It's been a while.....

My mood & energy level have been really ups & downs as my work has taken toll on me badly. But in the midst of it, my brain was functioning, yet, I got no momentum to write or share. In the light of pre-weekend, I would like to write something, and I do hope, maybe some of you, who do check on me at times.....whatever I am going to say, well, I got no idea what I am going to say....would give u a smile or some lightning in your psyche.

First, I want to talk about HK. HK has been rioting about an education implementation - I assume it's rgd implementing national (china) education within our system. I dont have much problem with it.....but somehow most HK pple are afraid it's going to brainwash their kids. My question to them is......have they already been brainwashed!? Have they even taken the time to read the kids books nowadays? I dont understand why it's a problem....with the advancement of internet....no one is blocking us to compare notes. Though, I also wonder the standard of teachers nowadays......it depends how they educate the material. E.g. Japan wud teach the nationals (correct me if I am wrong) - Japan didnt commit bad mistakes during world war 2, etc.....(sorry, I am bad with history) - yet, I dont see most japanese deny it but it's just taboo to talk about it.

I actually support instilling some national education in us.....we sometimes dont even know who we are....the mockery is that they say " we are Honkie, We are not chinese", this kinda broadcast is worst than denial in history. We have no identity for so many decades, so we are lost. We are more so lost......it's fine to stand up against a system, a govt, I believe, but to deny one's identity - making the battle we fight shrink down to nothingness.

I feel fearful for our gen - 1. we have no identity, 2. we dont have wisdom & experience to govern even a company...at times.....I hvnt met many...I met maybe a handful wise people in HK, however, when I was working in china for just 1 year, at least, I met couple of very intelligent, wise, kind local chinese. I was deeply impressed......and vice versa, I know they were deeply impressed by me, as frankly - most chinese in mainland know what HK pple are made of.

Anyhows, whatever they have been doing lately, to me, it's just Rah Rah. We have become a Rah Rah city....what a shame, a rah rah city with no identity.....no wonder, somewhat I feel we are a pseudo sin city.......I hope I am an artist, so I could paint my image of HK on a canvas.

OK, talk abit about myself. Yes work.....tiring, crazy, squeezeful, stressful, making me breathless at times, and I can say, I have given my life to this company just for a decent salary. This is how we live....sadly....in a cosmopolitan city. But I know myself well, the notion is....if I can hide in a quiet village, having butterflies flying around me, hearing birds singing in the morning, sitting next to the little pond sipping coffee or just jumping into the sea, which is 5 steps from my home - yup seems supberb and heaven;y but I am a city gal....so this is my life and I am not going to complain about it.

And so.....what I feel excited about lately. First, re-decorating my home by buying some vintage CHANEL cut-out from old magazines from the States, I am going to mount them. yes, including my fren's kid & sis kids pictures....I am going to mount them. And then, I removed my sofa, donating to a church grp which would send off all the used furniture to kids in Africa....in replacement, I am going to make an arabic corner.....stuff like that takes time to collect and assemble, but these already male my days filled w excitement and imagination. 

While, I have always dedicated to change the world by my little way, esp when pple are rah rah outside, I feel - unlike what they yell nowadays - WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR CITY!?!? I would like to ask them silently - WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR YOURSELF AND PEOPLE AROUND YOU!? It's just a MLM (multi-level marketing) concept, if U change 1 person, in term U can change another 3. It's just a math.....HK people just want to change everything overnight, yet, we dont have the inner temperament to do so....wisdom, endurance....so, as for me, I am going to keep being myself. Changing world in my most effective way - people around me. Instill them the right attitude towards looking at one thing.....

I always like Bruce Wayne.....my dark knight.....non pretensious, dark, hv his own means & ways.......to change whatever he can.....accept & learn to know something is beyond him....just love Chris Nolan's depiction of Dark Knight.

Having all these BS, I come to think....it's great HK now has division, 2 groups...it's wonderful actually. One side is like me.....finding them stupid, the other side finds us ignorance indifference.....hehe, how one grows is by pruning, by arguing (internally or externally), by hving fever (so U can grow tall).............

