walking around.

My calculation conclusion is there are way more good people in the world than bad people. I admit there are people out there that dont have a good conscience. However, the people usually around you, me, them are always, pretty OK! Of coz, I did meet some bad people, but really, very small handful or even a fingerful ONLY.

I hence have been preserving myself not to think bad about people as much as I can. Still, the childhood reminder has lived with me for over 30 odd years, it's not easy just to dump this shit. But I try, try very hard. And I gotta say, my consistency hasnt failed me much yet. And honestly, what's there much for me to lose? Money? Sleep? Body? Life?

I basically use more energy to fend off those reminders from my dad,  my mom, my friends, my  brother, my sister, my husband, my boyfriend, my wife, my girlfriend, my daughter, my son............................COME ON! When you put into right perspectives, you could live abit lighter each day.

Cheerioo, Hong Kong Babies!

A Popular French Diet (REVISED)

French nowadays is trying to follow this diet, my french fren shared the secret with me. I am going to start on Monday!!!! It's kind of like Atkins. But somehow, I find this to be quite easy to follow. 

Here is the script......

First ONE week

1. Morning - healthy cake with plain yogurt

2. Lunch & dinner - meat, meat, meat and tofu

No fruits, vege & little alcohol

Then thereafter:

First 3 days following the above ONE week meat diet, you can start introducing vegetables, and then next 3 days just meat diet (as above) then alternatively another 3 days meat+vege, on & on for one whole month regime!!!  Morning, the healthy cake.

My friend who ate ALL YOU CAN EAT meat daily, he still could manage to lose 2 Kg. While, my french friend, she's already pretty skinny and she lost around 3-5Kg following the one month regime. 

The concept behind is to trick your body to work harder (this is what a protein diet could offer), while reducing carbohydrate is actually good for your health - reducing sluggishness, water retention & fatigue.

Here are the recipe & my suggestion:

1. Meat = seafood, fish, beef, lamb, pork......................
Apart from Salmon, lambchop, etc. I guess you could make some chinese soup - eat all the meat but not the vegetables that come with. It's nourishing & filling!!

2. Healthy Cake:

- 4 tablespoons oat bran (optional + 1 spoon Wheat bran)
- 1 egg white
- 2-3 tablespoons yogurt
- 1 teaspoon baking powder
- 1 teaspoon aspartame (fake sugar) or one pack of Equal you can steal from Starbucks :D
- a bit of flavour (I use vanilla)

Time needed: 

3-4 minutes in microwave (using silicone mould) or

8-10 minutes in Oven until it turns brown (around 180-200C), around 2 muffin size tray.

This cake is really healthy by looking at the ingredients and you can eat this as snack or as breakfast, I reckon. It supplies the fiber you need (esp for the first 2 weeks you have little intake on fiber).

3. The yogurt I use is non-fat plain yogurt which you can get at International/Welcome/Taste/360/Citysuper & alike. 

4. For tofu, she mixes tofu with a can of tuna or salmon. Actually it tastes not bad.  Or, grill a porkchop or steak, tofu as the side dish. But, eating tofu alone could be very delicious too. (I like the japanese tofu from Jusco, or just get a pack of "mountain water tofu" from Welcome) 

5. I feel I could follow this diet better, the trick is on the cake as it's a pretty filling one. Good for going to toilet as it packs with oat bran!

Any queries, feel free to ask. I will use all my intelligence to answer. 

STAY FIT!

NOBODY

I always giggle when I see this MTV. So freakishly funny. I am going to learn the Wonder GIRLS dance too. lol

Wordsss of the WEEK 2 - Dawnism, Dawnish, Dawniqustic

I think alot of kids would make up of their own language while growing up. And I was one of them. Of coz, I always talked to my split self, and later on, to my imaginery crowd where I would give a speech. haha, I dont think I told anyone before, maybe my roomate Ellie in Melb (?) However, I got more into it when I was in high school or University (dont recall when). I think I really had a notebook jotting down the dawnish sound/word/meaning!!!

Of coz, I got bored by it after a while as it's indeed not an easy task to create my own dawniqustic dialect, even though I so wanted to be the best scholar in my own language (as earthly literature is way too diffcult for me).

Anyhow, this kinda "creating a language" is still imprinted deeply in me, so those who have talked to me more, know that I always come up with english-but-not-english words!! And I want to further develop in it, so I will make a point to create a word/a phrase every week. 

