Alone

It's not a bad feeling.
I am though in depression months. It's been at least few months being in a serious state as I really dont know how to solve the problems in front of me. I think maybe I have to give up my messiness and find a job. Maybe I am amount to nothing. I hate this thought.
I am not sure if I am going to share my blog with anyone as this is sometimes too depressing.
Where are my wits?? Where are my strengths??
I think many people may think I miss my ex. To be honest, yes, he's one of my depressing fuel. Why the heck I would waste my 3 years with such a jerk?? I couldnt fathom. This makes me so depressed now, really, depressed now. Maybe I should look onto the bright side, but my energy has used up. I am not sure how to look to the bright side.
All my life, I am just giving excuses over another. If I could use the same motivation of making excuse and channel it to my life, I think I am already a rich woman. Maybe I should have a private jet already. Yes I am an arrogant brat. I like it that way.
But lately I couldnt even bring myself to brag about my nothingness. Shit, I could do so well in it.
My god, what has happened to me? I am so tired. So out of energy. So out of everything. My life is like a breeze that just got blown away by the hurricane. It's so depressing, isnt it?