Enough said, I think I am going to get a lomo camera....I want to capture the pseudo Sin city soon.:)

Have a great weekend.

Books I am exploring on.....

1. A game of Thrones

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Game_of_Thrones

2. Shadow of the Silk Road

http://www.amazon.com/Shadow-Silk-Road-Colin-Thubron/dp/0701173637

3. The Doors of Perception

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Doors_of_Perception

4. The Black Book

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Black_Book_%281993_novel%29

Can see my genre pretty messy, it speaks of mind....

I am hving 4 books ard me, lets not even forget a chinese book and then Steve Jobs Biography. Guess, if someone asks me, why I still have time for them....I could only say coz U r important! 

Have a great week ahead, though depressively I have been hving bad days, but I am cool....just part of life stage.

cultural attack

I have become a boring person

looking from my blog you could tell

of coz, very much affected by work and lovelife, past 1 year

so I have become so damn boring until I dont want to look at my own mirror

and hate looking at myself through pple eyes

I need a cultural attack

something so different with a hint of danger to shock me back to life

I am thinking, how to go a cheapest way to silk road, just few really unheard of cities with a 1-2 major city sites. Just go there, look at diff faces, diff languages,.....so I could have the serenity to look atmy life

I am even hoping to meet some voodoo witches or whatever

give me some potions, so I could get the toxins outta my system

hallucinate abit

and then, wake up from this matrix

I hv been talking about this shocking me back to life so much, yet.....I hvnt done so, due to lazyness, due to attachment, due to committment. Once upon a time, I never allow myself to have some sorts of overbearing committment....now, seems, I got more than ever.

It seems I may hv more russians readers here, or

as some suggested, pple may just use vpn, by pass blah......through my blog

anyways, if U r russian and like my stuff, feel free to contact me

maybe I will take the trans-siberian train to have a visit....

hoho, anyways

my idea at this moment is...depending which way is cheaper

HK - China - Urumiqi, XinJiang, Dunhuang, Kashgar...maybe Hotan

or HK - Israel - Jordan

:D

I luv to think or dream about routes, that already makes my day.

I refuse and I protest

I refuse to believe there's no.....

I believe in Eternity of consistency, of insistency

I believe in full, fullness of love and joy

I protest and protest

coz we wud be changed and so etc this and duh and that

we dont know the true self

we want to false self

at times I feel so discouraged by us, human kinds

we r so bad, so horrible, so asshole, so unloving, 

but if I do believe in such

my fairy tale cant live on

I am a fairy tale gal

and I will never change

those who ask me even beg me not to change

u r the ones who have change

I wont allow any tears, heartbreaks, sadness, depression to change my belief in the eternity of good and love

So I profess again

I am a fairy tale gal

who lives in her own fairyland

and she is her own princess in her own kingdom

she wont care if u mock or laugh

as she cant hear it anyways

if u r one, live there with me

lets be fairy in the fair fairy fairyland

Maybe, just Maybe

I am a genius but I am trapped in this earth

Maaybe just maybe

I am in love but I am trapped in this mind

Maybe just maybe

I am indeed an ET but I am trapped as a worker bee

Maybe just maybe

I am very happy but I am in a shallow depression

What's shallow depression?

I cant explain it very well with words, I feel

but it's kind of depression oozing outta nothingness

discontent with things, people, stuff, myself

but cant really name what that is

Maybe just maybe 

I just want to live it real but we are all trapped in this matrix

Maybe just maybe

I could be awake at the end, but I am in NOW

Why people always say Now or Present?

What it means, in terms of time?

in terms of eternity?

How come I cant live in the past, now, and at same time future?

I also dont understand why people say dont expect too much from life, from people from things?

I dont buy it, why is meaning of life if there's no expectation of life.

\

MAaybe just maybe

We all want to live in heaven but collectively we allow ourselves to be trapped in hell?

