I HATE days LIKE THIS

These few days have been dreadful due to some reasons so I luv this song, it just speaks my RAINY spirit.

Some guyz are so weird. OK, this german guy I met via Linkedin, I told about. He buzzed me again and asked me when we could "shag" or his words - "lets have a dinner and sweet time", haha. I said, I cant, I got a bf....:P I really didnt want to hv a sweet time with him. But I am not someone who wud ignore a buzz.....

Then he asked me if I loved my "bf", I said yes I love him. Then he said, you love him then why dont you have a naughty time with me??? kakakakakak

What kind of rationale is that, man!? I am flattered, frankly....I am not a pretty gal. Normal, not ugly. Figure wise? in HK standard, I am FATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. But I am not fat, I have curves, ok!? HK galz have no curves, what so nice about skinny? OK....so yes flattered but...I think guyz are always like this? I dunno....just awkward for me.....

Have been living in colloid hydrogel

Way too long....what the heck is that!? It's actually more scientific term for quicksand. :)

I realize today I have been running inside of the quicksand, no wonder I am so tired - but u watch discovery channel, U know it, once U r being put there, the chance of getting is tough by urself. OK, so that has been my state for long long time.....did I choose? No, I wud say No, I was forced to or simply put there by the almighty hand. Yet,

I think, I am always addicted to challenges or metamorphosis....wud it be a way god is trying to break me and mould me again!? But this time, frankly, this little joke is abit too much for a poor single lonely gal to handle. All sides....absolutely crushed. But then....

A note to think - I am not dead yet, so...does it mean I have a chance, surely I do, I know it, as I could feel, finally I got a hang of how to get outta this quicksand and now I am abit scared to get outta it. U know....abit like the stockholm syndrome....hehehe.....

And then was talking to a fren I havnt talked w for more than 4-5 yrs. What I was trying to explain to her, the first 2 yrs were training mind, and this year is training heart. And they all suck....haha...no, I know in few yrs time, when I look back, I would appreciate every moment of my life these 3 years but at this moment - I cant. 

OK, well, always say better tomorrow....may we hv that too. Together, as buddies. :))

Looking Back

This is one of those mornings, I got up and thought of the many mistakes I made during this year and some time ago. I usually did it every few days in the past, now I do it collectively in one go. I am facing some consequences and maybe doing it now in beginning of Dec is good, so kinda - I could set some resolution end of this month. I have been waiting for 2012 to arrive since dunno-when, yes I am always intrigued by weird stuff....and Mayan calendar has been the topic btw some frenz, eg Bruce since many yrs ago.

I think I always thought, by the time 2012, I would already visit Peru and be transported away from earth, haha. Or it;s already end of time and rapture is taking place, blaaaa.

Mistakes, well....some of the mistakes I made were due to ignorance. Maybe people say I am an impulsive person....yea, maybe, so I made some mistakes. But many were committed due to my emotional state. Somewhere I heard, some women would take testosterones to cure their fluctuating emotion, and I always think maybe ie what I need. hehe.

Lately. I have been wishing abit if only I could be more like my frenz & family, then if that's the case, my life should be less turmoil (maybe). Or if I didnt rely on so much of my decision making skills, guess....I wouldnt be alone now. Or, if I did this or that, I would be a more successful person, etc.

This year is esperically obvious. I have been affected by stuff that basically handicap my every move, and frankly-----for someone who rarely exercise regrets, I feel abit regretful. so this morning, when I got up, I started analysising......the mistake I made couple of months ago, nothing big....but it may affect my fren, so what I am going to do is to take all responsibility, and that's my decision. I need my soul to be restful - despite she made half of the mistakes too, yet, people never think they have done anything wrong.....yet, I need to have clear conscience - and honestly ultimately one day I analyse myself I wud think by my doing it is an act of impulse. But I need it to be out of my head as fast as possible.

