seeing sweet msg makes me so sweetened up , BUT

It wasnt for me.....hahahah............:(
Well, I gotta know this german guy and he went back to Germany. I know that he has a gf in HK. And of coz he's in my Facebook. Every few days I saw his msg like "I couldnt believe how much I miss my babe" or "yeah, one more week less to see my babe"...................

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

So sweet. Never had that in my life.

But guyz.......do that, tell your galz, they will do anything for you when U declare it. :)

It all starts from a battle

When you are not in your 20's, everything becomes more logical, more rational. Someone told me, now it's even harder to define liking someone, let alone "luving" someone. He's saying it takes more to do so anyways. I completely agree with him.

But, the feeling of being "in luv" or "adored" is something so magical. It makes you smile 100 times more in a day. It makes you walk 100 times more lightly even you walk on the same path each day. It makes you want to wear something colorful. It makes your heart feel the need to stay alive, to stay positive, to be ALIVE. 

I wonder, if this is a battle for us, or at least for me. 

To be frank, I wouldnt & couldnt go all the way to fall in luv or to be in a relationship. NO WAY. I just couldnt anymore. It has too much at stakes. I dont believe in "romance" much actually......but I want it. This is the complexity to our human mind, I suppose, The infactuation, the in-luv - I believe it starts from a battle of our logical mind & our emotions - I wouldnt want to use "heart". Sometimes, I wonder if I am indeed liking that person or I enjoy the battle more.

Movies, Songs talk about such battles.

And I am getting to understand those movies N songs more. haha. Late learner. I think it's great that sometimes things dont happen as fast as we want, actually the longing for that feeling grows or die....it depends of coz. But that's not a matter anymore, as that period is the battle. Once you so called "win" the battle in whatever means, that butterfly feeling is gone.

I have been dicussing with few people, mind is the biggest stimulator of anything. Indeed. So, I couldnt help but wonder, if luv starts from heart or the mind 1st? For me, definitely it starts from the mind. As it creates visuals, images, - actually it creates feeling. I gradually think what's the role of our heart. It doesnt seem to govern this part of emotion, except feeling the pain. it's weird, isnt it? People say you use your heart to luv, but I really think that only confines to agape love (herbrew - unconfitional love) such as luv for your kids, luv for my pets.....so unconditional. But once it's another human being, honestly, only saints could exercise agape for the people.......I know I couldnt. No wonder in Bible talks so much about god's luv, indeed, it's beyond comprehension & it's indeed un-human to be able to achieve such level.

So is there any conclusion? From me, not really. Guess this is an open subject. If you dig abit deeper, maybe you would realize something more profound on your own! One thing I know, I couldnt stop listening to Faye Wong lately......weird.

Art of Being Discreet

I got a call at 11pm, a woman voice started "jagging", I thought there was a big problem that occurred. Sigh, again, it's gossip. Not trying undermine her feeling, I could only tell her whatever she said with me ended with me too. What does she expect?

I sometimes find people will tell me stuff, not coz I am purely a good listener, but they try to probe me if I know anything else. Sorry, this thought isnt pure, but I am very sensitive how a person phrase a conversation. That's why I am always one on one with frenz, I dont like to cluster in a group. I get really turned off that I have to deal with each individual emotional issues, while I have to listen to their gossips about one another. I am too old, or they should think they are old enough to be OK to live without such a bunch of frenz, if their past time is to gossip each other.

Well, my topic isnt even talking about frenz. haha, but it derives from there. I think.....funny....really.....in my eyes majority of people are very dumb, incl me of coz. We thought we mastered the art of being discreet. Yet, to be frank, I dont see many who excel at it. I would say I am OK, but not good enough. However, I gotta say, my closest frenz would indeed tell me stuff that shouldnt be known by others, I enjoy this confidence - but if they start to spread other's little secrets around, then it's not even funny, it's super moron behaviour.

