When it CUMs, U shall not stop it

I am not talking about orgasm, but it applies, as it doesnt cum often for most, hehe. 

I am referring to inspiration & thoughts.

Actually, when I turned on my 2.5 year small netbook, I couldnt even know what I actually wanted to say. Shits, signs of old age, I guess. Thoughts FLUMMMM by without a trace.

OK, today Mr Pasta cum to my place. It was nice. hehe

Anyways, we were talking about Mr Dude. And I told him, actually he told me many times, NEVER TRUST A MAN. Well, I heed his advice diligently, as best as I could lie to myself. But, honestly, Mr Dude told me couples of weeks ago that "he couldnt forget about me and he kept thinking of me".

Arghjhjh....does he know who he's dealing with? 

Me!!! Plz.

When he said that, all my passion drained.

To be frank, all humans r the same. It doesnt matter U r a man or a woman. It applies to same logic with slight deviation. When he said that, I knew it was the end. The logic doesnt even fit into my outerspacey universe, despite I am pretty flexible to most notions. 

Lets do a statistic analysis. It's just mathematics.

If someone misses you, but one is busy, tired, caught up, travelling on a plane, blahblah, etc etc..............................................................lets say, sending a msg, an email. leaving a voicemail takes how long? I know, less than 10 sec, as I msg , msn, email too much.

Assume, in one day, you were allowed 10 times of 10 seconds (ie what? fucking less than 2 mins), 7 days passed by , less than 14 mins. OK, if I got nothing, how could one lie to oneself saying all these bullshits? It's not even a man's gesture, it's like a stupid immature baby gesture who just dont fucking know what it means to be a normal human being. But I forgive YOU.

Honestly, I think sometimes humans r so silly. Men say they r simple, honestly, as I mentioned above, it's very complicated (hahahaha), indeed. Just be honest, then it becomes simple. When it involves some lying gesture or uncertain confession, it becomes complicated. It complicates your life.

So I have a new found respect for women who genuinely want to get married. I used to "mock at" them, but they are indeed pursuing what they want in life, despite what other added qualities they want from a man or what else assets they hope to obtain. They are just honest at what they want.

And I gotta tell you who have the chance to read here - really be honest with yourself. If U r a man, dont mock women for being complicated (whilst men being simple).....NAH. You make us complicated with your simple & dishonest info. We have all the while been honest with what we want. 

We want sex, we go N get it.

We want a husband, we go N confess about it.

We want to sleep, we dont care if the world is going to fall, we go N sleep.

We want a Chanel, we would find our devious way to get it.

I hereby conclude, women r simple. 

hehe :P

Watching Lottie

Lottie is indeed nottie
as she's jumpie
but within my heart, I know she's just a babie

Watching her sleep, I feel peaceful and calmie

Lottie is so nottie
She's just so friendly
She's just coz  a babie
for the rest of her life

Watching her sulk, make me wearie

Lottie is just Lottie
She's who she is
all her heart consume with just mommie

Watching Lottie, I want to tell her mommie is just sleepie

Go to sleep Lottie
in peace
you are always my babie

My Lottie

Angel & Demon

As I always say, I believe in fairies and fairy tales. I luv the cartoon - Little Mermaid the most, as I repeat thousand of times. Recently, I started on another search - spiritual aspects and practices. 

I have been reading alot of paranormal, ancient civilization materials, as I am really intrigued by the "past", ie why my first goal when I was maybe 10 was to be an archeologist. I wanted to discover, uncover the truth or mystery....and I even envisioned that by the time now, we could actually travel to the past like Back to the Future. I think, I was 8 or 7 - I already had a theory in my head (something like Back to the Future movie). Moments exist within moments. We could co-exist at the same moment. Ie why we would have Deja Vu. I believe it's some sort of spring theory in chaos moments, like one in thousandth second before in another dimension, I just erased the previous word and started making this sentence. Anyhow, I dunno, I never then further explore, but it rooted deeply in my head of my theory - so ie why I always spaced out hence my whole family thought and still think I am an idiot. hehe

