My good friend - Naoto

Not sure if he would have the time to read or not. I gotta say meeting him was "yuen fun "some 5-6 years ago, at least, I guess............

We both have very similar worldview in many ways. We go through ups & downs at different time, but usually they are pretty similar at times. Sometimes he had it 1st then he could share his experience with me or vice versa.Talking with him each time is so refreshing, as he's a great listener, and I luv it whenever I talk, he always laughs his head off. He makes me feel I am very humorous and also very entertaining. He's a very sensitive person, even more so than me that makes him such a unique person as he understands sufferings & pains, as well as joy & luv.

I guess we both at the moment at a crossroad. Truly identifying who we are & what our role is.We struggle at our own different ways, for him being a japanese isnt an easy task as he has to go against his own self to fit into the more tradional way of Japan. It's been tough, since he got back there for 3 years. Yet, the strength of believing who he is in that world needs extra effort & will-power - it's much easier to be in HK.

And I trully hope that with his new-found clarity of his role being there would be strengthening each day as he walks his path. One thing, being different is so lonely, yet we are not alone.

Dog's outfits are more expensive

But I just cant help it.........need to get ready for CNY..........ah mom not easy to be!

Inexpensive quality living report 1

Well Well.

1. Ikea coffee powder, 10$ per pack. Go & grab one while it lasts. I find that the coffee taste is quite OK, cant expect much when you dont even have an expresso machine. The magic is on the milk. I use 3.7 Hokkaido milk. 

2. Import & Export Outlet in CWB. I luv dropping by there once in a while, I bought a pretty nice & comfy hoodie at 39.9, and very sweet hoodie tee at 20. Then today, I got a vintage looking leather jacket for 168, which I gotta say not many would dare to wear this color......it's very oldie, - kinda prawn meat color but I am gonna make it stylish.

Me & leo luv leather jacket and he always gets those v inexpensive ones, despite some are faux leather. I think mine is real, I will let Leo check it next time. However, I am in a race with him now (on my own accord) to beat him getting cheaper jackets. hoho...........actually, what was I thinking?? Why I spent so much money on leather jackets in the past?! Shitty me............

2011: Manual for conserving paths

By Paul Coelho.

1] The path begins with a crossroads. There you can stop and think what direction to follow. But don’t spend too much time thinking or you’ll never leave the spot. Reflect a lot on the choices that lie ahead, but once you have taken the first step, forget the crossroads for ever or else you will always torture yourself with the useless question: “did I take the right path?”

2] The path doesn’t last for ever. It is a blessing to travel the path for some time, but one day it will come to an end, so always be prepared to take leave of it at any moment. However enraptured you may be at certain landscapes, or scared whenever you have to make a great effort to go ahead, don’t get too used to anything. Neither to the hours of euphoria, nor to the endless days when everything seems so difficult and progress is so slow. Don’t forget that sooner or later an angel will appear and your journey will reach an end.

3] Honor your path. It was your choice, your decision, and just as you respect the ground you step on, that ground will respect your feet. Always do what is best to conserve and keep your path and it will do the same for you.

4] Be well equipped. Carry a small rake, a spade, a penknife. Understand that penknives are no use for dry leaves, and rakes are useless for herbs that are deep-rooted. Know also what tool to use at each moment. And take care of them, because they are your best allies.

5] The path goes forward and backward. At times you have to go back because something was lost, or else a message to be delivered was forgotten in your pocket. A well tended path enables you to go back without any great problems.

6] Take care of the path before you take care of what is around you. Attention and concentration are fundamental. Don’t be distracted by the dry leaves at the edges or by the way that others are looking after their paths. Use your energy to tend and conserve the ground that accepts your steps.

7] Be patient. Sometimes the same tasks have to be repeated, like tearing up weeds or closing holes that appear after unexpected rain. Don’t let that annoy you – that is part of the journey. Even though you are tired, even though certain tasks are repeated so often, be patient.