I know many men like to talk to me, I guess, coz they know I am  very absent-minded, or open-minded, or non-calculative person with a sense of what it means to be discreet. I dont esp over-react or get over-sensitive of what they have to say. Usually, I tell them off right at their face that they shouldnt do certain things, but then I accept who they are and what they do. Does it really matter that you are right & they are wrong? Does it matter that they are a sinner & you are a saint? Why judge?

Actually, people who tend to judge couldnt be discreet. Remember this my frenz. Stay away from judgemental people, as your little secrets could never been kept, or never attempt to have any rendezvous with such people if you want to be discreet. TRUST ME.

I should change this title to dont gossip instead, but actually I like to gossip about pple that I dont like, haha. Anyhow, it's not a very relevant or intelligent entry, but I will ponder on this topic and hopefully I could come out with something astronomically orgasmically inspiring. :)

Without doing anything or even meeting anyone

I have been called - A great Valentine's.

hoho, thanks europeans. :)

A Better Fit Mirage Song

Kept listening to Faye Wong these days.....now I dont like her, I used to luv her bitchy style.

王菲 - 怀念 歌詞

關起滿室 不足的氧氣 點著煙蒂 回味你的呼吸
搜索腦裡 爲完的龃龉 對著空氣 還擊著你的問題
推辭每次 真實的相距 困著自己 渴望著你的消息
沾沾自喜 拒絕的魅力 不著痕跡 享受著與你的距離

也許喜歡懷念你 多於看見你
也許喜歡想像你 多於得到你

懷念 歌詞
音樂 ABC

關起滿室 不足的氧氣 點著煙蒂 回味你的呼吸
散落一地 斷續的謎語 對著空氣 還擊著你的問題
推辭每次 真實的相距 困著自己 渴望著你的消息
翻來覆去 甜蜜的懷疑 故作神秘 延續著你的好奇

也許喜歡懷念你 多於看見你
我也許喜歡想像你 不需要抱著你

ＡＨ.....

也許喜歡懷念你 多於看見你
我也許喜歡想像你 受不了真的一起

In a Mirage

I am experiencing a mirage moment.
It is abit awkward, as it seems surreal yet surely unreal.
Anyways, I just luv this song so much.....today, was reminded of it.
(before I realized its the V day)
Totally unrelated.

But songs sometimes could indeed remind us a moment of our life
how we feel, how we think
guess this song represents the residue of my romantic soul (which is scarce by now)

:)

My toes circulation is COMPROMISED

Becoz at 3am, I am wearing a 4" very pointed stiletto while working. Actually, heels is not painful just while walking, sitting as well, as it squeezes your circulation. I havnt been on any form of siletto for at least 3 years. So, my new CNY resolution is I should be in some from now on. Yet, it's a pain in the feet to walk around HK with it.....road not flat, with stairs at MTR, except taxi in & out or with chauffeur.

I realize that one week CNY + last week at BKK, I got so much to catch up, esp with China finishing their CNY long holiday. I am starting to get really nervous, as I have been really laid back. So much to do, to prepare, to propose, to arrange.....I hope all these will pay me off good. Really. I need to work hard.

Usually bare feet at home, now wearing siletto purpose is to remind me that I gotta work hard so I can get a chance to play one day in siletto. haha, super nonsense & silly...................but it's gd training to my toes N feet anyways...........

Another Compliant

Either never got any ANY email of info from the EU company for 2 years, or I get thousand of emails from just one person with all scattered info in 3 days. Now I am so fucking confused.................which info is accurate............Shit!

Happy Vday

O mine, I actually found it weird someone asked me if I got a date today, and I said NO coz I got so much stuff to catchup, let alone all the movies from PPS are awaiting for me to browse. Then it occured to me, it's Vday and I totally forgot all about it.

My feeling?

No feeling? I dont need a valentine, actually I got few already. They are just waiting for me to nod, yet I am not desperate even to find time to nod, see how it goes, see how I feel, blablablah. I dont want valentines. I want fun fun fun, crazy adventures, I dont want a sweet date with the shitty restaurant decoration N set menu. So boring & cliche. I dont want flowers, esp fresh. I want really really expensive gorgeous fake flowers....hehehehe. If a man could find, I give him 5 days of any request adventure......lol

arr, crazy talks.

