it has been a stressful week

when I am lying in my bed, my dog is sitting in a position kinda like sleeping, checking out what I am doing. Such times like this, I feel in awe, as how could I establish such an intimate relationship with an animal, yet....maybe I cudnt hv such long lasting rp?? Such serene rp with another human. It's an interesting thought.....

Yes, a stressful week it has been. Some nites, worked till MN, just went to work on a Sunday......lack of sleep and cud only rely on massage to relieve muscle pain.....But I am still investing too much time watching movies, yes I would rather sleep less but keep watching movies. One of the movies I did - The Way. I mean seriously it's a boring movie, about the St James Way, that I did talk about some time ago. And this Camino path has been written about by Paulo Coelho, and another actress whose name kinda slipped my mind, maybe SHirley Mcclaine or sthg....cudnt recall.

I remember, during mid last year, when my suicidal tendency was at another peak, I did try to drive myself to set up a 2 year goal...which wud be, I wud go there. I reckoned....I didnt really want to die but then at that moment, all was pressing until I heard voices in my head. And then of coz, according to medium (a fren's mom in law is one, who did me a favor to read me from afar).......I got 3 spirits attached to me. Anyways....another story........but in order to survive, I made myself to read, to distract myself....and then I made this goal to walk 1 month journey. Until now, I havnt given this thought.....and I am hopeing, my strategy, my plan, my working hard on many things is somehow paying me off by sending me there....or somehow, a spiritual guide wud force me.

Ultimately, I think I want to choose to walk there coz I want to experience true spirituality....or maybe....some form of exertion to my being wud push me to another level. I went through a stage....and I want to go to another stage. Suffering, challenges, success, learnings....are my addiction! I need to constantly have some form of understanding of something.....I guess if I dont have this euphoric feeling of an experience or something, I wudnt be able to keep writing.....now, its hitting 600 entries soon, and lets not forget I have another blog, a personal one that is ard 500 entries, all done within 1.5 to 2 yrs time. The 500 pcs were written within 6 mths......hehe, I am crazy, and I wont deny it. I am obssessive but mostly abouyt myself only. I am not very obsessed with other people.....so maybe some pple feel I am cold and distant....

anyways.................

I am not complaining of stressing out at work, I am actually grateful. I am grateful.......I can now buy coffee anytime I want or choose, I am grateful I have dogs, I have people who would read me here even I may not know who you are, and then I have good frenz, sis and mom who luv gossip with me, and then I do have someone who luv me but we kinda cant be together, then....I have my fingers to type, my brain cells are still pretty active in synapsing.........

Then, as I look ard pple, I dont understand we are always so childish, complaining about everything, about life, about this n that........i am working hard to obtain another spirit, another sentiment that is higher than the famous ah Q in chinese literature......frankly, I hv been living like ah Q 80% of my time.....so I am exploring how I cud be at another level higher than ah Q

anyways.........................................how's everyone?? I hope at times U feel I pollute ur brains with my words in funny ways, or at times U just feel encouraged and inspired all kinda bullshits I have been saying.

Have a great week, and I hope.....i can write soon .

I am a woman

but working for a woman is really something else.

I am a woman, I always have nothing good to say about us. 

We are jeakous, envious all the time

And we are emotional, confusing with our words and minds

I am indeed confused as I am not used to mixed messages

but when men say they are confused by me, I am confused, and I always thought I was pretty honest and straightforward

but being honest....of coz dont mean not confusing

So as a whole, I am very confused by men and women now.

Men are usually confused by themselves.

Women tend to confuse people in order to show they are clear minded

So I feel very confused by the self confusion and outside confusion. I think I was hidden from the world for years, now....it takes more breath to breathe the filthy air, it takes more concentration to decipher the stupid topics pple discuss, And I have to say.....pple hvnt changed abit, and on the contrary.....everyone seems stupider to me, making me harder to understand them. ahahahah....and of coz, in turn they may think I am stupid too. I guess.