After 2.5 yrs of my state, I finally picked up myself to want to learn something new. So, I just said a prayer of some sort, not even really meaning it, but more like a trade. "OK, if you give me this, I will go further in the search. But you have to show me HOW"  And somehow, words came to mind, and materials fell on my laps, next would be everytime I asked a question, some material would show up and answer me in its specific way (similar experience when I joined the church back in Melb......). But this time, I was taking it easy, wasnt like before, zeal without knowledge, on fire without extinguisher. The experience is so familiar that makes me become even more cautious to a moment of feeling awe with a touch of sacredness in it. 

The magic of click and realization is amazing.....:)

Anyhow, below is one example. I was thinking to myself - well, I know my demons. Actually, I met some before....more like spirits. And I hvnt known my guardian angels yet, so I was thinking since yesterday - ummm.....do they exist?

By Paulo Coelho
Knowing how to ask for help
When he suffers some injustice, a warrior generally seeks to remain alone – so as not to show his pain to others.

This behavior is both good and bad at the same time.

It is one thing to allow your heart to gradually cure its own wounds. Another is to remain in deep meditation every day, afraid of appearing to be weak.

Within each of us there is an angel and a demon, and their voices are very similar. Faced with a difficulty, the demon nourishes solitary conversation, by showing us how vulnerable we are. The angel makes us reflect on our attitudes, and sometimes uses someone else’s tongue to manifest itself.

A warrior balances loneliness and dependency, with the help of others."

Not commenting if I agree with him or not, but it makes me very thankful - I have both. This is what I went through past 2 years - solitude with reflection of attitude. I think people tend to grumble about their misfortune, yet, many a time - it's a time to indeed reflect on the attitude. And it's a LUCK indeed if one could experience both and understand - so next time we can do better. Yet, I am just so thrilled that somehow I know I have them, but I am yet to encounter them face to face and to differentiate their voices. 

I am starting to pray that I will meet them and tell them apart. Despite, I believe in fairies, I never thought there were guardian angels - as I never felt I was protected. But.....now.....all is good. all is fine. ^^

Reckless

I know why I am adorable, yet it's always a curse and blessing. Well, I would opt to see it as blessing in disguise. Someone, Mr Hungry, told me that recklessness is one thing that he adores. And the thing is........most men find me funny or adorable or interesting......it;s coz indeed I am reckless. I have endless topics that I could indulge a guy with, from sex, to paranormal, to spiritual, to technology, to science, to gals, to guyz, to comics (yes I know who Frank Muller is, and I luv alternate universe btw captain america and....someone else, is it superman?!, or to religion, to movie, to bands, to TV, to....life&death......So I am pretty aimless in my discussion....becoz I know everything a little bit, it's a blessing, coz I am like a can opener. But I am never the spoon..........

I have finally learnt to accept, this is me. I did accept it, but someone along the way kinda murk my knowing. I just have to blame myself of being swayed. But anyhow. this is me.....and without a shortlived butterfly like me (as I actually told my boss off once), you wouldnt hv ENOUGH color to fill this earth. And as a matter of fact, pretty butterflies are extinguishing, so pls - dont take my recklessness for granted. It's short lived, but it's rare. :)

I dunno why, today, really I am so enthusiastic for something to come. And I got no idea what........I just know.........

To my sweetest fren - Miss PuppyDoll

Actually I have known her since maybe almost 10 years ago...that was very brief. However, the universe always brings the best & sweetest person across my path to show me...that this world is beautiful. Yes, we met again almost 1.5 yr ago, at a very random concert - Muse (I am not fanatic for music - I didnt even know more than 2 songs of Muse then, I was following a muse to a Muse concert only). Then we just clicked at that moment. Strangely, when I met her 10 yrs back, I knew we SHOULD be friends. But somehow, I also knew it wasnt the moment. And somehow.....after so many yrs, I almost forgot all about it, even she was on my FB - and yes now we have become close frenz. hoho....god works in miraculous means & ways that we cant fathom at times.

