A Drop of Water Sign

OUT OF TIME - DODECAHEDRON

While, I am on this path...I know I am easily giving up. I kind of missed my time yesterday for Octahedron (Ether) due to having a friend coming over for chats. I kind of was feeling abit tired ysd and as well, I do not understand Ether.....

Since ysd, I started reading the books on The Ancient Secret of the Flower of Life. First few pages already had my curious topic - pineal gland. Yippie......I couldnt thank enough Amazon delivered the books so fast like the Universe knew I was desperate in my head. As days passed, I have been using "I am mental" to describe myself...indeed, I felt so bored as nothing interested me. Now.....Matias, Sacred Geometry, finding the atlantean in me interest me....anyhows.

I want to share abit what happened during Dodecahedron Day. As I started to think of the 9 tears.....I also dont understand what that was.....and a drop of water fell on my lap. I suddenly felt awake inside..& outside....sometimes we do things without being aware. I feel that for these 5 days out of time.....it's to retrain my brain to reconnect, to be aware...

Statement: I am Water, Expression and Vibration"

As I said this statement - I felt a numbing on my throat......I took it as a sign my chakras and lighting fields were aligned.....then I could feel some sensation. I just wanted to record here to avoid I forgot. Suddenly a thought.....as wanting to know more akashic records....blogs are like that....we made records as we would forget.If I want to know, I just need to find a way to the blog to read.......

I Am Water, Expression & Vibration.

Today is more like a diary....I want to note down the drop of water from my hair...just a drop. It's kind of interesting. Thank you.

Quantum Mechanics is soooo spiritual

Yup, QM is spiritual. 

While, following Yosoy Red #yosoy - 30Jul2020 was "Happy Tetrahedron Day", my schooling time I was pretty good at most subjects but I dont remember anything related to Platonic Solids. Through this Yosoy path, I am gradually learning about sacred geometry (SG)

QM & SG to me....they should be same, they should have some form of relevancy to each other but I cannot understand anything about it somehow. It's like my mind has been shut down to recieve deep mesaage....and it could be - it's too simple!? I think it should be latter, because humans sometimes cannot understand the most simple stuff......and so here I attempt to equate, QM, SG and LOVE are the same things though I cannot produce any equation for that.  I couldnt understand any bit of it. HAHA. It should be something related to frequency.......Oh well.

While, randomly listening to Sean Carroll - the many worlds of QM, I started to read through my conversation notes I had with my therapist, Fred......there, when I pondered his words rgd asking the right questions, I was born to have that brain to ask the right questions........I needed to ask the right question to download info - I suddenly understood one thing, why I was kind of a "scientist" or why I excelled in science suddenly, esp chemistry coz I was knowing how to ask questions!! I did. I was curious about anything related to science..... - and there I recieved a message from beyond.....I guess it's first time consciously.....ie what I was asking for, so here I go....

"To be able to download info - ask the right quesions. Just like a scientist. I am a scientist now, past and future. An alchemist. An achlemist thar derived energy , freuqency into matter. It is true. It happened. Problem is - I, Dawn, (the past Avour????), now need to fix it. I could manipulate lighting in front of the giant pyrimaid (I had a vision about lighting, manipulating lighting in front of pyrimaid while following Matias Live Stream ysd)  

*conversation started* 

<is that the Egypt ones? No!>

<what should I do? Dont be lazy. Be a scientist. Ask the right Qs and you can tap into your alchemcy power. It is not that you sucked in physics. You became good at chemistry at young age suddenly coz you were an alchemist. So ask the right Q>

Download. Use the true light to change the dynamics of the new world. Yosoy Red is a bridge for you to learn. It's not the means to the ends. Still some ways to go. Be consistent. Be coherent. Be in love with everything and nothing. Be in love with you, me, him, her it, them ours, and IT.

Oh wow....thank you!

Last Day

After a while, you know you cannot express much on social media. Safe space is so important for me. Living in Asia, sometimes there's a some form of stress - anyhow it's another topic. I hope to reuse this space, mainly for myself to dive into my own thoughts & emotions.

"Last Day' is not the end of the day. But according to Matias De Stefano, we are going to go into the new year from tomorrow 30Jul2020 - according to ancient egyptian calender. I know no shits on all these stars, latitudes or constellation - my bad, I studied and read alot but I suck in physics and maths.

