DragQueen

I am afraid of few types of people.
One is stupid people.
The other one is DRAG QUEEN = people who are scattered mind & couldnt control not talk. Everytime they open their mouth, they TALK and they dont give you just a second of mind peace. They go on & on & on. The worst thing is the SPEED of their talking is usually FAST, yet, the content is meaningless.

E.g. when they are trying to quote example, many a time they would say, 1. water, 2, oil, 3. earth, 4. water, yes as I said 4 types......WHAT!!!!??? Cant they listen to themselevs they are repeating themselves. Ie one thing I find it's one of the attributes of sales - they like to repeat themselves. This is one way to hypnotize people to buy in what you are trying to sell. Another side of the coin is that they dont have much inside their head, so they gotta repeat whatever they have..............

I am very very sleepy, as listening to scattered mind people use my energy more than anything nowadays.

My EQ is high but my black face never dies

Couple of years ago, I got record low EQ. I got discouraged all the time, I turned depressed all the time, I cried all the time - like my fren said - a typical crying bitch.

NOW?!

Wow, my EQ is pretty high. I dont feel "depressed" so easily, as I got too many things that worth my depression, yet I dont hv time to be depressed over them. However, when I am running a project, the client doesnt co-operate or get serious about it, I BLACK FACE. I used to blackface to my boss. Now, I blackface to my clients. I couldnt help it, in somewhat, I am a perfectionist. I hate it when people dont see well planning for e.g. opening a counter is important enough to reply some emails, make some phone calls to align.....etc etc. I hate it also, people think things will be smooth, BLINDLY believing it. Well, if you are not asking for something accurate or perfect, I guess it's totally cool. But, I really hate it also sometimes they think everything can be redone. The thing is - I hate the rework process. I trained my team before - THINK AHEAD to avoid the things you hated gutz - REWORK. It's time wastage, effort wastage. It's so not edifying. It's so not challenging. It's so freaking boring. So, I am pretty demanding when it comes to a project. But my motto is if you try your best beforehand, it doesnt come through - then U already WIN!! 

My fren Raine is right. Sometimes it's so tiring to work for bosses who are not actually hands-on & investing their time in the business enough. They think they do. They run around doing things, talking things, but they never spend time to look at internal problems. MAybe for e.g. for once seriously FIRE the uselss idiots. Or maybe pay better salary for a good candidate, rather hiring 5 uselss people. It's the new world, the fit survives. Let them die but build a strong co for himself or herself. 

Many people thing, they HAVE a business. Sorry, its a bad idea. It should be BUILD a business - constantly need building. Having it is easy, building it is difficult. Just like for working pals, job & career are two different things. Many people are working on a job but not building their career.

I honestly wanna die if I got just stuck in a job but not a career - that's my feeling in the past. Even I am still going through very very harsh time, I am content within as this is what I like - whatever I am doing, owning freedom yet building a business of my own.

Cougar Dream

Hoho, catchy topic!

Couple of weeks ago, I had a dream that I dated with a "boy" who was 14 yrs younger than me. In real life, it happened.......thou I didnt go ahead with it. Not that I mind the age thing,  honestly if I wud date a young guy, i want the best features & great body physique, hahahaha. I am a bitch. :P

And today I was talking to my fren rgd great guyz or non jerks. I am not sure if next pasture always seems better or tastier or what. I somehow feel the guys I like tend to be attached or married. Well, so I kinda pray that their wives would cheat on them...........HAHAHHAAH..............BIGGER BICTH................so that I could claim them some day. Hey, women cheat alot. It;s not uncommon as most think!!

Then jokingly we went on saying that we were now after the 2nd hand market. You know what, it dawned on me. I actually always always prefer VINTAGE & used Shoes. I really dont mind getting a 2nd hand man but of coz the premium kind. I find vintages clothes smell better, even vintage books to me smell heavenly. I like used shoes, as usually they are worn to a point that become so tender N soft - I dont like new shoes that take me ages to tame it to non-pain walking status. Also, to me, I like some mysterious thingie behind the vintage piece, you never really know who or when they were worn before. At what occasion? It always intrigues me deeply. Plus I find vintage clothes are so stylish if you match it correctly.