I think, sometimes some of us look like lost souls, searching high & low, and we would question ourselves if we are outta our fucking minds, as we look, observe the world around us. People come in & out without knowing. Yet, we question why we have to KNOW. Maybe, somewhere in our little inner voice - we wish to be zombie, at least I am....I always want to be one. Can kill without feeling, so nice. So powerful. haha.

But I want to tell my fren that she's going to be OK. I know. I dont know about everyone, but I know about HER. She's going to be fine. Yes U r going to be fine. Your vision at 16, it will be realized. I am not talking to encourage her, YOU. no, I just know it's going to happen.

So whatever that's happening, u just need to let it go a while, feel it. Move on. And u will find the oasis. or spring....or a tree for shelter. :)

(HUGZ)

Thanks so much also for being such a support past few months when I was in despair. I am always here for YOU too. ^^

LUVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Looking for Miracles....

To be very frank, whatever I am going through, to me, it's already beyond me to tackle, but so, I am waiting for miracles. I should say, I am working on the miracles....with supreme power. Right now. But as I look at the sky out from my balcony - gosh, what a beautiful day. So pretty. I rarely see the sun, even I was born in the morning, I luv the nite since very little......but I also luv to look at clouds. I saw few real fish clouds with scales on the sky when I was maybe 6 or 7 yo. They were alive - I remember they were breathing. Not kidding......my sis saw that too.

Sky-Cloud Submarine

Guess somehow miracles are making their way to me, becoz, if not, I wouldnt notice the sky. It's been long long time I looked up.

Euphoric

OK, dont want to dwell too much on which books I read, I could only say I read few books within few days. And the books I picked, some were with me for some time but I couldnt bring myself to read through them. Anyways, maybe someday, I could psychoanalyse myself on this topic, but not today.

After frantically reading, I can tell you, I feel calmly euphoric to a point that I feel I am HEALED. The saddness & depression I felt for past 3 months have slipped through my fingers.............as I was flipping each page or stroking iphone screen.

Some of the questions I have been questioning about god & myself, have found its way to shoot through the pages, which, I suppose maybe the authors didnt know that would cause such effects to the readers, or maybe it was intentional....anyhow, it doesnt matter, the point is, I am FINE.

I am going to stop reading after today....I mean, less intensive. It's enough info for my Limitless to grow for a while. Next is, I am going to start reading Poems and The Dead Sea Scroll - slowly. Maybe take in few verses every few days........just to connect the final dots. 

I blablahblah....actually I want to blablahblah more but I hvnt slept as I was so desperately to finish a book. I need to rest my eyes for few hrs, then I am back on what I am supposed today. Shit, I luv this euphoria.....hehehehehehe...........but I should shut up. :P

Books N Ideas

I have been blahhhh about having a book of my own for some time. The fact is, I feel I am not enough for it. Yea, if I have to share my stories, they are quite interesting in somewhat but then it's just another drama queen's stories, just total bullshits N cliche. I always felt I should have done or learnt something extra-ordinary to kick off this step....ok, maybe wait till I am 60!!??

But lately I have addicted to kindle. I downloaded many books, from poems to spiritual stuff or just novels or jewish bible............I am reading them simulataneously. Yea yea, supposedly it isnt right, to be honest, I am not trying to learn something from each book, I am trying to do a mental research for something. And as the movie - Limitless goes, well, it seems it's better I get as much info or glanced enough info just in case I could assess to 100% of my brain....hehe....I am not going to learn the theories of others or teachers, never in my life I tried to learn something from the "scholar" or "masters", I always know I need to find my way. Like math, I did quite good, but I could never get what the teacher said - so I always studied on my own and I would finish the whole exercise book in frenzy (before anyone could even start halfway through), so I got good score, and I never would compile to hand in homework (depending which teacher....it seemed they always let me be, haha...)