No, I really think it's great that lovers would spend the time to stop and ponder their luv or romance on such a date. It's good to be reminded at times, but being desperate about it is meaningless & tiring, at least for me. I hope everyone reading this has his/her own valentine, for me, my notebook is. I hope it doesnt die on me for another year, ie my notebook's valentine gift to me. :)

long time, since I have such stress

Few days ago, I got an email from this lady of the European Co that I work with - she asked me what's my vision for the cosmetic brand she's in charge with for TWN & China................WHAT? I dont even think this brand has a place anymore here, as not everything comes from France is popular. But how could you tell her, when she cc to the BIG SHOT?????

I hate people just dumping me such stupid question, when she doesnt even tell me what she really wants? My vision????? As a consultant, of coz it's sales driven - but for the "internationally known brand" from snobbish french, how on earth do I know?! First off, repackage the packaging - they look so old-school. Can I tell her? No....becoz she's not sitting face to face with me. Maybe she should just fly me to Europe 1st then so I understand better what's "high end", haha...sorry, it's so NOT high end. I would totally suggest her to go parallel import N online shopping solely.........re-building such an old-school brand via finding a distributor is unlikely, esp it's damaged by placing in wrong location now - SaSa. It was in Lane Crawford before, but that was like 10 years ago.

I re-wrote the email three times at least, as I got lost what kind of tone I should put. It's not one of my usual contacts, which I could frankly explain the situation, nor they would be attempting to pay me high income to do it. Yet, I could not NOT answer, as I know they are also trying to test me in somewhat. I really hate working with them now.................my job with them is supposed to be simple, I am not their employee. Why would they need me to be enthusiastic or devoted to their team or vision..........I am merely their consultant who make ends meet by making some commission with no fucking health benefit or bonus.......what do they expect me to be excited about? Except, I diligently get more orders, not for them, but for myself!

And one more thing I am so thrilled in getting mad about is that they talk so much bad things behind each consultant back, of coz the fucking french E has a role in it. I want to find a medical term to describe him. You know, for next meeting, I am going to record what the fuck he says and uses it as evident. I dont even know what his schemes are, yet...............since I am not a staff, all I need to expand (not excel) myself is to get contacts, contacts, info, info, from these bastards.........................Guess with good chinese genes, I am patient enough & acting dumb enough........hope I will win, seriously................I hope I am smarter, really, then I could win faster. 

Stress! In a very prolonged, tedious, and unspoken way.

Alot of invitations, I am thrilled....

1. Invited to go to Germany with my luvly dearest fren in June
2. Invited to Brittany by a french couple who are my fren's parents in Bangkok. He just told me they luved me.
3. Invited to go to some kinky, if not, maybe crazy party at agogo club in BKK by another frenchman.
4. Invited to go to S'pore by another.....person. hehe, or maybe Europe, depending where we want to meet
5. Invited to attend a traditional Thai wedding.
6. Invited to go to M'sia, UK to meet my old buddies since Uni
7. Invited to.................few other couldnt be named things...............but very exciting & thrilling ones.
8. Of coz, was invited to hop onto a car......in BKK highway


I hope I can indeed do all of the above, but now, I need to work hard N make money. It's so luvly when pple asked so sincerely and would want you to be there. They and YOU have made me feel so warmth. :)

Thank you so much.
Luv U guyz!

I think I cant help it.....

Well, sometimes it's out of my ability to control my crazy genes, somehow I guess someone is destined to lead a different life. I cant say whatever I did and am going to do are daring, but it does have a touch of risk factor and uncertainty. Honestly, apart from Mr Funny, some did hint me not to be so "wild" or "should be a lady, get married..."

Today, Bangkok highway incident reminded me that it's not the first time I hopped onto something. In Laos especially, around couple of years ago, I was too desperate to head home, despite non-english speaking laosian told me it's wrong bus, I went with my gutz N hopped on...........lol...............guess what! I went to where I wanted to go, though during the whole trip I realized it was a good thing to go without breakfast, everyone around me was.....throwing up, except me. And on my way, I did worry if there would be any gunman jumped out & started shooting us along the hillsides...........