So, this post is to record what I was thinking, in a way for myself. Last week, as I was walking Lottie (my dog dog), I thought to myself (while she was peeing) - 2020 is such a boring year, so so so damn boring. It's like a 7 months of boredom - I cant travel, I cant do this, I cant do that. Frankly, isolation doesnt affect me too much on lifestyle but in the mind - I felt abit trapped, as I couldnt plan I couldnt arrange etc etc...blah blah. Then, I have no idea how, I opened my Gaia TV....I rewatched INITIATION by Matias - which I tried to watch his show few times past 1 year since I got subscription. I just couldnt watch him.......at that time, I just felt info was boring & irrelevant...But then at the same time, I knew on some level I should watch. ie why I tried couple of times. Finally just few days ago....last week, I did - I watched & rewatched. EXPLOSION. BLEW UP MY MIND. 

I never once followed any masters....any guru, and I dont see him as that. He kept reminding us in his Youtube videos.....he's just sharing his truth from his remembrance & perspectives. No one knows one Truth, it's only from his perspectives......starting that resonating with me so deeply. I couldnt use words to describe......in this era, everyone is the way, everyone is the truth......u know !?

Anyways, as I was saying, boring 2020 - can we magically restart this year!?!?! Okies, yes I can. haha......tomorrow is the 5 days out of time and then we start the new year. Wow what!? I think my wish was answered, even in a childish way but it's giving me some hope.....anyhows.

My mind has stopped for few years as I am trying to be "grounded", to work hard........yet, I cannot deny, one part of me is suffocating. My inner being. I am not someone who search for happiness.....I tend to search for saddness. And I dont think I search for neither now.....there is blockage to describe my thoughts & numbness.....but, I feel, as I embark on this alignment for planetary consciousness with Yosoy Red and Matias......I feel, there is starting some changes in me, though I got no words for it, so I have to write write & write.

"I AM TRANSFORMATION"

Seeing my happy dog's face makes me happy from within, I hope whoever stumbles on here she makes u smile also. xoxo

I Love My Home - Hong Kong

I have no children, but I always love them. Seeing what's been happening in HK since June, today my heart is utterly shattered by this video of a 16yo girl - who was hyperventilating as police were surrounding this 16yo girl - a child - yelling at her. Frankly, I am a weak hearted person, I cannot bear to hear what they said but I could gather, somewhat somehow - from the most violent brutal foul language to the most insulting words maybe an adult would be shy away from.

I confess, it is not entirely factual if police said whatever I thought they did coz I didnt hear it in entirety......but you know what it's not a separate case, I heard the shouting before in other videos. The magic of iphones, the magic of social media. So, I finally broke down in tears - weeping for a while. I am not sure why. But I feel for the children, the young ones here in HK or even over the world - they are fighting.

One would say they are blocking the roads or protesting against the authority is just a Gen Z or XYZ (not catching up on the labels) syndrome. Yes maybe, but shouldnt sometimes authority be challenged? Why we adults feel they are so wrong? 

For one, I am always pretty neutral in political views, except I utterly dislike the current USA president DJT, simply on the racist rhetoric and mocking of people. I think I know why I cried. It's the basis of humanity touch that we are losing. I have been upset by it.....now I feel overwhelmed by this gradual loss of humanity over the world....one race over the other, one types of people better than the other. It is just so silly and ridiculous.

I am writing as I do not want to write anything on my social media page - I feel people are so stuck to their page that somehow we could not step back and feel. I advocate fairness....hence I never say the police are evil, coz I really believe they are just human - some of them do not participate in over violence. But indeed, when one is given so much power to harm - and you believe in this right to act upon it, many - maybe one day me - I would do likewise. This is part of the saddening truth hidden in the genome of humanity. 

I just need a place to talk - I find talking to myself more soothing nowadays. If you are out there somewhat reading, I am sorry - this is utterly incoherent somewhat. 

Last, I love this city despite its evilness in many ways - rude taxi drivers, strategyless manager of this city, crazy rushing people on the street -> yet, this is my home. 

Yes, Hong Kong is my home. It is an unconditional kind of love. I love HK.

Stay safe and peaceful.

A bit older a little bit free

Pls dont ask me about my age
I honestly dont remember - somehow it involves difficult mathematics

Time to come back to bullshitting, god knows who will read or not read
At this era, who really cares!? I mean I dont care....more or less I only want to read back how I feel today or what I write today in my future self. Simply, not only coz I am narcissistic but surely yes I am lonely. Very lonely indeed.