8] Paths cross. People can tell what the weather is like. Listen to advice, and make your own decisions. You alone are responsible for the path that was entrusted to you.

9] Nature follows its own rules. In this way, you have to be prepared for sudden changes in the fall, slippery ice in winter, the temptations of flowers in spring, thirst and showers in the summer. Make the most of each of these seasons, and don’t complain about their characteristics.

10] Make your path a mirror of yourself. By no means let yourself be influenced by the way that others care for their paths. You have your soul to listen to, and the birds to tell what your soul is saying. Let your stories be beautiful and pleasant to everything around you. Above all, let the stories that your soul tells during the journey be echoed at each and every second of the path.

11] Love your path. Without this, nothing makes any sense.

My NY dreams

I had two....

First dream was that - it urged me to lose weight!!! OK this is my 2011 goal then.

Second dream was abit sci-fi again. I dreamed I was in a car, when it stopped, I went out. There, I saw a sky-high tower (in a fast zoom motion when I saw that). Then the bottom, I saw a glass winged man. Very beautiful glass wings. He was instructed by the "master" to lure me to jump down from the building then I could be like them - having the glass wings. However, the glass winged man didnt want to follow his instruction and took me back to reality....................then I started to have other dreams.......

First Cantonese Song of 2011

A new song I just learnt, cant sing it yet but I quite like the lyrics



lyrics:
Rubberband - 發現號


撞進了冰山 捲上了急灣 一秒從未想折返 就望到了 就能望到了 終會踏足這峽灣 劃破了風衣 丟了救生衣 未曾想過會倖免 若生於某個 總擠不進我地點 註定遠征一遍 這發熱汗腺 也都乾透了 雙腿卻繼續狂放 在衝出那人浪 幾次被埋葬 窄巷中 復活過幾趟 留一口氣講 再失敗 至懂看透 那不甘 去為我來營救 向著太陽狂走 撞進了冰山 捲上了急灣 一秒從未想折返 就望到了 就能望到了 終會踏足這峽灣 劃破了風衣 丟了救生衣 未曾想過會倖免 逆光中進發 不甘安置到盲點 上路去再實踐 板塊移動了 亂世中絕地裡反抗 誰躲於暗光 直到失敗 至懂看透 讓那不甘 去為我來營救 向著太陽狂走 撞進了冰山 捲上了急灣 一秒從未想折返 就望到了 就能望到了 終會踏足這峽灣 劃破了風衣 丟了救生衣 成全這最美歷險 逆光中進發 不甘安置到盲點 上路去再實踐 撞碎了冰山 衝過了急灣 登上完夢的峽灣 望到了 望到了 白雲搭上一片藍 記載了凶險 傷勢也不淺 腳踏這裡這一天 歷史中結算 一心走出錯地點 幹下遠征一遍 

Another 600+ odd days to go

Actually, 2011 means alot to me.

It's a lookout to 2012, a giant step of my curiosity about the Mayan calender thingie. I trully believe that something would be opening up. I hope it's going to be our spirtual awareness, rather than nuclear bombs.

It's, I believe, a closure finally of my 2 year of suffering.

It's also the closure of the past 10 years of relationship stuff..............cant say I got too much but they were all pretty burdening. I believe this year it's going to be brighter, lighter, prettier

It's a beginning of very crucial 10 years for me - I cannot waste another more of one second of my life here onwards.

I dont know why, but I feel alotta excitement bubbling within my soul. :D

Huge Virus

It's roaming around the city. Everyone is sick. At least people around me. 4 out of 7 within my family are sick. I am sick of coz. I slept for > 30 hrs just on Xmas & Boxing Day - it's a gift to me though, haha, as I usually didnt get to sleep so much in one go.

So pls beware!!!!! Stay Healthy & Fit.

Take Care, My friends!!

Happy NEW YEAR!!!!

