Lately,

Various friends or people have come to ask me to be involved in some projects. Guess, they know I am in desperate need for money. The fields are really scattered. Some are not even my expertise. 

As a fisherman, I take on everything. I think, to some, it may not be right in a business term. Yet, I am THE business. My brain is my business. I got nothing to offer but to sell my brain and time. What do I want in return? These are the main concerns for me.

I want enough salary to afford my livelihood. Buy food for my dogs and save some for their in-case of emergency such as desex, surgery, etc etc.....those cost alot. I need freedom. I dont want to go back to a job. Stability vs freedom. I want freedom. I NEED a holiday, which I didnt really have for maybe few years. But my holiday will no longer be purely holiday. As a fisherman, I will go around to search for fish. So it will always be work+holiday => if not I would feel upset. Business opportunity has already so gel-ed, so stuffed, so grown into my every thinking & my being. I become IT.

I am going through the poorest stage of my life, but I am at my most contented page. So, friends, dont worry I am not treating myself good. Actually I like it. I just want ti say it here, how life has evolved me. There's no right or wrong in this aspect if I am contented with it, rite?

Big Whale catcher or a fisherman

Was talking to a friend today, who has her business as well. It's always good to have talks with people like these, as I could get a chance to re-evaluate some of my thinkings. Well, she gave me some good suggestion, indeed. I am always blessed to have people who are selflessly sharing secrets with me.

It got me thinking. Some people work great as a whale catcher, while, some like me are good to be a fisherman. I dont have the skills, or I dont plan to learn the skills that well to be so focused at catching a big whale. I could say they work smart way, as all they need to do is seasonally spotting for a good whale.

While, for fisherman, yes we need to wait for the great season too, but we need to work the stupid way - cast the net, catch the fish, then categories various fishes into the right place. The profit margin is less, unlike the whale catcher, really. I believe higher profits should go to people who are so focused.

I thought about it. Could I be like that? Really, I know myself I cant. Id rather be a fisherman. I really want to see if one day I could catch a fish with a golden spoon in its mouth or not, or if it's so rare I wouldnt need to work for the rest of my life coz of its fish. Guess, 1. I am living in my own universe, 2. I believe in miracle, 3. I am a gambler.

I am bored.

I rarely go on FB much nowadays. 

People keep sometimes (to me once a year is not bearable too) posting how you choose a woman, or what qualities you should be looking for in a man, or how worse HKprincess syndrome is................it's so CLICHE, so BORING......can they come up with something new or more original? Like, they make a list of what they think, instead of posting other pple's work?

Then, I deleted many women esp from my FB because they posted their kids pic up EVERY OTHER DAY, if not everyday. DO U KNOW THAT YOUR BABY ISNT REALLY THAT CUTE?!?! I am not referring to some of you who have a family & kids, as seriously you actually dont post pictures up of your kids enough as far as I am concerned.

Then, there are some who keep whinning.........I am moody, I am emotional, I am sad. Why they just get moody everyday & talk about it? I am moody daily too, seriously. I really wish they all had my share of bad luck - guess they wouldnt say they were moody, they would ONLY talk about how to KILL THEMSELVES the best ways!

Then, lets not leave the political correct people. Dont want to comment them, as I am always political neutral or political incorrect.

So Blessed!

I feel so blessed again & again with good friends & +ve thinking.

I dont pity you becoz you are OLD.

Seriously.

I dont believe in age thing. Sometimes, when me & my frenz talk, we talk about how unmotivated or "stupid" the just-outta Uni people are. However, actually I never entirely agree with that. This is how we say it as adults. As I clearly recalled, my parents, my aunts, anyone who are like 20-30 years older than me said the same thing - my gen sucks. SO Now I am complaining about next gen? Well....we adults r so silly!!!! I think only part of it is true, not all.

OK back to my topic.

I am sometimes disappointed with the elderly. I dont get it why some govt or co should keep people like these - procasinating, lazy, not upto date..........Dont throw tomatoes to me. Listen to my below cases first!!!