Yes I was with someone, the love of my life for almost 8 years, but complicated situation, so yes we again just broke up again....I do hope this time is for real as I no longer have any inner strength or compassion or tolerance for another minute of this lonely life

...yes he's married with kids and too much drama in his life and frankly.....I think I am pretty good at dealing with drama but I asked universe - stop this tolerance training madness, it's enough for me. Yes it has to be my choice to leave...no arguement, no any specific reasons - this is the only way I can begin to fight back for my sanity.

I feel good to just put words back into here....I hope I can continue to do it
xoxo

Oh Gosh.

My last entry was in Feb 2013??? WTF???? Shits, U know, I kept seeing alotta prints everywhere rgd "time flies", and at times - I feel what a joke. Why time would fly off from my palms?? Is it me or is it time? According to me, I always blame myself first. But my work past 2 years have drained me, I have become a bed potato - yes my TV is right in front of my bed and I am always addicted to all types of TV drama...from cheesy Vampire Diaries to drama packed Hannibal.

I have many thoughts lately, as I went to see a psychic, she asked me to seriously write down my goals for 2014, as it's gonna be a great year. yes I know...many told me that and actually I am starting to freak out (lemme go into it later). Yup...alot happenings this year, and I even recieved a mail from a reader encouraging me not to stop writing....I am so sorry that I didnt reply. I was about to write an entry to thank you but I couldnt bring my fingers moving. As if you do read my blog once a while, you know that my fingers move faster than brain. I didnt want to fake a thank-you to anyone...more & more, i want to be real, real in my reality; be it it's my fairy tale land. Am I still a fairy tale gal? Actually I have become an aggressive fairy tale gal. More practical fairy tale gal....what I meant is....I am making my fairy tales happen. I lately also think, I want to see a unicorn, and I know I will see one soon...better if I could touch it.

OK.

What I hate nowadays is that - I got a thought, I got it as so enlightening & brilliant - next moment it just went off with my shredded skin cells....go went gone!!!! I hate it. I want to have a thought cream to keep my thoughts so moisturized and stuck back to my thought epidermis....so it dont shred off so easily. Aiiii....I am blue when I am thinking about it.

I got a topic originally, maybe 2 days ago....as I keep thinking about my past few years. I thought of the word - lifespan, but I wasnt trying to talk about lifespan, I guess (I so forgot now) I wanted to talk about various events that shape me..blahhhh, but as said, I so forgot about it now. 

About my 2014 goals setting.....you know, so many keep telling me it'sgonna be a great cycle for me, but I am then starting to freak out. I guess, on some level - I aim for success, but I am so afraid of it too, so I always sabotaged myself many ways. As many do such psychotic thing in their lives....so I am trying to find the source code to hack my system, or to educate to learn to receive the crown....on another end, I know me too, I am a fucking arrogant bitch, yet - I know it would be my arrogance one day that demolish all my hardworks, which I have seen many times in my life....these 2 extremes are plaguing me in a very neurotic ways. Friends, i am scared indeed. 

So then, I went to temple. I told whoever gods that I am afraid of my arrogance but also pleaded that - pls bring success to me. I as always do....help others to be enlightened.

Maybe at the end of the day, if there's a god or not, we indeed need to feel there's a higher being.....I dont believe by thinking positive, things will turn great. But I do believe sending positive energy to the universe. OK, i may sound scattered and conflict-ky again.

Till then, I will write again, as indeed.....by writing, by loading my cells here - I feel I can relive again. I can rethink again. I can revive again, as a human or as an ET.

Happy new Year. magical new year, that is. I think if we dont find life or events stained with a bit of magic, what's the point of all the cells regeneration or mutation.....hence there must be magic surrounding us. :)

Excuses & apology

Hey yo! Morning from Rome!
I wrote 2 entries yesterday but I know my spelling was horrible with the ever illogical grammar n tenses! Anyways - excuse 1 is that I was using iPad. Excuse 2 is that I was freaking tired! Excuse 3 is I used to get horrible English teachers!

So apology offered n just accept it, if u may!

I got no resolution for 2013 as somehow it passes the same way as 2012! But everyday I try to set a goal - n guess I'll try to write everyday here in Rome! Cudnt sleep much still - supposed - I'm used to the walking pain already!!

