What is FREEDOM?

I know it long time ago, freedom without boundary is boredom. U need boundary to enjoy the real freedom.

Give it some digestion.

I dunno, I always want people to see this movie "Unbearable Lightness of Being" - that's it. It means just that.

Tipsy, but not drunk

IS THE BEST FEELING!!!!

Suddenly the world becomes transparent. The clarity within is extraordinary. When I die, can someone promise me that they will publish my emails, my blogs, my stories? O also my letters. I lost my diary.......which was depressingly genius written when I was in OZ.

To be very frank, after my last ex, my sex drive became subzero. I was proud of things about myself, now no more, but recently, thanks to a french, I got vindicated. Maybe I shouldnt say it here, but the feeling was fantastic when U are no longer in your own jail. I am like a prisoner in parol - trying to fit into the normal lifestyle, it's freaking difficult for me. I dunno if pple get my meaning. It's not abt my ex - it's about my family + my ex-es. But also, no....it's the bondage I put myself into. What the heck?

Actually, I am not that intelligent. I also got envious with people who have Einstein brain. I hate it to know I dont hv the mc square equation inovated.

As I said, in our lifetime or this era, we are moving so quick, so stuffed that we are actually living more than one lifetime. It's horrific, rite? But, as I was talking to a guy who turns 50 in few months. He dissect our life into 4 stages.
1. Learnt fr others - 0-20
2. learning by yourself - 20-40
3. Making people suffer 40-60
4. Redemption 60-80

I cant say I totally agree with the stages or definition but it has a grain of truth in it.

Treasure your life, Enjoy your moment, Stay sad if you need to but give yourself a timeframe (everyone has to feel pain, dont bury it at all, feel it before you move on), keep posiitve energy, smile more often, have a pet, kiss your lovers, hug your family.....................................

ok. thanks for listening to my bs again.

Luv in a Puff

I watched this movie on a pirated dvd a month ago, arrgghghhh I thought it was OK, unlike everyone around me I didnt feel excited by it. So, I was bored at home during the weekend and kinda wanted some sweet romantic comedy to lighten up my day- not in english thou, I want something cantonese. Of coz it would be my 1st choice.

And maybe it's this song. Just maybe. They had a scene at K room singing the song, it just couldnt get outta my mind, so I rewatched the movie with director's commentary. It's kinda intriguing from what he said, yet it's so true.

1. The romance is great as it's at the guessing stage - aint we humans pathetic? We like the torture of guessing games.

2. Love usually springs from a small misunderstanding

At the love hotel scene:

the guy said: not everything has to be done within a day, it's not like we dont have time

the gal : "smile sweetly & fall asleep"

THE TRUTH - the guy of coz wanted to have sex with the gal, if not, why would he bring her to a love hotel, yah!? Yet, he actually bumped his penis to a car window so he was sore = couldnt perform. Then, the gal was already so sweet and thought this guy was so so fantastic that she couldnt help but fall in love -> misunderstanding.

But at times that's how life draws us to the beginning & conclusion.

"Dont you just hate it when reality bites"

Starting off like this......

Someone posted on Facebook - "wow, couldnt believe now 80's is considered as 3 decades ago"

Another replied ; "dont you hate it when reality bites?"

O MAN!!!!! 80's is considered 30 yrs ago now. MY GOODNESS. Anyways, the next is suddenly I get the meaning of reality bites!!!! Am I retarded?? Totally!!!! I watched this movie back in Melbourne I guess, alone, of coz. During my 20's, I never liked watching movies with anyone. I was very affected by this movie as I was Gen X, god knows the definition but I could feel it. Crossroad, Cross-over, Crossdress..............etc. It's the vibe within that affected me, until today I believe....I didnt know it until today. Trully, reality could bite (cliche!! but True).