Then beginning of the year, I trusted someone - actually I havent thought about it for a while.....and it affected me abit only....as I didnt tell that person to go to hell, rather, I blessed him - may his con find his way back to him one day, U reap what U sow. So I wonder.....if I did sow something bad in the past too, hehe.

All these are not really committed due to impulse, rather coz of ignorance....not understanding something well enough....so I must put this in my head today to take heed of the lessons.

Of coz then.....some romances, and bla.....I find men do affect my emotional state alot. Maybe, as many say I am a floating person, many a times I would hope to be grounded somewhere...as pple say, to rest. Yet, I think it's not the case, so I must learn to more compartmentalize myself. It's something I forsake it for some time........

I am not moody but surely I am not in good mood. Scratching out mistakes is quite tough to the soul, but I must find ways to untie it one by one so I could be set free and I need to be free......As I do hope by the time this blog hit maybe 600 entries, or something....I could say wow, I am a free bird now....haha, flying....I doubt it wud happen by 600, but then it's a nice target, achievable and soon. :)

Have a good weekend.

Quilt Cover

Tonight is cold, and I am going to bring my not too warm quilt out soon. And I remember this quilt cover that my ex bought with me in Australia. I am not sentimental or attached to things of the past much, but tonite I somewhat thought of him as he was my refuge my hospital once. I think in my life I have come across many men - he's definitely not a core shaken nor a soul revivalist, but he is a hospital. Frankly, I used him to cure my wounds.....since after him, I have become many's hospitals.....I always think it;s a karma thing.

I am thinking over the changes I have attained past 10 years. I have changed alot. Then this word, metamorphosis came to mind and I wonder....as many people wud call me butterfly as many know I am not an earthy animal....I wonder if I am actually experiencing the bursting out pain now to become a real butterfly. I hope it is....as I still have hopes, U know. I am just slightly fearful that....that's it.

I think, I want to buy a new quilt cover with someone else...I want new memory, I want new things. I am frankly not attached to this cover, haha....nah, I am more cold-blooded than that. I just dont attach things to a face much. But lately though someone has brought out this side of me....but I am resisting that, or,...maybe with some sorta attachment is a good thing!? I think so....maybe it's ok then. I think people with not obsessive attachment is a healthy living being. I am definitely the cold-blooded kind,.....so I am learning.....metapmorphosising....and hope maybe one day I will indeed turn into a bright pretty uniquely patterned butterfly. As I said in pewvious entry.....I negotiated my way with god(s)....another thing I would put on the table is - I genuinely want to bless people with the good things I have, be it love, money, joy, care.....actually I am a wonderful person and am gonna bless many people, so I would pray when I pray maybe god could help me a little, so....in turn I can bless the world, or at least people ard me. How to draw more water from an already dry-up well, ie my arguement point.

U think god will buy? I hope he's reasonable enough to buy my negotiation points.

OK, hehe...just some thoughts before sleep. And dont mean to be negative....but ai well, as said, this is my space, I can say whatever I want and like.....:)))) But thanks for dropping by.

Collision

My mind is in collision.

Was watching TV shows, Bones, Criminal Minds. I esp enjoy their brainy quotes. These ones -

Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.
Joseph Campbell

Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.
Joseph Campbell

 

Then I query myself......I want all doors open for me, actually contrary to many beliefs, I am very dedicated in believing the universe...though my arrogant face always looks skeptical. Then my next question is - what's my bliss?? Where's my bliss? I can never answer the question - what makes u happy. I apply deduction method - to deduce what's less unhappiness. 

Just like the question - what do you want?! I have been asked many times before....and I always asked back. Usually people cant really answer this Q....genuinely. I am not sure, lately - I could answer that, but as I was going through the quotes of Campbell - another one has affected me a little. It's about marriage vs love affairs (guess means all kinda luving rp). Anyways.....so, I am asking myself today, what's my bliss!?