Hv a good day!

The trevi

Rome, is a city u have to walk soooooo much! I don't know why those SEA pple kept saying " u hongkies need to walk a lot ehr!?" I walked for 2 years already after 3 days here! Shits, I once thought of going to those pilgrimage , I think I won't be able to make it. I will die there! I am not kidding! I will definitely die!!!!

And so I set out to walk and walk today and....from coliseum to...somewhere then to find the fountain of Trevi! Ok well, I got lost....I cud feel my way usually, but I got lost! I started thinking.....finding luv is a journey to some, if u r serious about it. And it may not mean u will ever find it as usually if its sthg u want, it definitely has hurdles, so u set out....u try to hear the sound, the whisper of the gushing water....u cudnt. So u stop and eat as its really brutal out there. Then u found pple who r quite cold....and u got ur stomach filled, u walk again....u try to look at maps....u try to try ur luck.....u try to just stop and have a smoke to cool off.....still, where r the arches that lead u there....u can't see.....

So....by the time u r going to give up

Maybe u stop....u will ask...maybe from god, or from tarot readers ( to be frank, I was thinking about this while trying to find my way to the fountain of luv, and there I saw tarot cards after 2s of my thoughts!!) .... Yes so u consult....somehow they show u the way, but its just the direction. It's upto u to continue on to walk it! The funny thing is......when u seem u r lost, pple start to ask u for direction! Do I seem like an Italian Chinese!? Anyhows, I think I do a gd con to make most pple believe I actually live at that place most of the time! It's by not looking around.....being a solo traveller, I ind this helps me a lot by looking utterly ruthless!!!! Haha.....

Back to where I want to talk abt. Love.....

Okok....still a long way to b there n u got it....yet, pple in front of u crowded u from walking close. Mayb u shud try harder, maybe I shud just project a coin surpassing hordes of heads w my superhero strength, but at that moment, I felt.....it's not worth it, as I want to keep my 1 € coin instead....coz what if, I have a pee urgency that I need that freaking coin for it!?!? So I looked, I turned......I realize from my way there, there's no any signs of the fountain.....yet, I also realize, I was so close on my first day......so close....from that side, there was actually a sign! Ok....

The moral of the story is

For love, love will find u, but for some, u hv to find it

Still, u still gotta work for it

Still, when u reach there, u may not want to throw the coin

Months pass.....

How to begin here?

I have become an irregular! Gosh! What happened!? I can only say....I am starting to have grey hair! At least a regular one strand! They say, if u pull one, there grows 7 ones. Hence pple usually don't do the plucking! Not me, as I don't believe I have! Rather, I believe it will be healed! Let me give u an eg!

My dog shadow- a sausage dog, at her 14-15 yo age, still owns glossy shiny black hair! And coz I never want her to grow old. Not that I want to be forever young, as a matter of fact, I have been envisioning or rehearsing the moment of my own last breath. Death has been a strange thought to me lately. I don't believe I am going to die soon, but rehearsing it somewhat makes me want to look at the present more! Maybe it's strange or taboo to some, but somewhat it works on me!

ESP when I am standing, walking on paths of the ancient......first Egypt , today Rome.....I somewhat was thinking (not that I am so romantica) how those who thought they wud be forever young and powerful gladiators, Pharaohs, or pope....they once stepped on where I was....even the fishermen in the past from hk.....now I am standing there, they once stood....and one day, another dawn wud be sitting at where I am at....pondering how they might live forever.....or how they r so depressed, stressed or how they will be one day blah......

So I am rehearsing that moment, maybe force me to have no regret when I breathe last one day! Maybe it doesn't make sense, but....then I realize.....one thing.....seeing places I never see, seems strange to me now. Everywhere is so similar....in its different sense. 

Oh, one thing, usually a place I go, I at times felt I was there. Definitely egypt I had that feeling, not Rome though....I don't think I am going to fall in luv with this place....now everywhere I go, I just want to do research in advance so that maybe I cud bring my mom here! 

Gosh, this piece sounds so boring...li was thinking to write about finding my way to the "fountain of love" - maybe it wud seem more enchanting.

Anyways just some irregular regular thoughts.

Happy Chinese New Year of year of snake.