Maybe just maybe also

U say I am contradicting myself, but it's you who are trapped in me....

suffocated by dust

http://www.voanews.com/content/hong-kong-endures-worst-smog-in-two-years/1454167.html

I did an interview....:P

it's sop

The very logical Mr Smith

I asked Mr Smith, do you have fears, worries? I mean - coz Mr Smith is a very logical person who totally goes against the belief in God/Gods existence. And then I asked, Mr Smith, have you ever crazily in love?

He replied, yes, I do have fear, and I have been in Love.

He went on saying - Black hole isnt actually black and the universe is expanding. There's at least one black hole in each galaxy....

 

Me, caged with no legs, aint no physic people, ok!? but....I think black hole could be our energy source. In the past, we believe it sucked everything in, actually - I dont think we could use our 3D mind to understand this.......it actually expands our universe in very fast pace. Frankly....my train of thoughts isnt very good, as I hvnt read much enough rgd Quantum.....

Anyways, back to Mr Smith. So Mr Smith - you like cats, U hv been in love, U actually have fears, but U dont believe in God, U think fringe or XFiles are for juvenille, and U believe all things could be explained by Physics, yet.....also, U dont believe in Souls. Are you abit too contradicting yourself? (even though it doesnt sound he is....hehe, more I am).

However, I believe all things could be xplained by physics but how says physics have to be just E=MC2? If the talk about soul, ghosts, etc.....are made up due to just simply created in the Image of Humans? God was created in the Image of Humans. It's enchanting thought......and becoz

I so believe, as he puts it.....we dont know anything as the basis....so for him, we can answer everything with physics while for me I think since we dont know anything, so it's better not to put emphasis on one truth, but while open enough to accept opposite to the truth you so hold tight to and.....afterall,humans r poor translator.

Interestingly, he's fanatic about movies, just within this year, he watched 200+ movies, I am wondering......how could someone so absorb in such fantasy world be so dogmatic about "gods & beliefs".....it wouldnt be dreamy, exciting, floating, magical while watching a movie when one is that rationally logical.....

Meaning of Life

I started thinking about this since 16....and lately, as I am drowning in work, yes I am working on Sun.....too, should finish at 2am today.....I feel really melancholic. I am making deciison, small or big based on no facts at times, and it's making me very stressed and tired. Despite, I always like to make decision.....I feel I am drowning.

Then I feel alone, I feel guilty. Esp to my dogs, I dont spend time with them, I didnt have water so they were thirsty for a while....I went to buy water, and it started raining......

Just a bit exhausted. While, running around for someone, he came back with words that made me more moody.....the thing is I didnt even do my own things, piles of laundries hvnt done.....at times, U just want a simple thank with a sympathetic look, or maybe grab me a nice dinner...etc

So I am regrouping hopefully, if I have the ability. I am tired........

I need to make a call now, hope my life analyst would give me mindblowing insights....as I feel tired......

I am crying

I dont know how to stop it

cant stop my tears....I want to keep crying until no more tears.....

it should be good for me.....

can someone call me and sing a song to me?? haha.....

Revolution

Finding ways to evolve is tough

Finding means to "revolutionize" is even tougher

I think, or same degree, I cant pinout anything nowadays as sharp as I could

life, work, love, friendship......are making things tougher to think internally

I really need to think internally asap

I need to re-start my process.....I think life gives you at times, some bitter tasting fruit is to yick you out to move ur ass....to walk ahead.....to find ways, paths, means to grow sthg sweet or even more bittersweet tasting fruits......

so I am IN for revolution......

Dream with 5 men.....

Kinda like a nightmare but it's quite interesting on some parts

First part, I was hving a sexual experiement with this man, who actually was making a clone of me, trying to replicate my few different spots, specially 3 spots......I could see in a chamber with another me (no face) but a body, reacting to same stimuli as mine....weird.....

But his family arrived home and so I left

Then I got home, it's kinda like a big mansion, but I kept my 2 dogs in a room, I went to open it......