Scenario 1:
I went to Vic Park to swim one day - it was raining dog shits. So I casually asked the MANY old ladies inside if the above resturant was open. They said, I DONT KNOW. WHAT THE FUCK?!?! You work there and you know NOTHING. Then, one night maybe around 9ish, they were so desperate to "FLUSH" the floor - they became so impolite - WAI WAI, DONT CHANGE HERE. WE FLUSH NOW. HEY, flush after 10 la when the pool is closed. Why yell at us getting us out of your way!!????????? You know, there are so many of them, actually basically DOING nothing, just sitting around chatting. That's how WE FLUSH OUR TAX DOLLARS.

Shouldnt they be happy they got a job for so long?!?! THEY SHOULD BE FIRED if I WOULD BE THE MGT!

Scenario 2:
I went to take my laundry just now, but I forgot my receipt. I saw the elderly lady looking concern. of coz I was apologetic. I thought to myself that she must be concerned if there would be a chance that the bags got mixed up.

No No No, babies....No No No.

She was ONLY concerning that there were more work, as she needed to fill in a book and let me sign. Basically, I just took her pen and filled up everything.

Conclusion, I wont pity elderly or respect them, if they dont respect themselves. And no wonder some young gen are behaving like how they are behaving now. It's simple. They got such parents. Dont just blame on the young gen anymore.............coz we were once them, If we could help influence them to be better, do it, as one day they would be raising another batch of young gen.

I am indeed worried for our future, not just HK but the world.

I am Happy!

OK! My boobs is doing fine, thou I would love them to be slightly smaller.......I dont get it why so many pple r trying to get bigger boobs! WAHAHAHA.....................

Around 1.5 mth exercise & being careful with my diet, I finally found some pictures that I dont have gigantic fat face.....ie great. I am happy!!!! Sometimes, hardwork does pay off !!!!! I WILL CONTINUE....FIGHT HARDER!!!

And it's great catching up with frenz. We used to hang out every 2 weeks. Now, few times a year if we got lucky. So I am glad we did all go. Of coz, it has been sized down. It would be like 10-20 people at any one time couple of years ago. People left. Pple got separated (like me & ex), but it's all good that the good ones stay behind!

Honestly, I am not into pub scene anymore. We all felt sleepy after an hr. We found music boring. Ar, getting old? I wudnt think so, thou, I must say we have our own priorities now. For me, my dogs r my priorities. My sis kids are mine too. Id rather spend time with them doing nothing - feel so contented. Also, spending time with people that deserve your presence is important as well.

Anyhow, it was a good weekend. I feel happy.

CALMNESS

My fate is somewhat going to be determinded by a conf call by a bunch of europeans. Isnt it cool????

Shit, I should be shitting myself freaking out now. But I am very calm like hte silent Space. I guess my last 2 years of training and many years training my EQ (from -ve EQ) from my neurotic, suspicious bossesssssss..........I learnt my lesson. The only way to combat this fear is to ignore it. Find more things to do. Ie why I have been sending out many many emails on proposing business co-operation.

What if it's bad news? Honestly, I will be happy too, as this gives me a direction. Finally, I can let go completely. Feel suck for sure. But I have done my best. I will work on something else. It's like a bad relationship. Getting out or staying put. It's never an easy way out. If someones makes the move, sometimes inside we are happy despite we may feel remorse toward them at the same time. Bittersweet is the sweetest of all.

If it's good news. Whoever is reading it, I will buy a drink when I see you! :)

Live in fairy tale

I like fairy tales, like Little Mermaid. Not snow white thou. I even believe in fairies. Of coz, you know I believe in other intelligent beings too.

I realize today that I am so stubborn or so living in my own universe, I so wanted to ignore the reality. Anyhow, I make up my mind I will do something now. Maybe bow to the reality. 

