when I am lying in my bed, my dog is sitting in a position kinda like sleeping, checking out what I am doing. Such times like this, I feel in awe, as how could I establish such an intimate relationship with an animal, yet....maybe I cudnt hv such long lasting rp?? Such serene rp with another human. It's an interesting thought.....
Yes, a stressful week it has been. Some nites, worked till MN, just went to work on a Sunday......lack of sleep and cud only rely on massage to relieve muscle pain.....But I am still investing too much time watching movies, yes I would rather sleep less but keep watching movies. One of the movies I did - The Way. I mean seriously it's a boring movie, about the St James Way, that I did talk about some time ago. And this Camino path has been written about by Paulo Coelho, and another actress whose name kinda slipped my mind, maybe SHirley Mcclaine or sthg....cudnt recall.
I remember, during mid last year, when my suicidal tendency was at another peak, I did try to drive myself to set up a 2 year goal...which wud be, I wud go there. I reckoned....I didnt really want to die but then at that moment, all was pressing until I heard voices in my head. And then of coz, according to medium (a fren's mom in law is one, who did me a favor to read me from afar).......I got 3 spirits attached to me. Anyways....another story........but in order to survive, I made myself to read, to distract myself....and then I made this goal to walk 1 month journey. Until now, I havnt given this thought.....and I am hopeing, my strategy, my plan, my working hard on many things is somehow paying me off by sending me there....or somehow, a spiritual guide wud force me.
Ultimately, I think I want to choose to walk there coz I want to experience true spirituality....or maybe....some form of exertion to my being wud push me to another level. I went through a stage....and I want to go to another stage. Suffering, challenges, success, learnings....are my addiction! I need to constantly have some form of understanding of something.....I guess if I dont have this euphoric feeling of an experience or something, I wudnt be able to keep writing.....now, its hitting 600 entries soon, and lets not forget I have another blog, a personal one that is ard 500 entries, all done within 1.5 to 2 yrs time. The 500 pcs were written within 6 mths......hehe, I am crazy, and I wont deny it. I am obssessive but mostly abouyt myself only. I am not very obsessed with other people.....so maybe some pple feel I am cold and distant....
anyways.................
I am not complaining of stressing out at work, I am actually grateful. I am grateful.......I can now buy coffee anytime I want or choose, I am grateful I have dogs, I have people who would read me here even I may not know who you are, and then I have good frenz, sis and mom who luv gossip with me, and then I do have someone who luv me but we kinda cant be together, then....I have my fingers to type, my brain cells are still pretty active in synapsing.........
Then, as I look ard pple, I dont understand we are always so childish, complaining about everything, about life, about this n that........i am working hard to obtain another spirit, another sentiment that is higher than the famous ah Q in chinese literature......frankly, I hv been living like ah Q 80% of my time.....so I am exploring how I cud be at another level higher than ah Q
anyways.........................................how's everyone?? I hope at times U feel I pollute ur brains with my words in funny ways, or at times U just feel encouraged and inspired all kinda bullshits I have been saying.
Have a great week, and I hope.....i can write soon .
Not "pollute", but "influence"~ (^^)
ReplyDeleteKeep it up! Yes, being inundated with work is not so bad when you think about how so many relies on you; and that you're a contribution to society; and how you can influence a lot with every simple act~ (^^)
very Bruce Wayne.....:))
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