And then I realize I had a gigantic balcony......kinda like a palace.....and yet I could see some winding stairs case above me, with a pool and restuarant

People sitting there could see me sleep, I was shocked to this idea....as I thought to myself in my dream, damn, I always walked ard and slept naked.

Next, I felt unsafe so I was trying to go out. Suddenly a long shinny blade cut across the air in front of me.......it's like samari sword, blade...dunno, I just knew it's v long, carried by a fat man. He said to me, dont go.......U r spied by 3 men living above. They are going to come down and hurt you anytime they knew they could......so I went back in............

Starting to jump around, so as to make noise that...to signal them I am with companies, etc....

it's actually 3 arabic guyz.

Funny enough....I was told I was haunted by 3 men for years in real life....damn,,,,,,errie......

Summer.......is tiring me out

I always hate summer......it's sticky, sweaty,....rain.sun

i belong to vampire world, dark and breezy

didnt write for a while, I think

my mood has been stale

no nothing, somewhat........

work is crazy, as usual

I had few days off but I took sickie today

as I just want to escape

from reality

It's terrible, I know

but I just need to escape.....once in a while

I guess, this trip I didnt go by myself

I went with a fren

it suffocated me

now I started to understand

I cant indeed go on trip with anyone, if we sleep in same room

 

I will need days to recover this effect

I dun mean I would feel this with my bf or something

coz with a bf, I can be myself

I can tell him I want to go to this shopping mall or do massage......while U sit in the pool checking out hotties in tiny bikinis

I now could un....I am no woman's frenz....

I cant be.....

it's too much for me.....

I dont mind taking care of people, but I dont like at same time

when....I just want to sit in the hotel room doing nothing daydreaming

to me, that's rest, that's vacation

 

shopping in bangkok of coz is wonderful

but I just realize I didnt actual;ly buy anything....substantial

except....a pc, a blanket, very very cheap, hand knitted by peasants......

 

what the fuck wrong is my problem???? Am I such loner or self absorbed bitch?
guess I am both
and guess I am destined to be alone......shits...
how daunting is this notion!?!?!

My morning dew

My Morning Dew

each time when you speak

I feel mersmerized

we never speak same language

just like the heat radiate from the rising dawn condensed the humidity around the dark green leaves

strangely condensed that very droplet of what we call dew.....

My Morning Dew

every time when you gaze at me

I feel magnified

every flaw every goodness i have, become larger than life, become the best of life

Every day as we roam, we stroll around the streets, streets with herbal smell and cockroaches

haha....we laugh, smile and gaze

what is it about gazing? Isnt what all love stories, love movies that describe the one-fy feeling?

And it's strange, I dont usually gaze

i either stare or just not look

But My Morning Dew

somehow you are like the Koala bear that the tree cant help but gaze at

the trees grow stronger with your beary hugs

My Morning Dew

if you were indeed Don Juan, I would have turned away, as he's nothing

he has no intelligence

he has no real words to

compare with what you have

if I may, I would jump to the next train

and ride to the end of the world

just to see the glimpse of the shinning sun reflecting from the corner of your lips

If I may, I would fly to Mars and look back

and just to admire the light reflecting from the edge of your eyes

If I may, I would let my soul be flown across the universe, bypassing my Milky Way

tiptoeing at the probably gaseous Orion

just to sniff off all your scent

2nd anniversary

Hi there......

WOW.............it's 2nd year of this blog. I remembered I started in 2010 June, sometime before my bday then. And.....it's been more than 600 pc.....pat on my shoulder....good going gal, I wud say.

And thanks for checking up on me.....even I know you or not. 

Thanks....:)

Alternate Self

I have been having dreams. Dreams that are clearly taken me to another plane and planes. It's like I am still here, lets say HK, but it's on another plane of HK. I saw similar people but some I dont really know. I think I asked for it, coz I got so angry I didnt hv much dreams or even much thoughts, so the universe started opening my sub-alternate conscience.