I quickly searched PPS stream if they got the movie on and it was awesome as I found it. I am gonna run down to HMV still though or ask my fren-Dion who always almost has 2 copies of great movies, maybe I could get his non-bluray copy! After 3 decades, I still find this movie awesome, original, fantastic..............................

Next I started to think.......what these 2 characters at the end ended up (my idiotic mediocre mind wandered to such, pretending to be a great scriptwriter or director) - the guy would go and find a stable job as they realized they were pregnant within a year. The gal would work in Gap or Guess. After another 10 years, they would both have affairs and they divorced...................I think this is the true meaning of the movie....the reality.

Not Easy.....

To substain one's belief and life direction - on the path, you would face so much obstacles. I couldnt help but asked myself often if I would be willing still to endure. My answer so far is still YES, but I am indeed afraid. Indeed.

My fundamental flaw.....

I believe, if it's a fun word would be "mysterious", bad word would be "directionless" or "a bird" or "a butterfly" or whatever ie floating on the water - like water lily or floating algae.

I dont get it why I would give people that kinda impression (though I do understand abit as well). One described me as "if I would date you, I would be afraid that you may be gone suddenly" - it's said by a gal fren, actually. Then bosses usually find me......everywhere.....

Sometimes such things confuse me. I know I am not very grounded as a person, as how can I? When I know I am a caged legless bird??

I think one of my another problems is nothing threathens me much. So I dare to say basically anything........I think this is a mistake. I shouldnt do that anymore. I should shut up and when I speak, I only focuz at selling myself.

My fundamental flaw........

Dejection & Rejection

Just let me whine here little bit. Ar, no....Id better not talk about it. No, I want to talk about it. hahahaha

O well, I felt abit dejected as my effort in a company was regarded as something intangible. You know I hate this word GUTZ, as it's not first time I heard about it describing me. Ie why I changed from doing background jobs to sales jobs more nowadays. However, I am indeed good at attaining details, fixing things - I was regarded as a good fireman material. However, as many self-help books say, dont be a fireman. The thing is I am not just a fireman, I am also a constructor. I dont just extinguish the fire, I would fix up the things too.

Anyhow, ie the reality when you put your heart out there............anyways.

Something fun happened few days ago. It was fun but also left me with some confusion. As usual, I didnt plan for it, but when it happened, it kinda disrupt my routine. I didnt like it entirely, thou I would continue with the fun when I have decided my next steps shortly.

Scars

Paulo Coelho

Don't complain because our scars are our medals. But hit back whenever it's possible, because we are not saints.

 I havnt really read or finished one of his books, it's always halfway. But I really like his quote. As I conclude my past 2 years venture, I realize that I am left with alot of wounds/scars.....whatever you name it. But I am not dismayed at all, for those who did talk with me recently (very few, one or 2 frenz) - I am so proud of myself for very one thing - is that I didnt complain about my fate. 

If you know abit about wounds & scar - lets say you keep hurting yourself your body will heal itself over & over. However, you will leave with scar tissues which are pretty rough skin. I always thought about it when I was in my early 20's, as I went to church. There's a song called -----shit, I forgot, but somehow the lyrics goes - asking God to soften our hearts (oh, wait, was it in a prayer? :P). I remember ie usually in my mind all the time, as my heart was pretty hardened (though on another face of my heart, it was bloody soft, dripping with blood). 

 As for now, I am in H&B business. Few buzz words always intrigue me. Inflammation, Infection, De-pigmentation, de-scar, anti-ageing................do you know that they are all inter-linked? keke, I cant tell you why as they are my medals to make money!

My good friend - Naoto

Not sure if he would have the time to read or not. I gotta say meeting him was "yuen fun "some 5-6 years ago, at least, I guess............

We both have very similar worldview in many ways. We go through ups & downs at different time, but usually they are pretty similar at times. Sometimes he had it 1st then he could share his experience with me or vice versa.Talking with him each time is so refreshing, as he's a great listener, and I luv it whenever I talk, he always laughs his head off. He makes me feel I am very humorous and also very entertaining. He's a very sensitive person, even more so than me that makes him such a unique person as he understands sufferings & pains, as well as joy & luv.

