Honestly I am not bragging

But I am.
I am a genius, big time.
I thought of a product/concept/idea so I told my good taiwanese fren. He called his clients at midnight asking if my idea was good and if they would buy the products - they said CERTAINLY. So I asked him to get his clients to hire me as their creative consultant, all he said was - No, I want you to be MINE only.


HAHA....this guy, he's my great fren. We went thru thick & thin. He has already believed in me. no, He believes in my brain, ie what I appreciate so much. I am fortunate I got another dear gf in HK, who has stood by me for years............despite I hvnt shown her any glamours work, she has been silently supporting me.

I am such a blessed person, who has got non-judgemental great frenz who believe in my brain (I dont need pple to believe in me, but my brain - my brain is indeed pretty fabulous). I am typing in tears becoz indeed not coz of them, I am not sure if I could be smiling still, despite all hardships.

It's been super horrible 2 weeks w bad bad news, but I allowed myself to be upset for also 2 weeks. As I just dont get it, what more learnings I gotta understand before I could reap the harvest of patience & endurance. I strongly believe that the experiences I went thru wouldnt go in vain. People ask me to be patient, really - I wish they would go thru what I did and still believed in themselves - it's not easy man! I somehow.......come to more profound understandings of myself, my existence, my value, my purpose, my learnings.....................it's so odd, which I dont think I would want to share with anyone till....maybe 5, 10 years later......

Anyways, if you are reading, you have been worried about me. Know one thing - I am outerspacey, so I dont walk the path as norm do. Ie why I gotta go thru what I am going thru. I wont be happy go lucky as I have never been one - I run projects, worries are my motto to be good in a project. hehe

STAY CHEERIO!! :)

desperate housewives epi 7 S7

Totally talking about me
thou I am no desperate, I am no housewife

I always luv the writers of desperate housewives' plot on summarizing each epi....thou I dont particularly like the whole story in general

SIGH!!!!!

LET ME SIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK FUCK FUCK............................I seriously think death may not be a bad option. I am running out of anything to stay positive. What the heck the universe is testing me.........................

Making up your own stories....

IS not good for your psyche.

Lately, I talked to few galz. Really, I think when we hit 30's, pls grow up. No wonder HK men gave us all the funny names. After listening to the first part of this radio show, I finally was glad that someone had put it in a radio show - exactly my feeling towards my frens - making up their own stories=> act out => then "have feeling" towards their own plots (not the actual beings, but the plots).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjCscgK6M2I&feature=player_embedded

I hate the notion of being labelled as "middle woman" or "residual woman", but I should be in their category. Good that I really dont fucking care less, as I dont actually live here anyways. My psyche is always elsewhere, though sometimes I just have to be here, only. hehe, I am talking outspacey again. Nah, this is my feeling. 

Few of my frens told me stuff in confidence. I appreciate that. Yet, I guess when a woman or even a man talks in details about the situation, it's danger, becoz it means they are making their story lines, amplifying things that shouldnt have. (sorry, been there b4 but when I was b4 30. And it took me good old 10 odds years to shake it, so I know what I am talking about). I always remind them, not to remember details then get depressed over the details => like he went to toilet and he left w/o saying bye. Hey hey - give him a benefit of the doubt, couldnt the guy be abit drunk and wanna head home?!?! Dont think about it and feel sad over it. If the 2nd time, yeah, U got rite to be upset...................not everything means something, thou indeed everything means something, it depends how you intrepret it. Dont be so single focuz to a point that you start making up your own stories. The outcome, you are sad and you make haste move that usually are not the most intelligent move.

My thoughts. :)

Dreams

I actually quite enjoy few dreams I had lately, every few weeks something funny came up.

1. I am still trying to decipher my Golden Python and Huge Sea turtle meaning. I just cant shake them off.

2. Last nite, I had another funny dream. In my dream, I was hanging out with my fren, Leo. And we were abit drunk as usual. He asked me to sneak into his house N took a rest, not to let his mom knows, somehow the whole thing is like going back to high school-the alternate universe. Think about it. We both lived in Melb at around the same time, we never met. We knew each other when we came back to HK. I guess we would be alcoholic & addicts if we did meet back in Melb. hahaha, breaking all the rules, thou by what I know, he did break many rules over there. me no., I was a saint in Melb.

