After one month of superactive lifetsyle.....

I suddenly feel abit bumped.
Ummm, yes, it's a guy. Nah, nothing to tell........just abit bumped.

I think women prefer consistency, while men are sporadic.
Ie, why men have spores to spread, women have controlled temp wombs....

Anyhows, no biggies, just abit bumped
it's good to pull me down from the sky at times
I need to be grounded, despite I am a legless birdie.

We are so TINY.

Daily, how many times we complain about this or that around us?! Shitty traffic, horrible passerby........imagine tsunami hit u rite at the moment you were swearing someone. Not worth it. This is not a reflective entry.

I am thinking some of us are so interested in the 2012 Mayan calender, and I am sure this quake is going to spiral to all these spiritual enlightening again. I am excited to see the day of 21Dec2012 too, but I guess we should just live our lives. We are tiny anyways, why do we need to get tinier?

http://edition.cnn.com/2011/WORLD/asiapcf/03/11/japan.quake/index.html

I dont know what I am doing?

My friend whispered to my ears last nite, telling me I wasnt happy and I didnt know what I was doing for my life?!?! HUH???? Hello.....me???? I have transcended, surpassed all understandings, no sorry, MOST understandings......me??? Argh, well...............I guess she was jealous. Honestly, if she could read english, she could have read some of my entries here. I dont talk much anymore, what's the point talking to average brain sized human beings. I dont see the points explaining my views, why I chose certain lifestyle or opt for not getting married to a man who couldnt get his thing up & going, plus with depression? Sorry.......no words from me, speechless. How DARE she compares me with her,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,lol

Actually, sorry, she isnt my fren. She's my fren's fren but she likes me so much ------she touches me even on a cab,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,what's in her right mind? Sorry, I really couldnt be a lesbian. :P

I dont understand why people always want to compare me with them, like "we are the same kind" - ok, I always dare not ask this in a big voice - HOW???????????? BASED ON WHAT??????? We so totally are not similar, yes we are same kind based on my last entry, but.........we manifested differently. COME ON.

But now, in order to make people listen to me, I would always tell them - Yes I am like U, so ie why You should do this instead of that, coz I wouldnt do that, hence You should do this......Cheekie, huh!!??

To be frank, I totally dont get it why people cant live the way they want. Some are idiots, but I think it's blessing for them to be. And the thing is we come in & mess around with them, we are even more idiots, can we save them? rescue them? Who says they are made to be genius?  Just let them be. As my life principle be, dont be judgemental. Actually, I am very judgemental towards myself. Anyhow...........I realize I attain the aura of natural high, not even drugs could replace......hahahaha.....yes I tried something but really I got no feeling (have been stressed) - I wont touch it again as I hate the whole situation........it's totally bullshits why people need to resort to it, I dont see it as a hiding place. I dont understand why they need to mess with it. For me, everything I have been doing is for my research - I should indeed write a book in 2 years time. Frenz, pls mark my word - remind me I should.

Anyways, dont get scared.............I am totally fine. Her words didnt affect me at all, or drugs dont get me liking them at all - on the contrary, finally I tried, I realized I hate it, seriously. :)

Mutated Universe

Someone said to me lately I always used generalization. Actually, I do alotta categorization. My categories or "generalization" are not based on books or folklores, I experience/feel the flow and then analyze the difference, extract the common to come to term my category. I reckon, only 10%, or actually less could stand out to be different, so it's safe to use my category to label certain scenario, certain race, certain human behavior, for me anyways. 

That jumps to, there are always universal truth of certain things. We cant help but be bound by it at times. E.g. We have the gravity. We have the sun in our solar system. We need oxygen. In reality, less metaphysics, we have human behaviour universal truth. They are sometimes beyond your comprehension, yet, as you read Bible stories, they are actually pretty universal. At times, I would wish for a mutated universe intervention, then you have the belief that life could be slightly prettier. That would be sometimes we call "luck".

My friend asked me not to generalize, why? Coz I guess on some level everyone wants to be different. However, as I knew long time ago, we all have the same core, the difference is on the manifestation only. Ie why I dont understand why we dont try to be better, better than the same core. Is it that difficult? For me, I feel on many fragments, I have already surpassed the core, as I have transcended from the basics. However, like a trapped broken leg birdie, I feel I am strangled as well, becoz I am not at all sublimed to another phase, another plane.

