Movies I watched within one week

Apart from previously mentioned Eternal Sunshine of Spotless Mind, I watched quite a no of movies on plane or at home. Here are the list:

1. let me in - a child vampire story. Interesting, but heard it was borrowed from a swedish film " let the right one in", I will search for it some day.

2. Girlfriend experience, starrred by ex AV gal Sasha Grey (?) - she isnt a bad actress at all. It just talks about how she struggles as an escort - connection? pure shag? while being in a committed relationship with a bf. 

3. Midnight in Paris - I never really like Woody Allen movies. I just dont like its vibe, not that I watched many of his. This one is cute, yet I feel the actors are not properly given a script, as U could feel some lines they improvised themselves. But I like the ending, kinda old school hollywood cliche movie ending, but sweet.

4. Thor - wow, actually it's not bad. I like it. I specially like his recklessness. It's not all goodie kind of superhero stories.

5. Biutiful - great performance, but I cant associate it too well. Though, I am watching it through someone's mind. :)

6. Fish Tank - my fren Dion said he preferred this than An Education. Ummm, I prefer the latter still, it has a touch of class and abit less realistic. Fish Tank is very cruel in its portrayal - and I always cant bear to see kids being treated this way, it's same as ABUSE by mom, family & society. It's too sad for me.

7. The Darjeeling Ltd - ummmm, cute. recommended. Very manhood searching for meaning but in a funny setting. My kind of film - abit fantasy, surreal.

8. Rewatched - Love Actually, The Fall, There's something about Mary

9. Some other I watched half way such as Water for Elephant, Fargo....if I got a chance will get the dvd since i picked them from the plane.

Whenever I am gloomy

I will watch few movies...which I guess I mentioned here before.

The first one is always Love Actually - becoz it makes one believe in something, or maybe round the corner, something may happen for me. I esp like the part where Collin Firth with the Portuguese fell in luv - it's abit surreal & fantasy. But sometimes, maybe language isnt that important? It's the sexual attraction....haha, or namely pheromones. 

Then, maybe I would watch Copy Cat as I always like serial killer stories. No matter how many times I watched this show, I never got bored and I got no reasons why. Yet, it gives me the thrill.

Then, it could be Sausalito - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0240880/ with Leon Lai. It's a simple but cliche love at first shag story, but it always reminded me that I went to Sausalito before just coz of the movie. And this movie is sweet.

Then also if I want to cry, I always watch The Fall - just luv the chemistry between the Roy (Lee Pace) and the romanian child actress. And it always makes me cry at the end - no matter how many times I watch it.

Now, maybe I will have a new addition - Eternal Sunshine of Spotless Mind. It reminds me alotta things somehow. I think afterall as I said before, I am a fairy tale gal. I like anything borderline fantasy or surreal. This movie is one.

What are your list?

Die hard? hehe

First Date

I am so excited for my good fren - C who is going on a first date today. I hope either this is the last first date or signify more dates to come......in regardless, both statement means good ending. 

I cant remember much usually my first date with anyone, I am usually pretty cool about it, as I didnt get too worked-up, but of coz at home I was always all ready & prepared. Ummm, but sometimes some first, U dont get memory on the spot, but the afterwards memory was significantly daunting & mesmerizing. 

The first kiss that makes you become a kid again

The first gaze that electrifies you

The first declaration of luv in a strange way or romantic way

The first goodbye for the luv U r in luv with

The first sleeping in the arm with the one you could really sleep with

The first tear

The first harsh stabbing pain

Well, of coz, after some time, the first I am talking about doesnt necessarily mean the first first, I think in order to really experience the "real first", we all may need the many first beforehands. Of coz, it would be wonderful if the first is the first memory, but maybe for me - I dont really work like that.

I suppose everything is the first always has its grand meaning to it, be it bad or good. They somehow worth remembering. But frankly, I dun even remember who is my real 1st bf or my 1st kiss, hehe. I am bad at that, as I dont like memory very much, be it bad or good.

But I do remember my "real first" kiss on the street, gently sometime ago - whereby we both could feel we suddenly turned into 2 kids, standing in the street, stealing our first kiss - I think this first real first kiss worth more imprinting for me, than  my first first kisssss (which as I said, I couldnt remember who and what the heck was his name) hehe.