But as I watched this movie, about the russian astraunat how he spent weeks of a particular noise in space ( I cudnt recall its from the moon or the engine) - but it surely wud kill him with that noise (that noise but nothing else). So he thought to himself, the only way he cud survive without bombing himself up with the spacecraft, he gotta "fall in love" with that noise.......goodness.....

What a spirit beyond the famous chinese ah Q spirit!? I want to learn it, not coz I want to be a ninja......but I want to be beyond ninja one day. I achieved Ah Q spirit, now I am trying to achieve the beyond.....

Just side note....at times pple ask me what kind of person I am? I wud say, I have superhero spirit. hehe...as I want to save the world and indeed that's just one of my life goals.

Checking statistics

I am freaking sleepy as I literally didnt sleep as I thought there would be an early concall....I always refrain from sleeping, being afraid that....I just cudnt get up, and I gurantee u, U will NOT be able to get up!!!!!

And damnnnnnnn....................all concall and most important meeting cancelled....ARGHHHH!!!!!!!! And now my head is left with sleepiness and more boredom....shits.

So one of my nowadays entertainment is to check the stats of my blog. What I luv to know is what countries have been reading me, and which blog entries have been read.......and as of today, I find the Naomi Watts with the nipple stickers on pic was most clicked, and...some others r ...I think the rainbow thing and the cantonese shits, swearing thing. Then these 2 days I find someones read my Drag Queen and the big whale catcher pieces....hehe, I hope pple read the more close to my heart pieces as they are more me.....

Then I think of another more blog, which I talked abt since last year....I want to be more naked. Yet, then I think I am actually very naked here.....then I thought, maybe I cud talk more erotica, but yet......nowadays my eros is with one person solely, hence, not sure what kind of eros I could indulge in.....

So I drop this idea, though I am stilk hving another idea....maybe write a book, using blog format. Frankly....I tried to pen down many times, but when my mindframe thinks I am writing a book, my chains of thoughts just automatically switched off. I dunno why....but it is very much I believe...when I write blogs, I feel I am talking to someone...then U wud say, writing a book thibking U r talking to someone....but the pb is..I tried few times and it just doesnt work....

Maybe....just maybe....according to my character....I need alotta freedom....blog has certain boundaries, but I am not really bound.....I can open any pages anytime I want when I want to write, and then......I am not require to write a chapter each time....yes I remember I hate comprehension at school...hate it horribly.....and yes, I also dont freaking care much if my vocab is rite or my grammer is accurate....

anyways, no matter how at times I think outside the box, I am still living in this earth, I at times do allow myself to be trapped in a box.......:D

Updates about the bird...

As usual....my mind is flying all over. I am not sure if I mentioned before....one day during shower, I felt I was walking away from my goals, then I asked myself if I ever got any goalz. Guess I talked about yearly goal concept sucked in previous entry. And frankly - I got no yearly goal, as time flies too fast, I hvnt got the breath to review last yr, how could I fix some goalz!?!?!?! 

Anyways, my mind lately is all about work, all about how to beautify myself. I hvnt got the finance or mood to make myself look better, and now....I need. And hence I must go jogging & swimming so I could fit into my outfits again. My outfits of 10 yrs back, which r still so chic....and I feel amazed at my style....how cud I back then understand fashion!? When I could tell u......20-30 yrs ago, I sucked big time in fashion!!! Guess I am just way too intuitive....and I am never afraid to look stupid....

That comes to make me think....why pple cant be successful?! coz we r always so afraid to fail!?!?! Which great minds hvnt failed in their lifetime...!?!?! As a matter of facts, I think they r totally losers in order to be great one day...

U know what I mean!? Yet, some pple keep using the excuse to fail, to lose...coz they give up on themselves....I highly regard the word "experience", yet......experience isnt the core of things, understanding life /yourself is the experience of the journey. People who do hv great minds sometimes rely on experience.....its not right, to me!!! For me, I could say....from this experience I learn this n that....I give thanks to the torture or bliss, but do I need to go through that again!? Not neccessary.....I want new experiences, and also I learn the lessons and I have expanded n jumped to another level.