Now I don't even know the significance of the animal. One thing, if there's a past life, I shudnt be living even close to Asia, very likely I wud be a middle eastern woman living in the desert or actually some form of royal heritage! Coz I am quite an ass in this lifetime.

Cheerios.

One needs to experience it to un it

After roaming around the world for so many freaking years, many things I am yet to experience. Oh yes, in btw, we didnt die from that so-longing end of the world, I always thought something could have happened. Not in terms of tsunami type of things, but maybe spiritual enlightenment or ridding of stupid people or christian rapture wud be something cool and saliva-drooling events I wud wish to experience.

Shit, do we need to wait another eternity? Okies.

I didnt do surgery but I am still unwell. If after this week, it's not recovered, I think I could either have cancer or just something really wrong with my organs. Anyhow. But I could say, this sickness' orign is something I would never expect myself to experience.

First, I have collected over a year sadness from this rp. Nothing violent, but it's always in very melancholic mode. I still love or I shud say I loved this man very much depending from which angle I am looking at and it's first time I allowed myself to fall in love. Definitely, there were reasons how he cud win so utterly of me. No men did before but I hope more men afterwards.........hahahaha. Recently. We separated. Between words, he mentioned something, I felt it's a betrayal of trust. I think that worsens my sickness deeply......

When a person is utterly hurt, wounded.....the breathlessness that comes with it really makes my symptoms worse. So basically my whole system shut down. I couldnt blame its him, definitely, I was sick first. But the whole thing, plus my crying, and my coughing really caused every organ in the lowest modes ever in my life.

Second, stress from work. Frankly, I didnt feel that stressed but according to my doctors, it created too much imbalance in my life.

Third, my dogs. Few incidences, esp Shadow, the older dog really drove me nuts to a point that I told my family, I needed to get rid of her immediately. Then I re-examined.....honestly, she has spent all her life with me, loyal, no matter how crazy she is. I am her only love, parent, friend ever. It's my issues that I didnt spend much time with her, making her feel at ease not to so bratful. Anyways, of coz it was an impulse but I wudnt think about it anymore. It's not about cruelty, it is....when someone has been there for you, you dont get rid of so easily.

So in conclusion, my end 2012, early 2013.....it's a year of very exclusive experience. Frankly, 2012 was in general very very very damn boring year for me. But exclusively, I experienced some things that one needs to use the heart and body to experience to understand or know......

Certain matters we can learn from google, certain matter you need to learn from yourself.

Body and Emotion are still in recovery stage but I am hopeful for 2013. I am actually very excited for months to come though, definitely somewhat my Jan is a wasted cause. But lets the worst happens first then I can focus to enjoy the best moments.

Also, I think another reason why I would be so sick, as I have no where to vent or to share. it used to be here, but past 12 mths, here is a spy-on space so I couldnt say too much. Now. everything is clear, I am free, I guess. Definitely, I need to re-generate the kiddo side of me, as that inner child has grown up in pain, gosh, I hate this....I need to be reborn again. So, I will be seeing more things, visiting more places, meeting more pple......in hope, I could be an interesting person again.

Have a great weekend.

I may need to do surgery

oh, just went to doctor, seems I may need to be admitted to hospital
oh shits, I felt some swelling- up, just a little bit
kinda felt lonely, and understand why pple need to have husbands or wives
times like this, u know who is taking u to hospital or looking after ur dogs....

:(

after years...

After years of waiting for this 21Dec2012, suddenly I feel I have no feeling about it. How strange a human mind works....maybe it's time for honesty, time for reflection, regardless it's ending or just spiritual awakening or just simply stay earth!

I did, I think I came to a conclusion. I wanted to hear truth. I heard and I hurt. It's fine...it will heal, if the world doesnt end, and it will pass if the world does end. I think all I want to do is hug my dogs tmr, if the world is or isnt going to end....afterall, they are the ones who stay warm with me and are willing to do anything just to make me smile....though mostly I do everything to make them happy. But I am just a human....

I am just a human, I could only handle disappointment, expecting this much, and can only give, offer love that much.

So, I assume I am ending here and will say hello back the world doesnt end. Lastly I hope everyone has some form of enlightenment, being happy....it's Xmas....nothing about spiritual but about sharing.....