I feel heavy inside when I ask myself this Q, so I am going to light a cigarrette and ponders alittle....I know today I cant find the answer, but the heaviness inside I feel - it will drive me towards that goal. I think I will find it.....I know I will find it.....The universe has the obligation to help me find it....hehe

Whenever I pray, I would somewhat negotiate my way - kinda like this. I have had my shares of "bad fortunes" as my frenz quoted, but I always treat them with respect and joy as I believe they are lessons, experience I have to go through for next stage, and at the same time seeing the deeper inside of myself that - I aint that really that good as I think I am. I have recognize that without blaming anyone nor god nor universe nor my parents....I dont even blame myself (ok...lemme think I did blame, maybe at times)...severely....all I do is press on, pick up myself, try to smile and actually give joy to others. So maybe if U r listening, give me a nudge and a hand....I am not stupid, actually I am exceptionally bright, so, why torture such a potential being here on earth. Maybe....well, the other alternative is just to take me away from here and bring me to heavenly stars.

U thinjk whoever listening will help me?? hehe...I hope it doesnt sound too arrogant but trully...I have had enough of diff things. I am really getting tired in my physical, heart and brain. My soul is ageing too...I never feel my soul is ageing, as no matter how....my soul was always hopeful.....anyhow...

if U somewhat pray too, ask your gods to spare me, let me walk towards the brightest paths as I do believe with all my being & all my soulful energy, I deserve it.

Thanks.

armpits

They smell.....huh!? yes, I wonder why armpits smell so bad. But it gives me an inspiration coz of Lottie.....my dog, I have been quite busy lately so I rarely sleep or lie in bed w her all day long, so when I got home yesterday adn while we slept.....she tugged her head into my armpit. She doesnt usually sleep with her face facing me, always her ass facing but last nite, for long time....her face was sticking into my armpit. That made me realize, she missed me indeed alot.

Then got me thinking.....I luv sleeping like a small teddy bear under arms...I never thought of armpits though. But today, I realize I miss tugging into someone's armpit, sleeping.....think abt it. When I was a baby, when mom held me....the closest area wud be chest and armpits and armpits radiate most smell....not the boobs, boobs r just like pillow.....something different, when we hv real pillows, we realize, real pillows r better, so I never turn bi and men always luv boobs......becoz they always want to hv more than 1 pillow. :)

When u feel love, it makes u think more out of the zone, but also it cloes much opportunity to think outside of other box.

Surprises

Did I ever mention I luv surprises?

And I always luv giving surprises too. Maybe I like shocking pink.....or just pitch dark. I mean all the extremity, I indulge in. Frankly, how hard it is to surprise people u luv & care?

I luv thou little surprises from frenz. E.g. this bday, Bruce & his wife gave me 2 gifts that are supposed to be given by lovers....hehe. Or at times my dog surprises me with her questionably sweetness when I am moody or a gentle msg to tell me I am missed.....or someone told me he wud check on my blog frequently here to see if I am ok......all these r so luving.I luv every gesture someone makes to make me smile and surprise me

Lately....

My very sweet fren asked me to attend a party, becoz she wants to introduce me to her frenz - like a parent's day. I find this to be soooooo sweet......and I am glad with honour to be the mom of the day. And I hope I could be a well-behaved mom. :)

I have been moody, emotional terribly for weeks, due to various situations. Yet, hving all these little surprises at times intrigue me to move on, to be a better fren, better person, possibly one day better lover and better mom to my dogs.

So, think of a little surprise to give to your honey or ur pets or maybe ur parents. But most of all, give to the one U indeed luv becoz very likely they so deserve it. :)

frak fake

I am not a fake person but when U grow old, U just hv to be......esp, U r working w many assholes. N fake smile to fake them to think u r stupid or innocent, a fake innocence to fake they can con u or a fake to make u keep the project, u just hv to fake all the way......

how frak?

no, I just hope to fake my way through to buy some times but for a person like me I hate faking too much, way too much. If I dont want smile, I cant. I want to love I love. I want to cry I cry. But now. I smile, laugh, talk in fake tones....yuck! OK, I am so grown-up and I should.