Hope it doesnt confuse U. But

Yes I am excited for my fren and I hope - we will continue to find our first real or real first. It's magical when we could have the first real of the first of everything. And we will always have something to look forward to in our lives. :)

Seeing the world in a blurry vision

Lately, people around me start doing the eye laser thing - so their eye sight could be corrected. Since my sis did it, I started thinking - if one day I would like to undergo such a seemingly low risk and forever clear eyes surgery?

My answer is NO!

I think, for me, I enjoy seeing things in a blurry vision, i do not enjoy seeing everything clearly so to speak. The flaws, the imperfection or even the perfection - I dont really want to see with my physical eyes. I guess, I use more of my invisible eyes. hehe

The above I wrote like weeks ago, but I am glad Mr Z isnt gonna go ahead with it. Well, it's practically low risk but as I said - I prefer the choice of being blurred. What's the point of hving clear vision when U cant even see your inner self clearly? Ie my thinking - not disregarding if U already have done so or going to do so. Honestly, maybe one day when my nerve is creased I would go ahead & do it too.

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I just realize I got many drafts on my blog so I am retrieving them or discarding them. :)

Quotation 1

I luv citation, quotes - sometimes they contain such a dense messages. So I am attempting to do some quotes here.....starting from 28Aug 2011, initially I wanted to wait for 10 quotes, but since the last one, I couldnt come up with any.....seems BCN didnt inspire me much. Maybe I will think of Gaudi abit more later.......so here U go the first 6. Enjoy. Brainstorm, Feedback. Thanks.

Ding Ding Ding - just to make my brain synapse more....

1. Sometimes, someone just mystify your existence.

2. I want to say I have been a 20 yo for past 40 years (when I reach 59 yo - and looking forward to 60 - not in vampire's aspects though)

3. If he's the ONE, you will know it ONE day, but surely not Today.

4. Real BOREDOM seems such a happy & remote moment. No Nothing seems such a luxury.

5. Missing "us" is a better notion than Missing "You".
"Missing" us is more melancholic moment that "Being" solo.

6. Which one is harder?
Fighting a war or applying diplomacy?
Both requires strength, wit & patience.
So I have no answer as I am not the leader of the world.
But, one thing I know, at times, in love,
To fight is so much easier than not to.

Battle Fields

There are sayings in chinese:

"A redundant field no one wants, once the filed has been plowed on, everyone fights for that specific field" OR

"the nextdoor bowl of rice always smells better"

Ie what I am feeling past 2 months. To update you on my experience on men:

1. Mr Linkedin - I told him I could only have a friendly meal with him like few weeks ago if he came to HK. But since then, he gchat me, gmail me - which he wouldnt be so diligent in doing so before. Now I told him - no nothing, he gchatted me alot. So today, he asked again - No date for me?! I replied - sorry, I cant. I hope he would leave me alone. I am abit frightened by over-zealous guyz. I am not 18yo, I dont want that. It doesnt make me feel special - wanting to make me feel special, write me a poem. haha...ie more 16 yo stuff, but it may work on me. I think it's so wrong asking me or maybe galz......if we would be willing to go on a date with him so many times when I already said I couldnt, wouldnt.....esp I start to feel he's psychologically disturbed. Who would be so desperate to get laid? 

2. Mr Korean - we didnt keep in touch for........................maybe thousand of years. I had a 2 week fling with him when I was in LA. It's fun & he's sweet. Tall, played bass. Ie the reason I went out with him, hehe. But.........when I left he said "we just pauseeedddd and we would start again once we meet". I was thinking, ie really convenient for u, man! But then I didnt think we would meet again. So some months later, maybe even some years later after I left LA, he sent me a msg asking me if I got a bf yet. I said, of coz I had. He said, didnt we agree we "pause" and "re-start" later? I said, it's funny for you to remind me that when you havent been in touch with me.....like for years. And now, he msg me again telling me he would come to HK by end of the year. Why tell me that? To "restart"? Shits, in his fucking dreams!

3. Mr A - my ex. Same thing as Mr Korean. How we broke up was funny enough. It explains how men r such idiots at times, thinking all women just pause and wait for their gigantic manhood to fulfill them. We didnt officially break up but since he went back to UK - we didnt keep contact for over 6 months, so what did I expect? Of coz I found myself another bf.....hahahaha.........when he saw my pic with him on msn (which was there for more than 3 months then), he asked - who is the guy next to u? I said - my bf. He said - ummmmm, so have we broken up??????? hahahahahahaha..........my god. Now he's coming back, thou he came back few times asking to meet with me, I always got thousand of reasons I couldnt. Anyways, will see this time....what reasons I could use.