Major learning, hopefully if you agree, is to reckon we are all the same, come from same core, wombed/bathed once in that same core (abit matrix theory here) - then you have the power to be different. I guess this is the reverse from what people say nowadays, WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT. Sorry, I just cant concur with this statement. :)

But all in all, as a universal human being - I gotta say I am VERY UNIQUE. hehe

It always started off like this....

Well, Whenever I have stress, I always have a similar dreamset location - Melbourne. My mind always wanders off there.

Last night, the same, I had a dream of the street I wandered alot when I was there - everytime the place looks different in my dream, this time I wanted to find 3 shops. One would be vintage shop. Another one is always pastry shop - I dont actually go there for pastry, and in reality there was no pastry shop there. Third one, I got no idea what it is and I couldnt remember.........

This time, I was debating in my dream, as usually my dreamset would be different, There was always very elaborate stretch of restaurants - it's not Victoria market, but its a whole stretch of things. So I was telling myself it's a dream, the other one was also a dream. It's good this time I didnt have to be on a tram, as there were always various trams and I gotta walk to the right terminals to take the right tram - in other dreams I always got lost. I rarely got lost with trams when I was in Melb, as I could always felt the rite ones to take.

Too bad the currency is so high, going back there for a visit to my 2nd home wouldnt be at all a bad idea......

Terminating what disrupts my routine

Many things have been disrupting my routines since Feb. Now, I gotta delete, terminate them. Regroup, Refocuz. I am so concerned with my belief, I am so afraid everything will be ruined. I wasnt afraid last month as I just wanted to play. I am telling myself since last week, darling dawn, it's time to stop. Pick up your messes. See someone just terminated you. Shit......first time ever someone fires me. hahaha....but the feeling isnt that suckie at all though. Weird.

However, seriously, I got distracted. I need to focuz back all the numerous projects people have been discussing with me but nothing has yet set the goal towards. Some projects are so conceptual that I am not sure they will fly, but by talking about them make my creative genes moving - when my mouth moves, my mind moves faster and then my body energies. No wonder I got sick as last month my mouth wasnt moving much.....verbally anyhows. hehe.

COME BACK TO EARTH, ORION or STARSEED. COME BACK. COME BACK. I sometimes wish I would be just a starseed flying through the black space, being sucked into the BLACK HOLE. I really really want to know what's inside of black hole. It could be a time-trapper - maybe I could actually stay there and see past, present & future like a movie.

Talking about movies, I hvnt got time to see movies. No chance to check out the film fest as well. Maybe next year. But I need to go to a cinema. I need to be uninterrupted to see a movie. No phones, No dogs - just spend 2 hrs silent. I want to be taken away from this dreaminess I have rite now. Every day for weeks, I feel like zombie. My eyes are blurred and I cant sleep well. Maybe I took something from BKK & TWN back......shit..................hope not!

Terminated

Argh, I got terminated from a project, just got an email. HAHAHAHHAAH.

Well, I seriously didnt put much effort in, at 1st I did, I was working very hard for this company but they dont pay good, despite. Then we could never come to finalizing any things, then I chased for one quotation for "their client" - it took me one month, I still couldnt get it. It's her fault, or mine? I dunno, guess it's mine then.

Argghh, now I have to refocuz on my other stuff.......which would take long time to fly but I am going to spare 60% of my time on the short-term and 40% on the long-term. 

I should still thank the universe for this, as the thing is she's always creeping in my mind - I hate feeling I am not doing enough despite it's peanut money (not enough even to pay rent - how peanut it is), but she did save my toughest hour end of last year, so I will still help finishing the hopefully "their client" project.

Having headaches now. Hope things are all as smooth as I think this year will be. Mr Funny gave me something to read - some Master Key System, heard it circulated bilingual in China. I hope I could master the secret of being successful & becoming money-making machine for others (the code is you have to make money for others in order to make money) - sorry, my level is low, dont really understand completely. But it's good not to understand so I can think, can get something to distract my headaches.

Hope everyone is happy & kicking....luv luv luv

Art of having a mistress

Well, to repay all my guy friendz' kindness, let me give you a hint where to ensure the secrecy & discreet-ness of keeping a mistress no. 1, 2, 3......

It's to rent a flat in the old commercial building, just convert it into a comfy loft. Ie what I am doing now.....turning a commercial office into my little home (WITH BALCONY). Imagine it, the problem of going in & out of a hotel or a residential area, it's fishy, people know U got something. However, in a commercial bldg, it's cool, as you are just going in & out for business meeting or something like that......