Not meant to say something negative, I think if my teachers see me now, they wud be disappointed. The gal they knew should be a head of a department already. What's going on with her? "sob"

I think I have been blabbering on about a breakthrough or some excitement - it's not going to come. Becoz it already started when I said I wanted it. I am just waiting to see how it would be quickened in its own way. I am not very patient, but also very patient.

So I am reading alot, as I want to cram all the vocabs in my head. In the past I always sped through words, so I could get the picture in my head.....then I would make up stories along the way using the words. It seemed to work............and now....I feel i hvnt got enough, I hv to stuff something in, just to make sure when the path is clear, I could vomit all the food I have been eating in  one goal.......

Anyways, I am bullshitting. I just need to bs bs bs bs.

Oh, yes I got a great present from my fren. I couldnt even recall since......maybe 12 yrs ago, someone gave me Tiffany. It's not my brand anymore, very girlie. But when Bruce gave me that, I suddenly felt like a gal again.....thanks so much. I really luv it. Thanks so much for making me feel like a little princess.....heheheh...I need that, I dont deny, I want to be a princess! 

And during our coffee today (while giving me the bday gift), we started sharing on ideas. And I feel that he has given me a very good concept - I will see to it if there's any way using my magical power to make it succeed.

2 gifts in one day, I am so blessed!!!!!! ^^

P.S - Freakishly to me, it's my 111 post of ME!!! Wow, something wonderful N magical is gonna happen to ME! Yea!

Judgemental

People say or comment I am a judgemental person
actually, I am not
but if people say, I have to put into account
I think it's my demeanour or my look
people just hv to comment something

Now, I think I can say I am judgemental, but

I am judgement to the matter of mind
I am NOT judgemental to the matter of heart

Ie why I am a compassionate person with a touch of judgment

hehe

Swing

Few things I luv -

1. Pendulum

2. resonance effects within  benzene rings

3. momentum

4. intra- & extra-cellular matrix

Yes I was a science student.

I did very well in chemistry though I forgot most stuff already but there are still some trace of a notion, of a drawing, etc. My frenz asked me why I could do so well, I said I dunno, I just could feel the stuff.

Pendulum - someone described me as that, my logic vs emotion

resonance - I just feel so awed by that power

momentum - u kick it, it starts to run 

intra- & extra - cellular matrix - I always wondered since young if there's life within life within life......

(I always imagined that my hair was the universe of another race or people.....and they were living in it)

Anyhow..................................................what I am trying to say. Just some background.

I have been asking myself some questions lately. It bothered me alot, as I so couldnt understand the situation I have been in. I have to tell frankly, I am very very tired and fatigued from my life. I thought of ending it couple of weeks ago, as I got really tired N emptied out. And of coz I hv been reading different books, somehow I want to jumpstart something......u know, something.......

So last nite, I had a dream. Actually, now I am not sure if it's dream within a dream or basically 2 dreams separately. Both dreams I was on a swing. But in one scenario, the background wasnt like earth, more like a highly advanced thing, coz it had a very tall bldg (my memory is very vague) - so i was on the swing, it swinged really high, and so I asked, why I could swing so high to the sky....(it's like I could swing so high, same level as the bldg). So somehow I semi woke up from another dream or real life, now I couldnt tell - my mind told me that it's the answer to the question I asked before I fell asleep.......................................

The swing is my answer.

Band-Aid to the broken heart (scientifically)

First, thanks to Mr Funny introducing me to read up on Gregg Breden, but what makes my heart beat heavily would be what I am going to share below. Now I totally understand why I studied science and why the heck pharmacy though I hated it guts to the point I disowned this profession. But as I always share - studying Pharmacy has an advantage, whereby I understand alot of science stuff plus human stuff (as we are prepared to work in pharmaceutical companies (hence product development, formulation, marketing - we need to grasp the understanding, plus also we need to do alot of counselling & educating the patients). And most of all, we are trained to read literature, journals of science sorts, of coz. I am so so thrilled to read what's below.

http://www.businessweek.com/innovate/content/feb2011/id20110225_354247.htm

"............electrical currents can be detected in developing embryos and in wounds.........." =>

1. "the cells that become the heart begin to pulsate very early on in embryonic development, it can be said that the vast majority of the time that an embryo develops is in the presence of electrical signals."