4. Then of coz another Mr V - which I officially deleted him from my life. At first, he said he luved me...HUH!!???????? I got really scared by that as we didnt even have an official date. Then next, I told him, sorry man, I couldnt "be" with U. He then said, he just wanted sex. I said, sorry dude, I disliked the SP thing. Disgusting term for me. I am not a strict person but I prefer good connection above all else. He then said, OK, he would put me in other category - yes what other cats? I would be his companion for hiking, dinner, etc but no sex. hahaahahhaah.............................well, I said, ie fine to be a friend. But when he asked me out - he complaint about my unavailability for shagging him. Shits, I left right there, as I told him - dude, U r fucking boring. To lure a gal, U dont blahablah complaining. Use your tiny brain, not your small penis. hehe (I didnt really say that....:P)

5. Some others......which r not as ridiculous & funny............

(edited as forgot to mention the BIGGEST ASS OF ALL)

This guy I worked with - I could say officially he destroyed my career life 3 years ago. And I was always appropriate & friendly, as the usual me. Pretensious, endearing, co-operative, opinionated at the same time during work - ANDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
I just realize he gossiped me to my another "colleague". :(
he said, I was not nice to him anymore since I knew he got married, which was like few months ago, but U know what he did after he got married? First he came to HK for basically to me no reasons - just to have meeting with me, then he insisted me to go to Taiwan with him in following week or som which I didnt want to at that time, as my dog was very sick. And when he came to HK that time, it was just weeks after his marriage - which I knew he was with his then gf for many years, though he told me all his betrayal secrets too.
But he hinted that I was into him to other people and now no more.....shits, what an ass. Yes he's french. But french isnt really like this I know. I think for surely he's psychologically disturbed with small dick. For sure. I never check so I dunno, but I guess if I am not into him, for surely my thrid eye could feel he has small dick! I am furious...what an ass to badmouth me like that, on top of other women he already badmouthed about. He's already 50.....is it midlife crisis or so?

ASS of the ASSES!!!!!
(thanks for lisenting)

I am not trying to brag, as I hvnt got much luck in dates or men for years. Yet, once something started, some funny coincidence upon coincidence occur.......though I am sure U hv something to say about women, I am fine with that, as many many coverage about women already said & done repeatedly. Coz they are all written by men. While, for women, sometimes yes we are more desperate coz we want to get married & have kids, blahblah. But aint we all ultimately just want to be less lonely on this earth? Why being so desperate? In shag or marriage? Will we be sure we wont be lonely after all these done & shit? But guess, yes surely men r from another planet, women from the next one........maybe if we could meet at the middle point, ideally, something wonderful could have been sparked.

Telepathy

I once had a story of 2 lovers who were apart, yet they could communicate via telepathy. I believe in such possibility. And I think somewhat I got that in my life. Certain times, I was writing something down - and this person would somehow send me a msg that kinda answered what I was asking or writing on the letter. 

Then, I kept hving dream of the same person today, for all 24 hrs. I mean if I did sleep for 24 hrs. One dream was quite weird, I was driving on the left side, must be BCN influenced, yet I cant actually drive. So I was stumbling on driving the car, which I could manage somehow - this car was that person's car, I also dunno why I was driving his car. Then, I looked to the right, I saw 2 french friends that I knew of in another car, next scene, they were already on my right seats. And somehow, they wanted to take over the driving, and it was like those fantasy dream in movies - one on the far right was kinda like whistling & dancing abit while moving around 2 things in front of the car- kinda like since now they are all the right hand side, so the tools should try to bend to the "left way". Then the middle gal was driving though the wheel was with me. It's kinda surreal. Yes also, there was no brakes - more like hidden brakes. And we reached a toll or something - and I gotta pay the toll , at the same time I opened a box of presents with many fruits in it - then I heard the telepathy message. He said I gotta no worries and he would pay for the toll and then also some other telepathic msg amongst the fruits. Weird......................

Gestures

If you want to see my pics in BCN, feel free to check out - https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150762562515507.716459.730940506&l=abd8905ae4&type=1

I realized from the pics taking with my "colleagues" - they are not my real colleagues, long story - I sticking out tongues alot, U know why....as a whole, I felt uncomfortable in the env, tongue is the cutest & best hiding mask to date for me.