Shit, ignorance is such a bliss. Not adventurous or ambitious is just a fortune. I always ask myself....why mom has 5 kids......only me behave like a nutjob!?!?!?!OK my siblings are handful too, but they aint as crazy and ups & downs like me. Frankly.....when I am standing outside of that circle, I feel a hint of jealousy. Then some frenz have told me how they feel what they r doing comfort them, a secure job, a stable family......

Why am I not wanting the same thing? What I want absolute love or impossible adoration or romantic success in life & career.......? I live in fairy tale, as I always said.....maybe also ie how I win many frenz, frenz love me....who wudnt luv me when I am kinda silly-ingly dreaming like a lunatic in an adorable way?! I thank for my frenz who see great stuff in me, esp Bruce.....he has been encouraging me, praising me all these years......giving crazy ideas to me and asking me I should do....

How can I not continue to dream on when people want me to achieve impossible? I think.

maybe in many ways, many have their dreams too......and I seem to be indeed like a bird which would indeed try to flip her wings to fly to Mount Everest. Thou....I am afraid of cold, I may never be able to reach the summit, yet however, my frenz know......I wud flip my wings.

hehe,thanks.....dont worry, I will continue to flip flop flip while trying to fake frak fake. :)

Sheung Wan is so growing on me

I think....maybe 5-6 yrs ago, why I wanted to move to SW? 2 reasons....I saw many gay couples and I wanted to live away from my family, as far as possible.

Gay couples? Why?? Well, to me it's like "Fu Shui" thing - somehow I find gay couples tend to be non violent and they are so nice to be looked at. :)))

And of coz SW is quite a busy place during the day and silent place during the nite. If I live in a residential area, I find the noise level and to me the pollution level bad - e.g babies always cry at nite, parents always yell at kids at nite, couples always argue and bang door at night, then, everyone turns on the air-con the highest capacity and U have to turn it on too, as all exhaust gas just compass your flat.

Then, of coz as couple of entries ago, I talked about my stroll in SW - man....I know 1-2 people just by sitting at the cafe. It's nice...I like...as we just talk rubbish anyways. What do you expect to talk on Sun!? World economic or end time? Well, we could too, of coz, but everything becomes so light over a cup of coffee.

Then, my dogs are welcome there, and esp Lottie is like a little human luving everyone, hugging everyone........frankly, half a day away from her makes me moody. So now, my wallpaper on iphone is her face only, pls dont tell my another dog, shadow....hehe.

Then at one of those lanes around cafe, they have floral shop that let you sit out on the streets to do some flower decoration urself, or I passed by a small gallery opening with some youth doing some singing and instrument on the streets. Well, if you do live in HK, you know...it's uncommon for all these happenings. I feel like I have been transported back to Melbourne....

But though, I think this stretch of streets will become too famous, once again - problem in HK, people flood to a location becoz we cool people hang out then we would escape from the overcrowdedness to another surreal place - but I hope this wont happen so soon, maybe another 3-5 yrs time!!?? since surrounding still stand many old short bldgs, developers will take alotta saliva to convince them to move, coz most of these bldgs cud be owned by the owners while running biz downstairs....(hence they cud still survive at this time in HK, this horrible era of.....loss & no found).

Hope....U can enjoy my SW too. At SW....:)

Tears & Blood and I am no idiot

Chinese saying goes, there's blood in every penny we made. OK, usually quoted by older generation. 

At this hour, I feel the same. Just for making that amount - not even enough for me to buy one side of the boots, I feel - there's blood oozed out everywhere. Whereas for tears, I think - I am way better than most people....so I shudnt cry.

Then, somewhere I read or heard from TV lately. Yes shud be Battlestar Galactica - you make the choices and you become the choices. So I made a choice (no, I was forced to) to have my own biz, now I have become my own biz. haha.