Then next, I went to this house, it was filled with dog-people. Yes, I saw them as people and they could talk, but they were actually dogs, canines, yes! So I felt compassion over them, so I chose three. On our way home, I was worried, as my mom didnt like dogs, cats, pets.........so I asked them if they were toilet-trained? I begged them to make sure they would pee, shit at the rite place, as if not my mom would be so pissed. (I lived alone for years, why wud I concern my mom - again it's like an alternate universe, whereby dogs=humans). Then one of them told me they gotta take this medicine, but forgot to bring. I said I would buy them. So I asked them if they were already de-sexed yet. They said no. So I asked them to use their own money to do so, as I got no money to do for them. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

Funny!! huh!!??

Out of respect to sex n the city II

Since I dl PPStream, I managed to watch some of the US TV shows that I didnt see but wanted, same as some movied. I watched 2 movies. One was Argentina's Secret of the eyes. While, out of respect, I watched Sex N The City.

Holy Crap!!! Nothing has turned my stomach as bad as this one did to me for a while. Poor Plot, Poor Faces, BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD FASHION!!! SUCK MAX. TOTAL SUCK. I used to follow the seasons diligently for 2 main reasons. One, I was looking for luvvvv too, so kinda whatever the gals went through, I could get it. Second, fashion, shoes, bags, fashions , accessories, and yes FASHION!!!!!!! 

I wanted to stop watching after 2 mins as their clothes are bad, their facial expression-----how to say, emotionless, as they all got botox up, kinifed up too. It's trully not nice seeing esp seeing Samantha trying to pick up younger guyz. I am fine with the concept of cougar, I dont even mind being one. But plzzzzz, look at her face!!!!

Then, past 2 years, I did rewatch the series twice. Coz I wanted to look at the fashions, colors, shoes, heels.....but I got so so so turned off by the stupidity of these women. COME ON, GROW UP!!!! Esp with Carrie, she's like a fucking idiotic woman with no brain. For e.g. in this movie, she met her ex Aidan. So they kissed. What the big fucking deal!!!!! She gotta go all the way getting all the galz out to TALK??? About? Should I or Should I not tell Mr Big that I kissed my ex!!??????????? sHIT, what a stupid weak dependant small brain idiotic woman!!!!!!! SHAME ON HER!!!!!

I know many women who could be reading this may throw me tomatoes. hoho....sorry, I kept this to myself for 2 years, I gotta be honest for once too. hehe

A beggar gathering the loose change

I was talking to a business partner/friend. It's just strange that I work so well with Taiwanese guyz but not HK guyz. Everytime a HK guy opens his month to discuss something with me, I just want to stuff a hammer into their mouth & then pull out their intestines.

I was telling him how (only realized today) I had been like a beggar gathering loose change from everyone. Not yet one project is making me a decent living. 

Decent living means paying rent, a pair of shoes a month, dine out 2 times a week, drinks 2 times a week, get some clothes (maybe Lane Crawford warehouse) once a month, treat my parents dinner every 2 weeks, give pocket money to my mom, pay for some extra-curriculum my sis kids would like to attend, go to movies once a month, buy bday gifts to my good frenz, travel once (I havnt done any leisure trip for more than 2 years), buy starbucks coffee once every 2 days, desex my dog, buy yummy frozen/healthy meat for my dogs, go to see doctors, get some new bedsheets from Ikea, get some white tees, buy new bras sets (which I hvnt done for more than 2 years too), get a new notebook (as I feel mine is dying soon - TOUCH WOOD).............

It's been so tough. I am so not kidding or complaining. Good things I dont remember bad things alot. Actually, I feel I hvnt got outta the pit is coz the universe is saying I DONT BURN THIS LESSON WELL ENOUGH IN MY BRAIN...................I dont remember how hard it is to go w/o money when I actually constantly having zero. I want to tell the universe & everyone - I got it, man. I got it!!!! Just take this misery away, please!!!!

From this month, I am getting loose change from people, like a beggar. People giving me very peanut fees for my service, yet I may get commission at some points if I work so hard. U know.......my brain is going to explode becoz every every fucking project involves creativity. New ideas. New concept. New New New, yet I am getting OLD OLD OLD ............but what can I do? Too bad I sell pple that I am a brainy people.....so I just gotta use my brain. Why people are so mean? So wicked? So selfish? I suppose the universe is teaching me to be mean too. I never thought I would need to be nasty pple on money, but I guess I would............in the future, when I am giving loose change to others. hahaha.....kidding, seriously I really cant be such person. I still have a vision to save the world in my own dawnish way.

