Checking statistics

I am freaking sleepy as I literally didnt sleep as I thought there would be an early concall....I always refrain from sleeping, being afraid that....I just cudnt get up, and I gurantee u, U will NOT be able to get up!!!!!

And damnnnnnnn....................all concall and most important meeting cancelled....ARGHHHH!!!!!!!! And now my head is left with sleepiness and more boredom....shits.

So one of my nowadays entertainment is to check the stats of my blog. What I luv to know is what countries have been reading me, and which blog entries have been read.......and as of today, I find the Naomi Watts with the nipple stickers on pic was most clicked, and...some others r ...I think the rainbow thing and the cantonese shits, swearing thing. Then these 2 days I find someones read my Drag Queen and the big whale catcher pieces....hehe, I hope pple read the more close to my heart pieces as they are more me.....

Then I think of another more blog, which I talked abt since last year....I want to be more naked. Yet, then I think I am actually very naked here.....then I thought, maybe I cud talk more erotica, but yet......nowadays my eros is with one person solely, hence, not sure what kind of eros I could indulge in.....

So I drop this idea, though I am stilk hving another idea....maybe write a book, using blog format. Frankly....I tried to pen down many times, but when my mindframe thinks I am writing a book, my chains of thoughts just automatically switched off. I dunno why....but it is very much I believe...when I write blogs, I feel I am talking to someone...then U wud say, writing a book thibking U r talking to someone....but the pb is..I tried few times and it just doesnt work....

Maybe....just maybe....according to my character....I need alotta freedom....blog has certain boundaries, but I am not really bound.....I can open any pages anytime I want when I want to write, and then......I am not require to write a chapter each time....yes I remember I hate comprehension at school...hate it horribly.....and yes, I also dont freaking care much if my vocab is rite or my grammer is accurate....

anyways, no matter how at times I think outside the box, I am still living in this earth, I at times do allow myself to be trapped in a box.......:D

Updates about the bird...

As usual....my mind is flying all over. I am not sure if I mentioned before....one day during shower, I felt I was walking away from my goals, then I asked myself if I ever got any goalz. Guess I talked about yearly goal concept sucked in previous entry. And frankly - I got no yearly goal, as time flies too fast, I hvnt got the breath to review last yr, how could I fix some goalz!?!?!?! 

Anyways, my mind lately is all about work, all about how to beautify myself. I hvnt got the finance or mood to make myself look better, and now....I need. And hence I must go jogging & swimming so I could fit into my outfits again. My outfits of 10 yrs back, which r still so chic....and I feel amazed at my style....how cud I back then understand fashion!? When I could tell u......20-30 yrs ago, I sucked big time in fashion!!! Guess I am just way too intuitive....and I am never afraid to look stupid....

That comes to make me think....why pple cant be successful?! coz we r always so afraid to fail!?!?! Which great minds hvnt failed in their lifetime...!?!?! As a matter of facts, I think they r totally losers in order to be great one day...

U know what I mean!? Yet, some pple keep using the excuse to fail, to lose...coz they give up on themselves....I highly regard the word "experience", yet......experience isnt the core of things, understanding life /yourself is the experience of the journey. People who do hv great minds sometimes rely on experience.....its not right, to me!!! For me, I could say....from this experience I learn this n that....I give thanks to the torture or bliss, but do I need to go through that again!? Not neccessary.....I want new experiences, and also I learn the lessons and I have expanded n jumped to another level.

That always makes me think of enzyme......the chart whereby from one level jumping to another requiring enzymes....I always see myself jumping from one to another, how high, how far....at times depends on the will power and the catalysts.

:D

Love & Mission to evolutionary psychology

On Sunday, I met up with my life-path "theorist" or should I say fortune teller.....I prefer not to use the latter, as he's not really that! More, if you believe in matrix of energy of the past and future, then, he's just receiving some signal from the clouds of info....hehe, I make it sound more voodoo....but he's based on I Ching to make some calculation.