Frankly, being alone to do a so-called biz or self-employed isnt easy. And I think I dont have much specific skills - I am not a designer, thou too many (almost 99% of people who first meet me) would think I am one (no matter how glam or shabby I dress). I am not anything....sometimes ie how I feel. I dunno....is it a way god is trying to drain me from something, so I could be more flexible!?!?! (I think of the scene in recent episode of Bones - the corpse juices....kinda they have to drain it before they could examine the "bones")

I am very tired. I indeed feel drained. Just translating a press release is tiring me out - OK I never really work in PR before. haha......but somehow people think I can write such for of coz beauty products. If I count by every word, the few ones I did, I should get maybe 5 times more. But if someone could pay 5 times more, why do they want me? might as well get a pro!?!? :))

So, I am stuck. I am caught in between.

I have many threads of "projects" opened - but none is finalized. I wonder....if I am an idiot!? Seriously....ie what I am thinking. Is it me? or is it luck? OK, well what everything has in common is me....so it must be my problems. But it's hard to accept, coz I am not really that stupid....I pick up things so fast.....I always innovate whatever my hands put into....so what's going on!?!?! I am really tired.

Then people around me keep complaining......I dun understand what people are complaining!!! Have I complained much? As above said, u make the choices and U become the choices, and I believe - we never want to be the choices, then why we choose in the first place!? On a positive note....maybe god just wants to groom me into a real biz person. Yet then I wonder.....if I could be one!?!?!

HK really isnt my place. But I did try to weigh if I should come back there back then - and my conclusion was - it's going to lead me to the same place if I wud be there or here, just the paths could be different. This is my upside and also my downfall. I am too positive.....I believe in 2nd chances......I believe in learning from the paths......

So today, I am tired. I dislike the thing I am translating as the products are so boring....so fucking boring, it bores me out completely! OK, so I am like everyone else, I am complaining. So just may I complain silently.....:)

Beginning of the blog, I was comtemplating committing suicide, then it got better.....then worse.....lately, I just want a silent death. I am not sure if I could see myself through....this drag of exhaustion.....very hard to explain. This exhaustion is not like volcano explosion that one can see, but more like collective bubbles bubbling from hot springs.

That's all for today. Cant say something very positive lately. So be it, let it be......

check

nail done, check!
hair wash, check!
shower done, check!
translate an article, check!
turn off my phone, check!
feeling miserable, check!
feeling happy, also check!
talking to my dogs, check check!
going out, check!
meeting new pple, check!
seeing frenz, check!
just freaking going out, check!
my vegetable, yummy soup....not yet check! Sitting in fridge but make it tonite, ok, will check!

when u cant tell the difference

I think most pple hv it, but I usually cud tell the difference
it's day dreaming & real dreaming
I just had that this morning
but all is so hazy

I think.....I cant remember what I think
guess I was sucked into a vortex of thoughts

I need a good dream tonite
:))

International

AS I said earlier, I am sad N lonely. Every step I take is like dream-walking.
I was at internation, aka ParkNShop. I basically roamed around the whole area 3 times.
Back n forth. Back n forth.
I dunno how I got back....but I made it home.

It's strange. When u got nothing anymore
u dont need to rush home
iphone becomes meaningless
Whatsapp isnt even the most important app anymore

u know....
it's strange. I feel strange.
sometimes, its just nice to know someone is checking on u
i feel safe
now, i dont feel that anymore
except safeless and lonely

Still
have a wonderful weekend. from, me!! :))

Solo

Once, I had a friend sitting across me on my balcony telling me she felt lonely. I could feel her anguish. Loneliness is so holy and shitty. Human is but an island, so we all experience it. Yet, to some, loneliness is a way of life, part of their being and existence. As for my fren, I think, and pray for her that she would find the man who deserves her, while, he would love her no matter what! Adore this beautiful soul.

As for me, I am always fine with loneliness. But once in a while, I just feel I am loneliness flooded. it's too much to bear. 

Well,I will be fine soon but then.....today, I feel I have been rotten with sadness & loneliness. It just cripples my soul.

Everyone, have a loneless weekend. Luv, from me.

