Someone very special gave me this book and so I am starting reading it. IBut as I passed through chapter 2, I have a thought. Yes this entry isnt about the book, but....maybe an inspiration or something else from this book.
As was discussing with different people, about, boring people, some would name it. Some of us would name - zombie, gray people, and lately Naoto called it CloseBook. I think they are super names, it's very simple to understand what we are referring at. As I am reading, I remembered something I thought about years ago. How a similar event affects one to such intensity that they will need to use eternity to manage the pain or torture, while for the others they would gradually let the pain & memory slip through them very fast. Not that the latter gang has no heart, of coz they feel the anguish, but they dont have what I call - process in their heart & mind - in another word, somewhat their mind & heart are not in tune. Yet, in retrospect, they will view the the other group as depressive or negative or crazy. Or, just maybe the latter has unusual ability to handle, process, like a rice cooker, miraculously turning rice into rice.
As for me, how do I manage this intensity, guess I was born with a quite good deleting system?! I tend to process then delete.....I am not sure if it's good or bad, but since I have a blog, I would put my memory here. Then, I feel in somewhat I pollute the world with my thoughts & emotions, and hence I feel less agony & torture.
But as of lately, words have no more power over me. I am somewhat wordless & thoughtless. I have been taken on a ride, a ride I never prepared for. Yet, I feel somewhat it was pre-destined. All these 2.5 yrs or even these decades, I was prepared for this ride. Though, I cant yet figure out if this is just a transitional ride for another, then, yet.....I am thankful for adventures. For the moments of refining my ideas. My mission in life. My preparation. For understanding humans. For living with humans. For being a human.
Of coz, there's no right & wrong. It depends what's best way to feed your existence.
I tried reading Murakami... But his novels tend to create this overwhelming feeling of loneliness - bordering depressing. It's like he was trying to depict the degradation of ppl's values...
ReplyDeleteWell, this is his first book for me, I am not sure. But isnt jap autors kind of like these?
ReplyDeleteActually, I find his description of everything very detailed in the book, including the testorsteronely-packed, filled dorm room, to me it's quite hilarious. :)