I havnt thought of any resolution yet.
But my Japnese fren asked me the day before if I fulfilled any of my 2010 resolution, I said NONE. But, haha, he actually corrected me, as I did manage to fulfil ONE - ie no dating, no anything for 2010. I did that!!!!! Yippeeee..........though to be honest, I think I did manage few of my goals. However, the few I wanted the most, didnt get them done, coz some of the circumstances were beyond my control.

2011, my 1st I thought of was on NYE. I hope I would be still working in 2011 on 31st till 11pm. Even more better would be I could have a flat with a patio or rooftop, so I would be working in my home office, and my frenz are enjoying themselves with BBQ, alcohol, etc, then by almost MN, I could join them straightaway. Ummm.....lets see if this would be realized.

I will start my resolution draft within 1st week of Jan, I hvnt really sit myself down to think about it so far.

Here, I want to take the chance to wish all my frenz here - Happy New Year. May your 2011 be filled with happiness, contentment, exciting moments & serenity.

Luv Always,
Dawn

Lucky Me.

I AM A BITCH but I AM A SWEET BITCH!!! What's the paradox? or the Irony?

I dont really know.

However, I wrote an "somewhat angry email" to my aunts, telling them I dont really freaking care if I would see them again. But I gotta make my point. I dont know, maybe at the end the worst will be on me, as maybe they would chase me for some kind of redemption - through my sibling.....I feel sad for my bro & sis, really. Ie what the email I wrote was telling them (1) I hv been angry with them for 30 yrs, (2) they DONT even say a bad word to my bro & sis for whatever my dad's situation at, (3) this kinda family things should hv dealt with before we were born so why r we the excuse now, maybe they should do something for their "brother" (my dad) instead of asking us to be nice to him.

For one thing he IS NOT actually mad at us. The root, We always go back to the root. It's HIS PARENTS, my grandparents. NEXT, it's his sisters. Final, us. We mix up the order. They mix up the order. And HE mixes up the order. How pitiful, we human have such small capacity of brain wave, brain power, brain juice.

Always just point to the nearest object? So, does it mean it's the best OR the worst? Stupid. We are all so STUPID. LOOK at the whole timeline (I am a good project manager, I look at the whole process, excuse me if I am nasty - coz I couldnt help it, as I am unbiased to every step)!!!!

Ok, why I am lucky!? haha................

Seriously, with my complex conflict mind + my childhood - I shouldnt have lived on this earth for over 20 yrs. I shud hv killed myself long time ago (back to the 1st few posts of this blog - why I had this blog), as some know, I did attempt once or twice or few times.....I cant recall. As past is the past, why dwell on it any longer after U r 30!!

I am lucky as somewhat dont know how I was cured after 30......thanks to a good heaven. Then, the ah Q spirit out of nowhere just exponentially grows! Then, I am so so blessed I made/hv made many dear frenz who somehow - one told me today if I would be marry again, he would rent the Grand Hyatt ballroom for me, kakakakak - stand by me, luv me, support me................Just be there for me, even reading this blog.  Responding here. U cannot NOT understand how lucky I feel.

I always feel I am a lucky person, yet these 2 yrs were tough (notice I use past tense? hehe) and I dont believe my luck drains off, rather it will grow much bigger as I am blessed with good people, I am blessed with my perseverance, I am blessed with many kind & splendid things..........uncountable, never could count.......................................................................

I hope, you will realize you have non-countable assets one day, truthfully feel it within. Then you will understand this moment of mine.

Stone & Water

hehe....see if you like my philosophy.

I was communicating with my aunt (the aunt who's an artist & poet) via emails. We were talking about mis-match between couples.

Actually, I dont believe in true match as it's just impossible. I am a fairy tale gal, I like fairy tales still. I believe in fairies & angels, of coz demons & witches too.Yet, finding a soulmate or the one =/= match. We cant become gel anyways. We are still 2 individulas, living in one own body & die alone one fine day. However, I was telling her that, if the man is a stone, then the woman could be water, it would already be nice. As the water polishes the stone, while the stone mineralizes the water, despite they can never gel - maybe till the end of time, everything vampourizes in the fury of a nuclear bomb. haha............