We met roughly once a year, and if I encounter difficult Qs, I would call him to make some calculation for me. I wont say it's accurate or not.....but through calculation, I gotta say, he taps into my brain more than anyone. In a word, I wud say - based on calculation, he understands my brain and my character way better than others, yet.....he couldnt predict or experience my behaviour. 

Also, everytime, we wud talk abt spiritual stuff........from brainwave, to ESP to this time evolutionary psychology (EP). Could I say it's spiritual stuff? not really as they are all a form of science, depending where U r looking at. So this time, we touched on the subject of love......and frankly, he has shaken my head a little. I always look at human nature, infidelity.....from caveman's perspectives.....and this time he exbounce more using EP. At first, he kept using caveman scenario........then next is about socrates, plato....or even SunZi, then back to one's mission with the one's companion....to family to lovers to...the BIG question, what is Love??

At first glance, I thought he kept encouraging me to write a book. haha.....but after one nite of hving my subconscious brain-chatting, somewhat......I am getting a glimpse what he was trying to say or what his soul was saying to me. Well, very hard to describe....maybe U can date me to talk about it, haha.....nah...well, in conclusion what he was saying.....love is hormone and I need a war buddy.

So, ok.....I am fine-tuning......actually, he kinda encourages me to develop a philosophy...of something....dawnism? 

I like it, when someone makes me think outside of my brain wave.......making me learn something different, new term, new theory....etc.....

Gotta go bk to work. Have a fabulous Monday......!!

Skill Sets of Big firm

I did once wanted to join FMCG companies, as .... hehe....I could dress like an executive, in cute glossy glam outfits, but after last 3 yrs of experience, I have dropped this idea. I think pple who would in such firms.....they just like to blah....so from 1 million blahs then cascade down to smaller blahs......in btw, there are many do's but just many blahs......

I am glad.....I can plan and act at the same time, in a small co. Even I have to do the most tedious thing......but I believe one thing, if I even know those little things, I will bypass many in very short time. (though I just gotta work w those big firm pple....super annoying)

I am keeping my ah Q mode!

Yearly goal is useless

I never liked to set goals, but in 2009-2010, I did....I was diligent in drafting my goals...And I actually did manage to fulfill them. It was quite a legendary goal, which....actually my gay fren reminded me I achieved it!! haha....it was abstainance from sex and date during that period. Then some frenz came to me and said.....well, I did that too. No....I corrected them, for me, it was a choice to search my soul - for u, U just didnt get laid. So it's different!! hehe

But apart from this (well, I did reject quite a few offer, so....I did resist temptation), I didnt really fulfill one thing from the list. Last year.....I didnt set. This year, I wanted to set but now.....I realize, another 10 months would be year-end, I feel times flies me by so fast. I really dont hv time to catch my breath, let alone setting "goals". Maybe it's wrong mindset to inspirational speaker.....this year, I want to go with the flow as I always have, but at the same time setting goals to achieve in 2 yrs time, 3 yr, 5 yrs. E.g. I was showering last nite and yes was abit moody.....but then I energized myself thinkng - didnt I promise myself to go to St James Way from France to Spain!? So, I am going to do this in 2 yrs, meaning I need to make money these 2 yrs if I indeed want to walk this spiritual way........while, this morning was talking to a french fren who is planning to go via Trans-siberian from Beijing to Moscow this year. I think....wow....I always wonder if anyone wud ever want to stay in train 1 whole week with me....and yup....I am thinking about it, hope I have enough money by then!

So, my conclusion is yearly goal setting sucks, as somewhat it has no meaning in it....coz 12 months, 365.25 days, 8766 hrs, 525,960 mins with 31557600 seconds - they just go by ur fingers without politely saying a hi or bye. And....so I extend my yearly lifespan to a 2-year calculation instead. hehe.....and within the year, I wud just go with the flow......