You may yell - SCHIZO! Honestly, I always think I am borderline ONE.

OK, today, Dawnism/Dawnish/Dawniqustic which are pretty much self-explanatory and not funny. Stay tune for next week. :D

Interesting Name - Han Han

My very first time at HK Book Fair.

There, I came across some book promotional material - it says something Han Han (韓寒). I just found the name to be real funny - as both characters actually sound the same "HAN". The second HAN referrs to "COLD, CHILLING". And I thought he's from Korea as his surname 韓 is pretty much Korean most popular surname.

As I was browsing yahoo news, I recognize this Han Han name. Actually there were few entries about him yesterday! I was surprised, so I read on & did a bit of research on him. He's actually  a post-80 gen  car racer / writter / blogger. He has more than 4 Mil fanz at his Sina Blog (The China Facebook) and "With more than 300 million hits to his blog, he may be the most popular living writer in the world." He, I believe, in somewhat represents how many chinese people of our era think & feel.

I saw some of his interviews, he's abit what in HK called "inch mouth" but I think he's very intelligent in making his hostile comment, always with a smile while not using abrasive language to address a govt issue, rather, he expresses it in such a way that I dont think the govt could really put blame on him.

To sum up, I am not a political conscious person, seriously. But I believe we need to be trendy enough in knowing what the heck is going on in our society & gen. For me, I dont like looking at the so-called Big picture - the economic upheaval, the world leaders debating with their own self. Rather, I observe the "minority" , the little things, the tiny events. I dont want to explain too much why..............hahaha. It's just my political view. :)

Some reading rgd HanHan.
(C) http://hk.news.yahoo.com/article/100722/3/jax3.html
(C) http://www.metrohk.com.hk/index.php?cmd=detail&id=139756
(C) http://zh.wikipedia.org/zh-tw/%E9%9F%A9%E5%AF%92

(E) http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/13/world/asia/13hanhan.html?pagewanted=1&_r=2
(E) http://chinadigitaltimes.net/2010/01/asia-weekly-interview-with-han-han-i/
(E) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Han_Han

A Little Bit Broken

I was woken up by my Shadow's cough - well, I should say her nightmare. I turned on the light to check on her, realizing on her shiny black hair lie some grey hair. I know it's inevitable, and she's actually in good health. My vet already said I maintained my dog really well, as for her kind by 6 yo, they would tend to appear "old" "fat" with "alotta grey hair".

But I couldnt help it but started sobbing. I am so afraid she would get sick (including Lottie) - as I couldnt afford for their vet fees at the moment. So I told them, pls dont get sick for now.......I am working hard to change the situation. I hope they get my meaning.

Looking at Shadow, I sometimes think how lucky I am to have such a crazy dog. She eats anything and everything. She jumps like a cat. She runs like a real mad dog. She plays like there's no tomorrow. She sleeps like a baby.

She's already 10yo, turning 11 actually. I heard her kind could live upto 15, 18 or so. My hope is she would stay alive with me till at least 15 yo. I dont want her to suffer. I want it to be a healthy death (hahahah.....what's that word??!!) But yes, healthy death. Not much pain. Not much sorrow. 

It's just strange to say that she has been with me for over 10 years. I dont even remember I keep something for 10 years or been in a relationship for that long. How can one not feel sad when death seems so imminent even though silly me has already secretly prepared for that day 10 years ago,  on the very first day I took her home?! 

Arrrghhh.......

I will buy some good snack for her tomorrow. And give her a great walk this weekend. 

(I love this picture, she looks like an ET dog with beaming eye weapon)

Horrible News of Today

DAWN row ends in tragedy

WHAT??? AGAIN???? IT's IN shaukeiwan, near where I live....hahaha, many mins away. I almost thought they were referring me!!! And I almost thought, it's my parents - they dont live in the same area though. Sounds like them!!!

Nowadays, why HK pple want to kill everyone sleeping next to them???? It's a tragedy, indeed. 60 yo committing such a tragedy!!! It's like almost going to be the end of their lives, shouldnt they be alittle bit more ligtened up, they are gonna hit the life/death tunnel anytime soon anyways!!!

All I can say is that he was creative enough not to use chopping KNIFE!

