How I came about this name? It all started in 2007, 1 Oct. After a firework viewing from a Peking Road 1, my ex-employer's salon location, with wine & small dessert. I never liked fireworks that much honestly as the only thing fireworks remind me of would be NOISE, CROWD, RUDE PEOPLE - ie the situation in HK if U r not as well-off, U dont have luxury to book a hotel room or go to a prestige building with a fantastic rooftop. The best thing watching from the high floor within a bldg is that somehow the firework is level with U. It was exactly that moment, I was abit awe-struck. The fireworks was blossoming in front of me, without needing me to tilt or head up my heavy head.
And as I went home - I was sitting on my bed thinking (at that time, I was staying in some sorta studio flat, in an old bldg, the walls were painted orange). How I felt I was like a bird caged within this cage, with no ability to fly off. Of coz then, I was with my ex, he was kinda....how to say....useless in everything. He isnt stupid, but he's just useless. I'd sometimes rather be with people who are stupid and useless - seems more matching, U know. I have been with 2 of such ex-es, smart but useless. Sigh....I didnt manage to inspire them, ie my failure, of coz.
OK, back to my cage. So I was in agony that nite. I determined I would fly off, maybe till I could be exhausted to death, I still dun mind. I think......a caged legless bird is the most tortured being if not the most, shud be the top 3....they are born to fly, yet, they have no legs - yet people accuse them for being "not grounded" - I sometimes dont know how to respond to such "accusation" as I do understand where they are coming from, but then somehow my ground & their grounds are totally different, anyways. And they are like spreading more coal on already fired-up agony, anguish - these people, they shud be BURNT in hell, if hell is indeed made of fire, hehe.
Then to add on more salts to the wound, this bird has been caged & chopped off her legs by the society, or by family, or by world's values, despite she has been fighting it off. And she did allow all these to capture her into a cage, as she thought, maybe ie how one should be a human, anyways. or a real bird, anyways.
Just try to imagine, a bird who is born to fly, being kept in the cage, WITH no LEGS. This bird is wounds all over everywhere, as she would be a mad bird just trying to balance at the same time to fly and to rest with no legs........................Lately, someone has been mentioning the word Phoenix to me, esp he said my tattoo looked like one. And I was thinking - today - when will be my turn to just fly off from the ash (from the cage) like the phoenix. Surely, I feel the time is close. Once it happens, my blog will stop, but will turn to another one, as it's going to transcend all I have written here. I am dying for that moment, as surely it must be an exciting episode of my life.
Hope U like my blog's name. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment