I am not a fake person but when U grow old, U just hv to be......esp, U r working w many assholes. N fake smile to fake them to think u r stupid or innocent, a fake innocence to fake they can con u or a fake to make u keep the project, u just hv to fake all the way......
how frak?
no, I just hope to fake my way through to buy some times but for a person like me I hate faking too much, way too much. If I dont want smile, I cant. I want to love I love. I want to cry I cry. But now. I smile, laugh, talk in fake tones....yuck! OK, I am so grown-up and I should.
Shit, ignorance is such a bliss. Not adventurous or ambitious is just a fortune. I always ask myself....why mom has 5 kids......only me behave like a nutjob!?!?!?!OK my siblings are handful too, but they aint as crazy and ups & downs like me. Frankly.....when I am standing outside of that circle, I feel a hint of jealousy. Then some frenz have told me how they feel what they r doing comfort them, a secure job, a stable family......
Why am I not wanting the same thing? What I want absolute love or impossible adoration or romantic success in life & career.......? I live in fairy tale, as I always said.....maybe also ie how I win many frenz, frenz love me....who wudnt luv me when I am kinda silly-ingly dreaming like a lunatic in an adorable way?! I thank for my frenz who see great stuff in me, esp Bruce.....he has been encouraging me, praising me all these years......giving crazy ideas to me and asking me I should do....
How can I not continue to dream on when people want me to achieve impossible? I think.
maybe in many ways, many have their dreams too......and I seem to be indeed like a bird which would indeed try to flip her wings to fly to Mount Everest. Thou....I am afraid of cold, I may never be able to reach the summit, yet however, my frenz know......I wud flip my wings.
hehe,thanks.....dont worry, I will continue to flip flop flip while trying to fake frak fake. :)
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