Call me stubborn or self-centered. There's nothing anyone can say to me that could make me better as just face it, I am in a pile of shits. Dont ask me to compare with the poorer people, as I always compare with them. I have compassion for them. But I dont deserve to be categorized with them. I was not meant to end up like this. Can you feel the pain of agony? For what I am striving for? For my goals? For my life? For what?

I am seriously not giving up either, as there's no way I will give up now. Oddly, as always, I see whatever I have faced in my life as an experience, as an experience I could share with someone someday, to save some souls.....I am not of a great person, but I want to be a hero in my dawnish way, as always, Stupid as it sounds. haha......

AGAIN, UNiverse or GOD or GODs, pls listen I get it I get it, mean. Just let it go, dont torture me. I am not a great person, I said it. Just give me some breather to live the rest of my life. I will share my miraculous salvation, how I was a beggar, not saved! THANKS!!!!!

Running Out

I have been presented with much opportunities lately. Yet, everything is all about wait wait wait..........I am getting really zero patience on the waiting. Esp, I am getting peanuts from certain projects but then I have to wait wait wait.......................I am so tired of just wait wait wait.

Then, I get pissed by stupid people even so much more easily lately. I just want to scream at them. Ask them , seriously, fucking go to hell. You dont belong to this human race.

Then, to my clarity of mind or realization, I got a terrible biz partner to begin with. I am just so anxious to get out of it, yet I need to wait wait wait for another 3 months.

Then, I am meeting one of the fucking europeans in few hours. I just have to smile, act smart. Shit.....................

I hate the whole thing. I want to kill myself again, This time, I dont want to jump but just hang myself. The bottled-up anger & frustration are just unbelievable...........I seriously also want to find someone to stab & just kill someone out of the anger sake. Maybe I should learn like what Dexter does, kill the bad guyz & chop them up real nice..........................

Arrrgggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

What would you do....

When you dad may threaten to hurt your mom or your family.....becoz of.....no reasons? Just he created stories in his head that made him mad. Tell me, what would you do?

My utmost concern would be my sis kids, as my mom takes care of them. Seriously, if I would be their parents, I would move the house as far from this family as possible. How could your dad threaten to hurt his family without any solid reasons.....??? Just coz he's not pleased with his life?!?!?!

My sis suggested we should report to police. But for me, I guess most of the time he just talked. So I advised my mom not to see him for coming days without our presence. And I will have dinner with him on Tue, not that I try to talk some sense into him. When someone creates a reality in his mind, no one can correct that imagination. I guess I would want to see abit from his expression, his conversation - the words he chooses to express himself, his way looking at my mom & my sis kids.......then will decide what's our potential next move!!!

I dont get it, when all of us are trying to get everyone living slightly better, and when we are all more united as a family, more laughters with each other, why would he try to sabotage that!? Yet in our mind (esp my sis n me), we couldnt comprehend a person we have known for over 30 odd years would become someone we so.....feel alienated. What so huge  to make you verbally inform your kid that, wait for something big to happen!!!???? While, already inform you that he killed mom in his dreams. What's the big deal? What happened??? We scratched our heads till no hair, we still couldnt think of a single or remotely collective issues why........we are deserved to be threatened like that!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe it's indeed just the smiple saying......money is evil?! I dont know......this is not how my dad used to raise me.

Lottie M

Sigh, my small dog "Chi-mama" Lottie (not chihuahua as she's too big to be called that) has PERIOD. YES M, MENSTRUAL, PERIOD!!!!!!!!!! The funny thing was that I was so worried about her being raped during 2 week ago dog party but I was told unless she started to have M then she wudnt get defiled. The next day, she had M....shit, she's such a ham sup dog. She so wants to get laid. I gotta desex her once her M is done, which is ONE WHOLE MONTH!!!!!!!!!!! Two more weeks to go......SIGH!!!! BIG BIG SIGH!!!!

My lovely baby needs to be 100% pure, virgin for the rest of her life......kekeke

last week

Last week went by so quickly that I didnt know I just had 2 posts only. I thought I did a few. 

It's been quite busy few weeks, busy & anxious. I passed up my 1st business proposal - a complete one from market scan to SWOT to sales forecast.......I did partial of each session at various time, before but rarely did a whole thing all at once. I still got a PNL to deal with tonite.

I somehow think I was born to venture adventures, challenges. It's stressful when I was presented with limited info, yet was expected to produce. I somehow dont feel torn or stressed, but feel so excited to learn so many new things through my research. Guess, it's so true, it's never too old to learn. I dont feel old....still. Except few pics......