(Chin) http://hk.news.yahoo.com/article/100721/4/ja6n.html
(Eng) http://www.thestandard.com.hk/news_detail.asp?pp_cat=30&art_id=100810&sid=28980223&con_type=1&d_str=20100722

15 yo teen CHOPPED UP mother & sister claiming "fewer people on this planet is good"

(Chin) http://hk.news.yahoo.com/article/100722/4/jaef.html
(Eng) http://www.rthk.org.hk/rthk/news/englishnews/news.htm?hightlight&20100722&56&685377

Man, I used to live in Riveria Garden. It was a nice neighbourhood. I have nothing much to comment on this, I just always feel sad for youth wasting their youth, destroying themselves & others like that. I am sad for the HK parents, they never take (most of them) time or even learn to take time to understand THIS GEN. It's a confused GEN. It's actually, on the contrary to some's belief, the unfortunate GEN. (note: material =/=fortunate)

One word, SAD.

HABITUALLY retarded (REVISED)

OMG!!!!! What's happening to HONG KONG people!!!??? Lately, I realize some are getting so retarded, it has become their habits to be retarded. Like, they will die to be less retarded. Just saw an article by Dark Side HK.

Guess someone is sharing similar ideas:
http://thedarkside.hk/2010/07/22/are-our-kids-becoming-retarded/

Case 1:
How hard it is to give out an address or direction in HK ISLAND!!! OK, fine, Kln side, assumed to be abit more confusing, but man.............HK ISLAND, CAUSEWYABAY, WAN CHAI.

"What! Opposite to NEWAY karaoke!? Plz get that person to give the exact address" "Oh yes Neway Karaoke in causewaybay." "No, ask for the address!!! Every karaoke belongs to Neway now and there could be THREE neway in causewaybay" "OK, OK neway Karaoke"

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Case 2:

"Hey, it's not even my product! I DONT even have the product with me!" "YOU ARE WRONG" "But Europeans are not that "diligent" in changing words or things to improve the artwork or whatsoever, are you sure it's not correct!" "YOU ARE WRONG. YOU GO AND CHECK THE OLD ONE" " I dont have the old one. (my heart is filled with rage so I tried to find back the old one) " "YOU ARE WRONG LA, RITE?!" " FUCKER, IT"S FUCKING SAME. U HAVE BEEN CHECKING WITH YOUR OLDER OLDDIE RECORD. ARE YOUR STAFF RETARDED!!!!!!"

Their staff checked the wrong one. And they OWN the product!!!!!!!!!!!!

Case 3:

The same staff as Case 2. I hate people not using email but keep calling enquiring really really REALLY idiotic question like:

"WHAT!?" "I want to ask about a word." "Shoot!" "What's the meaning of insensitive?" "Errr....HUH??!!!! AGAIN, plz" " IN-sensitive" "Er...........It's NOT sensitive" "I-N-S-E-N-S-I-T-I-V-E" " I know! It means NOT sensitive" "but it's not in the dictionary" "Er....huh!? well, everything with the "in" in front is the opp of the actual meaning" "O, are you sure?"

If she works under me, I fire her on the FIRST day!

Case 4:

Same staff as case 2 & 3.

After making 4 missed calls to me. Finally she got hold of me, I didnt really want to pick up the phone as what's so urgent to call 4 times but with no URGENT emails?

"YES?" "Dawn plz" "I AM - arent you calling my mobile no?" "I want to confirm if you recieve the email I sent you" "YES" "Then why didnt you reply me to say you recieved?" "You didnt ask me to, also I am waiting for the other side feedback before giving you a full reply" "O, but we are worried you didnt recieve" "PLS ask me such Q in email next time!!!!"

IN this modern world, urgency = EMAIL (with Urgent Urgent signal) BEFORE you CALL SOMEONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks, it's good to be venting out a little here, as I talk to my dogs only now.

Getting ready for 21Dec2012

I always want to tell people, it may not be that day, but who cares?! Kinda signify the "end time" or "renewal time"! I re-watch the documentary of 2012. I wont dwell much on that yet today, but I believe somehow near somewhere around that time, our modern world may be affected by....possibly solar flares?! Anyways, somewhere I read that there would be times of darkness, so basically - it means things such as electricty, telecommunication (satalite of coz all fire-up la) - would be gone. Dont even think too much about towngas, my friend. Everything even the town gas , water providers provide utlity by electricity.

My suggestion of preparation, even so jokingly said, still may not be uesless:

1. GET stock up on candels. Ie what I am doing, but mainly nicely scented ones. I am stocking one bit by bit and I encourage people giving me presents of candels too. Think about it, if they have nice smells, even lo and behold this thing is a hoax, you still can make good use of the nice smell.