Honestly, for next bday, if you think of what to get me, lemme give you a hint:

1. Candles (I luv candles, as I somehow believe by Dec 2012 we would lose the electricity power....hahaha)

2. Vintage stuff - clothes or accessories....YUMMY, they tend to be actually NON cheap, so better not buy me! :)

Apart from

Devoting my time to finding projects to do, I spend most of my nites doing "article of the day" & "word of the day" with my nephew. I couldnt understand how a P2 kid could manage to do whatever they have been given. I am pretty darn sure that a F5 student may not be able to know every vocab or even get all the correct answers. For me, I managed 99.95% accuracy, yet some grammar is so tedious that even good english command people got it wrong, as I tested to some before.

Also, it's not like their school curriculum covers all that, but I guess they must be expecting that their parents have good level of english. Yet, how many HK pple indeed have good command in english - esp those who only study locally. It's so tough to be kids nowadays!!

My poor babies, ie why I so focuz on them, to help them & train their mentality. I always say I dont need them to have perfect scores, rather I need them to think independantly.

TV shows

My fren just asked me what TV shows I have been watching lately, OK here you go!

1. Fringe (Only like this season)
2. Criminal Minds
3. NCIS
4. Vampire Diaries
5. Desperate Housewives
6. Sherlock
7. Doctor Who
8. Torchwood
9. Dexter
10. CSI LV
11, CSI NY
12. Weeds
13. The Event
14. Castle
15. Rubicon
16. Project Runway
17. American Next Top Model
18. Apprentice
19. White Collar
20. Dexter
21. Haiwaii 5-0-1
22. Brothers & Sisters
23. Private Practice

etc

hehe

Doctor WHO?

Lately, I am spending my time with british dramas ONLY. Well, I do watch vampire diaries (they are getting kinkily fun), dexter (hot blood luver) & fringe ( I hated the previous seasons but now they are hitting the alternate universe- my luvvv, I luv the concept of time travel, alternate universe).

BINGO! This is what Doctor Who is all about. TIME TRAVEL, OUTERSPACEY, Alternate universe, the space gap................gosh, I cant get enough!!!! Then I watched Sherlock which are the modernalized rewritten version - so sarcastically dark humour, my another luv. Now I am moving on Torchwood, dont think I would get mesmerized by the Captain Jack, but then.........................I need more british accents around me.

Oh, the main reason?! I met a very nice gentle british guy - I seriously never met any nice brits. Just a fren, nothing romantic. Taking him on as a nice cosy fren is a gift to me now. hehe, I luv the accent. :P

I felt Crabby

I felt so crabby the other day, actually 2 FULL DAYS after the crab. It's craB not craP.

I never touch crab that need my engaging into dissecting them.

I never eat their brainy stuffy (it's fatty stuff people luv to eat but it's filthy, it's all the shits & dirts inside, man!!!!)

Not good to be good at science, shits! I shud hv done literature instead, rather than science. Understanding too much is a curse!

Seriously, I sound like an asshole, but I like being an asshole actually.

OK, back to the crab.

I was taken to this rich lady's house (both I met for the 1st time) and she served "big bound crab" aka hairy crab, it should be in season. I always said NO NO NO to any frens' invitation for such an evil feast, but I didnt know about it was such a beast feast, I went along as I really wanted to see if there would be any biz potential in Mynamar. First time I met Burmese!!

Man, the rich lady who doesnt use any skincare looks so freakishly young!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She has a 28yo gal, but I thought she was younger than me! Holy Moly!!!! GIve me some of those collagen!!!!! But, one thing with old age, things you just cant....hide, it's the flappy boobs & tummy. Sorry, I sound like an ass again, but they r just flappy, esp she didnt wear any bras. Man.....why?! why?! Why does she do that!!?? She wud be looking like it cuda be my daughter if she got a bra!!!! hohohoh!!

I had 2 crabs, I just thought they were SMALL. But when I told my mom the size, she said IT WAS GIGANTIC. OK anyhows. I had TWO GIGANTIC HAIRY CRABS!!!! I felt  that every inch of my gut was GLUED with the HAIRY CRAB BRAINS for 2 FULL DAYS! I smelled like CRAB too.