Here I go jump to another possibility. it was speculated that towards 2012 dec, we wud be spiritually awaken or just simply the world gone wild or dead......so wud it be it? I hope so....I am dying for some spiritual awakening. My work has taken toll on me, big time. I am back to work now and work......

Arrrr, back to work, talk later. HAVE A GOOD SUNDAY. HK IS RAINING DOGSHITS!

American Pie

I knew I watched it, but I could only remember the dude fucking poked his fingers into the yes "pie" trying to SENSE it's PUSSY. gosh....if women pussy cud be that wet with that stupid fingers, he spots on! Just a random watching movies to continue my zombie or zombot living.

Luv this song. It speaks me.....hahahaha, whatever way u mean.

i hv been drinking white at home, so I am abit hazy.....laters. all. have a gd week ahead.

At times I have become a zombie

I have been so busy that somewhat I have turned into a zombie, a zombie who doesnt know what she eats, where she sleeps...............working is zombie-like too, continuously tackling pbs....I dont even remember where I talk to a real person for real, yes hence not much update here. Not that I dont see people, I see.....but I feel it's not me talking. I know reasons, apart from busy, it's my metamorphosis state......I was shattered somehow sometime ago, I think I am finding a cocoon to hide myself or I am trying to numb myself from something, maybe pain, maybe reality......this is my process....I numb, I numb.....days after days, weeks after weeks....then gradually, I become cold....I like to be cold as it's the best mechanism.....think abt it, die in cold or die in heat better? I also cant say, I am afraid of both actually.....but I hv thought about it lately. Dying in fire must be too pain but usually may last 5-10 mins? Cold cud be longer....rite? The chilling pain isnt something we are accustomed to. Anyways, I am afraid of such pains and death.

So, I must start....yes the other blog, which I have delayed again and again. My excuses? Too busy? Too tired? Actually....the real reason is my yhome is in a mess and I need another computer. hahahahaha.........or tab. Yes I got no ipad, no tab......I have delayed getting it, somehow even I know I will need one, as I need to have sthg next to me continuously for me to pick up my ass to work. But, nowadays, apart from my work, I just got my bed and TV. I hate it all.

And every morning when I leave home and back to the office like now, I feel melancholic, as I realised I didnt look at my darling dog eyes alot lately. I didnt even play w her. I just feed her. Oh yes, this reminds me I need to buy them food.......arghhhh.......

Anyways, yes I am moody. Sorry....it's gonna be for a while again. It doesnt seem I am outta the wood. ever.

Being in Love

Nothing beats being in love.....coz it's filled with all ingredients I love. So intensely.

Sexing, Feeling, Talking, Looking, Adoring, Kissing, Texting, Sexting, PornoSnap-ing, Nudity-ing,..........Smiling, Laughing, Crying, even Pain-ing.

But........it doesnt have to be with a man only. When I look at my dog, Lottie, everyday, I fall in love with her again and again.......her huge eyes parked with her ugly face, the whole thing is just one word - ADORABLE.

Guess, everything is a net. Never put all fish in one net. Even love.....love vicariously to...if possible, as many people as possible, and as vast field as possible. Sorry, I am not a single devoted person. I always need some form of distraction. Though......I dont want others to do it on me.

So, yes I am an assy bitch. But today, maybe there's sun.....I feel in love. so much in luv.

Jealousy....

.............................:(

2 colleagues are leaving so I am sad.

Not becoz I know them very well, actually I dont really know them at all, except few occasions of chats (few words exchange) when we cross passed the toilet loading.....hehe....here is weird, people dont really know each other. it's basically a silent hell.

Anyways, but it's some form of silent heaven for me!

Yet, I am filled with jealousy, coz they are embarking a new life.......:( I want new life. I want to travel. I need it.....I want I want, so I am jealousssssssssssss...........filled. U could even smell my jealousy from 11 floor up or 6 floor down, ok...I am on 6/F.

So yes I am talking like a brat....but I am I am I am jealous. 

:D