Now I feel good, as I defile time....:P

Prentension

In the midst of tediousness......I have learnt to act stupid. :D

Yes, tedious is for stupid people, not for me........so I show to the stupid people, I am stupider, but I am making more money than them and I am in a better position than them and I am going to be able to go up and will never lose my jobs ...but they will........

OK, why wud I do that!? Coz.....I want absolute accuracy and for me to do tedious, it's impossible to attain to that, except I am the last. However, the situation is, I have to be the alpha & Omega, so I just need to have short cut, acting stupid is one way........not sure if U get what I mean! One flaw of people is.......they always want to act smart. It's wrong. Act stupid but be smart......

I always believe.......this world is changing so fast, in order to survive - U need different strategy. I allow pple acting like old ways....I wish they all act like old ways, so I will run 10000000 times faster than them in just one day, despite, yes....they r snail-ly 2 steps faster than me.

Maybe u who hv followed my blog or hv talked w me personally via emails or face to face....U get whatI mean....I hope U do, as......humans r just getting so complacent!!

False Advistisment

Men, if you want to re-do your ex, dont tell her or cheat her by saying "I am a changed man"!!! :)

I was watching Drop Dead Diva....I am not sure in US whether you could indeed con ur ways thru laws, fines and jails...like magic, but even U hv 24 Billy inside of U, U cud get away from murders......then I assume, as long as I say I am nuts. I cud do anything. But yes....this guy of coz gets charged, under the infringement of "false advertisement"!! Coz he falsely advertised himself to be a changed man, in order to....yes shag up the ex.

And....above was just funny, but the main quote I luv was "more things change, more things stay the same". HUH!? Kinda ironical, but.............actually this quote stirs my heart a lil. It sounds so zen, but it vibes with strong force of non-zen. To a pt that it agitates me......it seems it doesnt make sense, but it makes whole world of sense....yet, U so want it untrue....yet, its true....ARGH....yup, my agony. I feel agonigenised by this.....hehe

I have one belief - u dont acquire serenity via quietness. Onlt via chaos, you could attain or learn true peacefulness......hehe, non-zen  zenify you...:D

Valentine's

it's been years I am alone during such a romantic-supposedly time & date, seeing bouquets of flowers passing me by in mtr, on streets, that reminds me of....oh today is 14Feb. I wonder, how many bouquets really picked carefully by the guy, and also at the same time how many bunch he picks for how many different galz, and vice versa - how many bouquets r at the gal's desk. Anyways, such day is worse to get flowers, expensive and un-pretty......

I get frustrated and totally blinded with anger when someone says I complain about life alot. Do I? Have I? if U read here or better still if U hv my FB. This is my world, I speak my mind.....I frankly dont think I complaint alot, but yes I do complain, however, I always want to let the world or pple know that there's a way out, no matter how suicidal I am always.....

Whatever shits I am going thru, I always thank for the experience.....met bad pple, I thanked god for smartening up me......got bad result, I thanked for not giving me just pure luck so I gotta learn hard way.....i dont complain abt life becoz I luv complicated life, complicated beings, without such, life is boring. Stable life isnt for me......

Yah...sollie, just want to complain, hahahahahah

Gratitude

I am totally not a morning person, basically I should live like a vampire, ie why I am obsessed witg vampire stories since very very young, when vampires could turn into bats. Now, of coz everything has sexualized it, u only get to see pale, beautiful eyes, wavey hair vampires galz N boys, running ard, sucking the victim's blood in seducing way. OK....not meant to talk abt vampire....but well, Breaking Dawn Part I sucks big time, dont watch!!!!