A new way to feel crappy is to be glued by crab.

So MANY IDiots

Not to brag, I do feel I am a great manager. People ask me to go & get a job - how can I go back to a life working for people with poor mgt skills?!?!?! Yet, I sometimes try to be humble too. They have this achievment coz they have that ability. But I just boil them down into so far 2 categories of people - this is a reality.

1. Conned Artists

2. With a rich husband or family or born to be rich

Seriously, either you have such a sweet tongue to move your way up or you were born in a rich family - money reaps money. Dont get defensive, I know you who are reading are great workers, but you are not rich enough to have no worries to flung the money around. 

I so hate people wasting time to redo, redo, redo - people are afraid to work through the complicated good set-up. Becoz they are so short-sighted. They put everything under the carpet. I dont know if you get my points, but seriously this is how my home is like, not my work!!!!

I am really sleepy but I need somewhere to vent out. I dont like talking with people about what I think or feel, as really - they are so meaningless many a time but you just want to say it out. Just to say it out!!!

I feel sad for HK people. Not just the young gen. Everyone. We are so shallow. So iditotic. So stupid thinking that HK's prosperity span isnt dying. it's already dead, people. Wake up!

I need to sleep as I am working for such an idiot. She's a nice lady but idiotic, big time, seriously. Shit, I am a saint with no money but just arrogant bitchy bullshit thoughts. GOD, dont perish me coz of this. hehe. NITE NITE.

Honestly I am not bragging

But I am.
I am a genius, big time.
I thought of a product/concept/idea so I told my good taiwanese fren. He called his clients at midnight asking if my idea was good and if they would buy the products - they said CERTAINLY. So I asked him to get his clients to hire me as their creative consultant, all he said was - No, I want you to be MINE only.


HAHA....this guy, he's my great fren. We went thru thick & thin. He has already believed in me. no, He believes in my brain, ie what I appreciate so much. I am fortunate I got another dear gf in HK, who has stood by me for years............despite I hvnt shown her any glamours work, she has been silently supporting me.

I am such a blessed person, who has got non-judgemental great frenz who believe in my brain (I dont need pple to believe in me, but my brain - my brain is indeed pretty fabulous). I am typing in tears becoz indeed not coz of them, I am not sure if I could be smiling still, despite all hardships.

It's been super horrible 2 weeks w bad bad news, but I allowed myself to be upset for also 2 weeks. As I just dont get it, what more learnings I gotta understand before I could reap the harvest of patience & endurance. I strongly believe that the experiences I went thru wouldnt go in vain. People ask me to be patient, really - I wish they would go thru what I did and still believed in themselves - it's not easy man! I somehow.......come to more profound understandings of myself, my existence, my value, my purpose, my learnings.....................it's so odd, which I dont think I would want to share with anyone till....maybe 5, 10 years later......

Anyways, if you are reading, you have been worried about me. Know one thing - I am outerspacey, so I dont walk the path as norm do. Ie why I gotta go thru what I am going thru. I wont be happy go lucky as I have never been one - I run projects, worries are my motto to be good in a project. hehe

STAY CHEERIO!! :)

desperate housewives epi 7 S7

Totally talking about me
thou I am no desperate, I am no housewife

I always luv the writers of desperate housewives' plot on summarizing each epi....thou I dont particularly like the whole story in general

SIGH!!!!!

LET ME SIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK FUCK FUCK............................I seriously think death may not be a bad option. I am running out of anything to stay positive. What the heck the universe is testing me.........................

Making up your own stories....

IS not good for your psyche.

Lately, I talked to few galz. Really, I think when we hit 30's, pls grow up. No wonder HK men gave us all the funny names. After listening to the first part of this radio show, I finally was glad that someone had put it in a radio show - exactly my feeling towards my frens - making up their own stories=> act out => then "have feeling" towards their own plots (not the actual beings, but the plots).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjCscgK6M2I&feature=player_embedded

I hate the notion of being labelled as "middle woman" or "residual woman", but I should be in their category. Good that I really dont fucking care less, as I dont actually live here anyways. My psyche is always elsewhere, though sometimes I just have to be here, only. hehe, I am talking outspacey again. Nah, this is my feeling. 