And through these 2 wk busyness, I even know much better about my changes. I have become more money-minded, more frank, more individualistic, less nice, less patient. Actually, to me, all are good traits. haha. I couldnt afford to be nice to everyone anymore. I am still learning how to say No, and how to "fuck  or "diu" someone nicely with a smile tactic"......................I still have long way to learn.

One thing, maybe horror to most, is that - I dont want to have fun. Like, I am not really enjoying going out, meeting new people, if there's not a purpose behind. I dont really need to go out to relax, I feel pretty relaxed and destressed by my dogs' company. First time in my life I dont see that as a problem. I even think of not drinking.....which I dont particularly enjoy anyways, thou I can drink few glasses fine. I learnt it for social reasons, not that I like the taste of it.

And good thing is that I did manage to catch up with few frenz. It was nice. Knowing everyone is intact, happy. I am happy. Really. Seeing my frenz smile is priceless.

Luv U all for reading. I know some of you may want to comment some of my posts, all you need to do is to click the comment - you can write whatever you like. All welcome. 

The single

I met few people today during a social discussion group.We touched on various topics from biz to romance.

And U know.....people who keep whinning about them going without a bf or husband or gf or wife....they usually have an issue. One is what I heard today - and got electric shocked from it. Both of the woman & the guy said - I want to meet single & emotionally available people - 1ST SHOCK. They commented not knowing where to find, so we were syaing.....just go out and hang out with different people. There came the 2nd Shock - "well, it's a waste of time if you realized that the guy was married or got issues, so I just want single emotionally available people!!!!!!" Seriously, which opp sex would want to go out with you, when you are just a freak!!!!!!

My honest answer to them, good luck finding one. Coz U will never find one.

I would faint if

I got caught at below scenario.......dont they have a dresser guy to help them fix their pbs??

Nipple - flowery Pattern

I may need 2 phones

Does it mean I should get iphone 4?? haha.....

Suddenly, everything is on the plate. Just in Sept, I got various projects. I need to write 2 proposals, which to be honest I have never actually done those business before. People just want me to do it.

And then I just got a call a sec ago, I may need to leave HK. I am thinking about it. I think I will do, esp they let me have a week holiday each month to come back to HK to solve my issues. But my main concern is my dogs now...........I would die if I couldnt be with them, honestly.

Anyways......will update the progress soon.

Elderly II

OK, I am so agnoized by those middle-aged men or women who DONT HECKINGLY use EMAIL!!!!!! But want to discuss business with me. Shit, I dont think I want to handle any business with someone who dont use emails at all. 

I got a call from this middle aged man. He freaking called me at 8:48, left a message, then called me again at 9:ish. Hey, I wasnt awake, as I dun work HK time at all. So, reluctantly, I called back. He "inched" me by saying - he carried the stuff of info in his back this morning in KOWLOON side and wanted to see if I could go & get the info, and had a chat rgd the business. And further he said I made TWO calls and now "I AM LUCKY TO GET A CALL BACK FROM YOU" I said I no living in KLN. And mind you, I sent my freaking queries (the info in his bag) 3 weeks ago and he didnt reply me once since. So, I said, I got many things to do during the day. I totally hate those who want to make appointment without informing via email or msg beforehand.

I did inch him back. Next time, email me first. hahahahaha

Good thing is I know the doctor I so want to work with, thou the dr assign this middle-aged man's boss to handle this region. I still have good vibe with the australian doctor, and I believe he wants to work with me too.

U know......I think these guyz, they once could very well be a GM or something, but now they got nothing as very likely they are not that update & smart enough. But thanks to these guyz too, I keep reminding myself to keep up to beat with the young gen, so I wouldnt be thrown into a rubbish bin (lucky if it's recycle bin)!

My bowl of rice

Do you get jealous of those ladies...hem hem....who manage to go to eat HiTea, or Fine-Dining or exquisite beef or weird fish everyday? Indeed, I got one from FB - either she's showing pics of Hitea or her crystal nails. Some of my frens already deleted her. But I havent. As I am very amazed at how she uses her husband's or maybe parents' money......I really want to follow up on this aspect. As I couldnt get it. To me, it's very boring to keep eating "fine food". I like to eat fishballs sometimes. Or Tofu Fa. ummm, or just a can of coke zero may make me quite fulfilled. I did have a period I didnt need to work - but I never went around eating. Another amazing thing is, from the picture, she isnt fat at all. I guess when she isnt posting pictures, she must be doing some lymphatic massage or pilates.

