YES, I am turning 38 in 2 day's time. I never worry much about being old. I never really care about youth vs aged.
But lately I am. Because I want to be crazily, inevitably, uncontrollably, fucking in love.
When you are 18, you never think you will turn 28.
When you are 28, you believe you would be something by 38.
When you are 38, you wonder why you couldnt be 28 again.
I never wanted to turn back the clock. But now, I do. I wish I could have loved once during my 20's. What did I do? I couldnt recall. I just wasted time on non-loving relationship as I was so ignorant or I should say insecure about myself. I hope one day I could dwell more on the topic of insecurity. It happens to everyone, but it;s not a superficial thing. It's a deep-down issue, very likely, you could never dig it through. Ie why this world is full of ignorant, non self-aware beings, as they dont even know there's a pit to dig. But they are the smartest people on earth.
Where as for me, I am stupid in taking the time to dig, yet this is the only way for me to survive.
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