As some europeans ask me many times, why HK chinese like to have a sign of "V" when they take pics. It's not just HK, basically it's Japan, HK and most parts of Asia.....coz apart from signifying "victory" which was supposedly the original meaning - but for asians, they are not comfortable being ourselves, hving a "V" is like having a gadget or tool to hide our face or our insecurity. I am not sure if it's correct, but I am pretty sure I am. 

Then brought me to a woman I met during the trip, she was super alienated from the team. The group pic she always stood a meter away from everyone. And when she looked me at, she would scan from my shoes to my head then back to scanning my face - super weird. But somehow I know she isnt a bad person - so I kept smiling to her, tried to strike a conversation. But after 2-3 days, I wasnt going to do more, then she started talking with me - hehe....actually she was quite interesting to talk to.

Also, this goes back to....sometimes how much people would do to alienate themselves from others, or making certain gestures to mask their insecurity or uncomfyness.

O well, human nature, I suppose. :)

Opinionated vs Complaint

Had a discussion with one of the bosses in BCN....:P

We were talking about french and he isnt. He said he liked french "complaining" or what he called - "frankness" style, yet I said, to me they were complaining more. Ummm, well, upto your judgement. But I do appreciate their upfrontness in what things they dont like most of the time.

however, is there a fine line?

Yes of coz, there's a fine line in everything. So I thought for few days what the fine lines are.

Being opinionated, yes hv frankness in it, but it raises a "thought" without much emotion. And genuinely, they believe in what their opinions are being represented. It could be judgmental opinions, of coz....but usually they use the brains to raise the "opinions". It's about his/her view on what's right or what could have been better.

While, complaint - it is generated with emotions together with opinions. I think it's fine to complain once in a while, and it's healthy to do it. However, if one indulges in such - everything isnt right, everything could have done better - there's not even borderline "being opinionated". It's actually polluting the world with negative thoughts & energy.

What do you think?

I am In Barcelona

Going to Spain was one on my list but now I am here, I feel nothing. Maybe it's coz it's a biz meeting, with some ass I am trying to find his loophole to....attack him....really. I hate him. I seldom hate but I am so good at faking smiles, hey brother, how r u doing? Everything OK on your side, blah. Anyways, just part of games one has to play in our lives anyways. This is my reality. Here, I am freaking honest, over the reality, I am trying to be as genuine, but I fake alot too....and sometimes I even seem ignorant. Anyways.

Yes BCN. Well, the weather is nice. Should hv some tour tmr or sthg. But it doesnt excite me alot. Frankly. And this place somehow reminds me of some melancholic moments I am experiencing - the forcing back to reality & giving up dreams. I mean I had a dream. I luv Out of Africa opening - I had a farm in Afirca. I always think, I want to start by saying - I had a dream in the alternate universe. :)

Yes BCN will forever remind me the drag & agony I am bringing with me. I hope it also means there will be renewal, revival of some sort within my soul or my heart.....embarking, ie what I am wishing for. I want to cry but I cant. I want to sleep but I cant. I want to drink but now wine makes me dizzy. I want to eat but food makes me want to throw up. (I am not pregnant....hehe)

 

Now I am no longer hoping to go to Spain, Prague....well, I will still go, but there are these few magical places I need to be...one day. I would see this as completing a dream someone drafts for me. And I luv the dream.......so, I want to put 2 songs here, both John Lennon. And I will write soon when I go back to HK or maybe tonite.....hehe.

Thanks for caring & stopping by. xoxo

Love is real, real is love,
Love is feeling, feeling love,
Love is wanting to be loved.
Love is touch, touch is love,
Love is reaching, reaching love,
Love is asking to be loved.
Love is you,
You and me,
Love is knowing,
We can be.
Love is free, free is love,
Love is living, living love,
Love is needing to be loved.

Eternal Sunshine of Spotless Mind

I did watch alot of movies, I mean....quite a number of movies, but still many a time I always miss some good ones, and thanks to my good frenz who love movies, they have endless suggestion or even free DVD or free service to download for me. And of coz, at times, with my best fren - Bruce, he would circulate the movie reviews to us. I am not very upto date what's coming up & so on, but I am glad I got good frenz.

So, last nite, I got the disc, should say my fren Dion lent me the disc. And I watched it from 6am, then by 8am, I cried for 15 mins. I always cry for such movies or plot - I guess it always reminds me of something, or some of my dreams or ideas. And of coz, the moments of trying not to "forget" something, trying to "fight" against the process of deletion - is something I am quite familiar with. Hence hving blog, hving letters are a good tool to assess to the memory. (I am a naturalist in deletion).

