It's been second day I am breathing on caffeine. I couldnt have a space to think, then I have been chased from all sides. I remember.....I used to be very aggressive.....very devoted....always cud find ways to solve issues. But this time.....this co.....I feel dead with them.
My head is filling being pounded by all sides.......today, after long time recovery, I feel I want to fork myself with a real sharp fork. OK, sorry....as I repeated, this is my space, I can pollute the world anyhow I want. I dont need anyone to console me.....coz today I indeed feel out of breath. My liver toxin has been rising and I am upset that......things r rushing in like tsunami. Then......I am alone. U know. I am alone during holiday.........I was always OK to be alone, these 2 weeks were bad.
Managing and handling loneliness and aloneness take long process and time. I did it most of the time but at times, cant I just fucking admit that I couldnt manage and handle anymore????? I dont want Mr A or B or C, tom button or jude carey. I want to be with someone who is out of the world.....haha....maybe who can indeed see me.
OK, OK...I have high expectation but so fucking what!? Why cant I have expectation? Which shit school of thoughts say we shall not expect? Damn ass idiot....I hate this no expectancy thing. Tell me, why U dont kill urslef now, rite now if you dont have hopes or dreams?! Why cant I dream? Why cant I have hopes?
I seriously seriously need a break. I seriously and humanly benefiting the whole world.....Ineed a break. I need to go away, a trip to breathe fresh air, instead of breathing in expresso. I am like a dead soul who was once thriving!!! Shit, I hate this feeling......I want to stop whining so I can start living. renew my dream, god, renew my soul my souldust. I am gonna be dead from expresso.......
No comments:
Post a Comment