I guess, I followed my instincts or gutz alot. If I feel it's rite, I went ahead. Just like my ex-es, inside I knew it was wrong, I went ahead and of coz - bad bad!!

Lost in Bangkok Highway!
1. Taxi died and driver left me alone in the cab and I thought he was trying to find me another cab
2. after 10 mins, no show....I decided to run for my life
3. I took out the luggage & stood by the side of highway hoping maybe somehow an empty cab wud pass by 

4. Of coz, it's almost impossible & the chance was abit gleam so I was planning to walk to the other side of highway as it seemed there were more cab w or w/o passengers

5. Caught between running for my life or risking my life in the raging traffic
6. A car stopped and the driver asked me where I was heading
7. So I jumped into the car, and here we went......
8. Safely arrived at airport & just in time actually

Then I called my mom & told her what happened, she scolded me....hahahaa, actually the driver was a gal who is soon-to-be-a-pilot.......Now I made my very 1st thai fren on my own!!!

A deep fried birdie

Someone said today to me, I shud get settled down. I am taking too much risks in life. Well, he's kind-hearted, actually we have never even met! But he makes me laugh. Basically he's a perfect man, he has a perfect kid, a perfect wife, a perfect life (hahaha, say ha jeh)!

So I said no one wanted me. Couldnt be tamed. Well, actually how hard it is to tame a legless bird? Actually its quite easy, as he put it, just deep fry it.....LOL, funny, yeah?! Really, there's no other way. I wonder what's the analogy to deep fry a bird to correlate my life. I got no clue. I thought it's funny so I just want to say it here.

However, really, what does settling down mean to everyone? Getting married, having a mortgage for life, raising 2 kids....as I put it before, are all these really secure in such world? Are these called "settling down"? Sorry, I dont seem to see many who hv the above (except him -as he may be reading, hehe) are actually happy and glad that they have "settled down"? Sorry, I am mute, I cant name one (yes except Mr Funny)! 

I no longer can grasp the peace in settling down, as again said before, we are living a life span with few life times (means we live 60 years but it's like we are living in few lifes already, as things move so fast, info pass by us like lightspeed - compared to all the previous generations). Coz very likely, we change our way of life or way of thinking drastically every 10 years. Anyhow, I am not against people "settling down", I think it's important for a human to feel grounded, stable & at peace. I want that too. Very much. Believe me. But maybe it's not entirely the way they put it.

I am pursuing something indeed risky....guess in work or life. But then, I am also at lost if I should walk like others. It's not just simply saying "nah, it's not for me"........but I guess really somewhere somehow I always want to be revolutionary. I have this belief that the value has changed, and I am working towards the changed values, hopefully, faster than others. Whoever hits the finishing line 1st wins. I cant say I am right or wrong, I just believe following everyone wants me to be or to do IS wrong for me. At this moment, really it appears to be wrong, but but but........I am actually a patient person. I will prove everyone wrong, one day, haha, I sound crazy, aint I? Anyhow, really honestly, if I am wronged, then, so, how? 

I guess I still could write a book ie called, DONT BE LIKE ME, SHOULD ALWAYS CONFORM. hehe....sorry, I really sound grumpy lately. I am really tired, really sleepy, but I am leaving home in an hr for a shitty early flight. I think I will kill someone on the plane for sure......................ARRRGGGHHH

Thanks for listening. See U later, my frenz.

Sometimes babies are not really that cute

Sorry, I met a baby or toddler today.
Supposedly all babies are cute.
Maybe I have become more heartless.
Really, babies are not that cute.
I am always the babysitter when my frenz bring their babies along.
I luv playing with them. But today, I got no freaking mood to play with them.
I dont like active ones, esp the ones that are put at places whereby there are sharp edges & staircases.
They then make me nervous. So to avoid such feeling, the best for me is to dislike them.....

Contradictory? yes pretty much.
So now I officially dislike BABIES.