My fairy tale or universe never consists of White Knight saving me from the top floor of a castle. My mind, I have always been stuck in a pit suffocating since I was 18. My universe consists of happiness, real enjoyment of freedom, free thinkings, free of judgement, free to be me, you, them. I am not looking for a Utopia. I dont believe in paradise or free of troubles. On the contrary, I believe only via experiencing life & challenges make one being able to be free.

I hope this is the final training of the supreme being for me for the next 20-30 years. I am outta wit. Outta energy to fight, to stay positive, to be ah Q. I just want to be ME to believe in the goodness of things, faith in better Me-tomorrow.

MERRY XMAS!!!!

My friend Leo just wished us MERRY XMAS FOUR months in advance. I WANT TO WISH U ALL HERE - MERRY XMAS in ADVANCE too!!!!!!!!!!!!

I always love Xmas, since I came back to HK. But last few years I didnt find my Xmas very magical. Somehow this year, esp thanks to Leo's reminder, I am feeling the magic again. I like Xmas as it's supposed to be a season of FUN FUN FUN. not of the gifts or snow.

Wishing U a magical pre Xmas months!!!!!

sorry

I kinda went through last 2 week entries. MAN, I have been pissed. And agitated. Sorry for all the negativity. But well, the truth is I am waiting for a news, which makes me so agitated. Actually, was waiting for two news, one was good news. I hope the other one that makes me so agitated is good news too. I wasnt planning to talk about it, as I realize the more I talk about a positive thing or hope for the good things - they never come. It's so against the law of attraction or book of secrets. Anyhow...........I just briefly mention it here without details, due to these reasons. I am holding all the anger and expectation in......actually.

No need to encourage me. Just secretly pray for me. :) 

THANKS MY FRENS WHO HAVE BEEN READING ME HERE.......^^

Politically Correct?

I dont understand why I cant be politically incorrect?

I am a racist, so what!? But I dont go against all races. I have my share of experience with some in that race then make my decision why I dont like them in general. But I am an extreme person. I dont like that race, dont mean I cant like one particular person of that race.

Why do we have to be politically correct all the time? I am sometimes politically neutral, as I got no preference but when I choose to be politically incorrect, I dont think people should correct me when I dont correct them.

I have other things which may sound politically incorrect. Racist is just one of them. I am racist against 2 races only, but after the hostage siege last nite, it may bump upto three. I hvnt made up my mind yet.

In short, I want to say something to praise myself. haha.....above is just an intro. When I was studying in Aus, I was trying to be a good person and also a good representative of a Hongkie. I did get various compliment from various nationalities saying that becoz they ve known me they ve changed their views on Hongkies. However, I hv met many various different nationalities that not only they never try to be a good citizen, they never even try to be a nice person. So in one sentence, they deserve my despise. :)

This is just me, being so politically incorrect of being racist and a show-off person. :D

Another Horrible News of HK

I am sure you are feeling really angry & sad for the hostages that were kept at a tour bus in Manila last night. WHo knows! It's their last day of the trip. It was meant to be? It was fate?

I say it was SHIT.

Honestly, I have never been fond of philippinos. One of them even not just seduced my late grand-dad, I believe she even took his money. Anyways, men frail, fial at old age, no big biggie. Now, I will dislike them more. I know it's super childish, but this is what I have to do.

I hope the families and people who stay alive keep strong, though honestly who can? Easy to say it, isnt it? I put myself in their shoes - it's just impossible. I just hope they allow themselves time to heal.

My Memory Sucks!!!

Do you sometimes feel like you mix up the memories of where you meet certain people? This always happened to me. When I first came back to HK, I walked on the street - I saw faces or people or friends who greeted me..............I got confused if I knew them from HK? S'pore? Melbourne? KL? China? Or even some travellers I bumped into during the trips to Cambodia or Laos. Or they are just friends of my other friends.

Yesterday, I heard a bad news. Someone I was supposed to know in Australia passed away. He should be very young. But I got no recollection of who this person is? Am I seriously a bitch? I wasnt, actually, when I was in OZ. I was very gullible, naive, thou complicated & deep thinker - yet maybe instrinsically I am a bitch. How could I not remember someone whom I might have seen every week in a church fellowship & he used to hang out with my friend's ex - and my fren & ex were always hanging out with me!!??