Well, I cant focuz on work before 11....or even 12....my eyes r still sleeping, so browsing or writing blogs to me wud be best since I dont need to use my brain (as mentioned, I type wo thinking , my fingers govern my brain matters)

Gratitude...what abt that?! I saw today on FB, my ex colleague posted my ex boss pic. I miss him.....he's the nicest guy on earth, but also he's most cowardie.....in somewhat....never want to make decision, I remember,,,few times I said to him, OK boss, if U r afraid of the other boss, let me confront him, I will fight and argue with him, hahahahaha. I was too childish, of coz, but I was indeed adorable. Then, he wud say to me....Dawn, U r exceptional personality, U will be something someday. And U dont like like others horizontally but laterally.....heheheheheh...thank u, sir. And interestingly, he said in order for me to spark creativity, I shud go check out sthg unusual, e.g. if I do skincare, I shud go to diamond show or catwalk shows. Anyways

I feel indebted to such kind soul. I am blessed with few such mentors in life. one was hi school teacher, another one wud be him. They saw me from a different spotlight......they look at the intricate steps I take, rather than the rough stride like everybody else. I am like them too, but such kindness or intelligence at times-----if we dont know how to use or channel it, it wud be wasted. And most pple dont know how, coz....frankly it just sounds stupid. Coz, it's intangible....non-quantifiable...so people dont take note but I take note.....:D

I hope one day I can find a way to quantify it for this stupid world. :)

when do bad things

dont do it bad
but do it right....I LIKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

be the good bad....hahahahaha

how shameful when u r bad in bad. :D

my real 2012

My real 2012 starts in Feb.....Jan was abit of lost and loss. I feel I have regained my consciousness now...in feb....i even had dreams about my jobs, to me it's good sign, means i am thinking. I want to do good, becoz this job is so flexible and I dont need to socialize w company.,...:P very entrepreneurial styple of working....all I need is to get things done w limited budgets u hv. I need to rewatch Donald Trump's apprentice, I find the earliest ones inspire me alot to think laterally........

:D so I am happy, I feel delighted......

OK, that linkedin dude buzzed me again....didnt i already say I wudnt meet him?? why men r like this? U ignore them, they wud say - "so baby, plz tell me, do u want me to forget you?!" kakaaka....I said, yes, pls forget me. crazy people...........................!!!!!!!!!

More Shows

OK, before I focuz back on my work, I would like to update what shows I am watching, as it's the new season....Apart from previously mentioned misfits (which already finished), Homeland (waiting for new season), Bones....I am currently catching up on:

1. Alcatraz (maybe wrong spelling) - the new show by the fat dude in Lost. It's kinda like 4400 , pple start showing up, though upto the 4th epi, I feel they may have a story. For 4400, it's pretty straightforward, different person exhibit "heroes" type of power and just one epi after another the same. This one....despite, it's abt criminal, committing crimes again, but why the heck they are showing up one by one, did they come back together or arrive at different timeframes!? More Qs non=answered, ie how a show cud go on. I am glad it didnt end with a bang everytime.....I think it's not needed right now. And I could see this is the trend of shows, if with high calibre of backdrop people.......so, if into suspense, or crime, or 4400 kinda shows, recommended!!!!

2. Person of interest - by Lost Ben, hence must watch. Esp with all kinda cadgets and blasts and fighting....smooth sailing fighting, ok!!?? Watch la....haha

3. Fringe - as mentioned many times, I hated 1st 2 seasons, as I just dont dig the gal...sorry, I luv Scully, so she's too far from sy-fy show. But with the introduction of more alternate universe, I started to dig the show....:D hehe....yup, I am a believer of alternate universe, and I believe another me is living a similar yet very alternate life.

Then, gossip gals, vamp diaries, desp housewives, ncis, criminal minds, supernatural....just a routine to "must-watch" for me...........

I am actually waiting for Alpha to be back. myabe couple of more months. Yes, I watched Sherlock....the 1st epi was fabulous but not the other 2 sadly.

Movies I am planning to download and watch - anonymous, a dangerous mind

hvnt watched skin I live in yet, despite its dl already, coz I dont feel like reading subtitle lately

What shows, movies hv U been watching & waiting upon? Share some!? :D

Have a good start today!