Few of my frens told me stuff in confidence. I appreciate that. Yet, I guess when a woman or even a man talks in details about the situation, it's danger, becoz it means they are making their story lines, amplifying things that shouldnt have. (sorry, been there b4 but when I was b4 30. And it took me good old 10 odds years to shake it, so I know what I am talking about). I always remind them, not to remember details then get depressed over the details => like he went to toilet and he left w/o saying bye. Hey hey - give him a benefit of the doubt, couldnt the guy be abit drunk and wanna head home?!?! Dont think about it and feel sad over it. If the 2nd time, yeah, U got rite to be upset...................not everything means something, thou indeed everything means something, it depends how you intrepret it. Dont be so single focuz to a point that you start making up your own stories. The outcome, you are sad and you make haste move that usually are not the most intelligent move.

My thoughts. :)

Dreams

I actually quite enjoy few dreams I had lately, every few weeks something funny came up.

1. I am still trying to decipher my Golden Python and Huge Sea turtle meaning. I just cant shake them off.

2. Last nite, I had another funny dream. In my dream, I was hanging out with my fren, Leo. And we were abit drunk as usual. He asked me to sneak into his house N took a rest, not to let his mom knows, somehow the whole thing is like going back to high school-the alternate universe. Think about it. We both lived in Melb at around the same time, we never met. We knew each other when we came back to HK. I guess we would be alcoholic & addicts if we did meet back in Melb. hahaha, breaking all the rules, thou by what I know, he did break many rules over there. me no., I was a saint in Melb.

Then next, I went to this house, it was filled with dog-people. Yes, I saw them as people and they could talk, but they were actually dogs, canines, yes! So I felt compassion over them, so I chose three. On our way home, I was worried, as my mom didnt like dogs, cats, pets.........so I asked them if they were toilet-trained? I begged them to make sure they would pee, shit at the rite place, as if not my mom would be so pissed. (I lived alone for years, why wud I concern my mom - again it's like an alternate universe, whereby dogs=humans). Then one of them told me they gotta take this medicine, but forgot to bring. I said I would buy them. So I asked them if they were already de-sexed yet. They said no. So I asked them to use their own money to do so, as I got no money to do for them. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

Funny!! huh!!??

Out of respect to sex n the city II

Since I dl PPStream, I managed to watch some of the US TV shows that I didnt see but wanted, same as some movied. I watched 2 movies. One was Argentina's Secret of the eyes. While, out of respect, I watched Sex N The City.

Holy Crap!!! Nothing has turned my stomach as bad as this one did to me for a while. Poor Plot, Poor Faces, BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD FASHION!!! SUCK MAX. TOTAL SUCK. I used to follow the seasons diligently for 2 main reasons. One, I was looking for luvvvv too, so kinda whatever the gals went through, I could get it. Second, fashion, shoes, bags, fashions , accessories, and yes FASHION!!!!!!! 

I wanted to stop watching after 2 mins as their clothes are bad, their facial expression-----how to say, emotionless, as they all got botox up, kinifed up too. It's trully not nice seeing esp seeing Samantha trying to pick up younger guyz. I am fine with the concept of cougar, I dont even mind being one. But plzzzzz, look at her face!!!!

Then, past 2 years, I did rewatch the series twice. Coz I wanted to look at the fashions, colors, shoes, heels.....but I got so so so turned off by the stupidity of these women. COME ON, GROW UP!!!! Esp with Carrie, she's like a fucking idiotic woman with no brain. For e.g. in this movie, she met her ex Aidan. So they kissed. What the big fucking deal!!!!! She gotta go all the way getting all the galz out to TALK??? About? Should I or Should I not tell Mr Big that I kissed my ex!!??????????? sHIT, what a stupid weak dependant small brain idiotic woman!!!!!!! SHAME ON HER!!!!!

I know many women who could be reading this may throw me tomatoes. hoho....sorry, I kept this to myself for 2 years, I gotta be honest for once too. hehe

A beggar gathering the loose change

I was talking to a business partner/friend. It's just strange that I work so well with Taiwanese guyz but not HK guyz. Everytime a HK guy opens his month to discuss something with me, I just want to stuff a hammer into their mouth & then pull out their intestines.

