Suicide

I saw a news about this Korean star hanging himself. It took me to some trance. What if, I could do the same. It took me to remember some of the ways people who committed suicide.

Yeah, I may not show this blog to anyone. It's just so saddening some points.

I have lost my way. I am not sure how to find my way back again. Everything seems so far and distant. I dont want to see anyone anymore. I dont even want to take care of my dogs. They only give me more chaos in my life. I just want to cut myself off from this life. It';s not about having a difficult life. It's about being hopeless, strengthless, happyless............too lonesome to be alone, to have no one to see you through. Not talking about a bf. Having a bf, esp the useless kinds only add on more sad outcomes for you. There's no fond memory to cling on to miss someone. There's no triumph moment to remember by that to believe you could make it through. There's ONLY memory that I cant have. It's horrible.

Looking out to the window. Wondering what I would be thinking before I hit the ground.

I think it's the mose lonesome feeling when you try to take your life. That moment of desperation, leaving what you think you love but you cant handle anymore. The weeping within. The tears without. The clarity coming out from confusion has helped one make the final step.