I am a lucky gal.....

In times of despair and desperation, somehow, the hand of da god/s or da universe will show some mercy on wrecked souls. I have been blessed with such, though my requirement is little.....say for e.g.

The CNY week was supposed to be one of my highlights of 2012, yet, on the Sat itself I got news that took me down to the pits. Oh well, really......right at that moment, I recieved one of the longest emails (maybe...coz was reading from iphone, it looks too long, way too long.....hahahaha) in my life. Which, by the way, usually I wrote long emails, letters, not the other way round, rarely the recipients. This person surely beats me, coz he luvs to write too. And anyways, reading his email, inside it's all sharing of his views after reading my blogs and some updates of his life - it warmed my soul in great deal. As......maybe....somehow, god hasnt forgotten me, or frenz hvnt forgotten me. I got a reminder, despite he's pretty unaware of how precise the timing was......i got "revived" literally.

So someone remembers, I did say at that sad moment "I am so lucky".

Turn Back the Clock

Someone also says, I mean basically everyone always says - I wish I could.....I wish I could be rich....I wish...blah......Then, I remember someone asked me before, if I could start all over again, would I do something different!? Well. My answer is always NO. I would do everything exactly the same, except, I wish I would have the slight little more wisdom I have now to fine-tune the events. Why do we want to live differently from the past!? Also, only left or right, east/west/north/south ..... we walk one path, then turn to another direction....it's eternal fact unless we become still and dead!

I was thinking this morning, if god wud give me last year back, what would I do? Wud I do something differently? Wud I choose to not to fall in love with the wrong men!? yes 2 in total. Crazy....I never even indeed fell once, within 12 mths I fell twice.The last one was even stomach twisting.....anyways.....it doesnt matter the events or people. The fact is I did have that!

So, my answer is - I wud do all over again. I always believe my path is like this. I will keep making mistakes until I perfect myself in that area - as my motto is life is all about experience anyhow. I believe.....by having such torture or smitten feeling.....ultimately I wud find the perfect one. I am fairy tale gal as I always say - torture, sadness, crazy dont stop me from dreaming. Actually - all these failures or unreal romance - make me believe even more in fairy tales. Is it my psychological problem? hehe, nope I dont think so.......it just speaks how tough and pure my another side of my heart is. Even Moon has 2 sides, we all cud see the front facing us, just like all men who cud only feel the heart facing them. but if he's not the right one, he cant tap into the other side......and so far, I hvnt shown the other side fully to one person yet, maybe except here partially. :))

A Stuck Mind

After 3 years of working alone at home without talking to anyone, I am now rejoining the workforce! But......I am still talking to myself!!!!! I have to think through all strategies, activities, details to training...BY MYSELF. Now, my mind is stuck and I am fucking bored..............I like what I am doing but without connecting w anyone without brainstorming - my mind is basically stagnant.

I need panadol.

I did a little evaluation today

Many men said I was too serious.....yet, in the very beginning, they liked my nonsense mind, filled w crazy ideas thoughts, intense conversation.......also my adorable demeanour. Yet, after a while, people would put what you think is merit and repackage to sound as if it's  something bad. I often wonder, am I that serious? Am I that intense? Maybe, but I dont see anything wrong in that! The funny thing is.....I am a legless bird, I always look for ground, frankly - I am always dead serious about it. Then, I think many r attracted by my thoughts, deep Inquisition about life, humans.....but always in such, you flip the coin - really depends which side U think is better.

I think it's time....to know maybe this person doesnt indeed embrace you as much as u think they do. Or maybe we dont love or adore each other as much to a point that we can accept each inadequacy anymore. one thing led to another. It's saddening to know, it takes long time to break a seed open, u water it, and wish it would grow.....then, u realize U were dreaming it was growing and actually it actually didnt even sprout. Maybe it's how it is......