Questions

1. Are you a male?
2. Do you think you are pretty smart? Yet, you did poorly in school?
3. Did you wet your bed upto age 12?
4. Did you play with matches when you were a kid? (actually I did)
5. Are you a voyeur?
6. Are you addicted to fetishism?
7. Are you into S&M pornography?

Guess if U got more than 3 of the above YES,



U R a




SERIAIL KILLER POTENTIAL. hehe



http://www.carpenoctem.tv/killers/ch.html

Vintage Porn

I have been doing some research on my own on some porn sites from my frenz. 

Do you know that there are actually vintage porns? collage porns? celebrity porns.

Now, the porn doesnt need to be a story based ones. Internet world.

Amazing, ie all I can say.

Actually, I also get to understand why guyz like to see porns, some are quite amusing actually. hehe.

I have some regrets this morning

My motto is never to regret over things you have done.
Think of the consequences before acting upon it.

But today, I have, which is very very rare in my life. I dont say much like....yes I do have this regret that I did....etc etc. Today, I feel it.

I regret I have dogs. They are driving me crazy. I tried to clean my place, they folowed me around. I tried to vaccum, they thought I was playing with them. I was worrying about next few days issues, they jumped all over me wanting some luving from mama.

I think, I hv never said that before, maybe I am just abit melachonic today. If they die, I wouldnt hv another pets ever ever again. You know, once you have them, you target to be responsible for them for 15 years. Lottie is only 1 year old, meaning I have another 14 years. And by then, to have another active dog would be impossible. Maybe you say I could pick a quiet one........but this is my character, things are with me tend to be neurotic & crazy. I wont try to fight this kama, but enjoy it as much as I can.

That makes me understand why men dont want to have kids after certain age. Seriously, it takes stamina, energy, alot of committment & responsibility to have kids, even worse than me having 2 dogs. For women, we may not need to think too much about it, as the biology will help us decide anyways. I start to understand more now........I guess, galz, dun push your guyz to have kids. If they actually dont want, but this is the most important thing for you, find another man.......really.

Come Back to Earth

Today marks of the end of, as for many people, long CNY holidays. As for me, it marks the start of hardwork. Feb, so far, is very lazing around month. Everything is dreamy. Things went past so quickly, including the minutes, the hours & the days. I am starting to freak out.

I need to come back to earth and be a human again.

I esp slept more today as I know next 2 days, I am gonna be sleepless. Too much to catch up, too much to prepare....next whole week is all about meetings, meetings. I am concerned my brain will die of exhaustion. Coz those pple that I am gonna meet are going to non stop talking and their pace of speech is so fast that usually wud just shut me down....but I cant.

U wonder if anyone has ever died of listening too much? Hope I wont be the first one!

How to be charismatic

Well, depending what kind of friends or guyz you want to attract, I want to share with you some of my findings:

1. Dont try to be pretty or sexy - 

Many guyz luv sexy galz, but then I believe smart guyz dont look at galz who wear low cut or just less. Though, indeed LESS is MORE. But sometimes I find galz trying to radiate the aura to everyone that I AM PRETTY - good way to see it is self-confident, yet when you cant balance it, you become like - not attractive. Always Always be yourself - as this is an eternal sexiness in it.

2. Dont just talk to the guyz, always talk to the galz around U

It's a mistake of many galz. I see it DAILY. They have this cat-fight spirit in them. Honestly, I have none. I always opt to talk to the bitchy galz (who usually are the targets of cat-fights) or arrogant guyz. Somehow, they just need to wear a facemask to protect themseleves, maybe I like the challenge, once I could tap it open - they usually become my great frenz. Maybe ie why I am so adored by both guyz N galz.

3. Similar as above points - dont be DESPERATE

U know, actually people could see your desperacy, no one is a great actor anyways. For me, since I got good training in my mind & body language, also I am indeed not very desperate at all to for e.g. get married or get laid (of coz I would slip sometimes if I indeed meet some cute guyz) - I know guyz or galz tend to enjoy talking to me once I could break the ice. As I cant help it, I dont look very friendly since young, but people usually find me non-threatening. But if you are indeed desperate, try to stay abit aloof with an indifferent smile but not arrogant attitude.