2. "........... in a wound, the (these) charged particles spill out and create current (movement of charge) that can be measured and that subsides as the wound heals"

Hence, the above findings have become the fundamental points of research in finding how to "grow heart tissue".

Note: "the heart is the biggest source of electrical energy, much much bigger than the brain............ "

Creating the band-aid for wounded heart-tissue is to modulate the frequency of electrical stimulation to "trick" the cells to grow into heart tissues - these engineered heart tissues would be the band-aid of the broken heart tissue.........

Maybe this week, I will share some points regarding the Divine Matrix by Gregg Breden, but I really dont think I can grasp what he's talking about as it has alot of physics in it, which I suck in physics. But he points out about power of emotion/feeling - generated by heart (as above, remember, heart generates bigger electrical energy - also magnetic field - than the brain) could actually change the reality (in simple term - anyways, I still dont get it much but I am more interested to prove certain scientific points he makes first), so above rgd the engineered heart has somewhat excited me alot..........

Anyways, it's exciting to know the physical broken heart could have a band-aid and our heart actually creates more electricity than the brain........these would be a great pondering moment for us. Maybe the spiritual heart could be healed & modulated too. :D

(actually, I got other research rgd the heart N brain bla blah EM fields but I find this simple article to be most intriguing)

I hate that....

When that crazy Eric called me at MN, and I missed his call.
Shits...not sure if he got bad news for me from the company.
Anyhow, prepare the worst!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Called him back, he didnt pick it up.
Guess he must be making devil plan in his head.
ASSHOLE.

But I just hope that he pressed the wrong number. Whereby, actually, he always sent the wrong email to me.
LETS HOPE.
I cant take in more bad news.
it's a time for good news.
I want GOOD NEWS.
GOOD NEWS PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!

The thing is I feel so agitated inside.
Tjis shitty asshole always brings bad news.
ALWAYS.
I really need to find a job so I can quit this shithole once & for alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
But though I really still want to continue what I am doing
Universe, Gods, SAVE ME FROM THIS AGITATIONNNNNNNNNNNNNN

A habit is not a need

I just start to really luv his quotes and read his books.

Paulo Coelho -
Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.
Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need.

You know, it seems human race is more driven by habits than needs. I try not to be trapped in such, but the fact is I AM very much in the core of many habits.

I dont need coffee but I drink it, reasons? nothing to drink so I drink coffee, and of coz I prefer its taste more than maybe lets say - Milo.

I dont need alcohol esp I dont actually like it but I will order many till I am drunk when I am out. Reasons? It's kind of stupid asking for soft drinks when the bars would charge you 10, 15 times more than you got from 7-11.

I dont need to shower but I have to coz I would smell. But think about it, in cavemen time, they got no soap but they were sensitive. Apart from less scent distraction, do you think it's possible that one's own pheramones or smell would be the catalyst of  ascending subconsiousness? The most deteriorating of our 5 senses, I would have to say is SMELL, coz we are so intoxicated by the present air. Yet.....I many a time would love to understand more about our olfactory system as it stores alotta memories or recalls. A scent is dead-on, irreplaceable but selective (I think).

I dont need to miss someone, but it has become a habit.

Despite hating & feeling disgusted by it, I admire people who could cut a habit and recognizing his actual needs - though the reasons of need could be something stupid, like need of sleep, need of being lazy - yet he could make a step changing his pattern, breaking off an essence of habit.....I admire such people.

I hope I could achieve what he said. Nothing is irreplaceable. It's so true, yet, more you know how it could be replaced, more you dont want. O well, It's but just a Habit of Stupidity & Procasination.

:)

Being Butterfly

Not once in my life, many say I am actually a butterfly. 

A social butterfly.

A metamorphic butterfly.

Butterfly personality.

Come & go like a butterfly.

Floating like a butterfly.