Yet, in the movie, the characters have to hand back in all the items, pics, letters, doodles in order to erase the memory that pains them - of coz, if it's so easy, we would all have gone through it somehow. Always, in our lives, we wish we would forget something....like we never lived that period. But it's impossible somewhat, of coz.

I think you should watch it if you havent, or if U did, re-watch it - esp if you are with someone, or desperately want to forget something - Is it all that good just to forget & erase?! Is there really such alienation between you & him or you & her that can't be saved? Why was it neccessary to forget the love you once felt & experienced? He/She is standing right in front of you. Make a choice to think - if he/she deserves your "working" once again? your "rekindle of luv" once again? I am sure most of you will say YES, he/she deserves! Then, go & do something!!!!! QUICK! NOW!!!!

I luv few quotes and sometimes I do think I am a concept but I am just an imperfect gal wanting to be perfected in her various little ways together with someone, maybe. 

And while, despite I claim myself a good deletion naturalist, it's just part of my survival skills. Someone taught me that, actually an indonesian that I met during the "riot" period in Jarkarta almost 10 years ago, I bid to his advice till today - always find a way SURVIVE. 

(umm, why I was there? Coz my reasons - wanted to see what riots or so called "wars" were like......and yes I was taking slight risks, as I was told they would rape CHINESE looking gals, but I went anyways. I saw many burnt bldgs. People were sitting sleepishly & aimlessly on the streets - I hated the look of emptiness in those pple's eyes. And I understood - they were dangerous, as in their head, there was nothing to lose.....)

And maybe its ageing or starting to understand abit more stuff - this phrase - Enjoy it! It's one of the toughest to say actually, becoz it makes alotta effort to really achieve. BUT, I find it to be most rewarding thing on earth if U could indeed be in it. :))

Have a great week ahead! xoxo

=============================================

 Some of the dialogue I like in there - 


Clementine: This is it, Joel. It's going to be gone soon.
Joel: I know.
Clementine: What do we do?
Joel: Enjoy it.

Mary: How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! / The world forgetting, by the world forgot / Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! / Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.  " the lines are from Alexander Pope's poem "Eloisa to Abelard"

Joel: Hi.
Clementine: Hi. Didn't figure you'd show your face around me again. I guess I thought you were... humiliated. You did run away, after all.
Joel: I just needed to see you.
Clementine: Yeah?
Joel: I'd like to, um... take you out, or something.
Clementine: You're married.
Joel: Not yet, not married. No, I'm not married.
Clementine: Look man, I'm telling you right off the bat, I'm high-maintainance, so... I'm not gonna tip-toe around your marriage, or whatever it is you've got goin' there. If you wanna be with me, you're with me.
Joel: Okay.
Clementine: Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's lookin' for my own peace of mind; don't assign me yours.
Joel: I remember that speech really well.
Clementine: I had you pegged, didn't I?
Joel: You had the whole human race pegged.
Clementine: Hmm. Probably.
Joel: I still thought you were gonna save my life... even after that.
Clementine: Ohhh... I know.
Joel: It would be different, if we could just give it another go-round.
Clementine: Remember me. Try your best; maybe we can.

Foggy Weather Foggy Mind

Hong KONG- FOGGED with RAINS & MISTS.

OK, keep pouring so can wash away the draggy humid firey hot atmosphere, I hope. I hope this rain is heavy enough that just wash away all the heat dispersed in every molecule around me and radiated from the ground. Heat reminds me of S'pore.

I hate S'pore. I spent 1.5 yr there, so I could tell you why I hate it.

Every freaking day, the sky pours a whole chunk of water to the earth, and maybe for 30-60 mins, POURED like they just want to kill all the living things on earth. OK, then next, the sun comes - SCORCHING the ground, just burn it within 5 mins. Yes, ie the time I usually got off work, right between the water all evaporated & the ground got really heated up. I hate the freaking refraction of of heat via the pool of water on ground, plus the evaporating earth. Every walk I took, it got me closer to suicide. Really. Of coz, boring lifestyle over there was killing me - so basically I became like a dry corpse. My bro asked me once - when he visited me there, why I looked like the sad movie star in a japanese movie - "Love letter".....hohohohohho........thank you bro, as I got so melancholized by this city!!

OK, sorry, I always find a chance to step on S'pore, as I got bad moments there. 