A redbull in the morning

I think.....many men think I am high maintenance or hard to please. I dunno....it depends how U keep your consistency. But I have to say I am the easiest....but mind U, I am not the dumbest....if possible, I cud be the smartest gal a guy wud ever date :P

I think to please women is so easy. At least to me, it genuinely is.

To me, when someone sends me a msg at night to say goodnite, even though we are not physically together....maybe forever.........I would still feel it's a goodnite kiss. Or a morning msg to be there with you, to me,....it's like a redbull for the morning.

Easy, yes? Maybe. But many cant be consistent with that. And many men would do that in the beginning of a rp becoz they still hvnt fully got hold of the women....after a while, it drains off. I see it often. Experience it often.

Men, really.....either U never do in the beginning, or else U shud keep doing until u die or she dies. 

but of coz, also, women are demanding...when she gets one msg, she wud then want thousand or even want the men forget abt sending but rushing to their home. something like that. 

I think a healthy love affair is highly based on this give & take, understand without demand and consistency. Women r not that difficult to please, at least most arent. And as for me, I think I am easy to please, but just that all my ex-es use the wrong ways............I can only sleep when I get a gdnite kiss or I can only work when I get a goodmorning hug (metaphors anyways).

Maybe, U can try. Even U r into a rp for forever....but its important to hv loving gesture routines to make the other person feel loved. And as for women, what shud they be consistantly doing for men? Oh well, simple.....give blow jobs constantly. :))

:P

Another nut week on shows

Watched - frankly some I dont even remember. :)

- Kramer vs kramer

- Sophie's choice

- Confession of a dangerous mind

- stranger than fiction

- rewatched Bridget Jones' Diary I & II

- Notting Hill

- The Aura

- Crazy Stupid Love

TV shows -

- Homeland

- Dexter

- Person of Interest

- Merlin

- fringe

- Bones

- Supernatural

- Gossip Girl

- NCIS

- Criminal Minds

- Desperate Housewives

- The vampire diaries

Guyz, U must watch Homeland. I usually hate anything related to serious CIA shows or terrorist related, of coz except 24, as it's so ridiculously crazy that within 24 hrs, U could get killed, revived, then shot, then have sex, then again shoot someone, then meet the president, then save the president..........

This one is as exciting (not as breathless) but equally exciting as the cast is EXCELLLLLENT!!!!!!! Just by watching them looking at the monitor saying "NO" - I was already awed with breathlessness. It's not just the suspense, thrill. care chase or politically correct speech or righteous or idiotic Jack Brauer bravery - just simple huma - flawed, nakedly crazy humans. Just that most of them are working in CIA. hahahahahaha

 

People always say I got nothing to do hence I watch so many shows. Actually - many a time I would trade my sleep.....:)))) And Pls mind U, I dont go out at all....over weekend or so. How could it be? U?? yes, me......I rather stay home N watch my shows 24 hrs..............:))))))))))

Stroll Around Hong Kong

Hong Kong is just a little place and yes we are crammed...crowded....a dense city with many bldgs and people. But sometimes amongst this concrete jungle, we can find a place or two that has a vortex of tranquility to calm your soul, to make you smile a little when you leave. I have found such places. Of coz, besides the secondhand bookshops I talked about few months ago - some hidden cafes or lanes can give you tremendous pleasures.

 

From Sheung Wan MTR, pls check the map - I just know how to get there as I live around here for total of 3-4 years from 2003/4 3 years, until 2011 6 months - Sheung Wan has changed alot, hence I just realized such hidden lanes exist. Anyhow, from hollywood road At Sheung Wan, you will find the upper station street, and you would find to me a pretty damn prettt vintage-ish chinese walkup bldg, which I almost lived there (I wanted to, as it is PINK). And up you walk, you see some old shops - e.g. electrician or some new modern shops like Aesop or even some small galleries with maybe 2 paintings....:) .......OK, whatever I am saying now sound like 30 min walk - no, it was just within 3-5 min stroll, you would capture all these under yr memory. Kinda awesome, dun u think?! U dont get to see such in many other lanes or other parts of the world much such scenes......