That always makes me think of enzyme......the chart whereby from one level jumping to another requiring enzymes....I always see myself jumping from one to another, how high, how far....at times depends on the will power and the catalysts.

:D

Love & Mission to evolutionary psychology

On Sunday, I met up with my life-path "theorist" or should I say fortune teller.....I prefer not to use the latter, as he's not really that! More, if you believe in matrix of energy of the past and future, then, he's just receiving some signal from the clouds of info....hehe, I make it sound more voodoo....but he's based on I Ching to make some calculation.

We met roughly once a year, and if I encounter difficult Qs, I would call him to make some calculation for me. I wont say it's accurate or not.....but through calculation, I gotta say, he taps into my brain more than anyone. In a word, I wud say - based on calculation, he understands my brain and my character way better than others, yet.....he couldnt predict or experience my behaviour. 

Also, everytime, we wud talk abt spiritual stuff........from brainwave, to ESP to this time evolutionary psychology (EP). Could I say it's spiritual stuff? not really as they are all a form of science, depending where U r looking at. So this time, we touched on the subject of love......and frankly, he has shaken my head a little. I always look at human nature, infidelity.....from caveman's perspectives.....and this time he exbounce more using EP. At first, he kept using caveman scenario........then next is about socrates, plato....or even SunZi, then back to one's mission with the one's companion....to family to lovers to...the BIG question, what is Love??

At first glance, I thought he kept encouraging me to write a book. haha.....but after one nite of hving my subconscious brain-chatting, somewhat......I am getting a glimpse what he was trying to say or what his soul was saying to me. Well, very hard to describe....maybe U can date me to talk about it, haha.....nah...well, in conclusion what he was saying.....love is hormone and I need a war buddy.

So, ok.....I am fine-tuning......actually, he kinda encourages me to develop a philosophy...of something....dawnism? 

I like it, when someone makes me think outside of my brain wave.......making me learn something different, new term, new theory....etc.....

Gotta go bk to work. Have a fabulous Monday......!!

Skill Sets of Big firm

I did once wanted to join FMCG companies, as .... hehe....I could dress like an executive, in cute glossy glam outfits, but after last 3 yrs of experience, I have dropped this idea. I think pple who would in such firms.....they just like to blah....so from 1 million blahs then cascade down to smaller blahs......in btw, there are many do's but just many blahs......

I am glad.....I can plan and act at the same time, in a small co. Even I have to do the most tedious thing......but I believe one thing, if I even know those little things, I will bypass many in very short time. (though I just gotta work w those big firm pple....super annoying)

I am keeping my ah Q mode!

Yearly goal is useless

I never liked to set goals, but in 2009-2010, I did....I was diligent in drafting my goals...And I actually did manage to fulfill them. It was quite a legendary goal, which....actually my gay fren reminded me I achieved it!! haha....it was abstainance from sex and date during that period. Then some frenz came to me and said.....well, I did that too. No....I corrected them, for me, it was a choice to search my soul - for u, U just didnt get laid. So it's different!! hehe

But apart from this (well, I did reject quite a few offer, so....I did resist temptation), I didnt really fulfill one thing from the list. Last year.....I didnt set. This year, I wanted to set but now.....I realize, another 10 months would be year-end, I feel times flies me by so fast. I really dont hv time to catch my breath, let alone setting "goals". Maybe it's wrong mindset to inspirational speaker.....this year, I want to go with the flow as I always have, but at the same time setting goals to achieve in 2 yrs time, 3 yr, 5 yrs. E.g. I was showering last nite and yes was abit moody.....but then I energized myself thinkng - didnt I promise myself to go to St James Way from France to Spain!? So, I am going to do this in 2 yrs, meaning I need to make money these 2 yrs if I indeed want to walk this spiritual way........while, this morning was talking to a french fren who is planning to go via Trans-siberian from Beijing to Moscow this year. I think....wow....I always wonder if anyone wud ever want to stay in train 1 whole week with me....and yup....I am thinking about it, hope I have enough money by then!