I guess we both at the moment at a crossroad. Truly identifying who we are & what our role is.We struggle at our own different ways, for him being a japanese isnt an easy task as he has to go against his own self to fit into the more tradional way of Japan. It's been tough, since he got back there for 3 years. Yet, the strength of believing who he is in that world needs extra effort & will-power - it's much easier to be in HK.

And I trully hope that with his new-found clarity of his role being there would be strengthening each day as he walks his path. One thing, being different is so lonely, yet we are not alone.

Dog's outfits are more expensive

But I just cant help it.........need to get ready for CNY..........ah mom not easy to be!

Inexpensive quality living report 1

Well Well.

1. Ikea coffee powder, 10$ per pack. Go & grab one while it lasts. I find that the coffee taste is quite OK, cant expect much when you dont even have an expresso machine. The magic is on the milk. I use 3.7 Hokkaido milk. 

2. Import & Export Outlet in CWB. I luv dropping by there once in a while, I bought a pretty nice & comfy hoodie at 39.9, and very sweet hoodie tee at 20. Then today, I got a vintage looking leather jacket for 168, which I gotta say not many would dare to wear this color......it's very oldie, - kinda prawn meat color but I am gonna make it stylish.

Me & leo luv leather jacket and he always gets those v inexpensive ones, despite some are faux leather. I think mine is real, I will let Leo check it next time. However, I am in a race with him now (on my own accord) to beat him getting cheaper jackets. hoho...........actually, what was I thinking?? Why I spent so much money on leather jackets in the past?! Shitty me............

2011: Manual for conserving paths

By Paul Coelho.

1] The path begins with a crossroads. There you can stop and think what direction to follow. But don’t spend too much time thinking or you’ll never leave the spot. Reflect a lot on the choices that lie ahead, but once you have taken the first step, forget the crossroads for ever or else you will always torture yourself with the useless question: “did I take the right path?”

2] The path doesn’t last for ever. It is a blessing to travel the path for some time, but one day it will come to an end, so always be prepared to take leave of it at any moment. However enraptured you may be at certain landscapes, or scared whenever you have to make a great effort to go ahead, don’t get too used to anything. Neither to the hours of euphoria, nor to the endless days when everything seems so difficult and progress is so slow. Don’t forget that sooner or later an angel will appear and your journey will reach an end.

3] Honor your path. It was your choice, your decision, and just as you respect the ground you step on, that ground will respect your feet. Always do what is best to conserve and keep your path and it will do the same for you.

4] Be well equipped. Carry a small rake, a spade, a penknife. Understand that penknives are no use for dry leaves, and rakes are useless for herbs that are deep-rooted. Know also what tool to use at each moment. And take care of them, because they are your best allies.

5] The path goes forward and backward. At times you have to go back because something was lost, or else a message to be delivered was forgotten in your pocket. A well tended path enables you to go back without any great problems.

6] Take care of the path before you take care of what is around you. Attention and concentration are fundamental. Don’t be distracted by the dry leaves at the edges or by the way that others are looking after their paths. Use your energy to tend and conserve the ground that accepts your steps.

7] Be patient. Sometimes the same tasks have to be repeated, like tearing up weeds or closing holes that appear after unexpected rain. Don’t let that annoy you – that is part of the journey. Even though you are tired, even though certain tasks are repeated so often, be patient.

8] Paths cross. People can tell what the weather is like. Listen to advice, and make your own decisions. You alone are responsible for the path that was entrusted to you.

9] Nature follows its own rules. In this way, you have to be prepared for sudden changes in the fall, slippery ice in winter, the temptations of flowers in spring, thirst and showers in the summer. Make the most of each of these seasons, and don’t complain about their characteristics.