Then U walked up further, you would first be greeted by this "Secret Ingredient" shop (I got no idea what they do there, maybe catering) or a goddess (Kun Yin) temple (the red thing):

Then just turn left, you would see some small bldgs, it's just a very short walk - max 5 mins u r done, but amongst there, you could find various small shops, cafes -

Then, check out one of the small lanes - you will find this little cafe Knockbox Coffee that only opens on Sat & Sun from 12:30-6:30 - and from what I gather, all they do is talk. haha....I mean talk about coffee, about making frenz, yet they are very serious about making coffee. I was even told that if you have good coffee beans, you could actually bring there for them to brew. I just tried their iced-dropped coffee which took them 8 hrs to brew and it tasted like whiskey to me - I was abit drunk (tipsy) for a little while. I am sure I will frequent there alot more from now on, as their coffee is indeed pretty good

 And it's a great place to know people who are just strolling and stopping for a cuppa. :))

if by any chance you walk by Soho, sheung wan, hollywood road, I highly recommend you to check it out, and just to feel - how such these few lanes take u away from the craziness of HK life.

 

Caveman theory

One of my ex-es : he said 2 things I agree with him 100%, other things NO, these 2 absolutely. :)

1st is - if science could perfect fertilization without the need of sperms, basically women r going to rule the world, men wud become obsolete.

2nd is - men are just cavemen.

Oh actually, of coz he has the 3rd, men r controlled by your dumbsticks.

OK, well, lately various things occurred that took me to rethink what he once said to me, of coz, I could expound more, he's just being man - keep it short. :) 

I am not a feminist, on the contrary, I find many woman behaviour is dumb and idiotic. I dont wish for women to rule the world - I think, we should get metrosexual men, the real kinds to rule the world.

Metrosexual men could be straight or gay - basically they are 2 in one, Man's mindset & physique with a touch of femininity.  When God created Adam, I am sure he felt it was alrite and he knew all the flaws in his creation - yes e.g. controlled by dumbsticks. In order for not creating - hybrids (I believe at that time, it shud be feasible) of human/animals , maybe a goatman or a snakeman coz all men have a need to shag and somehow to spread the seeds. The action is kinda involuntarily, so I am sure even perfected Adam would have such (flaw) need to use his tool - and later on it became dumbstick. :)))) - partially caveman theory developing now.

And lets now forget about Adam, as Adam already sounded more intelligent or learned. 

While, for cavemen, we would not be talking about bible time 5-7 thousand years ago, but we are talking about Neanderthals or so, and they needed to learn. I think from all the coloring books or maybe even caves - we could see men were supposed to hunt and women were supposed to gather crops + take care of children. So it's very clear why women like shopping - as we were once a gatherer....we gathered crops...:)))) So we gals have all excuses to shop becoz it's jusy inborn thing, ya know.

OK, for cavemen - why men r single minded towards a prey?  Why men r hunters? It's just a gene thing. Hunters need to be precise, as you have a whole family to feed - either killed by the (I believe it used to be gigantic) giant preys or hunt it. I am sure - even back then, men luved challenges, so bigger the better, more difficult to hunt the better.......translated into modern terms. hohoho.....U know what I am getting at by now for sure.

Now, if a woman ignores the man more, the man would be more precise wanting to hunt - as it seems everything is more delicious. OK, this is purely 100% non-metrosexual males. If the prey was near them or was just a tiny rabbit - they would just leave it and think - oh well, we got a chance later. Translated to modern terms???? Bingo....if a woman treats him well, nice, sweet - the more he walks away (I am still referring to 100% non-metrosexual males). 