I was telling him how (only realized today) I had been like a beggar gathering loose change from everyone. Not yet one project is making me a decent living. 

Decent living means paying rent, a pair of shoes a month, dine out 2 times a week, drinks 2 times a week, get some clothes (maybe Lane Crawford warehouse) once a month, treat my parents dinner every 2 weeks, give pocket money to my mom, pay for some extra-curriculum my sis kids would like to attend, go to movies once a month, buy bday gifts to my good frenz, travel once (I havnt done any leisure trip for more than 2 years), buy starbucks coffee once every 2 days, desex my dog, buy yummy frozen/healthy meat for my dogs, go to see doctors, get some new bedsheets from Ikea, get some white tees, buy new bras sets (which I hvnt done for more than 2 years too), get a new notebook (as I feel mine is dying soon - TOUCH WOOD).............

It's been so tough. I am so not kidding or complaining. Good things I dont remember bad things alot. Actually, I feel I hvnt got outta the pit is coz the universe is saying I DONT BURN THIS LESSON WELL ENOUGH IN MY BRAIN...................I dont remember how hard it is to go w/o money when I actually constantly having zero. I want to tell the universe & everyone - I got it, man. I got it!!!! Just take this misery away, please!!!!

From this month, I am getting loose change from people, like a beggar. People giving me very peanut fees for my service, yet I may get commission at some points if I work so hard. U know.......my brain is going to explode becoz every every fucking project involves creativity. New ideas. New concept. New New New, yet I am getting OLD OLD OLD ............but what can I do? Too bad I sell pple that I am a brainy people.....so I just gotta use my brain. Why people are so mean? So wicked? So selfish? I suppose the universe is teaching me to be mean too. I never thought I would need to be nasty pple on money, but I guess I would............in the future, when I am giving loose change to others. hahaha.....kidding, seriously I really cant be such person. I still have a vision to save the world in my own dawnish way.

Call me stubborn or self-centered. There's nothing anyone can say to me that could make me better as just face it, I am in a pile of shits. Dont ask me to compare with the poorer people, as I always compare with them. I have compassion for them. But I dont deserve to be categorized with them. I was not meant to end up like this. Can you feel the pain of agony? For what I am striving for? For my goals? For my life? For what?

I am seriously not giving up either, as there's no way I will give up now. Oddly, as always, I see whatever I have faced in my life as an experience, as an experience I could share with someone someday, to save some souls.....I am not of a great person, but I want to be a hero in my dawnish way, as always, Stupid as it sounds. haha......

AGAIN, UNiverse or GOD or GODs, pls listen I get it I get it, mean. Just let it go, dont torture me. I am not a great person, I said it. Just give me some breather to live the rest of my life. I will share my miraculous salvation, how I was a beggar, not saved! THANKS!!!!!

Running Out

I have been presented with much opportunities lately. Yet, everything is all about wait wait wait..........I am getting really zero patience on the waiting. Esp, I am getting peanuts from certain projects but then I have to wait wait wait.......................I am so tired of just wait wait wait.

Then, I get pissed by stupid people even so much more easily lately. I just want to scream at them. Ask them , seriously, fucking go to hell. You dont belong to this human race.

Then, to my clarity of mind or realization, I got a terrible biz partner to begin with. I am just so anxious to get out of it, yet I need to wait wait wait for another 3 months.

Then, I am meeting one of the fucking europeans in few hours. I just have to smile, act smart. Shit.....................

I hate the whole thing. I want to kill myself again, This time, I dont want to jump but just hang myself. The bottled-up anger & frustration are just unbelievable...........I seriously also want to find someone to stab & just kill someone out of the anger sake. Maybe I should learn like what Dexter does, kill the bad guyz & chop them up real nice..........................

Arrrgggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

What would you do....

When you dad may threaten to hurt your mom or your family.....becoz of.....no reasons? Just he created stories in his head that made him mad. Tell me, what would you do?