So, my conclusion is yearly goal setting sucks, as somewhat it has no meaning in it....coz 12 months, 365.25 days, 8766 hrs, 525,960 mins with 31557600 seconds - they just go by ur fingers without politely saying a hi or bye. And....so I extend my yearly lifespan to a 2-year calculation instead. hehe.....and within the year, I wud just go with the flow......

Now I feel good, as I defile time....:P

Prentension

In the midst of tediousness......I have learnt to act stupid. :D

Yes, tedious is for stupid people, not for me........so I show to the stupid people, I am stupider, but I am making more money than them and I am in a better position than them and I am going to be able to go up and will never lose my jobs ...but they will........

OK, why wud I do that!? Coz.....I want absolute accuracy and for me to do tedious, it's impossible to attain to that, except I am the last. However, the situation is, I have to be the alpha & Omega, so I just need to have short cut, acting stupid is one way........not sure if U get what I mean! One flaw of people is.......they always want to act smart. It's wrong. Act stupid but be smart......

I always believe.......this world is changing so fast, in order to survive - U need different strategy. I allow pple acting like old ways....I wish they all act like old ways, so I will run 10000000 times faster than them in just one day, despite, yes....they r snail-ly 2 steps faster than me.

Maybe u who hv followed my blog or hv talked w me personally via emails or face to face....U get whatI mean....I hope U do, as......humans r just getting so complacent!!

False Advistisment

Men, if you want to re-do your ex, dont tell her or cheat her by saying "I am a changed man"!!! :)

I was watching Drop Dead Diva....I am not sure in US whether you could indeed con ur ways thru laws, fines and jails...like magic, but even U hv 24 Billy inside of U, U cud get away from murders......then I assume, as long as I say I am nuts. I cud do anything. But yes....this guy of coz gets charged, under the infringement of "false advertisement"!! Coz he falsely advertised himself to be a changed man, in order to....yes shag up the ex.

And....above was just funny, but the main quote I luv was "more things change, more things stay the same". HUH!? Kinda ironical, but.............actually this quote stirs my heart a lil. It sounds so zen, but it vibes with strong force of non-zen. To a pt that it agitates me......it seems it doesnt make sense, but it makes whole world of sense....yet, U so want it untrue....yet, its true....ARGH....yup, my agony. I feel agonigenised by this.....hehe

I have one belief - u dont acquire serenity via quietness. Onlt via chaos, you could attain or learn true peacefulness......hehe, non-zen  zenify you...:D

Valentine's

it's been years I am alone during such a romantic-supposedly time & date, seeing bouquets of flowers passing me by in mtr, on streets, that reminds me of....oh today is 14Feb. I wonder, how many bouquets really picked carefully by the guy, and also at the same time how many bunch he picks for how many different galz, and vice versa - how many bouquets r at the gal's desk. Anyways, such day is worse to get flowers, expensive and un-pretty......

I get frustrated and totally blinded with anger when someone says I complain about life alot. Do I? Have I? if U read here or better still if U hv my FB. This is my world, I speak my mind.....I frankly dont think I complaint alot, but yes I do complain, however, I always want to let the world or pple know that there's a way out, no matter how suicidal I am always.....

Whatever shits I am going thru, I always thank for the experience.....met bad pple, I thanked god for smartening up me......got bad result, I thanked for not giving me just pure luck so I gotta learn hard way.....i dont complain abt life becoz I luv complicated life, complicated beings, without such, life is boring. Stable life isnt for me......