2. Can food and can opener. Forget about cup noodles or instant noodles. U dont have fire, how to open a fire to boil some water! Unless you have the independant gas cooker with many spare gas cans. That may not be a bad idea. Let me invest one some day. It's good for hotpot anyways!

3. Water. Alot of Water. or just wine bottles. Forget about beers, they taste horrible if they are not chilled. Remember, you wont have a fridge when you got no electricity!

4. Try to move to a house or lower level apartment. No electricity means no elevator.

5. Buy a dove and train it. So they can deliver your msg to your family & frenz. No mobile commincation, forget about texting!


Then of coz, some of us already have dates on that night to party outside, together with our dogs!!!!! Feel Free to Come Along. Venue, TBC.

THE FALL with Lee Pace

The FALL has become one of my fav pictures lately. I watched 3 times, I still cried. I somehow could so get the character Roy's (by Lee Pace) mental struggles, while I sometimes feel like I am as gullible as the child Alexandria.

Tarsem the director & screenplayer had this movie vision for 17 years and another 4 years to put all these together. Film location was taken from 24 places from Namibia, India Taj Mahal, Butterfly Reef, Prague,....etc. Not much Blue screen thingie. Just by seeing all these landscapes, it's worth getting the DVD. In addition, the whole production was largely funded by Tarsem himself. 

The interaction between Roy & Alexandria was only partly scripted, it was very much from the child actor point of view Cantinca in dealing with Roy being bedridden, the epic storytelling......

Tarsem actually made Pace pretend to be wheelchair-bound during the whole filming period (7.5 weeks), the whole crew including the child actor Catinca were not aware of his perfect walking ability! And amazingly, the whole crew had the same paycheck, everyone of them! Lee Pace was already known by his role in Soldier's Girl - SAME CHEQUE!!

After reading the commentary, I am even more touched & encouraged to share this to everyone, because, what's more inspiring to be inspired by a passionate & committed person & team (regardless of what the heck they are doing)!!!!

Of coz Catinca was amazingly adorable in her demeanor & every move - as it's genuinely coming out from a 6 yo child.

While, Lee Pace is such a handsome & amazing actor. I think he may very likely be the only real american actor I am fond of nowadays (others tend to be british, aussies doing american movies). He had a leading role in Pushing Daisies, sadly it was cancelled.  The fantasy world love story was so beautfully shot. I hope he will become a more prominent figure at theatres in coming years!

I highly recommend everyone to see this movie, as to me it's such a genuine effort with passion &vision! Of coz, magnificient location, location!

P.S.

- Lee Pace has such an deep amazing voice , too. I always have a thing for tall (6'3") & manly voice man!!
- At the wedding scene, the music was sung by russian church choir or opera (I couldnt recall) - they were mumbling "googly googly...." - it's the magic world for the child to cast the worries away, while Googly is the film house producing The Fall.
- In the epic, Roy was referring indian as the "red indian"  hence using the term "squaw", while in the picture you saw it's the india indian coz the fantasy scenes were from the child Alexandria's perspectives.
- Elephants can swim. :)

Thai Boxing

My very first time.

Honestly, I hate the noise when your legs banging the punch mitts or the punching bags. I realize I really hate violence so much. The concept of hitting each other for fun to me is unbearable.

But I will still go, as I find it to be good workout and a good way to train my motor co-ordination. I have hard time to keep upto steps, ie why I so hated aerobics!!

if U hvnt done much exercise, it's time to do some! Even ME got sthg done lately!!

Amy Winehouse

She's one of my fav singers. I like her oddity. Her strange hairstyle. Her makeup. She tattoos.
I can totally identify with her, w/o the drug abuse issue though. :D

I used to listen to her songs while jogging. But lately I have changed to Lady Gaga, as her songs make me jog just alittle bit more. Maybe due to the allegedly higher testosterone level that makes the songs more exercisable!