Yes, back to HK. Foggie....So Foggie.....My mind has become foggie too. The burger I ate yesterday - was supposed to be delicious, but I couldnt remember if I did eat it or not. I remembered I cried yesterday, but I couldnt almost recall why. I think I did sleep many hours, but I feel so exhausted and tried. Actually, I dont like memory very much....happy or bad, also dislike, hence I write, so I can chase back some past at times.

But when the situation is, you need to rely on memories - I need to reset my system. It's not something easy for me, as my brain doesnt really work like that. Guess some of you would be jealous of me, as maybe U spend too much time to linger to the past, as for me - I dont like to linger anything of the past, but of coz ironically I luv all the vintage stuff & stories, all the ancient civilization & structure....etc. Yet, within myself, I dont think I worth myself mesmerizing so much, U know. Well, yet, I seem to talk alot from my memories...

Actually, hardly anyone would believe me that I dont live in the past.......but my mind really doesnt work like that, at least for past 10 yrs. 

OK, so it's established. I am a confused, fogged being. 

Ummmm............Maybe I should step out of the rain & let it drench me. Actually I think I mentioned somewhere, I rarely take my umbrella out even I know it will rain. I let it fall on me....and I dont understand why some people got so scared, for freakin sake, just feel drops of the water which very likely were your sweat you shed during your shag 2 months ago, which now fell back on you....it';s a cycle, why so afraid to get drowned back into your own sweat?

hehe, sorry....my mind is fogged so I cant think of anything intelligent to write, but...sorry, I just want to type, u know. As I am bored & melancholic.

Procrastination Karma

I always believe in collecting good karma, but I feel I am collecting a bad karma - Procrastination. Due to laziness, or due to emotion - whatever reasons I could grab to justify why - I procrastinate. I start to feel the damages and I need to start from today to rid off it.

Our stolen 72 hours

Stolen moments are always sweetest, dont u think?

I got our stolen 72 hours, at least on my side, it's unexpected.

Being online, on par, on land, on same time zone together - to me it's stolen moments.

I find that the sweetest loving words are not "U r beautiful" or "U r my most important person", as somehow despite these are smittenly sweet, there could be some which will make U smile from the core. Such as "I luv U becoz the way U look at me, U make me feel like a woman", "I luv U when I see u looking at me through your glasses", "I luv U when U touch the hair on my arm" hehehehe......"I luv U becoz everytime U look me me, I feel like Don Juan".....

I guess, somehow, dont be cliche, dont be boring.

Say something slightly different to your lover or your wife or your gf & vice versa for the galz.

But to me, it's not the words. I think, I finally had it. It's just perfection, when U see yourself through someone's eyes - U see U have become whole, U are the perfected version of the best human kind, the most beautiful being - arrrghhh, that sensation is awesome!

It couldnt be

Maybe I was born to be a hopeless romantic. Well, I control my romantic genes most of my adulthood, as I know I could go crazy, for even things I dun like. Esp, I believe I would never meet something I really luv. It's fine. 

And so, when young, sometimes I read luv stories...stole my mom's luv story books, usually from taiwan, honestly they are freaking cliche. The gal is always always fair, with deep soulful eyes. Chinese dont really have deep eyes much....and the man is always very gentle or wild with rich background. So - after few books, I just knew these are shitty idiots writing for some other idiotic dreamers!! So I can tell u.....in my life I rarely read any luv stories. OK, I visited Twilight Saga - as I like vampire stories, ok, they r horrible books, and I basically skipped many pages - as I just like to read Edward parts, I hate that Bella part, so....in cantonese I would say "So mah lun fen", in english would be "fucking retard".

But this year, all my genes have flooded to the surface. As I said, someone very special gave me the Norwegian Wood, and so I started reading, still do....upto chapter ten. I have to say the author's choice of words, and description is pretty good, and it's a very basic luv story with slightly unusual characters. I hvnt finished it, so I cant rate. But one thing, now I understand why he gave me this book, as I could see me & him everywhere in the book, the conversation, our responses.....haha....pretty awesome.

I always fantasize something so out of the world thing, but when U clash with it. Then U would start to fathom if I am living in the real world or in matrix system. Anyhow, even recognizing it has made me feel very sad & lonely. It does to him too. Maybe I shouldnt mention here, but....I also dont really want to talk to anyone. So I feel by polluting minds via internet is the safest place for me, so I dont need to "feel" or try to be very rational when I talk about it. Yes, every time when I re-count something traumatising with people, I always sound quite logical that people wouldnt think I was in pain or on the verge of nervous breakdown. This is how I cope.....