Yah...sollie, just want to complain, hahahahahah

Gratitude

I am totally not a morning person, basically I should live like a vampire, ie why I am obsessed witg vampire stories since very very young, when vampires could turn into bats. Now, of coz everything has sexualized it, u only get to see pale, beautiful eyes, wavey hair vampires galz N boys, running ard, sucking the victim's blood in seducing way. OK....not meant to talk abt vampire....but well, Breaking Dawn Part I sucks big time, dont watch!!!!

Well, I cant focuz on work before 11....or even 12....my eyes r still sleeping, so browsing or writing blogs to me wud be best since I dont need to use my brain (as mentioned, I type wo thinking , my fingers govern my brain matters)

Gratitude...what abt that?! I saw today on FB, my ex colleague posted my ex boss pic. I miss him.....he's the nicest guy on earth, but also he's most cowardie.....in somewhat....never want to make decision, I remember,,,few times I said to him, OK boss, if U r afraid of the other boss, let me confront him, I will fight and argue with him, hahahahaha. I was too childish, of coz, but I was indeed adorable. Then, he wud say to me....Dawn, U r exceptional personality, U will be something someday. And U dont like like others horizontally but laterally.....heheheheheh...thank u, sir. And interestingly, he said in order for me to spark creativity, I shud go check out sthg unusual, e.g. if I do skincare, I shud go to diamond show or catwalk shows. Anyways

I feel indebted to such kind soul. I am blessed with few such mentors in life. one was hi school teacher, another one wud be him. They saw me from a different spotlight......they look at the intricate steps I take, rather than the rough stride like everybody else. I am like them too, but such kindness or intelligence at times-----if we dont know how to use or channel it, it wud be wasted. And most pple dont know how, coz....frankly it just sounds stupid. Coz, it's intangible....non-quantifiable...so people dont take note but I take note.....:D

I hope one day I can find a way to quantify it for this stupid world. :)

when do bad things

dont do it bad
but do it right....I LIKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

be the good bad....hahahahaha

how shameful when u r bad in bad. :D

my real 2012

My real 2012 starts in Feb.....Jan was abit of lost and loss. I feel I have regained my consciousness now...in feb....i even had dreams about my jobs, to me it's good sign, means i am thinking. I want to do good, becoz this job is so flexible and I dont need to socialize w company.,...:P very entrepreneurial styple of working....all I need is to get things done w limited budgets u hv. I need to rewatch Donald Trump's apprentice, I find the earliest ones inspire me alot to think laterally........

:D so I am happy, I feel delighted......

OK, that linkedin dude buzzed me again....didnt i already say I wudnt meet him?? why men r like this? U ignore them, they wud say - "so baby, plz tell me, do u want me to forget you?!" kakaaka....I said, yes, pls forget me. crazy people...........................!!!!!!!!!

More Shows

OK, before I focuz back on my work, I would like to update what shows I am watching, as it's the new season....Apart from previously mentioned misfits (which already finished), Homeland (waiting for new season), Bones....I am currently catching up on:

1. Alcatraz (maybe wrong spelling) - the new show by the fat dude in Lost. It's kinda like 4400 , pple start showing up, though upto the 4th epi, I feel they may have a story. For 4400, it's pretty straightforward, different person exhibit "heroes" type of power and just one epi after another the same. This one....despite, it's abt criminal, committing crimes again, but why the heck they are showing up one by one, did they come back together or arrive at different timeframes!? More Qs non=answered, ie how a show cud go on. I am glad it didnt end with a bang everytime.....I think it's not needed right now. And I could see this is the trend of shows, if with high calibre of backdrop people.......so, if into suspense, or crime, or 4400 kinda shows, recommended!!!!

2. Person of interest - by Lost Ben, hence must watch. Esp with all kinda cadgets and blasts and fighting....smooth sailing fighting, ok!!?? Watch la....haha

3. Fringe - as mentioned many times, I hated 1st 2 seasons, as I just dont dig the gal...sorry, I luv Scully, so she's too far from sy-fy show. But with the introduction of more alternate universe, I started to dig the show....:D hehe....yup, I am a believer of alternate universe, and I believe another me is living a similar yet very alternate life.