Can I get royalty if someone copies this idea??!!!

No, I got no sugar daddy.....:) I just hv this thought.....what's the best perfect crime of having affairs. hehe.

Actually, I am abit concerned with my new place, it has no kitchen but small bathroom. I wanted it so badly coz they have a balcony - I see I dont need to use kitchen or bathroom so much but I need balcony more per day. I am just abit afraid that someone could complain about my dogs, so I am thinking of installing glass doors, maybe to block my dogs accidental barking or something......we will see. Wish me good luck for at least 2 years as I dont think I want to move for next 2 years.......may this place bring me good luck, good luv, good fortune, good in everything - I even hope all my next door neighbour will move out so I can get all my frenz rent them - coz this bldg is CHEAP!!!!!! ^^

I am not an employee

Thenm why do I have to read their emails...............thousands upon thousands from the same person. I dont want to know so many things, just give me the items & let me sell to customers. Period.

Then, I know this dutchman is going to call me, he's going to yell at me. The fact is I diplomatically soothed him last week, but due to that bunch of mother fuckers, I am gonna get yelled at................ARRGGGHHHHHH.

It's 2:32am, I am going to sleep for max 5 hrs. Then I am going to channel all my energy towards not working with them - my other projects must must must get realized. Let me do the list:

1. Sign out a secrecy agreement, sign N send back
2. Call the HK woman again to see when she's going to meet me
3. Bank in money to another project
4. Find the air tix to VN to see if the frenchman still wants me to be in the fair
5. Shitty costica brand - still hv to call & reply emails, but never mind lah.....just do it
6. The container projects
7. Taiwan co's global consultant - kakakaka.....I asked my frenz to give me this title......kakakakaka.......I need to start reading their stuff man
8. same as 7, but I need to come up with crazy ideas, brain - work work.....think of crazy product concepts. Very hard nowadays for me, as I am so out of touch from this world, but stillk, think think think............
9. Fill up still the mother fucker co whatever forms or sheets about whatever, I dont even know what the heck they want
10. Contact my TV shopping fren about this healthy drink, I keep forgetting for more than 2 weeksssssss
11. The parallel import - really think & plan to make it happen
12.Aus brand stuff, tedious
13. i cant remember................

So many,huh?! yes, I am well-sorted after but everything takes time.....that's why I am so brain stuffed, I am not filthy rich yet.....as this will be Mr Funny & my goals, to be filthy rich. Mr Funny, if U r rich, pls let me ride on your private jet.

Burn me to ashes

Then put me in a nutshell.

I have no patience to guess work. I have no patience to rework.

Every fucking email I send to this fucking company IS THE SAME, THE SAME. WHEN? WHEN good be dilvered? WHEN WHEN WHEN? They would reply - I delay on confirming AW. No, wait, me? U stupid ass wanted to change the article no of AW. ANYONE knows what is an article no of AW? huh? Noooo......took me 2 days to get an answer. Just fucking say it the first time,. Fucking idiot!

JUST BURN ME INTO ASHES and BURY ME IN A NUTSHELL.

THEN, pls put me into the SILK ROAD DESERT.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, a bunch of ass-sucking mother fuckers.

Your Highness

Mr Funny is so funny, he's just so damn funny.
I dont even know when he started calling me "Your Highness". And of late, some people start to call me Queen.
Shit, am I that anal??? But good they dont call me princess, I would hate it, and think of it as an insult.

Ar, what the hell?! I am a bitch. I am anal. I am high maintenance! Pls maintain me...........hohohoohhooh

Mortified

I should turn into a zombie.. I sent my blog link to someone I didnt plan to.
You guyz know how my blog is like. I dont talk about sweet stuff, ok?!
Sometimes it's bloody here.
Now, I feel so mortified. Shy. Embarassed.
hahahaha, but what the hell, I dont really care how others see me anyways.
Hope he wont get all the naked deadening pics in his head so much.
Dont want to pollute the world so much. I already keep polluting with my ideas verbally, not the mind, plz. LOL

My god..........I am a plan idiot.

galz

Well, I wanted to write about one kinda uptight galz but then I was so caught up with phone calls, I havnt started it. My god, staying in bed for 2 days made me work like nuts today...........I should thank the universe for offering so much things to gnaw on. Luv the word "gnaw" - so nasty & wicked!!!!!