10] Make your path a mirror of yourself. By no means let yourself be influenced by the way that others care for their paths. You have your soul to listen to, and the birds to tell what your soul is saying. Let your stories be beautiful and pleasant to everything around you. Above all, let the stories that your soul tells during the journey be echoed at each and every second of the path.

11] Love your path. Without this, nothing makes any sense.

My NY dreams

I had two....

First dream was that - it urged me to lose weight!!! OK this is my 2011 goal then.

Second dream was abit sci-fi again. I dreamed I was in a car, when it stopped, I went out. There, I saw a sky-high tower (in a fast zoom motion when I saw that). Then the bottom, I saw a glass winged man. Very beautiful glass wings. He was instructed by the "master" to lure me to jump down from the building then I could be like them - having the glass wings. However, the glass winged man didnt want to follow his instruction and took me back to reality....................then I started to have other dreams.......

First Cantonese Song of 2011

A new song I just learnt, cant sing it yet but I quite like the lyrics



lyrics:
Rubberband - 發現號


撞進了冰山 捲上了急灣 一秒從未想折返 就望到了 就能望到了 終會踏足這峽灣 劃破了風衣 丟了救生衣 未曾想過會倖免 若生於某個 總擠不進我地點 註定遠征一遍 這發熱汗腺 也都乾透了 雙腿卻繼續狂放 在衝出那人浪 幾次被埋葬 窄巷中 復活過幾趟 留一口氣講 再失敗 至懂看透 那不甘 去為我來營救 向著太陽狂走 撞進了冰山 捲上了急灣 一秒從未想折返 就望到了 就能望到了 終會踏足這峽灣 劃破了風衣 丟了救生衣 未曾想過會倖免 逆光中進發 不甘安置到盲點 上路去再實踐 板塊移動了 亂世中絕地裡反抗 誰躲於暗光 直到失敗 至懂看透 讓那不甘 去為我來營救 向著太陽狂走 撞進了冰山 捲上了急灣 一秒從未想折返 就望到了 就能望到了 終會踏足這峽灣 劃破了風衣 丟了救生衣 成全這最美歷險 逆光中進發 不甘安置到盲點 上路去再實踐 撞碎了冰山 衝過了急灣 登上完夢的峽灣 望到了 望到了 白雲搭上一片藍 記載了凶險 傷勢也不淺 腳踏這裡這一天 歷史中結算 一心走出錯地點 幹下遠征一遍 

Another 600+ odd days to go

Actually, 2011 means alot to me.

It's a lookout to 2012, a giant step of my curiosity about the Mayan calender thingie. I trully believe that something would be opening up. I hope it's going to be our spirtual awareness, rather than nuclear bombs.

It's, I believe, a closure finally of my 2 year of suffering.

It's also the closure of the past 10 years of relationship stuff..............cant say I got too much but they were all pretty burdening. I believe this year it's going to be brighter, lighter, prettier

It's a beginning of very crucial 10 years for me - I cannot waste another more of one second of my life here onwards.

I dont know why, but I feel alotta excitement bubbling within my soul. :D

Huge Virus

It's roaming around the city. Everyone is sick. At least people around me. 4 out of 7 within my family are sick. I am sick of coz. I slept for > 30 hrs just on Xmas & Boxing Day - it's a gift to me though, haha, as I usually didnt get to sleep so much in one go.

So pls beware!!!!! Stay Healthy & Fit.

Take Care, My friends!!

Happy NEW YEAR!!!!

I havnt thought of any resolution yet.
But my Japnese fren asked me the day before if I fulfilled any of my 2010 resolution, I said NONE. But, haha, he actually corrected me, as I did manage to fulfil ONE - ie no dating, no anything for 2010. I did that!!!!! Yippeeee..........though to be honest, I think I did manage few of my goals. However, the few I wanted the most, didnt get them done, coz some of the circumstances were beyond my control.