So thanks for dropping by and reading. Pls dont ask me for details, for those who know me. I would tell u one day in a separate email, as my practice.

P.s, this week, really not in the mood of writing, I came back to edit many grammer or thought errors, which I usually rarely edit, as even I am not perfect, so freaking what!?!?! huh!!? but.....this one, too much errors even in the structure itself. Like a mad man gibbering on . I apologize!

I hate GoodBye

When I was studying in OZ, I was an overseas student, so of coz I mixed with alotta same kinda students, from different countries, such as M'sia, S'pore, or so on. And I always started crying....onceI knew they would be leaving OZ and going back to their home countries. I would feel so sad to know...."oh yes this is my last year" (I HATE THIS PHASE WITH UTMOST DETEST), I would start my moodiness even it's 10 months away. So, maybe it could explain why I never was happy there - always suicidal & depressive.

hehe.

Then, the other nite, I finally watched Taxi Driver. I got the movie for long long long time, but the title really didnt interest me much, and I am no fan of Robert Deniro. Anyhow, there was no other disc, so I watched. One thing that struck me was Robert character always said SO LONG when he was trying to say Bye.

And I started thinking......why english word is so weird...."So long", why? Where did it come from that equate to 'Goodbye"?!?! Then, spoken from his tongue - "the taxi driver" - I thought......maybe somewhat this "So Long" isnt a well-meaning goodbye. (So pls never use this word on me, man!) It may mean, hey dude, it's been so long freaking seeing U, I really dont want to see U any longer, so....Yes, SO LONG! :D

I dunno, I am just bullshitting as usual.

I started few entries, but none could be completed, as few things have been distracting me. Also, my mental being has flown to a very exotic country. Ai.......I will be back!

Thx for dropping by. :)

Eternity Away

Sometimes, we think we have eternity to dwell on a topic, or a life, or a love, or a youth , or many an hour, or voluptuous a minute, but we know.....it's not....or it is?!?!......we just could be less than a dot in the infinity of "time". 

I always share with my frenz...I should say "shared" as I was more zenith when I was younger- kinda like a buddha for some period as some quoted. I always shared with them not to dwell on the minute or the period, as when we looked from an infinity point of view, that stretch of time was really minimal & small & insignificant. What I was trying to say, I guess..:P...., was to encourage them to look past the situation or the moment of torment.

Yet, I have to admit, I always think I have a lotta time. Time to finish a conversation, time to get on with life, time to do something "meaningful", even time to love many times over all over again.......haha. Ummm.

There's this dialogue from this HK movie "Love in a Puff" (mentioned in one of my entries before) - the guy was telling the gal they got a lot of time to finish the topic....I remember someone told me that too. Then,

I somewhat think, why do I like questions - questioning & being questioned so much, as it just shrinks down the time and boil down to the major points. And maybe by that I could find my eternity within non-eternity. Yet, today, I am trying to find back a handwritten doodle from someone, I couldnt locate it. I realize, we dont hv the time, let alone eternity to talk or to explore....let alone questioning & answering.....it's just dissipating with time....

Then I did some search on the oldest cities of the world ie still being inhabited...(I am surprised China isnt in there), when U see, 1000BC, 4000 BC, 9000 BC.......I couldnt but feel amazed at our, indeed, undeniably small & tiny & insignificant being & existence. Who am I to talk about "time" like someone who knows!?!?

And, hence got me to think, sometimes someone would tell you you guyz would have "alotta time" to dwell, and other times someone would tell u, hey dude, we r running out of time. It's kinda ironical, when more U feel it's out of time, things become more intensive in a way......anyhow.....my again bullshitting.

So to reward you, I want to share this link with U, about the 20 oldest cities of the world. It's kinda interesting, and maybe you would plan to spend "time" to head out there.....to feel the "old"ness of the soul of the cities.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/picturegalleries/6242644/The-worlds-oldest-cities.html?image=10

And I once watched this movie - despite I couldnt remember a thing about the plot, it stuck in my head - the mood and I got the soundtrack - Eternity and a Day.



It grips my heart everytime I hear this - the loneliness, the eternity....of...etc etc...whatever U put at the etc.