1. Uptight galz

O well, I introduced this fren to a gang. I casually asked, since she has been looking for bf, if she liked anyone. She kinda "told me off" tone saying it's her affair. Hey, lighten up bitch! Was thinking if I would need to help you out. And maybe I wouldnt steal him.............lol

gosh, what's wrong with women??????>?>?????????????

Just say NO one lor if dont want anyone to know.....................DIU!

DENIAL is the BEST MEDICINE.

2. SWEET galz

I came up a phrase becoz from observing a genuine sweet gal. She's a selfless person. Really, I havnt seen more selfless person ever.  For her crazy boss, for her family, for her friends, for me........etc. Everyone has an agenda, honestly I constantly have an agenda esp now I am so on my own, also, I have learnt the value of being with myself. However, with her, I just told her - she couldnt be like this. One thing ie very important, being selfless doesnt mean you luv the world. I feel being selfless means you dont luv yourself enough. 

And 

NO ONE SHOULD LUV YOU MORE THAN YOU YOUSELF!!! 

Being sweet, giving in dont mean you could save the world. No No. You need to save yourself first, ie everyone's own responsibility, not someone's elses. However, for some it's very difficult as it's how one has been educated, brought up. It's totally nothing wrong for galz or even guyz like her occasionally ask "WHAT ABOUT ME!!??" "WHY ME?!" to show protest!

Not for you guyz, just for them exclusively!!! :) dont be rascal, my dears.

I hope they would one day learn the beauty of luving themselves. It is a hard process. Not easy, seriously. I hope they would think about themselves how to make their face less dry, how to make their spine less strained, how they could enjoy a good meal FOR themselves once in a while, how they would travel to places that they actually want to go, despite it's a stupid place, but not go to stupid places for someone else.

Luv U my sweet babygal, just dont ever do it again. Luv yourself first then you will have strength to "safeguard" others, not SAVE but safeguard. okok? xoxo

I have been bitten by a snake

Funny Story.

Oh, sorry, did I mention it's a dream?! haha

OK, as u know I had a dream about a golden pyton with 2 huge giant sea turtles.

Just now, I had another dream about snake. weird.

It seemed this snake - beige with some pattern - was supposed to be some sorta pet so it could roam around the room. I hate snake so it's not possible I wanted it so much to have one around me at all. Anyhow. The next scene was as usual (like the previous one) - Lottie showed up, this time Shadow also showed up. At first, shadow was chasing after it, so I was trying to separate them. It worked. But when the snake gnawed on Lottie, I couldnt break them apart, except using my hand to let it bite me instead. And it bit so hard that its teeth marks were so vivid. But I was fine, didnt die. I remembered saying to someone, Oh no big deal, just some marks. Next I went on a dinner, started drinking - then I felt that the venom mix with the alcohol so fast that I got drunk straighaway then fainted.

However, supposedly in dream life, things could vary alittle, Lottie's behaviour had no diff. She was trying to chase after it, even she was bitten badly - and we gotta use a divider to separate them. My goodness, why would I think I should keep a snake and do stuff to keep its quiet space?! Weird.

That will do it

A nasty flu made me want to see a doctor and take medicines. Finally.
It all started, I believe, from my 4 hr sandy slopey uphill hiking trail. The reward was awesome and the landscape was amazing. But I think it aggravated the flu blown effect and I was half dead for 2 days until I saw a doctor this morning. I wanted to cry to the doctor as I couldnt even speak properly. I couldnt open my mouth properly as well.

Anyhow, I am fine now. But it's good to be able to sleep non stop basically for hours & hours, which as you know hard to come by for me.

Then I got this obsessive idea that I wanted to discard my dog Lottie as she's just so pain in the ass, mess up my place the way she sees fit, and she plays with poopoo constantly with or without me around. I hate it with guts. But as I was working on my desk, she was sleeping under my chair waiting for me - my heart melted again. Sigh, she's stuck with me, or I should say I am stuck with her. I am moving to a new place - cheaper with a balcony. I am going to remodel so much that she cant do much damges to my stuff......what I call - Lottie-proof house. haha......

Sigh!

First time in my life

I feel I am not weird enough, not crazy enough...............
Ar, it should be a good feeling, but how come I feel beaten
keke.

Feb Updates

It's been a strange month......no one weekend is free.