Maybe, I could indeed let go of past memory. I used to be very good at remembering every detail of my memory - I saw it as a duty to remember, to be precise. However, I realized it's actually a bad thing - so I started deleting details. Well, of coz I would remember important details.

After 10 years back in HK, I have become less confused. But now, another problem surfaces - Oh, I met this person from this friend or that friend or at a party or at another networking meeting? Man, I am not paid to remember people's faces and I am bad with names. Very bad. I need to see the name written down to indeed remember. So, if you introduce me to your frenz, I would surely make them very happy but pls ask them not to ask me what's their name, as I am 99.9% sure - I WONT REMEMBER.

Shutter Island

I didnt sleep as I got morning meeting.....I was afraid I couldnt get up. Anyways, as some may know, my lack of sleep does sometimes spark crazy creativity and bad spelling. Shit, I shud have studied advertising or something - those pple dont sleep and they are bad in vocab.

Anyways, I watched Shutter Island. To my amazement, it's pretty damn good. I never liked "prison" drama so I never watched Prison Break. I wasnt fond of Leonardo, thou I would go to see most of his films. This one - his performance was fantastic. He got the neurotic look going on. 

And the suspense was very well done. Some parts of the "dreaming" or "Hallucination" scenes were shot really great. I thought to myself, it must be done by a great director.....oh yea, By Martin Scorsese. Man, he's 68 yo but he still got alotta projects going on!!! 

Sometimes, it's great to see a movie because you know which director is in it. Like this case, it would be great to have no idea like me. As I am not fond of this Martin.....I glanced through the movies he directed, didnt like. Esp, I so digusted by The Departed, which I fell asleep half way, which is something I rarely do. He so didnt get the concept of Infernal Affairs - he & the cast did suck jobs in there. Sorry, I like the HK version too much!!!

Do grab a dvd. Worth your time.

I hate chinese thinking 2

Same as the other one beginning, I am not exactly sure about if chinese tend to do it more, but then it kinda instills in chinese minds. Never praise someone. By saying something negative "constructive criticism" make someone grow.

I hate my parents and my whole family for that. All I could remember about them is nothing constructive but destructive. I love them, too. Actually more like pity love. How sad sometimes for so many folks who are not qualified to be parents in this modern world to be parents. And they were parents of five, plus with another 10 dogs and other freaking animals - I had a crocodile before.

Well, yes, I already let it go. Many people would say "suen la" (aka never mind, let it go). I do. But honestly, I am just being honest here. What's wrong with being truthful and honest? Not that I am going to revenge.

Pls dont misunderstand I am not proud of being chinese. Actually, I am very much. I dont want to be of any other nationality actually. But the fact is, many chinese in HK are so old-schooled, so outdated, so boring, so shitty dead zombie-like - but then pointing fingers at people like me who dare to be different, or who try to be different. WHY WHY WHY??? People like to step on others? Is it the other way to survive???

I forbid my mom telling my sis kids any negative words such as ":not smart enough" "stupid" "Slow"..................as best as I can. I am just so frustrated sometimes, if you know what I mean. How hard it is to get rid of the negative words out of your mind from your loved ones. The outside people only add on more coals, which are not the origin.

Anyways, pls I beg of you. Say something nice to your spouse, your friends. Dont u think that I dont know my weakness? Why stress on it when I already know? Your family, your kids, your friends, your staff - THEY KNOW (most likely anyways) - even they dont know, I believe being a simple minded person is god-sent-gift!

Thanks to 3 very important people at various stages in my life, they were the ones who just speak of kind comment honestly - I know they see my weakness too, but they know I know my weakness too.

1. My high school teacher Mr Pong - he told me I was a potential child. I could achieve great things.

2. My room-mate Ellie - who reinforce my confidence in believing I was indeed a cool & creative person. keke

3. My best friend Leo - who speaks kindly to me and has been encouraging to my every move.

Not that I need to hear something positive all the time. I am saying, dont speak negatively all the time.