Amy Winehouse



Lyrics:
Meet you downstairs in the bar and heard
Your rolled up sleeves in your skull T-shirt
You say, "What did you do with him today?"
And sniffed me out like I was Tanqueray

'Cause you're my fella, my guy
Hand me your Stella and fly
By the time I'm out the door
You tear men down like Roger Moore

I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told you, I was trouble
You know that I'm no good

Upstairs in bed with my ex-boy
He's in a place but I can't get joy
Thinking on you in the final throes
This is when my buzzer goes

Run out to meet you, chips and pitta
You say, "When we married", 'cause you're not bitter
There'll be none of him no more
I cried for you on the kitchen floor

I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told you, I was trouble
You know that I'm no good

Sweet reunion Jamaica and Spain
We're like how we were again
I'm in the tub, you on the seat
Lick your lips as a I soak my feet

And then you notice likkle carpet burns
My stomach drop and my guts churn
You shrug and it's the worst
Who truly stuck the knife in first

I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told you, I was trouble
You know that I'm no good

I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told you, I was trouble
Yeah, you know that I'm no good

Another Version by Arctic Monkeys



Faster beats but still sound great.

Shoe Fetish to Counting the Sacrifice.

I usually do a weekly or monthly "count the blessing" evaluation to make me more positive.

I WAS and still am (if I could) a Shoe Fetish. I couldnt control the compulsion to buy shoes at all. All kinds of shoes, mainly heels from 2" to maybe even 5-6". 5-6" type of coz was preparing for fun at home only. keke. I think I buy 4-6 pairs a month. Joyce or Lane crawford warehouse is the one I frequently visited, whether I would have any conquest or not.

Since I started my own consultant business, it's been tough. Really. My partner is changing his mind constantly. The company that I partner with keeps changing their senior mgt. My clients are delaying orders. I am constantly not getting right info to move forward, so I am so afraid I am going to lose few clients, and consequently few big orders. My income is basically zero for past 6 months, lets NOT talk about the first 9 months I moved back from GZ.

Now, I am re-arranging my furniture, tidying up some stuff. I realize I havent bought any new shoes for maybe a year+++.  But I got 2 new pairs, one from Cindy - Havanna Purple SLIPPERS!!!! And Jacqueline - a black sandal she couldnt fit in. They are both bday presents. I thank them for adding some freshness in my shoe collection finally.

It's NOT a blog of despair. Rather, I think it's time to remind me not to give up. I am SOMETHING!!! I know, You know, GOD knows!!! So today I am counting the sacrifice. I have been diligently making few sacrifices to advance my biz. 

1. No more shoes

2. No more travelling (havent gone anywhere for pleasure for over 2 years!)

3. No eating-out as much (maybe once every 2 weeks, ie why I keep saying No to some of my frenz)

4. No hanging out much 

5. No going to movie theater much (got cheap dvd instead)

6. No more nice & expensive fashion (but this tests how stylish I could be even on a shoe-string)

7. No more new gadgets

8. No new bags

9. Lack of massage, pedicure, manicure..................................

All these are so-called sacrifices - I luv & adore. I used to feel I would die if I couldnt have them! But making these sacrifice, that has to have a return. So I CANNOT give up. I have to move on. I believe the god/the universe will reward people like me. Who wouldnt give a sweet to a challenger, an adventurer?!?!

Afterall, it's a fair world in the spirtual realm.

Movies Ten Times

I realize, I have many TV & movie addicts around me as my good frenz. Suppose like attracts like in this scenario - a homovisual attraction.

I have been thinking what movies I have maybe watched more than 10 times, and I am going to watch another 100 times before I die. Here are a few.

1. Unbearable Lightness of Being

I knew about this through my high school teacher. He always quoted this movie title to me as an inspiration sort when we dwelled on the topics like "what's life?" "opening door to the reality"  "knowing onself" "becoming aware".....etc. pretty darn heavy stuff for a 16yo gal.

The Original

I guess this is an upset "taglines", I am going to change it but I believe I should leave it here too. I am going to change the "profile" in a second.

The original:
I started this blog coz I am bored, I am dying, I am going to kill myself so if you happen to read this, plz prepare I am 80% talking about dark side. PLZ PLZ dont tell me to cheer up, to find other options, to whatever consoling U think it works for u, as I guarantee U, 1000% it's not going to work on me!!! Just be a human to read and listen then to me, it's comforting. But welcome to comment....whatever....say whatever, but no console plz. Cheers!

Word of the Week - Shitperience!

I have never been a real mother, so I am not so sure about changing diaper. My dad just told me once I had a projectile shitting weapon when I was of coz a baby, now shitting is becoming more hardened, supposed it comes with age. :P

Everyone knows I have 2 dogs. What I havent exactly told everyone is that they like to PLAY and yes EAT shits. I got no idea why they like doing so. My sis said, feed them more so they dont get hungry. So I tried but I dont want them to be too fat as it's super shitty for their backs. OK, then some say TRY pineapple. As somehow pineapple will make the shits less....palatable(!?)........still, somehow they keep on shitting N eating.

