Tonight is cold, and I am going to bring my not too warm quilt out soon. And I remember this quilt cover that my ex bought with me in Australia. I am not sentimental or attached to things of the past much, but tonite I somewhat thought of him as he was my refuge my hospital once. I think in my life I have come across many men - he's definitely not a core shaken nor a soul revivalist, but he is a hospital. Frankly, I used him to cure my wounds.....since after him, I have become many's hospitals.....I always think it;s a karma thing.
I am thinking over the changes I have attained past 10 years. I have changed alot. Then this word, metamorphosis came to mind and I wonder....as many people wud call me butterfly as many know I am not an earthy animal....I wonder if I am actually experiencing the bursting out pain now to become a real butterfly. I hope it is....as I still have hopes, U know. I am just slightly fearful that....that's it.
I think, I want to buy a new quilt cover with someone else...I want new memory, I want new things. I am frankly not attached to this cover, haha....nah, I am more cold-blooded than that. I just dont attach things to a face much. But lately though someone has brought out this side of me....but I am resisting that, or,...maybe with some sorta attachment is a good thing!? I think so....maybe it's ok then. I think people with not obsessive attachment is a healthy living being. I am definitely the cold-blooded kind,.....so I am learning.....metapmorphosising....and hope maybe one day I will indeed turn into a bright pretty uniquely patterned butterfly. As I said in pewvious entry.....I negotiated my way with god(s)....another thing I would put on the table is - I genuinely want to bless people with the good things I have, be it love, money, joy, care.....actually I am a wonderful person and am gonna bless many people, so I would pray when I pray maybe god could help me a little, so....in turn I can bless the world, or at least people ard me. How to draw more water from an already dry-up well, ie my arguement point.
U think god will buy? I hope he's reasonable enough to buy my negotiation points.
OK, hehe...just some thoughts before sleep. And dont mean to be negative....but ai well, as said, this is my space, I can say whatever I want and like.....:)))) But thanks for dropping by.
No, not negative at all. Very honest feelings actually~
ReplyDeleteIt's quite ironic sometimes... Eventhough we tell ourselves to be constantly forward looking, I find it more and more inevitable nowadays that we look back in our past. Like you said - the way we've changed, grown, or evolved. It's not like we're looking back on our mistakes or regrets, rather, it's that "sentimental" part you touched upon. It's more like we're reminiscing, reflecting, recollecting those things that make us warm, or bring a hopeful smile onto our faces.
:)) Yea, I have been fraking reflecting, reminiscing and recollecting my past.....hahahahahaha. But one good thing is I dont really have too much of regrets of whatever happen....always think it's done it's committed, regretting only makes one soul to collect more bad karma. Anyhows....we shud hv a big share of sharing during NYE. :)))))
ReplyDeleteWhat about Xmas Eve!?! It's saturday you know? Was discussing with Colonel and we plan to start in early afternoon!
ReplyDeletehehe, u know...Ud rarely remind me stuff......
ReplyDeletenow u already mentioned to me like thousand of times?!?! hehe....as u said when U were drunk 2 nites ago, we shud start from Central at 2, then move our way to....ummm......somewhere with a table and seats and allow u smoke,......get pissed, etc etc. heheheheeh
Wow~
ReplyDeleteI think Bruce takes over totally at those time... cos I dont recall a word I said (^^)