Anyways, find your stone or water in your life. :D

Handling sales girls

is really fucking troublematic. Maybe I should say handling women. yes, guyz, I know, I un, I get it.

They just never say things straight. They have issues with communication except selling & getting money. Ho Lun Feng!!!!

Solomon

I got two bible characters I adore most, one is Solomon from Old Testament & Barnabas from New Testament. Sorry, Jesus, I never really like the character as much as you sounded abit arrogant & bitchy at times  and you were way too perfect!!!! (kakaka, just like me.....:P).

Barnabas means the son of encouragement. I have always aspired to be more encouraging & supportive. I think I have been doing pretty well.

Solomon was the king as you all may know. Actually, he was illegitimate son from King David who actually stole someone else's wife and then sent her husband to the war front to be killed. When he grew older (not sure if he was a king already or not, but I guess he shud be by then when he said this), he was asked what else he wanted from God. He told God that he wanted more wisdom, not wealth. (mind you, he was already very smart, he wasnt asking for more smart, he was asking for more WISDOM)!!! All my life, ie what I am asking for too.

Sidetrack abit. I actually luv the bible, because if you could read carefully, they are indeed quite relevant today, if you put aside some bias judgement. And one thing about  the bible, if you are not reading it like a spiritual guide. It talks alot about being human, the difficulty of being a human. How at times in life they were doing great wonders, next they could have many flaws in them. No one is perfect. Even great kings or prophets can make mistakes also.

I specially attended Sunday School when I was young to hear this very articulate teacher to talk about King David. I wasnt that intrigued by the story of young David killing a giant with a stone, Actually, I find this reference abit dumb. I was very into the fact that King David was loved by God for his love for God and he was very obedient, yet like every perfect thing, he sinned against God more frequently after he became a king & was growing older (guess, my fren Ellie, you could correct me if any accounts are wrongly put - I write here based on my memory some 20 yrs ago).

Back to Solomon, he as well revered God, but as his wealth & kingdom grew big, so was his ego & disobdience. Yet & again, no one is perfect. And despite such a wise guy, he was dumb too. I think ego can indeed kill a success.

Wisdom is always what I ask for, getting good score at school may mean you have high IQ, but it doesnt equate you as being wise. 

Wisdom needs practice. Wisdom needs patience. Wisdom needs experience.

Why I am talking bullshits again? 2 reasons, I was thinking about myself yesterday, another one is I hope you may have interest to do some reading on the bible. Not that it's about converting yourself a christian, more it's indeed a great book to read if you dont reference so much the spiritual side of things.

OK, I was thinking about myself yesterday at Tin Hua MTR station, how tough it has been past 2 years. How lucky I am to have a few good friends & mom+sister supporting me, believing in me. How strong I feel life is going to be better in 2011. Then suddenly a fear creeped into my heart reminding me of the Solomon story - yes he was a wise man, yet like EVERYONE in the history he lost it when he made it. And then I reminded & counselled myself that I should Always Always remember the hardships, the helplessness I went through. I strongly & 100% am convicted that the universe made me go through all these coz it knows me very well - indeed I am very forgetful for the pain & sorrow I go through. However, this lesson to me is way too important, as I couldnt allow myself to be in it ever again. And when I indeed make it big one day, I shouldnt be too arrogant about it (as I am sure I would become super bitch). To me , 2 years is very long, it's quite unbearble honestly - yet I know why it gives me such a long dragful period too, as if not, I wouldnt get it at all, and it needs to imprint deeply to my every cerebral cell & juice.

The Best Bad

I think, I am not that nerotic afterall. Many people outpass me, as they all want to be the BEST BAD (the worst).