My utmost concern would be my sis kids, as my mom takes care of them. Seriously, if I would be their parents, I would move the house as far from this family as possible. How could your dad threaten to hurt his family without any solid reasons.....??? Just coz he's not pleased with his life?!?!?!

My sis suggested we should report to police. But for me, I guess most of the time he just talked. So I advised my mom not to see him for coming days without our presence. And I will have dinner with him on Tue, not that I try to talk some sense into him. When someone creates a reality in his mind, no one can correct that imagination. I guess I would want to see abit from his expression, his conversation - the words he chooses to express himself, his way looking at my mom & my sis kids.......then will decide what's our potential next move!!!

I dont get it, when all of us are trying to get everyone living slightly better, and when we are all more united as a family, more laughters with each other, why would he try to sabotage that!? Yet in our mind (esp my sis n me), we couldnt comprehend a person we have known for over 30 odd years would become someone we so.....feel alienated. What so huge  to make you verbally inform your kid that, wait for something big to happen!!!???? While, already inform you that he killed mom in his dreams. What's the big deal? What happened??? We scratched our heads till no hair, we still couldnt think of a single or remotely collective issues why........we are deserved to be threatened like that!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe it's indeed just the smiple saying......money is evil?! I dont know......this is not how my dad used to raise me.

Lottie M

Sigh, my small dog "Chi-mama" Lottie (not chihuahua as she's too big to be called that) has PERIOD. YES M, MENSTRUAL, PERIOD!!!!!!!!!! The funny thing was that I was so worried about her being raped during 2 week ago dog party but I was told unless she started to have M then she wudnt get defiled. The next day, she had M....shit, she's such a ham sup dog. She so wants to get laid. I gotta desex her once her M is done, which is ONE WHOLE MONTH!!!!!!!!!!! Two more weeks to go......SIGH!!!! BIG BIG SIGH!!!!

My lovely baby needs to be 100% pure, virgin for the rest of her life......kekeke

last week

Last week went by so quickly that I didnt know I just had 2 posts only. I thought I did a few. 

It's been quite busy few weeks, busy & anxious. I passed up my 1st business proposal - a complete one from market scan to SWOT to sales forecast.......I did partial of each session at various time, before but rarely did a whole thing all at once. I still got a PNL to deal with tonite.

I somehow think I was born to venture adventures, challenges. It's stressful when I was presented with limited info, yet was expected to produce. I somehow dont feel torn or stressed, but feel so excited to learn so many new things through my research. Guess, it's so true, it's never too old to learn. I dont feel old....still. Except few pics......

And through these 2 wk busyness, I even know much better about my changes. I have become more money-minded, more frank, more individualistic, less nice, less patient. Actually, to me, all are good traits. haha. I couldnt afford to be nice to everyone anymore. I am still learning how to say No, and how to "fuck  or "diu" someone nicely with a smile tactic"......................I still have long way to learn.

One thing, maybe horror to most, is that - I dont want to have fun. Like, I am not really enjoying going out, meeting new people, if there's not a purpose behind. I dont really need to go out to relax, I feel pretty relaxed and destressed by my dogs' company. First time in my life I dont see that as a problem. I even think of not drinking.....which I dont particularly enjoy anyways, thou I can drink few glasses fine. I learnt it for social reasons, not that I like the taste of it.

And good thing is that I did manage to catch up with few frenz. It was nice. Knowing everyone is intact, happy. I am happy. Really. Seeing my frenz smile is priceless.

Luv U all for reading. I know some of you may want to comment some of my posts, all you need to do is to click the comment - you can write whatever you like. All welcome. 

The single

I met few people today during a social discussion group.We touched on various topics from biz to romance.

And U know.....people who keep whinning about them going without a bf or husband or gf or wife....they usually have an issue. One is what I heard today - and got electric shocked from it. Both of the woman & the guy said - I want to meet single & emotionally available people - 1ST SHOCK. They commented not knowing where to find, so we were syaing.....just go out and hang out with different people. There came the 2nd Shock - "well, it's a waste of time if you realized that the guy was married or got issues, so I just want single emotionally available people!!!!!!" Seriously, which opp sex would want to go out with you, when you are just a freak!!!!!!

My honest answer to them, good luck finding one. Coz U will never find one.