4. Proactive as a communicator

Actually, a good Q will give a long-lasting good impression on someone. This sparks hours of great topics. If you are not good, train yourself. As I used to be a bad one, but since I am a very curious person about many things, I ask always many Qs. As well, dont be shy to speak up your mind, Yes indeed sometimes it backs fire by speaking own mind, but there's always way to refine a truthful comment - think alittle before you speak (I am not 100% great on this). Be willing to open your mouth & your thoughts, pple will be more willing to talk the heaven & hell with you.

My best fren Leo is super good at this.

4. Be an attentive listener

This is something 90% people are bad at. When I was in teen, my great teacher taught me to listen. So I listened.......attentively always (not as diligent now), but when you indeed listen well, you could hear the truth or lies in someone's choice of vocabulary & their hearts. And stay open, even if that person lies, dont judge them. It doesnt really matter, as we should stay as unbiased as possible.

5. Be interactive

Combined both no3 & no4. Dont just ask Q, or talk or purely listens. Always give good feedback, not the uh, yea, uh huh.....kinda feedback, but feedback with some wise comments or intelligent jokes or maybe just a truthful sympathy.

6.Dont use "should" word too much

I used to use it alot when I was in teen as I got this very black & white in my head. I luv correcting pple. But believe me, no one likes to be should-ed. I dont like it either. I think most pple know they shouldnt do certain things...anyhows.

7. Involve others

Guess it's something quite difficult for galz to do it at times. Maybe asian as well. They like their own secure cluster gang. But well, dont be, it's totally not sexy! Include others in a conversation in a graceful way - it would turn both galz & guyz on towards you!

8.Never tell others you had worse pain or situation than them

I find it's like a disease. People so want to identify with you that they would say they are worse than you. As I said in another entry, pain can never be compared. Suffering is one's own private sense, which no one can be more or can understand it fully. Hence, be nice, dont say that again!

9. Stay super open-minded

Everyone has some secrets, some darkside. I do, I hv alotta dark sides, not so much with secrets though. Embrace pple's choices or philosophy of life. But dont expect others to embrace yours. Seriously, if you get it, it means you have bigger grace & heart to accept others, then why the needs to expect others to do likewise?

10. I let you tell me some of the ways to stay charm....:)

Snap Movie

Not Snapshots, but snap movie.

After re-watching Reality Bites, I really wanted to start doing a Snap Movie about people around me. I started doing it during CNY and I realize, all I took was the funny ones. Hilariously funny ones. As the only thing I could hear was my laughters. So, I will try to learn how to cut & paste into a super hilarious movie of my Wabbit CNY.

But, still, I want to make a snap movie about something deeper. Actually, I am not sure if my frenz would be willing to do, but well, issues I want to be in it would be:

1. What is your true sexuality?
Pure straight or pure gay or you actually do have some inclination to bi?
2. The wildest things U ever done?
3. What's a smile to you?
4. You ever think of suicide? What wud be the ways to do it?
5. If you could speak to Bruce Lee, what would you want to ask him & tell him?
6. Why are you afraid of ghosts?
7. Why are you sometimes afraid of yourself?
8. If you could publish a book, what wud be the title? What are you gonna write about?
9. Give me 5 words to describe yourself and 8 sentences to describe your spouse/partner/gf/bf.
10. If you win 50Mil HKD lottery, how are you going to spend it, for real?

Others:
1. What's your philosophy?
2. What would you name your babies or your business?
3. Why are you so dull? And when are you dull?
4. Do you believe in Aliens? What do you think they look like?
5. Where do you think U came from? I meant, which part of galaxy?

extra:
1. What position do you like in bed?
2. What kind of jobs you wouldnt do in bed or with your partner?
3. What are your true fantasies?
4. If you fell for someone at Alaska, would you fly there to meet him or her for 3 nites?
5. What is your size?

Ummm....guess you could choose 5 Qs to answer.....hope U will be willing to do for me when I ask....hehe. Actually, I could very much answer most of the above Qs at any given time......hehhehehehehe