2011, my 1st I thought of was on NYE. I hope I would be still working in 2011 on 31st till 11pm. Even more better would be I could have a flat with a patio or rooftop, so I would be working in my home office, and my frenz are enjoying themselves with BBQ, alcohol, etc, then by almost MN, I could join them straightaway. Ummm.....lets see if this would be realized.

I will start my resolution draft within 1st week of Jan, I hvnt really sit myself down to think about it so far.

Here, I want to take the chance to wish all my frenz here - Happy New Year. May your 2011 be filled with happiness, contentment, exciting moments & serenity.

Luv Always,
Dawn

Lucky Me.

I AM A BITCH but I AM A SWEET BITCH!!! What's the paradox? or the Irony?

I dont really know.

However, I wrote an "somewhat angry email" to my aunts, telling them I dont really freaking care if I would see them again. But I gotta make my point. I dont know, maybe at the end the worst will be on me, as maybe they would chase me for some kind of redemption - through my sibling.....I feel sad for my bro & sis, really. Ie what the email I wrote was telling them (1) I hv been angry with them for 30 yrs, (2) they DONT even say a bad word to my bro & sis for whatever my dad's situation at, (3) this kinda family things should hv dealt with before we were born so why r we the excuse now, maybe they should do something for their "brother" (my dad) instead of asking us to be nice to him.

For one thing he IS NOT actually mad at us. The root, We always go back to the root. It's HIS PARENTS, my grandparents. NEXT, it's his sisters. Final, us. We mix up the order. They mix up the order. And HE mixes up the order. How pitiful, we human have such small capacity of brain wave, brain power, brain juice.

Always just point to the nearest object? So, does it mean it's the best OR the worst? Stupid. We are all so STUPID. LOOK at the whole timeline (I am a good project manager, I look at the whole process, excuse me if I am nasty - coz I couldnt help it, as I am unbiased to every step)!!!!

Ok, why I am lucky!? haha................

Seriously, with my complex conflict mind + my childhood - I shouldnt have lived on this earth for over 20 yrs. I shud hv killed myself long time ago (back to the 1st few posts of this blog - why I had this blog), as some know, I did attempt once or twice or few times.....I cant recall. As past is the past, why dwell on it any longer after U r 30!!

I am lucky as somewhat dont know how I was cured after 30......thanks to a good heaven. Then, the ah Q spirit out of nowhere just exponentially grows! Then, I am so so blessed I made/hv made many dear frenz who somehow - one told me today if I would be marry again, he would rent the Grand Hyatt ballroom for me, kakakakak - stand by me, luv me, support me................Just be there for me, even reading this blog.  Responding here. U cannot NOT understand how lucky I feel.

I always feel I am a lucky person, yet these 2 yrs were tough (notice I use past tense? hehe) and I dont believe my luck drains off, rather it will grow much bigger as I am blessed with good people, I am blessed with my perseverance, I am blessed with many kind & splendid things..........uncountable, never could count.......................................................................

I hope, you will realize you have non-countable assets one day, truthfully feel it within. Then you will understand this moment of mine.

Stone & Water

hehe....see if you like my philosophy.

I was communicating with my aunt (the aunt who's an artist & poet) via emails. We were talking about mis-match between couples.

Actually, I dont believe in true match as it's just impossible. I am a fairy tale gal, I like fairy tales still. I believe in fairies & angels, of coz demons & witches too.Yet, finding a soulmate or the one =/= match. We cant become gel anyways. We are still 2 individulas, living in one own body & die alone one fine day. However, I was telling her that, if the man is a stone, then the woman could be water, it would already be nice. As the water polishes the stone, while the stone mineralizes the water, despite they can never gel - maybe till the end of time, everything vampourizes in the fury of a nuclear bomb. haha............

Anyways, find your stone or water in your life. :D

Handling sales girls

is really fucking troublematic. Maybe I should say handling women. yes, guyz, I know, I un, I get it.

They just never say things straight. They have issues with communication except selling & getting money. Ho Lun Feng!!!!