Guess what! I bet many people misunderstand my meaning already. haha

Sorry, this week is an anger week. I am kinda venting them all out.

I hate some old chinese thinking

I cant honestly say whatever I am going to say is purely chinese thinking....maybe it's general earth people thinking. But well, to me, it seems more fucking chinese MEN (esp) speaks to me like these. I want to tell them, DIL NEI LO MO!

Are you sure you want to get married, as you know, you are going to be 40 soon?!

HUH!?!? For one, I am not thinking much about GETTING MARRIED AGAIN. And do you think all women ONLY goal is to get married????????????????????????????????????????? DIU!

When I tell them I am not actually thinking much about getting married, honestly, they start to get offended by further saying..........

Forget finding one.

I think old traditional chinese men, they are all so fucking idiotic. Is it a problem being a tough woman who is hitting menopause in another 10-15 years? I dont see myself begging to get a man - my goal in life isnt to get married, have kids. My goal, on the contrary to them, is to influence the world. Why chinese have to put everything in such negative tones????????? Is it so edifying for them to feel they could step on people?

Lastly, whatever people or even friends comment on me. I know my universe and my nature. This is something I gotta stress. I dont buy into fate. I buy into faith in goodness. Whatever you say negatively about me, I dont really care. And dont give me the "constructive crisitsm' crab. But pls look into yourself first. Have I commented you negatively? Why some people just want to dig through nothingness to stress a tiny character hiccup, people have to amplify it. But pls, dont you think you got issues too? Have I non-stop surfacing them? 

I am hating some people more.

Finally, I managed to cry.....

As a child, till adolescence till come-of-age, I always loved to cry. I was a crying baby.

These 2 years, it was so difficult for me to cry. I wanted to, but I couldnt.

Tonite, after hearing something, I couldnt control my tears, I cried for hours........................

I think it's great finally I managed to cry. I was just fulfilling my purpose - to cry. It's so good to really cry, unstoppably cry..........anyways, I just want to tell u, I am feeling so good now, becoz

I had a good cry!

After 3 months

After 3 months of a new addition of canine - Lottie - into my life, I struggled for the first two months. As her character is abit like Shadow - NAUGHTY & CRAZY (also just like me)!! I at first cried because I couldnt understand why all my dogs, the two of them, were so handful and chaotic creative. I felt exhausted every second just looking at both of them, messing up my every inch of home.

Lottie (aka Lor Lor)

But now, I am starting to enjoy both of their presence. With shadow alone, it was great, afterall we have been together for like 10 years. Now, even Shadow is adjusting to the new addition Lottie. They never fight, it's a good thing. They both sleep peacefully with me, and need to be around me all the time. Life....without them would be so empty & less smile..

Shadow (aka Shadow BB)

I love them so so much!!!!

My high Heel days r coming......

I went jogging abit tonite. I only jogged like maybe 3 times few weeks ago, then I just go swimming instead. But tonite, I wanted to test my stamina if it had any improvement.......IT DID!!!!! I only needed to stop twice for my targetted track, while before it would be like 4-5 stops. My target by end Aug, I could do one whole round w/o stopping.......

I find that swimming is harder to stretch. While for my jogging, since I am so afraid I would hurt myself, I keep doing alotta streching......but anyhow my left knee usually had some pain or discomfort if I walked on stairs or jog, but tonite it was totally fine.

I am really excited to see my high heel days coming back soon. I promise you, by Oct, you will see a perfect Dawn with beaming skin & smile. ^^

arrr......I am OLD

Shit, was looking at myself at my friend's album - well, we went to this private cooking thingie, supervised by a 5 star chef at Sogo Club (it was super fun) - I looked so freaking old. Like my mom. Shit, my mom looks younger than me. I really need to start taking care of my skin & my appearance........I couldnt let these 2 years shit life wear onb my face any fucking longer.

Pewh, thanks for listening!!!