So I cant tell u how shittily joyable when I see shits, instead of no shits at the dog toilet. I luv picking up the shits.To me, it's the most reassuring moment when I see shits there..........as everytime that tricks me to think, O maybe they have grown up.

Yes ie why I find seeing shits could be a joyful experience. Lets call it Shitperience.

I hate my boobs!

They are too big....since I got fattened up.

I am born to be a fashion icon, with big boobs, it's so hard to be one!!!! LOL

I was standing in front my mirror the day b4, I guess it's the effect of Pre-M thingie that kinda blow up the balls. I dont like it. Nowadays I am trying to cover my boobs more than my flabby abs, how sick is that?

I dont think I can match the cup E or G but I live in Sai Wan Ho, downstairs r a bunch of car repairers..........HATE when my boobs aint hidden, though I usually try to breeze past them with pride. 

I WANT to be in my fashion again. I got nice clothes, very nice indeed!! So now I jog jog jog....hopefully I could fit into them by Oct!!! My jail break month!

Am I sick?

Well, one of you told me I have BIPOLAR DISORDER causes : http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/bipolar-disorder/complete-index.shtml, shit how I hate to have same disease as most americans!

But I disgonsed myself, it shouldnt be this one, as I have no Manic phase.

Just dont tell me what I may have or what I am. Having such a blog is to vent out my thoughts. Sorry if I sent to the wrong person, feel free not to come back. BUT U r still always my good fren. I could totally get it why you can't take it & feel upset!!

Thanks!

Why boxing is becoming so popular.......

I am going to join the boxing class too.

As I was reading news & was discussing in one of the comments rgd why HK pple like to kill each other by CHOPPING UP the others....................

I got a newfound conclusion.

CHOPPING = BOXING

It's the bang bang bang effect!! With the every bang there comes every gasp! It's a pretty adrenaline cooling-off thingie.

Man, I suggest we all should go boxing esp those are easily angered, like me...............we should go BOXING!!!

And I highly recommend the govt to make BOXING as the mandated sport sponsored by, of coz the tax payers, to reduce the homicide rate, or even suicidal rate.

An Education, The Witness (Les Témoins)

An Education

http://www.movies.com/an-education/m22753

It's a simple story about a young teengal meeting an older witty man. I suppose your parents would be experiencing some anxiety nowadays if their daughter is going to marry such a "perfect man". But afterall it's staged at 60's. I abit dislike the ending as 16yo Jenny could snap out of it so easily. Honestly, I believe most women wouldnt stay alive or could go back to school and hence smoothly going to Oxford. I think it was too lucky for her.

I hope somehow all of us could have had her kind forgiving teacher in our life, we might as well have a chance to end up in Oxford or Harvard. haha........

Peter Sarsgaard did a captivating performance there, his acting temperature was just rite. Nothing too overboard. Whereas Alfred Molina (Dr Octopus in Spiderman 2) acted out great as a striving dad who wanted his daughter to go to the best Uni or married the "perfect man".

The ultimate moral question is - to have fun or to obtain success thru boredom. Going through it, despite you are not sure what you want in life. Honestly, I do not know how to choose. And also, who knows how to choose the right one? As for me, I never chose FUN first when I was a teen. I always chose the toughest way - my thinking was to challenge myself. That left alot of wounds inside & outside, but at least I am more alive than choosing either one option.

Highly recommended if you like inde movies or great performance.

The Witnesses (Les Temoins)

http://www.movies.com/the-witnesses/m23684

An interesting movie with a story board spreading from AIDs, Bi-sexual, gay, open relationship, parenthood, friendship........Yes, it's supposed to feel very very heavy indeed. But it all came out pretty naturally. I am not saying they have the perfect script. However, I always like movies or shows with more reality in it. Not dwelling on just purely love or pain oriented.

And the description of the ignorance rgd AIDs back in 80's, somehow it reminds me I should be more protected. It's indeed not a nice disease, esp one of the characters showed the progress of the disease uptil his death. Kinda gruesome.

I cannot relate to any one of the r/p depicted in this movie. I just dont get some of them.