First, made 2 trips. First was BKK, then it's now Taiwan. Cant say it's fruitful, but make me believe in one thing, I have to press on no matter how difficult it is. And no one knows who wins until the end. And understanding another thing is sometimes to deal with abit cunning but smiling all the time business people, all you can do is to act dumb at times, and wait for the right timing to do stuff. Never over-react, which I have been doing pretty well. Not to frenz thou.....ha ha ha. Guess, my fren is rite, my pb is I have been alone all the time - true, I feel the whole world doesnt exist but me, no clue that there will be jam at 8ish, and packed at 6pm in MTR.....I must change this mentality.

Second, is my french biz partner. I got no clue why he wanted me to go to Taiwan with him, and he proposed he would bring me to Korea for the next biz trip. It's getting abit weird.....but anyways, what the hell, as long as I got opportunities, I could handle weird.

Third, had few ad hoc dates, ad hoc drinkz with frenz, as well, of coz ad hoc trips. What's with people? Why I got offer to travel with people lately.............it's just unusual in somewhat.

Forth, I just knew a "blue blood" guy that I met in BKK asked about me.......wow.....lol......I am glad I left some impression. Why is it called blue blood but not purple or yellow? weird.

Fifth, I feel so free without my dogs, like now alone in hotel.......I could sleep the whole nite w/o being woken up. The fact is I feel more tired......weird, again. I guess I am a masochist.

Sixth, I fell in luv with tequila. Again, weird, I used to hate that burning feeling.

Galz nite

Maybe it's my problem, but I start to dislike galz nite. :)

I prefer guyz nite.

More.

Indeed. Galz nite.....gossipz. Nothing deeper to talk, nothing more intelligent.

Even a simple joke, I need to be scrutinized, it's very boring.

So basically, the whole nite, I got nothing to contribute, except eating............I hate eating actually. 

So, now I couldnt sleep coz I got stomach pain.

And I felt like vomitting the food. The food was nice but I am not happy.

But one thing is I am happy to see my fren to be in luv. So, I delayed-action checked on her recent pics on FB and I could tell she's so in luv. I couldnt deny sometimes I want those pics too. It's indeed something extra-ordinary. I hope they can last and things will work out for them. 

Duet

Didnt know it's one of the soundtracks from Twilight New Moon, my new favourite. I listedned to this at a fren's bar, and I just wanted to die there. Dont read the lyrics first, but just close your eyes & listen.



Rachael Yamagata - Duet
Oh Lover, hold on
'till I come back again
For these arms are growin' tired,
And my tales are wearing thin

If you're patient I will surprise,
When you wake up i'll have come

All the angerwill settle down
And we'll go do all the things we should have done

Yes I remember what we said
As we lay down to bed
I'll be here if you will only come back home

Oh lover, i'm lost
Because the road i've chosen beckens me away

Oh lover, don't you rome
Now i'm fighting words I never thought i'd say

But I remember what we said
As we lay down to bed
I'll forgive you oh
If you just come back home

Hmmm mmmm
Hmmmm mmmm

Oh lover, I'm old
You'll be out there and be thinking just of me

And I will find you down the road
And will return back home to where we're meant to be

'cause I remember what we said
As we lay down to bed
We'll be back soon as we make history.

I AM ACTUALLY ADORABLE

OK, well, I gotta tell you, I am so full that I feel like vomitting.

As my fren's dinner was way too good N too much for me, I have stomach pain now.

Then, had few drinks with my frenz. Shit, since went to BKK Agogo bar, I start to really like tequilla. Big time, I just had 2 with other wines, no feeling. 

And my frenz who just told me they felt I wud be someone who would think of tedious, moliu stuff. Honestly, do I???? DO I give people just an impression? Anyways, people describe me as a butterfly and floating algae, I guess I do. But isnt that adorable?? I mean if you dont have butterflies in this world, it's gonna be really dull. It's my gift to the world. Actually they made it quite specific that I wasnt creative but only thought of ueseless stuff. Yet, seriously, isnt that the beginning of creative ideas-think of moliu (useless) stuff????

Dont get me wrong, I am opposite of mad. I am actually glad people tell me what they think as always 

But I am someone who is always curious to know. Actually I am always curious about many things, tiny thing, yes even tedious things. I like to dicipher stuff. I want to dissect every meaning to find the true underlining meaning. It's not an average brain ability to actually engulf such activities. I am adorable & have heavy brain matters.

I think in conclusion, I am just but an adorable ET. :)