I heard my partner telling me that this guy who was going to be fired was at "worst situation" than me 2 years ago, when I heard the news I wouldnt be able to have a job due to their last minute informing me there would  NOT be a fucking office in HK for me to run. Man, how would that guy be worst than me, for:

1. I heard the news THE LAST DAY I left my job in CHINA

2. I MOVED back to HK without a job

3. I only got 1 MONTH compensation

For the only thing he was worst than me was that he got a family - HUH??? I got a family too. He has a wife, his wife works too....worst than me......based on WHAT THEORY??!!!

Then, this S'porean guy told me he was at "Worst situation" than me. OK, lets hear him. He got his paycheck every month and he was doing admin work, yet he was called THE DIRECTOR. OK, well, my turn. I got no PAYCHECK and I named myself regional manager.  AGAIN, lets say it together, based on WHAT THEORY????

Then, as I was talking to my friend's wife. She as well told me she was at "WORST SITUATION" than me. 1. she was disliked by her fellow wivey group (his husband's frens' wives), ok....just one point. Me? I was DISLIKED by them first day I arrived. She came with her husband. I went alone. Worst??? how come?? I dont get it.....my goodness.

Then, many others. When they are single, I am attached, they are "worst" than me. When I am single, they are married, again they are "worst" than me. When I am single, and THEY ARE ALSO SINGLE, they are STILL "worst" than me. Why ???

WHY?? WHY??? WHY???? people like to be the worst?????

You know, they always think they are trying to encourage someone. I tell you what! If you are reading, PLS KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Coz by saying it, you are denying someone else's pain. Denying their experience. Denying their EXISTENCE. It's just another way saying - MY PAIN IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD. YOURS ISNT!!!!!!!!

Do people ever grow up & think in a more 3D dimension? I pity the world filled with all these people.

I was heard before I was seen!

I think.......

I just got a FB msg from a new-made french guy, he told me he saw , no, he heard me at Causewaybay "Eat Street" and he was 5 cm away from me. OK!? Well, am I that freaking loud??? And was I that "arrogant" & "unattentive" that I couldnt see a face?!?!

I guess, lately I am. I realize, the more "independant" I become, the more "arrogant" I have been and the more "couldnt care who the fark you are" attitude has dominated my aura and senses. I guess somehow intrinsically I am still a nice gal, yet, my attitude has changed. I forget a person after 5 sec, or 5 mins after the 1st msg.....pewh, the people just leave my mind! Honestly, if a person doesnt remind me he/she exists, I seriously cant remember this person exist.

Lets jump a topic, I was thinkiing - or I have been thinking since I was young, what was I doing at the very moment when someone was doing something 20 years ago.............................I like this thought as it's something you can never KNOW, except guess.

Oooo, time to sleep.

Lie master

I think why majority of people are bad liars as they are trying to make a lie. The true lie, lemme give you a truth lie hint, is to offer a half truth, half lie.

Why am I talking about it? As I find my mom a bad liar. We were trying to mask the fact that we went to Macau with her, without informing him. She was trying to say all the weird lies. I mean if she's an attentive liar, she would be able to make it through. However, my mom doesnt have a brain for such, and she's super bad in attaining details, so at the end I gave her a half truth a half lie - when she speaks to my dad about my fun trip, she wouldnt have to "lie".

Well, learn this, it takes a master to lie truthfully. keke

Family Meeting

I dont even eat dinner with my family, hence I was so reluctant to attend it, with my aunties & uncles to discuss issues between my dad and mom. I thought I would be 100% nothing to say, but once again as my client said, how could I ever shut up. hahahaha

Really, why do I talk so much? I talk and talk. lol. I dont think my aunties ever saw me talking so much. But this time is different. And honestly, they want us to make nice with our dad. And to me.....I am sorry, I wont do anything, unless he makes a small step first. It's not that I dont luv him, but I hate people blaming everyone for anything. I dont fucking care if he's my dad or not. People would call me heartless, it's true as my parents said that about me when I was a kid. The thing is, I dont look at the people, I look at facts. I was always defending my aunties when I was young in front of my parents, hence they said "finger bent out, not bent in" - it was very simple even in my young mind, I didnt really care it was my aunt or my parents, I looked at the damn facts!