Then, gossip gals, vamp diaries, desp housewives, ncis, criminal minds, supernatural....just a routine to "must-watch" for me...........

I am actually waiting for Alpha to be back. myabe couple of more months. Yes, I watched Sherlock....the 1st epi was fabulous but not the other 2 sadly.

Movies I am planning to download and watch - anonymous, a dangerous mind

hvnt watched skin I live in yet, despite its dl already, coz I dont feel like reading subtitle lately

What shows, movies hv U been watching & waiting upon? Share some!? :D

Have a good start today!

I am a lucky gal.....

In times of despair and desperation, somehow, the hand of da god/s or da universe will show some mercy on wrecked souls. I have been blessed with such, though my requirement is little.....say for e.g.

The CNY week was supposed to be one of my highlights of 2012, yet, on the Sat itself I got news that took me down to the pits. Oh well, really......right at that moment, I recieved one of the longest emails (maybe...coz was reading from iphone, it looks too long, way too long.....hahahaha) in my life. Which, by the way, usually I wrote long emails, letters, not the other way round, rarely the recipients. This person surely beats me, coz he luvs to write too. And anyways, reading his email, inside it's all sharing of his views after reading my blogs and some updates of his life - it warmed my soul in great deal. As......maybe....somehow, god hasnt forgotten me, or frenz hvnt forgotten me. I got a reminder, despite he's pretty unaware of how precise the timing was......i got "revived" literally.

So someone remembers, I did say at that sad moment "I am so lucky".

Turn Back the Clock

Someone also says, I mean basically everyone always says - I wish I could.....I wish I could be rich....I wish...blah......Then, I remember someone asked me before, if I could start all over again, would I do something different!? Well. My answer is always NO. I would do everything exactly the same, except, I wish I would have the slight little more wisdom I have now to fine-tune the events. Why do we want to live differently from the past!? Also, only left or right, east/west/north/south ..... we walk one path, then turn to another direction....it's eternal fact unless we become still and dead!

I was thinking this morning, if god wud give me last year back, what would I do? Wud I do something differently? Wud I choose to not to fall in love with the wrong men!? yes 2 in total. Crazy....I never even indeed fell once, within 12 mths I fell twice.The last one was even stomach twisting.....anyways.....it doesnt matter the events or people. The fact is I did have that!

So, my answer is - I wud do all over again. I always believe my path is like this. I will keep making mistakes until I perfect myself in that area - as my motto is life is all about experience anyhow. I believe.....by having such torture or smitten feeling.....ultimately I wud find the perfect one. I am fairy tale gal as I always say - torture, sadness, crazy dont stop me from dreaming. Actually - all these failures or unreal romance - make me believe even more in fairy tales. Is it my psychological problem? hehe, nope I dont think so.......it just speaks how tough and pure my another side of my heart is. Even Moon has 2 sides, we all cud see the front facing us, just like all men who cud only feel the heart facing them. but if he's not the right one, he cant tap into the other side......and so far, I hvnt shown the other side fully to one person yet, maybe except here partially. :))

A Stuck Mind

After 3 years of working alone at home without talking to anyone, I am now rejoining the workforce! But......I am still talking to myself!!!!! I have to think through all strategies, activities, details to training...BY MYSELF. Now, my mind is stuck and I am fucking bored..............I like what I am doing but without connecting w anyone without brainstorming - my mind is basically stagnant.

I need panadol.

I did a little evaluation today

Many men said I was too serious.....yet, in the very beginning, they liked my nonsense mind, filled w crazy ideas thoughts, intense conversation.......also my adorable demeanour. Yet, after a while, people would put what you think is merit and repackage to sound as if it's  something bad. I often wonder, am I that serious? Am I that intense? Maybe, but I dont see anything wrong in that! The funny thing is.....I am a legless bird, I always look for ground, frankly - I am always dead serious about it. Then, I think many r attracted by my thoughts, deep Inquisition about life, humans.....but always in such, you flip the coin - really depends which side U think is better.