Then,next, I am fortunate enough to be a modern woman, a woman living in this free city whereby I am not bound by any traditional rules. I could date anyone I want, I could work any job I want, I could make any frenz I want, I could shag anyone I want or I could breakup/divorce anyone I want. No one would officially lawfully have the rights to stone me!

So my conclusion is....I am crazily serious and seriously crazy! U can love me or U can hate me, and it doesnt make much difference to me when I die. If things r not meant to be, it will go into the river of forgetfulness, gradually things will fade away, memories will be diluted; then other things will be renewed and reborn through this river. Strangely, from same river.....ie river of life or cycle of sucks?! :)

Anyhow, I am not depressed....not moody....not even melancholic. I think I am just realizing something and I am not going to fight against it anymore.

I feel....

Supposedly, things should be better this year.....but soaking in such mood, waiting, expecting mode......make me realize I let almost 1st month drain me by. Some things r really a waste of time..........I need to re-strategize about my life. Reshuffle.....my heart.....which shud be given more. Women r at times really fucking idiots, I am defintely the most idiotic idiot. Grrrr...........

thanks! :)

Cold.....

Well, considering places with temperature lower than zero, HK's cold is nothing but still to us now...it's cold. And actually, it's always what we want during CNY - wearing layers of new clothes from most intimates to most external - we want new. I think we shouldnt whine about that, as it's very much climate offsetting when during Xmas, CNY, we could go out in shorts.....

About cold, I thought of love. Usually during winter, I drink alotta hot teas, hot ribena. hot mint tea, etc.....last nite, under freezing nite, I made myself some hot tea, I put it there for just a lil while and of coz the physics won....it turned cold really fast. That, I want to associate with love. Love should be something hot, = passion......when 2 is in love, the heat generated from sex or just kiss or just the butterfly feeling is intense. Everything could be warm up, even an argument or after argument, or making up from argument or sex or intimate conversation or just a casual conversation......all could be warmed up fast! Yet, when 2 persons love turned cold, everything is cold.....ignoring, sleeping far, an argument will never be kicked off or it will never end (scorched instead of just being hot)  no need even to talk about after argument or making up, everything becomes cold really fast, there's no time for warming up, just like the winter now I experience. I think some pple relationship is in the land of North Pole or some belongs to forever Thailand, yet, I quite prefer the temperament of 4 seasons manifestation like HK or Melb, at times it chills you to the bones, and others, it kisses ur heart with shinning sun.

I love my friendsssss

Well, i do hv different group of frenz, but must say - all r the intelligent ones. hehe. Today, one has quoted something that worths all of us to ponder , ie

Friends are like boobs - some are small, some are big - some are real, some are fake

See........my frenz are smart, like me....hahahaha....we can use anything to create a wise statement or a thought to ponder upon. And i luv that he uses boobs.....hehe......anyways, just sthg funny to share. hv been ultra buzy these days, I promise, I will resume writing.......

Breaking Eggs

OK, I hvnt written past week as I have been quite caught up with some new refinement. Then, I was introduced to this UK TV show- Misfits. It cracks me up big time, and frankly I always prefer british shows more, though US shows tend to have more productivity.

I luv this Nathan guy in the show, he's an asshole, dickhead. Totally - yet U would like him, as u know that he has his sweet side. Kinda U hate and love him at the same time. And at the season 1 last episode, there were few quotes that really made me laugh. Let me try to recap....

" there's only one thing young lady should inset into themselves, ie knowledge"

" As Darwin said, you need to break few eggs to make omelette. It's the time to break eggs"

" Thats the time we should shag each other brain's out"

:)) it's kinda kiddo show, I have to say it's in btw of Heroes and Alpha. But I always find brit actors to have higher calibre as compared to american ones....sollie....:P

I kindly recommend for you to check it out.

Frankly, I cant believe I didnt do any entry last 7 days...it's bad. I will keep it up, it's a matter of momentum and custom. 

Hope U all had a great week last week after the long holiday. kisses n hugz.