Since childhood, I always have images of pit and cliff. Cliff is....I feel like I am always at the edge of cliff that I am gonna jump down. Pit is....I feel I have been suffocated. Since long time, I wasnt brought back to those 2 places.
Yet, with my fren Bruce, sometimes we talked about our rp. Esp in the past......he once mentioned I had bottomless patience or compassion for others, esp men, and I would say, esp for useless men! And usually these are the people who told me I was impatient.......sigh....
somehow, I got an analogy today when pondering abt stuff, as the more deep a pit inside your psychi is, the more burial site hidden down there. I evaluate myself very often and I have to say - my childhood was a normal one, I wasnt raped, I didnt get beaten every day or I wasnt so poor that I gotta eat rubbish. I mean, everything was kinda normal. Yes, I got problematic dad or mom....or even sisters, aunties...etc etc....but they are still normal relatively speaking. So I got no idea where this is all from? Maybe I am sick, hehe.
I think and I hope, me likewise....we wont exploit pple kindness, love and patience. Everyone of it is hard to come by....if someone does love you, you are already not forgotten by god. If you have been kind or treated patiently - it means your past lives have done something good.
And I could feel I am pouring some cement into the pit of patience....as I am losing it.
No comments:
Post a Comment