I think it's time....to know maybe this person doesnt indeed embrace you as much as u think they do. Or maybe we dont love or adore each other as much to a point that we can accept each inadequacy anymore. one thing led to another. It's saddening to know, it takes long time to break a seed open, u water it, and wish it would grow.....then, u realize U were dreaming it was growing and actually it actually didnt even sprout. Maybe it's how it is......

Then,next, I am fortunate enough to be a modern woman, a woman living in this free city whereby I am not bound by any traditional rules. I could date anyone I want, I could work any job I want, I could make any frenz I want, I could shag anyone I want or I could breakup/divorce anyone I want. No one would officially lawfully have the rights to stone me!

So my conclusion is....I am crazily serious and seriously crazy! U can love me or U can hate me, and it doesnt make much difference to me when I die. If things r not meant to be, it will go into the river of forgetfulness, gradually things will fade away, memories will be diluted; then other things will be renewed and reborn through this river. Strangely, from same river.....ie river of life or cycle of sucks?! :)

Anyhow, I am not depressed....not moody....not even melancholic. I think I am just realizing something and I am not going to fight against it anymore.

I feel....

Supposedly, things should be better this year.....but soaking in such mood, waiting, expecting mode......make me realize I let almost 1st month drain me by. Some things r really a waste of time..........I need to re-strategize about my life. Reshuffle.....my heart.....which shud be given more. Women r at times really fucking idiots, I am defintely the most idiotic idiot. Grrrr...........

thanks! :)

Cold.....

Well, considering places with temperature lower than zero, HK's cold is nothing but still to us now...it's cold. And actually, it's always what we want during CNY - wearing layers of new clothes from most intimates to most external - we want new. I think we shouldnt whine about that, as it's very much climate offsetting when during Xmas, CNY, we could go out in shorts.....

About cold, I thought of love. Usually during winter, I drink alotta hot teas, hot ribena. hot mint tea, etc.....last nite, under freezing nite, I made myself some hot tea, I put it there for just a lil while and of coz the physics won....it turned cold really fast. That, I want to associate with love. Love should be something hot, = passion......when 2 is in love, the heat generated from sex or just kiss or just the butterfly feeling is intense. Everything could be warm up, even an argument or after argument, or making up from argument or sex or intimate conversation or just a casual conversation......all could be warmed up fast! Yet, when 2 persons love turned cold, everything is cold.....ignoring, sleeping far, an argument will never be kicked off or it will never end (scorched instead of just being hot)  no need even to talk about after argument or making up, everything becomes cold really fast, there's no time for warming up, just like the winter now I experience. I think some pple relationship is in the land of North Pole or some belongs to forever Thailand, yet, I quite prefer the temperament of 4 seasons manifestation like HK or Melb, at times it chills you to the bones, and others, it kisses ur heart with shinning sun.

I love my friendsssss

Well, i do hv different group of frenz, but must say - all r the intelligent ones. hehe. Today, one has quoted something that worths all of us to ponder , ie

Friends are like boobs - some are small, some are big - some are real, some are fake

See........my frenz are smart, like me....hahahaha....we can use anything to create a wise statement or a thought to ponder upon. And i luv that he uses boobs.....hehe......anyways, just sthg funny to share. hv been ultra buzy these days, I promise, I will resume writing.......

Breaking Eggs

OK, I hvnt written past week as I have been quite caught up with some new refinement. Then, I was introduced to this UK TV show- Misfits. It cracks me up big time, and frankly I always prefer british shows more, though US shows tend to have more productivity.

I luv this Nathan guy in the show, he's an asshole, dickhead. Totally - yet U would like him, as u know that he has his sweet side. Kinda U hate and love him at the same time. And at the season 1 last episode, there were few quotes that really made me laugh. Let me try to recap....