I was "timid" when I was a kid. Now to think about it, it's more than just timid. I just didnt want to argue to people who didnt have the same view as me. Also, I would know they could never get what I meant. And on top of influcence from my parents - being scared of everything...........my timid was gigantic.

It's, to me, ridiculous that parents expect the kids to "SUPPORT THEM". Sorry, I dont buy in the same philosophy. Well, I may go to hell for that, but it's just plain idiotic. Well, coz they raised me I gotta repay? Did they have a choice to have me or not? YES. Did I have a choice to have them or not? NO. Did I ever want to live on this planet? NO. I would if I could. Why do I have to understand their problems? When they never understood their parents' problems (I am referring to my dad)? And so he wins it all lah......everyone has to understand him. Also, who gets to understand me?? (I dont need people to, actually) Sorry, in my formula, it doesnt work like that. 

Honestly, I have seen some people who were, have been in worse situation, they rise upon the horizon. It's just a plain character flaw he possesses. I already imagine if he would be in his deathbed, would I regret? yea maybe, but wouldnt be big. Yet, I am more concerned if he would start to regret when he's in his deathbed, then it would be sad. I am in somewhat quite rational & detached to things like that. I did have a bit regret after my grand-pa died, as we ALL totally misunderstood him. He was a smart guy, just that we didnt get him then, sadly. But with my dad, really not until he makes some small steps, I wouldnt consider to be OK with him. If I have the money, I would give to him, not out of respect, but out of pity.

hehe, I blow water again!

Pressing Headache

Sometimes, when you reach certain moments, you just become afraid to be vulnerable. I am always pretty vulnerable (in a humble good way), as sometimes I feel everything is like fluid, motion. Nothing much can harm me. Tomorrow, I have to meet with my accountant to explain (in my pts of view) complicated relationship with my partner. And then I have to spend time to make all paperwork. I have been just hiding from it, seriously. I dont want to face it.

When I was younger (till maybe 2-3 yrs ago), I crowned myself as a great escapist. I escaped to my own world. I escaped not to confront. I escaped to not look, listen, or just plain do anything..............Today, again, I realized I've finally grown up again.

This french guy who broke (but he said it's postponed) the contract that made my life hell these few months wanted to see me on Monday, he didnt show up at 11am coz he couldnt find the MTR exit. Anyways, so we met again at 7pm, I just wanted to know why they would break /"postpone" the contract - I told them, your project delayed wasnt my problem, you didnt give me work was your issues, not mine. If I would be an employee, you would be obliged to pay the salary - I stressed that they should honour the contract. Anyways, he wanted me to go with him to a meeting - I reluctantly accepted it as it's a big company, I just hoped to be more connected, so to speak. When I got up at 7:30, I really wanted to send him a sms & then turned off my phone - just to tell him I was so fucking sick, blhblhhhh. But now, I couldnt do it, I guess I must have grown up, despite I really really wanted to.

My another pressing headache is, I need 3-6 months to build up the projects I am working on. They do have good prospects, but it seems they arrive abit late.........now I am not sure what I should do. It's been so so so tough & difficult. I just hope I could win some jackpot tomorrow. DIU!

Then came another bad news too, but I guess I was already immuned to bad news, I kinda felt nothing. haha. When I was talking to a fren yesterday about my past 2 yr situation, I somehow had this belief inside my heart that I would make it. Very strong feeling. My "chance" hasnt actually arrived yet, it's a matter of time the universe has to toughen me enough. Anyways, wish me good fortune..........:)

13 days to go

For our magical Xmas.

Lets have a fun, positive, blissful MAGICAL Xmas!!!!

STAY FOCUZ..............

ME! yes......Focuz. Focuz. Focuz.