I like french sex scene or scenes that leading upto it. It's just so frenchly natural. Unlike american movies.......

Recommended if you dont mind reading french subtitles.

My aunt is publishing her first book!

She's always a talented artist. 

I believe she has been one of those that left a mark in my life. A good one, of coz. Becoz, she did struggle in her life, esp after her marriage & pregnancy. I saw that through my eyes, always so quietly, when I was merely few years old. Hearing relatives whispering behind her back while she could be in tears. At that moment of my kiddo heart, I had this anger towards humanity or adults. I couldnt get it why they couldnt let her just cry (becoz I liked crying too)!!!!!

Anyhow, we corresponded quite abit when I was studying in Melbourne. I remember at my 21yo, she wrote something back to me in responding to my agony of staying "alive". She told me she gave birth to my cousin. when she was 22. She was very upset, devastated, even depressed for many years as she felt this pregnancy kept her from doing great things at one point. But however, she added on after 18 years her son had become such a great man she's so proud of. She no longer regretted her choice but felt so grateful embracing that. At that very moment I thought, just like when I was maybe 3yo, how I wish she could be my mother. I believe many people would think she's a weak person, but to me she's the strongest person I have ever met, who has confronted depression (we never discuss this topic but I believe she has) and owns such a vast compassion on people and things. Ie what I call strength. Not those other stupid humans that mocked at her back!!!

She's holding the book press (not sure what's the rite word) on 1 Aug at MK fr 3pm. If you guyz are free, feel free to tag along.

Let there be Light! And I am an IDIOT!

Since I started re-arranging my furniture couples of days ago, I finally made myself to buy a standing lamp for my room, which I was looking at Xpat, Ikea thousand of times, I couldnt bring myself to get one. Maybe I was thinking if I could be alive to see the light again. Yet, now my good mood is picking up, I got a silvery metallic lamp which costs only $99. Budgeting with Ikea is a good idea, at times. And yes, finally I no longer need to walk into my room in dark - as I listened to my feng shui master to remove the ceiling light.....HAHAHA, what an idiot!!!!

Then I went on to the central market to get some salad, esp Rocket. Luv it. I think my past life must be a cow. I like it even w/o any dressing. I also realize finally something my shadow wouldnt fight with me - the rocket - she hates it!!! Hurrrayyy............

Moved onto CWB - Ikea & Welcome. I got some coupons so I vicariously going through lane by lane to get some salad dressing, mineral water, EV olive oil (I thought I had it, after trying few times using my existing oil with my salad and found out the taste was abit odd, then realizing it's NOT Oilive OIL - again, what an idiot!!!). So now my fridge doesnt just have beverages ONLY, but I got stock-up with alotta fruits, salads. I am going to make fresh apple juice tomorrow. 

On my way to the above 2 places, I saw my good friend Cindy & friend, but she was on the phone. I was actually about trying to gather my breath to call them, they actually literally "WIND" by me in superman speed. I was too freaking late. Anyhow, it was very funny to me as I was indeed trying to wave & opened my mouth!!!!

Now home. Couples of minutes ago, I was trying to make lemongrass mint tea but then to my horror I realized THEY ARE NOT MINT BUT BASIL!!!!! Shit, anyhow, I removed the basil but put in some ginger slices, hopefully they taste OK lah! WHAT AN IDIOT!

Tonite, I am going to add in some mango in my already fridged fruit pasta salad. But I am going out for a jog first. I want to catch some glimpse of the gorgeous night view of KLN side from here, then spot some tan-juiced, sweaty hunk backs (usually they always run faster than me but I find them to be a good goal for me to KEEP RUNNING).

Then I would meet up with Benji again. Well, I am trying to challenge myself with the WORLDCUP. My mom said Dutch & Spanish teams aint as violent, so I feel more at ease to watch it with Ben at Flying Pan. But I am going to bring my notebook PLUS another book, just in case I would be so "sweated" by the violence.

All in all, I have a good Sunday this week.

Asshole

I went to Soho with Ben tonite. He hasnt visited Soho since there was no Soho. I think he had a good time. Who wouldnt, when he was with me!!??

He said something at the cab which is so meaningful, in an odd way. Esp as I was saying, I couldnt get why some people would make up stories or do something bad intentionally.

He said - in an intelligent way - only assholes cud get assholes. HAHAHHA.............thanks !!!

I now know I am eternally going to be a non-asshole as I utterly have no way to get them. :D

Thanks Benji