A refresh review

Hi My Fiends, indeed, indeed, it's been way too long....my work has been giving me alotta no space. no time. It's HK...yes, cosmopolitan city....a city with high competition. Actually, to most HK people, they dont see mainland chinese intellectual to be our competitors, but to me, they are my number 1 competitor, meaning they could take over my job easily if they are just twice as smart as me, and believe me....with 1.4 Billion of pple as backup, people who have much more intelligence, integrity, ability, capacity, capability....are MANY MANY!! 

I have said...even when I was on my own, making peanuts yearly for 3 years....I said to my frenz, one day as U realize why U got no job, U wud blame on society or bad boss or bad luck...and as U look at me, how come this cageless birdie is still thriving.....U will then remember what I said, coz.....U only look at now, not taking my words into heart! Hence, U will lose, though I may not win it all, but at least I wont fall.

OK, sorry, my narcissistic behaviour is kinda oozing outta the cocoon again. Well, I have some reflection I want to share. I met this guy 2 years ago, during my most pathetic poor state...as I still recalled, he said to me, I am the smartest most confident person he has ever met in his life. Despite, frankly, he saw many of my inferior side or no confidence side.....just yesterday, he re-mentioned again. And I have to say...this time, I have some slight interpretation I want to talk about.

Confidence isnt my main suit....I have never ever had confidence in my life since birth. As I think I analysed my childhood couples of times here.....I had my share of confidence depleting society and family around me....frankly, I envisioned to be an astronaut, or something equivalent to Einstein. But how come people say I am a confident person?? I could never understand myself, but somehow....I think I have an alternate brain compared to others. Definitely I am a well-above average intelligent person, but one thing I stand out from the crowd is that, I see the world differently than most pple. I never follow the norm opinion not becoz they are wrong, but becoz the world doesnt construct from a singular timeline...from my perspective....people, humans, shud always look things not at focal point (the perceived focal point anyways), but rather....the bigger line of the event. And also, I think I rarely jump into conclusion (though lately my busy worklife has made me jumped too much conclusion maybe about pple or events....)....about anythig, so people perceived me as slow....haha

So m,y fabulous side is....I dont really care if pple think I am slow or fast. OK, people wud stop me and say, only confident person can say such and such as above. No, I dont think so, but rather I think I am a very fair and just person. OK, why do we have to give praise to others if they do good, and we can be stingy on my good deeds? If I cant be fair to myself, how can I be fair to others. So....I can then conclude, if U r those who dont see your good deeds but could only make a point (MAKE A POINT) to praise other good deeds, then definitely, U r kinda a hypocrite.....anyways, hope you can follow what I am saying!!!

So to conclude, I am not a confident person, but I am a honest analyst of personality including myself.

OK, today, I met with my life analyst.....I know it's going to be a good year for me next year, and so he confirms. And the points he makes me take heed...I will, as somewhat if the universe gives him a message to pass to me, to remind me, I dont see any harm not to take care about, esp abt my success, abt my life & health. I am excited for next year, and definitely for the 3rd time, he reminded me I should write a book, despite my ideas may not be useful for this gen, very likely it cud be for next gen....:P, OK....I will, and I should....do that!!!

Just, I need a computer..........................hahahahaha

So how's everyone? I hope U r excited to the date of end of the world approaching. Somehow....the peace of this last week is kinda strange. Maybe somewhat I already cut myself out of this worldly system...yet, I am excited about the 21st Dec, wud it be.....just simply enlightenment? Or just.......simply change of North & South Pole, with My Milky Way coming closer than ever?

Anyhows, lets re-chat when this day finally arrives. While, in btw, love your love, and hate ur hate all the way................for this final date!

why I am so different....?

I hv been thinking....at times, I want to change people, make them smarter, make them more aware & alert.....yet, lately I thought, maybe their intelligent level is quite bad....hahahaha....I always think pple r stupider, or I see pple bad points by impression like terminator with a screen in front of me...

But after scanning the bads, I try to just view the goods....coz I am extreme person, I see the best bad, and the best good. Anyhows........

I come to a final conclusion.....it is indeed genetic. I never want to believe it's gene-related, I would prefer a non-predestined notion towards life...so it gives us, human, a purpose to strive, to be better, to excel, to learn from ground up, to be humble, to be arrogant, to be kind and at the same time to be assholes & bitches. But....I possess all the above points - yet, most pple on this earth is just indeed a mediocre, ordinary, coming from a common pool of genome. I wish...no...I dreamt, I had such a dream when I was in teens before all the matrix movies stuff....I dreamt of re-cycling useless human beings, I saw a leader and I was one of the team leader (as I was standing in front of the line). Anyhow, I feel puzzled...at times.....why I am so island from others? I know where they are stupid at, and I wonder at times....if I am indeed that smart, or I indeed have such high level of awareness or I dont live on this earth, at least my conscience.....