I think, I am actually a butterfly, apart from being "reptilian" from Orion.

As I glanced through my pics from young, I indeed look very different. It's not just being nerdy when I was young. I just really changed. I dont think I could recognize myself if I could go back in time machine. And I think, I should start to forgive my old frenz or family, how they couldnt even talk to me anymore. I mean, I dont just change, I have become another person.

Not sure if you read up paranormal stuff. There are few kinds of hybrids, one is called starseed (I believe it;s me), the other is walk-in. My witchy astrology friend was a walk-in. I think I have been walked-in many times then.....I think once this group of "weird" people did tell me - people like me would change every 2 years and there would be no way for them to recognize me again. 

I guess, to others is very threatening. For me, I have lived with many of my problems & flaws for so many years, I sometimes dont even know it if I dont pause a moment & think. Esp, when I am uploading some pics of my past & present to picasa - I realize, I couldnt actually recognize the "me" in the picture, also I realize I look like a cat.

My god, I am just blahblablahhhhh............becoz my mind is so empty nowadays. I just want to yack something so.....to make my synapses work again. Ummm, I did make a wish yesterday that I would meet someone challenging & mind provoking soon. I need some renewal again. I have been in cocoon for sometime.....and I want to breakthrough the nutshells again & fly out a prettier & smarter butterly.......

:)

SCREAM

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH just want to scream
SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
HATE what I am doing
and need wisdom to get out
lack of brainwave to know
powerless inspiration
FERKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

PEWH. Thanks.
I hate all the guyz called ERIC. 

Wow, another 30 somthing

.........hehe, entries, I will hit 400 entries
which, I gotta say, 95% of my stuff is so bullshit.
I hvnt got the mood to write lately
so I resort to photo blogging on iphone now
I suddenly feel this cageless bird blog is a drag
I want to open another one with more exclusive limited viewing
though, I think.....I only have 1-2 readers here

I want to start something more provocative
more crazy
more erotic blog
I mean, really, put what I think inside
anyhow, I hv been naked basically this year
why not!?!?! huh!!??????

Seriously, I felt like being stripped clean, robbed naked these few months
my mind has become so stale that
I mocked at every word I spoke
I hate my stupid slow mind
I dislike my powerless brainwave

It's like my neurons can no longer synapse
there isnt any chemical, there's lack of neurotransmitters to transmit
does it mean I need to take on some dopa
or just dope

I hate this feeling
I hate slow mind
I cant even joke about anything
I am supposed to hv quick wit, but I am lacking so badly lately
I find myself becoming like a boring person
I need some electric shock
in the past, I wud hop on a plane & go somewhere
just to somehow to shock myself alittle bit in diff way
now, I cant
The only excitement I have is I can shoot tequila
hehehehe
yes................when it efferescents from the throat back to the tongue
the kick was amazing
i suppose U got that from whisky too, but I hate malt

Full stop of my bullshit
I am just hysertically calm nowadays
YUCK!

Feel Like 1000 years old

I always know I am an old soul, but still think I am kinda new old soul. But lately - actually today.......my "tiredness" of things (not exactly entirely negative - but I got no words to describe it) has made me feel that I am already 1000 years old. Not exactly wiser, not exactly tired - but I started to see some understanding of things. Maybe more forgiveness. Less patience for things dont deserve me. But I am not sharpened yet. Still got long way to mould. I cant say I am excited. But a strange feeling. Like yesterday as I said, I felt da me is coming back soon. And one sign of Da Me is back is that I didnt sleep the whole night until now.....it's the Da Me trait. I think I am really workaholic, when there are things I want to achieve, I can go without sleep. It's abit crazy but it's kinda my way too. It';s the Da Me. Period.