If I say I am NOT jealous after above blablablah, you may say I am pretentious or condescending But, oddly, I am not, seriously. I wish I could actually. I am just amazed really at how as the chinese saying - "one type of rice breed all kinds of people", as her type is surely not from my bowl of rice.

99

After deleting I thought 99 requests from FB, to my horror, I still find I have another 99 requests. It's not going to end, isnt it?! I give up. Out of the presumably 99 requests, I got 90% of which are - HOTEL CITY, RESTAURANT CITY ------ OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think either my frens luv me so much or they think I am very generous not minding them bombing my "request" box, they keep sending me stuff. I stopped playing after 3 mins with those cities & cafes. Id rather watch - REWATCH friends 1-10 seasons over & over & over 99 times for 99x100000 laughs. I really cant sit in front of the computer playing such slow motion city games. 

I did interview my sis why she played so tirelessly. I dont think she gave me a convincing answer as I really couldnt remember her answer. Thou I did try to manage those cities for 3 mins, as I wanted to help maybe my neighbour ie my frenz, yet really.......I really couldnt continue. Also, it seems they could never end building the hotel, I suppose, if not they wouldnt keep sending me stuff........I want something that has an end. It's more soothing to know it has an ending.

I luv U still if U keep playing the cities, or cafes. I just adore your perseverance. I seriously dont have. Or maybe I just dont have that childlike side at all. :)

WHY FB so NON-democratic!!??

I saw this on some post :

遇上一個人，只需一分鐘；喜歡一個人，只需一刻鐘；愛上一個人，只需一小時；但要忘了一個人，卻要一生。

(English: one min to meet someone, 15 mins to like someone, one hour to love someone, but A LIFE TO FORGET SOMEONE)

HOLY CRAP!!!
I so want to "dislike" the post, but there's no click click for that. They only have "comment, share & like". Isnt FB abit communistic? Well, who dares (I dont dare lor) to comment my frenz who like this page?! I dont lor. But I want to dislike it secretly.....no dislike icon wor. DING!

There's always right & wrong or grey answer in this world. Why cant they just allow yes, no, and what else? Also it's a disease believing such quote. A life to forget someone?!?! Id rather die now if I couldnt forget someone I want to forget. 

I am going to delete myself from FB if people keep liking such nonsense!!!

FUCKING idiotic S-Company

EVERY FUCKING TIME!!! JUST EVERY FUCKING TIME!!!!!! 

EVERY FUCKING SHIPPMENT, ALWAYS HAVE EVERY FUCKING DETAILS MISSED, or LOST, or DELAYED - ALWAYS BLAMED BLAMED BLAMED.

ALWAYS MONEY MONEY MONEY. CAN YOU PLS BE LESS MAH LUN FENG, then U R OK LOR!!!!! DIU!!!! YOU SO MAH LENG FENG making ME ALWAYS FUCKING MA Q HEADACHE!!! DIU!!!! ALOTTA MONEY FOR ME MER!!?? JUST NOT ONCE, NEVER ONCE, YOU CAN MAKE ONE FUCKING ORDER GO SMOOTHLY. FUCKING U BUNCH OF ASSHOLES GO TO HELL LA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pewh, thanks guyz.

Sigh, breakup......

I tried to call, sms, email to a friend for past month but she never called back, which is unlike her as she's a pretty tough & responsible lady. Then, finally I managed to get her respond on msn - sighhhhhh...........she's talking about separation with her husband. I am not sure about the real reason, but seems that she doesnt want to have a child, but her husband insists.

It's saddening, rite? I guess they do luv each other, but due to personal preference, in this modern world, you cant stick together, as divorce is too easy! Sometimes, I think divorce is fine if you can no longer luv that person, but outta preferences, I think it's most saddening kind. I wonder being alpha male or female.....can you indeed make one relationship stick?! I doubt. I have no faith in it. Ie why......my frens said, "soften up, lady!", or "grow your hair long", or " lower your standard".................is it really that simple?

My parents. They are indeed separating after fucking decades together. Honestly, I wish they separated before I was born. (Oh if auntie Y you are reading it, pls keep it secret. I will explain in details next time I see you). Is the modern soceity making pple not stick or people become too modern to stick? Aiya, I dunno, which is not my concern nowadays......

Is it really that important (to me) to have a lifelong companion? Can I just have thousand of god-kids? So I wont be bored when I am old, since I believe they would luv me dearly even I become a grannie. hehe.

Sigh, just want to say......I feel sad & worried for my friend.