Collision

My mind is in collision.

Was watching TV shows, Bones, Criminal Minds. I esp enjoy their brainy quotes. These ones -

Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.
Joseph Campbell

Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.
Joseph Campbell

 

Then I query myself......I want all doors open for me, actually contrary to many beliefs, I am very dedicated in believing the universe...though my arrogant face always looks skeptical. Then my next question is - what's my bliss?? Where's my bliss? I can never answer the question - what makes u happy. I apply deduction method - to deduce what's less unhappiness. 

Just like the question - what do you want?! I have been asked many times before....and I always asked back. Usually people cant really answer this Q....genuinely. I am not sure, lately - I could answer that, but as I was going through the quotes of Campbell - another one has affected me a little. It's about marriage vs love affairs (guess means all kinda luving rp). Anyways.....so, I am asking myself today, what's my bliss!?

I feel heavy inside when I ask myself this Q, so I am going to light a cigarrette and ponders alittle....I know today I cant find the answer, but the heaviness inside I feel - it will drive me towards that goal. I think I will find it.....I know I will find it.....The universe has the obligation to help me find it....hehe

Whenever I pray, I would somewhat negotiate my way - kinda like this. I have had my shares of "bad fortunes" as my frenz quoted, but I always treat them with respect and joy as I believe they are lessons, experience I have to go through for next stage, and at the same time seeing the deeper inside of myself that - I aint that really that good as I think I am. I have recognize that without blaming anyone nor god nor universe nor my parents....I dont even blame myself (ok...lemme think I did blame, maybe at times)...severely....all I do is press on, pick up myself, try to smile and actually give joy to others. So maybe if U r listening, give me a nudge and a hand....I am not stupid, actually I am exceptionally bright, so, why torture such a potential being here on earth. Maybe....well, the other alternative is just to take me away from here and bring me to heavenly stars.

U thinjk whoever listening will help me?? hehe...I hope it doesnt sound too arrogant but trully...I have had enough of diff things. I am really getting tired in my physical, heart and brain. My soul is ageing too...I never feel my soul is ageing, as no matter how....my soul was always hopeful.....anyhow...

if U somewhat pray too, ask your gods to spare me, let me walk towards the brightest paths as I do believe with all my being & all my soulful energy, I deserve it.

Thanks.