Very strange things too - as I am feeling old soul within, as I look back my old pictures..........I actually kinda look younger than before. Even my stylist told me that. Is it some kinda reverse, like the movie by Brad Pitt....U kinda grow up in reverse (cudnt recall the movie name).....weird. Of coz I could see sign of old age - some fine lines, etc etc...........o well, maybe better camera now. haha

Da Me

I was talking to my "life analyst" over the phone as I gotta update him my situation. Actually, lately I feel in somewhat, da me is coming back, but still I could feel I am now in a river, tied with a string, a small string.....I am not back on land yet. However, I am focuzing to find the me back. And as he said, i would know when I would be back. And indeed, I somehow am so in touch with myself, I could even tell how well I speak of a joke or a thought....lately not so good, but better than past 2 months, I suppose. 

So today, somehow a british guy who wanted to date me for a year....hahhaahahah.......surfaced on a chat. Honestly, I am not interested in him but it's flattering someone could remember you after so long without contacts, at least 4 months I guess. I think he said something he found me awesome being so upfront about many things, I said, yes I am intriguing. But the fact is, u know, I am tired people saying they like me coz I am honest, open & upfront........honestly speaking, I think people cant handle honesty. It's a trait people desire after but do not want it at all.

I hope Da Me is back on soon. I miss the hilarious ME. I miss the crazy ME. I dont care if people would luv me coz I am that outerspacey hilarious, crazy & honest anymore. I dont think anyone even needs to think why they can luv me or not, I am just so darn super gigantic wonderful person....why the freak I need to care if people wud luv me, as many would, few cant is fine, rite? I mean even just me luving me is totally enough, who can say they hv at least 1 person who can luv one unconditionally????

I WILL BE BACK - Terminator.

Weird Dreams

I think, really, first thing one should do is to record their dreams if they could remember. I havnt been diligent about it but I did have vague memory of 2 dreams.

I realize that many of my dreams have something to do with water, guess maybe my star sign is of water. This recent dream, I couldnt recall the specific, but the only thing I remember, instead of running across a highway, I gotta swim across a highway of river - inside which many giant fish looking like some greyish whales....but they were not exactly the fish that I know of. Somehow, I just gotta swim across it. 

Anyways, apart from water monsters, underrwater training, this is another one related to water. It's good I am not of fire sign.....hahahahaah

Second one was last night. I dreamt I was in this apartment - kinda old with old furniture. While I was playing around with my date, he told me he didnt like my place. It's old. So I said coz it's so cheap, I just needed to rent it.....he said everywhere is dust, but I was fine as I didnt have allergy.....keke. Then next scene was at a dinner party - somehow they were all rich people. Another guy came to me and said - u know what. I could transfer the stock share to you since your flat belonged to the listed company - I said, wow, could you do that? He said, of coz he could.......lol...alternate dimension, people still wanted to benefit me. Then another guy came to me, should be my date or a friend....I couldnt remember, he said, U gotta move. I said, well, I got no money to move, and he said...I would pay for you. Then I started to tell of the ghost story and people were gathering around me in aweee.....................kekekekekekeke

I think in the alternate dimension of me, I was also experiencing financial problems, but the "she-me" was lucky as she knew all the rich guyz. keke

American Documentaries

I mean, they always have intriguing topics - Nostradamus Effect. But the material is so shallow and repetitive, but what got me interested was the anti-christ part, whereby nostradamus prophesied something interesting, e.g. Hitler - Napolean, etc........Kinda browsing abit on Hitler. It's amazing how he could create a social-cult in such short time, while, actually a jewish oracle prophesied to him that he wud become a chancellor , but later of coz murdered by him. At his suicide - he chose 30 Apr, coz it's like the "ghost door open" date as in our 7-14 chinese custom..........

Then was kinda intrigued by Issac Newton too. He was very diligent in deciphering the bible code, and actually his documents were surfaced sometimes ago (maybe 50 yrs ago?) - yet he was an alchemist. Isnt it abit strange that in somewhat....as I am reading some doc or books lately - alchemy always has some association with the bible in somewhat. And U know, I am good at chemistry and ie why I got very intrigued by the term alchemy before I knew what it meant - never thought of turning lead to gold, but I think turning things to things isnt the real practice & desire behind.

Intriguing!