Looking Back

This is one of those mornings, I got up and thought of the many mistakes I made during this year and some time ago. I usually did it every few days in the past, now I do it collectively in one go. I am facing some consequences and maybe doing it now in beginning of Dec is good, so kinda - I could set some resolution end of this month. I have been waiting for 2012 to arrive since dunno-when, yes I am always intrigued by weird stuff....and Mayan calendar has been the topic btw some frenz, eg Bruce since many yrs ago.

I think I always thought, by the time 2012, I would already visit Peru and be transported away from earth, haha. Or it;s already end of time and rapture is taking place, blaaaa.

Mistakes, well....some of the mistakes I made were due to ignorance. Maybe people say I am an impulsive person....yea, maybe, so I made some mistakes. But many were committed due to my emotional state. Somewhere I heard, some women would take testosterones to cure their fluctuating emotion, and I always think maybe ie what I need. hehe.

Lately. I have been wishing abit if only I could be more like my frenz & family, then if that's the case, my life should be less turmoil (maybe). Or if I didnt rely on so much of my decision making skills, guess....I wouldnt be alone now. Or, if I did this or that, I would be a more successful person, etc.

This year is esperically obvious. I have been affected by stuff that basically handicap my every move, and frankly-----for someone who rarely exercise regrets, I feel abit regretful. so this morning, when I got up, I started analysising......the mistake I made couple of months ago, nothing big....but it may affect my fren, so what I am going to do is to take all responsibility, and that's my decision. I need my soul to be restful - despite she made half of the mistakes too, yet, people never think they have done anything wrong.....yet, I need to have clear conscience - and honestly ultimately one day I analyse myself I wud think by my doing it is an act of impulse. But I need it to be out of my head as fast as possible.

Then beginning of the year, I trusted someone - actually I havent thought about it for a while.....and it affected me abit only....as I didnt tell that person to go to hell, rather, I blessed him - may his con find his way back to him one day, U reap what U sow. So I wonder.....if I did sow something bad in the past too, hehe.

All these are not really committed due to impulse, rather coz of ignorance....not understanding something well enough....so I must put this in my head today to take heed of the lessons.

Of coz then.....some romances, and bla.....I find men do affect my emotional state alot. Maybe, as many say I am a floating person, many a times I would hope to be grounded somewhere...as pple say, to rest. Yet, I think it's not the case, so I must learn to more compartmentalize myself. It's something I forsake it for some time........

I am not moody but surely I am not in good mood. Scratching out mistakes is quite tough to the soul, but I must find ways to untie it one by one so I could be set free and I need to be free......As I do hope by the time this blog hit maybe 600 entries, or something....I could say wow, I am a free bird now....haha, flying....I doubt it wud happen by 600, but then it's a nice target, achievable and soon. :)

Have a good weekend.