That brings me to conclude one point and finally I am giving women some credits. I realized....men love to live in regrets (Ok , maybe it's hard to correlate what I have been bullshitting about above but this is my conclusion), while, women  live in the present.

yes, men live in regrets and women live in the present. How many men or even yourself - would find back their ex-es? While how many women would do that? Frankly - when a woman finishes gathering, they move on.....they move onto another crop, if the other crop is much better, they would not turn back to the previous field. While men? It's very strange. Even they may have caught a challenging prey, they would always mesmerize the previous rabbit -shit they wud think, why didnt I catch it as well???!?!?!??!?! 

hehe, it sounds like I am bullshitting about men. Yes it's true. No hard feeling, but some men just make me feel sad.....why they are so ridiculous?!?!?! But guess, as said....it's a gene thing and surely guyz still have the caveman in them. Period. :))

I should delete Facebook

No way.....haha. 

No, sometimes on FB, U see many....nice pictures or good status from people, such as:

1. BABIESSSSSS

2. ENGAGED (yes a good fren golden diamond bachelor just got engaged - unbelievable!!!!)

3. Wedding, upon wedding pictures

4. Tripssssssss

5. Honeymoon tripppssssss

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

They make me want to
1. get pregnant

2. Get engaged but first of all I need a single bf 1st

3. Nah, it's OK....I had already

4. need me to expound?

5. ummmm........................it's OK, had also

LOL, no, I did think of having a baby for 2 months sometime ago....dunno why. Just that moment. Now, not really - first U need a dad and a mom, then they need to actively have sex before they could get a chance to let the fertilized egg to clutch onto the uterus wall. So, my wall has just been shed, hence.....this idea has thrown outta window.

And I dont hv a good back, I admire women x 10000 times that they could hold that gigantic belly for 9 months (ok, roughly 5 mths is that heavy).

Then, engaged. Not really also, but seeing people who are like quick sand doing it......I mean the next door pasture or bowl of rice smell better mentality.......i also want engaged. hahahahahaha......I want to feel the freaking heavy diamond ring on my finger or the surprised proposal....so fun. Actually, if that ring isnt real, I dun mind....I just want the thrill.

Honeymoon....do u know that honeymoon is usually not that honey!?!? As far as I know - couples tend to argue more during honeymoon. I think the best honeymoon is - to do nothing and sleep on the beach days and nites then nites and days, gazing the moon with a lemon honey iced on yr lips.

Wedding pics.....?! I want some really funny and stylish ones....if I ever need to take that. But isnt that supposed to leave a prettiest moment of the bride? Well, I got enough pretty pictures so I dont need more. Though - I just need to blow up mine to hang on my walls.

So all in all, I am back to where I am now.

Just blah blah with a tint of jealousy. Thats all.....sometimes hving some jealousy is good, as I am usually pretty cold hearted in that arena.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder?!?!

In my case, absence makes the heart grow further. 

Let me explain why both are true.

Fonder - well, if U fraking live together or spend hours a day or see each other like 6 days a week (minimum) and 8 days a week maximum, or sleep like cuddlin kittens every nite, well, yes that applies. Somehow, humans r supposed to be loner or an island - when the skin touches together too much or the aura of physical is too imminent - we human would start to repulse the opposite physical. So yes when it happens, this statement applies.

Further - when the above dont apply, then frankly distance & absence make 2 further. It's not about how much trust or love. We human feed on quality of a good time, the quantity of joyful time. Even though, it usually it's the first 15 seconds or intermittent some 30 second of moments that would leave burning memory, yet this needs time to breed the moment. It doesnt happen instantly. Even at times, we try to bring this to climax, it just doesnt work like that. A seed takes time to grow, let alone 2 people - humans r all so selfishly individualistic. 

I hope I can learn to be a bamboo. Bamboo is a very patient plant. or better still, I want to be a dragon egg as it can wait for 1000 years until it's right time to hatch (OK according to shows like Merlin & Games of Thrones I got such info....hehe). But Bamboo, if U plant a seed, U can never see it grow until 5 years later, as everything first grows underneath - it roots itself firmly and extensively before their boo see the real high sky. I think I have waited long enough for everything to sprout or to shoot.......pewh. It has to come. And I have to explode, shoot up like a rocket (as my teacher said once - I behave like a rocket).

Bamboo and Further = Fonder for myself and myself alone.