Not sure if I make sense, but.....I think.....I finally gradually accept, I am indeed very different, isolated being from the rest....

It's been a while.....

My mood & energy level have been really ups & downs as my work has taken toll on me badly. But in the midst of it, my brain was functioning, yet, I got no momentum to write or share. In the light of pre-weekend, I would like to write something, and I do hope, maybe some of you, who do check on me at times.....whatever I am going to say, well, I got no idea what I am going to say....would give u a smile or some lightning in your psyche.

First, I want to talk about HK. HK has been rioting about an education implementation - I assume it's rgd implementing national (china) education within our system. I dont have much problem with it.....but somehow most HK pple are afraid it's going to brainwash their kids. My question to them is......have they already been brainwashed!? Have they even taken the time to read the kids books nowadays? I dont understand why it's a problem....with the advancement of internet....no one is blocking us to compare notes. Though, I also wonder the standard of teachers nowadays......it depends how they educate the material. E.g. Japan wud teach the nationals (correct me if I am wrong) - Japan didnt commit bad mistakes during world war 2, etc.....(sorry, I am bad with history) - yet, I dont see most japanese deny it but it's just taboo to talk about it.

I actually support instilling some national education in us.....we sometimes dont even know who we are....the mockery is that they say " we are Honkie, We are not chinese", this kinda broadcast is worst than denial in history. We have no identity for so many decades, so we are lost. We are more so lost......it's fine to stand up against a system, a govt, I believe, but to deny one's identity - making the battle we fight shrink down to nothingness.

I feel fearful for our gen - 1. we have no identity, 2. we dont have wisdom & experience to govern even a company...at times.....I hvnt met many...I met maybe a handful wise people in HK, however, when I was working in china for just 1 year, at least, I met couple of very intelligent, wise, kind local chinese. I was deeply impressed......and vice versa, I know they were deeply impressed by me, as frankly - most chinese in mainland know what HK pple are made of.

Anyhows, whatever they have been doing lately, to me, it's just Rah Rah. We have become a Rah Rah city....what a shame, a rah rah city with no identity.....no wonder, somewhat I feel we are a pseudo sin city.......I hope I am an artist, so I could paint my image of HK on a canvas.

OK, talk abit about myself. Yes work.....tiring, crazy, squeezeful, stressful, making me breathless at times, and I can say, I have given my life to this company just for a decent salary. This is how we live....sadly....in a cosmopolitan city. But I know myself well, the notion is....if I can hide in a quiet village, having butterflies flying around me, hearing birds singing in the morning, sitting next to the little pond sipping coffee or just jumping into the sea, which is 5 steps from my home - yup seems supberb and heaven;y but I am a city gal....so this is my life and I am not going to complain about it.

And so.....what I feel excited about lately. First, re-decorating my home by buying some vintage CHANEL cut-out from old magazines from the States, I am going to mount them. yes, including my fren's kid & sis kids pictures....I am going to mount them. And then, I removed my sofa, donating to a church grp which would send off all the used furniture to kids in Africa....in replacement, I am going to make an arabic corner.....stuff like that takes time to collect and assemble, but these already male my days filled w excitement and imagination. 

While, I have always dedicated to change the world by my little way, esp when pple are rah rah outside, I feel - unlike what they yell nowadays - WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR CITY!?!? I would like to ask them silently - WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR YOURSELF AND PEOPLE AROUND YOU!? It's just a MLM (multi-level marketing) concept, if U change 1 person, in term U can change another 3. It's just a math.....HK people just want to change everything overnight, yet, we dont have the inner temperament to do so....wisdom, endurance....so, as for me, I am going to keep being myself. Changing world in my most effective way - people around me. Instill them the right attitude towards looking at one thing.....

I always like Bruce Wayne.....my dark knight.....non pretensious, dark, hv his own means & ways.......to change whatever he can.....accept & learn to know something is beyond him....just love Chris Nolan's depiction of Dark Knight.

