Sometimes we all get tired

One way or another.

Maybe waiting for a chance.

Waiting for a bus.

Waiting for the doctor.

Waiting for someone to change their mind.

Waiting......

I have been waiting alot....really.....I am not a 100% patient person.

But people who know me well know I am very impatient, yet very patient for things that are worthy of my time.

Like my sis kids. I was quite patient with their education.

For my ex-es, I was too.

For my life...maybe work....ummm...yea, ok......70%

I was telling Mr Pasta last nite, how I would send off my ex-es. hehe, he found me really weird.

E.g. before I broke up with my ex-es, I would - find a church for him if he's a christian; or if he was jobless, I would advise him and pass him some freelance; or he was social handicapped, I would force him to build the network and make some frenz first.

It's abit nutty doing all these things. But I couldnt NOT do it. It's not like they are all the best merited guyz on earth, but somehow I need to clear my conscience. Ie me. My conscience is so important. I do agree with the preaching - we all have the soul within to discern right & wrong - I think it's the conscience I am talking about. 

Sometimes, I do get tired with myself and lose sight of it. Like the scam few months ago, I think it's my responsibility to suck it up. I was ignoring my conscience. Many times we could be blinded. really. When we are kind of lost. Esp with a bit of my impulsiveness - I kinda got squinted, things become dreggy.

Esp someone told me, innately I am an antenna - ummm............to upstairs, so Id better check myself, examine myself more. I am abit scared, honestly. I want to be an angel, not an antenna. :( It seems things become so heavy for me now.....very hard to understand what I am talking about now, unless I could tell you face to face the whole story. Yet, it's like a long TV soap opera, some say about my stories, it's always episode after another episode with more dramas, more climax, heheheheh..................(I swear, I dont want it gahhhhhhh) !!

I believe this year is really a time of learning acceptance & awakening. To identify the difference between peace at heart vs blinded conscience. Anyhooos, I think.....whatever it is, it worths the journey.

By the way, I need different people to visit me in June, at my place....actually I have been arranging different frenz coming here every week.......somehow I feel this place needs more people. As the whole floor, I am like the only person....hehe....do bring tequila, I can serve coke zero & yummy juices!! ^^