History of the blog name

How I came about this name? It all started in 2007, 1 Oct. After a firework viewing from a Peking Road 1, my ex-employer's salon location, with wine & small dessert. I never liked fireworks that much honestly as the only thing fireworks remind me of would be NOISE, CROWD, RUDE PEOPLE - ie the situation in HK if U r not as well-off, U dont have luxury to book a hotel room or go to a prestige building with a fantastic rooftop. The best thing watching from the high floor within a bldg is that somehow the firework is level with U. It was exactly that moment, I was abit awe-struck. The fireworks was blossoming in front of me, without needing me to tilt or head up my heavy head.

And as I went home - I was sitting on my bed thinking (at that time, I was staying in some sorta studio flat, in an old bldg, the walls were painted orange). How I felt I was like a bird caged within this cage, with no ability to fly off. Of coz then, I was with my ex, he was kinda....how to say....useless in everything. He isnt stupid, but he's just useless. I'd sometimes rather be with people who are stupid and useless - seems more matching, U know. I have been with 2 of such ex-es, smart but useless. Sigh....I didnt manage to inspire them, ie my failure, of coz.

OK, back to my cage. So I was in agony that nite. I determined I would fly off, maybe till I could be exhausted to death, I still dun mind. I think......a caged legless bird is the most tortured being if not the most, shud be the top 3....they are born to fly, yet, they have no legs - yet people accuse them for being "not grounded" - I sometimes dont know how to respond to such "accusation" as I do understand where they are coming from, but then somehow my ground & their grounds are totally different, anyways. And they are like spreading more coal on already fired-up agony, anguish - these people, they shud be BURNT in hell, if hell is indeed made of fire, hehe.

Then to add on more salts to the wound, this bird has been caged & chopped off her legs by the society, or by family, or by world's values, despite she has been fighting it off. And she did allow all these to capture her into a cage, as she thought, maybe ie how one should be a human, anyways. or a real bird, anyways. 

Just try to imagine, a bird who is born to fly, being kept in the cage, WITH no LEGS. This bird is wounds all over everywhere, as she would be a mad bird just trying to balance at the same time to fly and to rest with no legs........................Lately, someone has been mentioning the word Phoenix to me, esp he said my tattoo looked like one. And I was thinking - today - when will be my turn to just fly off from the ash (from the cage) like the phoenix. Surely, I feel the time is close. Once it happens, my blog will stop, but will turn to another one, as it's going to transcend all I have written here. I am dying for that moment, as surely it must be an exciting episode of my life.

Hope U like my blog's name. :)

Understanding from Shattered Glass

As I said, I broke a glass pot yesterday and I managed to step on one broken piece and bled my toe. So, I did try my best to remove the broken pieces as I dont want myself or my dogs to step on the broken debris at all.

Yet, I tried to vacuum my place again today, as my dogs do shed alotta hair, hence I need some vacuum every few days, and I found one broken pc in an usual place, I mean it was far from where I broke the glass.

Then made me think - shattered glass is kinda like broken heart. At times, U think U have recovered, but the fact is, every once in a while, to your surprise, U could still manage to find the debris somewhere somehow. Not that U search for the pieces, but they would show up somehow, no matter how well U "clean" it. So, my resolution as I was "removing" that piece, maybe constant "probing" the floor (feeling) with regular vacuuming (detox or cleaning) would help to rectify.....and mend the broken heart as best as we could!!?!

No reasons but....he's Mr Deer.

OK. I fell in luv today! Truth be told with................my Mr Deer.

I went to an event, and I was supposed to offer my "professional" knowledge & my "personal" experience to the bloggers. OK. I like talking but I didnt sleep much the nite before, to keep level headed was quite a task for me! Anyways, I dealt. I did. I think they took some pics of me....YUCK.

I hope I would never freaking see myself in their blogs, that wud be embarrassing to the world. :P

But he's Mr Deer. He cant speak, of coz. And he can never be mine coz it belongs to the studio's owner. Yet, I cant help but fall in luv with him. And the fact is, I could only hv him for split second. Next other galz r going after him. SUCK!!!! U see for yourself. he's indeed so adorable. U can mount him, U can hug him, U can kiss him....hehe...luv it. Ok, maybe U can buy me a blowup doll as next Xmas gift.....:P

I think he's very lonely now, without my hugs. I had been hugging him the whole day. I mean, I am not a doll person, look at me, do I look like I like a doll?? But this one, without reasons, without logic, I just fell in luv.