Having all these BS, I come to think....it's great HK now has division, 2 groups...it's wonderful actually. One side is like me.....finding them stupid, the other side finds us ignorance indifference.....hehe, how one grows is by pruning, by arguing (internally or externally), by hving fever (so U can grow tall).............

Enough said, I think I am going to get a lomo camera....I want to capture the pseudo Sin city soon.:)

Have a great weekend.

Books I am exploring on.....

1. A game of Thrones

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Game_of_Thrones

2. Shadow of the Silk Road

http://www.amazon.com/Shadow-Silk-Road-Colin-Thubron/dp/0701173637

3. The Doors of Perception

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Doors_of_Perception

4. The Black Book

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Black_Book_%281993_novel%29

Can see my genre pretty messy, it speaks of mind....

I am hving 4 books ard me, lets not even forget a chinese book and then Steve Jobs Biography. Guess, if someone asks me, why I still have time for them....I could only say coz U r important! 

Have a great week ahead, though depressively I have been hving bad days, but I am cool....just part of life stage.

cultural attack

I have become a boring person

looking from my blog you could tell

of coz, very much affected by work and lovelife, past 1 year

so I have become so damn boring until I dont want to look at my own mirror

and hate looking at myself through pple eyes

I need a cultural attack

something so different with a hint of danger to shock me back to life

I am thinking, how to go a cheapest way to silk road, just few really unheard of cities with a 1-2 major city sites. Just go there, look at diff faces, diff languages,.....so I could have the serenity to look atmy life

I am even hoping to meet some voodoo witches or whatever

give me some potions, so I could get the toxins outta my system

hallucinate abit

and then, wake up from this matrix

I hv been talking about this shocking me back to life so much, yet.....I hvnt done so, due to lazyness, due to attachment, due to committment. Once upon a time, I never allow myself to have some sorts of overbearing committment....now, seems, I got more than ever.

It seems I may hv more russians readers here, or

as some suggested, pple may just use vpn, by pass blah......through my blog

anyways, if U r russian and like my stuff, feel free to contact me

maybe I will take the trans-siberian train to have a visit....

hoho, anyways

my idea at this moment is...depending which way is cheaper

HK - China - Urumiqi, XinJiang, Dunhuang, Kashgar...maybe Hotan

or HK - Israel - Jordan

:D

I luv to think or dream about routes, that already makes my day.

I refuse and I protest

I refuse to believe there's no.....

I believe in Eternity of consistency, of insistency

I believe in full, fullness of love and joy

I protest and protest

coz we wud be changed and so etc this and duh and that

we dont know the true self

we want to false self

at times I feel so discouraged by us, human kinds

we r so bad, so horrible, so asshole, so unloving, 

but if I do believe in such

my fairy tale cant live on

I am a fairy tale gal

and I will never change

those who ask me even beg me not to change

u r the ones who have change

I wont allow any tears, heartbreaks, sadness, depression to change my belief in the eternity of good and love

So I profess again

I am a fairy tale gal

who lives in her own fairyland

and she is her own princess in her own kingdom

she wont care if u mock or laugh

as she cant hear it anyways

if u r one, live there with me

lets be fairy in the fair fairy fairyland

Maybe, just Maybe

I am a genius but I am trapped in this earth

Maaybe just maybe

I am in love but I am trapped in this mind

Maybe just maybe

I am indeed an ET but I am trapped as a worker bee

Maybe just maybe

I am very happy but I am in a shallow depression

What's shallow depression?

I cant explain it very well with words, I feel

but it's kind of depression oozing outta nothingness

discontent with things, people, stuff, myself

but cant really name what that is

Maybe just maybe 

I just want to live it real but we are all trapped in this matrix

Maybe just maybe

I could be awake at the end, but I am in NOW

Why people always say Now or Present?

What it means, in terms of time?

in terms of eternity?

How come I cant live in the past, now, and at same time future?

I also dont understand why people say dont expect too much from life, from people from things?

I dont buy it, why is meaning of life if there's no expectation of life.

\

MAaybe just maybe

We all want to live in heaven but collectively we allow ourselves to be trapped in hell?

Maybe just maybe also

U say I am contradicting myself, but it's you who are trapped in me....

suffocated by dust

http://www.voanews.com/content/hong-kong-endures-worst-smog-in-two-years/1454167.html

I did an interview....:P