Memory of that split second

As of this moment, I know what I should do - PACK & PREPARE to move, but I really dont feel like doing anything, except sitting here to think, wearing a princess crown on my head - to think more fairytale-ly.

Sometimes, I wonder why certain things that I put on make me feel like I am a fairy. Interesting. Did I ever say that I liked fairy tale? I esp like Little Mermaid. Maybe it's the songs. Anyhow.

I am thinking - I am doing some thinking of the split seconds of memory. I am quite good at not remembering stuff nowadays, but then when a split moment of memory split by - I could relive that bliss or plight of that moment. The things happened to me lately has destroyed some good part of mine, but it also has grown some constructive side of mine. I am not sure how the effect will be, but I feel it's time I should start writing the book I have been talking about. Some tell me, I shud just start right here right now. I am thinking of the beginning or the prologue. But you know what, screw it, I am going to do it.............I want to capture this split seconds of memories. They are somewhat heavy  happy and heavy sad.

Now, this moment, I really feel like to exhale all my breath so just to suck in the every drop of air around me. Yes, ie how I am feeling right now. It's good, I am going to have a balcony in my new flat, so I could try to walk outta "window" without thinking - should I jump just to breathe in the air I am desiring after. Sadly, I wish I could cry, but I couldnt anymore. I dont know where my tears have gone to. Maybe, as I wish, they were all shed. I once believe that my tears could fill a standard size of swimming pool. haha, now, it's dry......

"My luv, My luv, stay here"

"I am wandering to the desert"

"I am lost in the mirage - and it's crystal clear, how strange!"

"Come back here, My luv My luv"

"Dont go near the mirage. Folklore says, Mirage is a blackhole, dont go near!!"

"It's going to suck you in and you could never come back"

"Stay here, My luv My luv"

"Dont you go near the mirage of blackhole. It's going to suck you in"

"Please, just stay here at where you are"

"The wind is blowing. I cant stand still. I need to walk"

"Dont walk towards it"

"Just stay here"