" there's only one thing young lady should inset into themselves, ie knowledge"

" As Darwin said, you need to break few eggs to make omelette. It's the time to break eggs"

" Thats the time we should shag each other brain's out"

:)) it's kinda kiddo show, I have to say it's in btw of Heroes and Alpha. But I always find brit actors to have higher calibre as compared to american ones....sollie....:P

I kindly recommend for you to check it out.

Frankly, I cant believe I didnt do any entry last 7 days...it's bad. I will keep it up, it's a matter of momentum and custom. 

Hope U all had a great week last week after the long holiday. kisses n hugz.

What's Love!?

hehe, as I was making pumpkin biscuits for my dogs, so why not, just drop a note about love!?!?! As I am typing with my notebook sitted on my pillow, my small dog Lottie forced her way on me.

1. ie Love, not being annoyed being disturbed most of the times, I gotta say, 5% of the time I got annoyed.

Someone asked me - do I get bored or disgusted or tired cleaning up the poo and pee for them!?

2. Ie Love, not being disgusted at cleaning up shits for the one U love. No complaint. Frankly, I wud get worried if I dont need to clean the shits.

Waiting. I wait alot......for pumpkin to cool down, then mix then bake....usually 2 rounds of baking to last them like 2 weeks.

3. ie Love, waiting isnt an issue, as long as your love enjoys you and of coz my dogs wait alot for me, to get home, to finish the biscuits. Both sides of waiting that create the magic of intimacy.

Learning from experience. I got no real recipe of how to make it, so I cant really tell others how to make this pumpkin biscuits, but I learn it by believing I will do it for my love, I can master the perfection.

4. Ie Love. Not being afraid of making mistakes but improve from it until u master the the art of loving action. Guess applies to making love, kissing....how to touch, how to "oral sex" haha....how to seduce, same....

Just making pumpkin biscuits has inspired me to write my 2nd entries about love.

5. ie Love. love inspires me. it creates a magic fantasy world in my head. If love grows strong, the fantasy enlarges to a point of explosive magic. And I think I am trying to refer to hope....love makes one inspires hopes, creates belief, and trust.

Look around you, maybe there's something that actually makes u think of love......it cud be ur pillow, ur breath.....or whatever, I think if one couldnt get inspired by sthg, find it....as it substains the search of true love, it creates the need to love for love to continue.

Something I shud be proud of

dont you think....I should be proud of myself!?!? After....1.5 yr, I am still writing at least min 1 entry per week here about stuff, about bullshits, about myself. My mind must be so rubbish yet shining. Till now, I dont even care much if my frenz read, and I know at least 2 would.....and then some othe readers from all over the globe...not many...I am not a celeb, but I appreciate ur support that makes me feel, I shudnt never leave a week to zero entry!!!! And you should be proud too, as you have the patience to hear an old fark pretty gal bullshitting too much always....just keep on blaaaa....

Pple say, sex, love make a person vigilant and looking young, and I think hving the ability to just simply polluting the world could be one way too. At least for me, it is....I must write more to keep my youthful look. hahahahaa

kidding, love u all. ^^

Extra-Ordinary Bones

Eve was created by a bone from Adam according to the bible.....or maybe it's just a story, but it's created from something extra-ordinary, be it god or love. Just a prelude.....

I am thinking about extra-ordinary. I luv the confidence TV show Bones - Bones has -"I am extra-ordinary" trust in herself. I always adore people with so much confidence to a point of arrogance as I am like that too. I am extra-ordinary, too. I knew even when I was young but somehow I was still plagued with so much inferiority given, pushed, imposed, shone upon by my family. Anyhow, I broke free at least 51% from this damn, so I am confident with my own extra-ordinariness. Yet, I am not a saviour. I am not god. I cant create. i cant save.

I can only copulate. I can only copy and paste. I can only co-create.

Was watching this movie - The Last Station, it's about Leo Tolstoy and his wife etc. And somehow, it's fiction or not, it doesnt matter. But it started off with his quote - everything I understand, I understand only because I love. I am pretty sure he was in love with his wife and her same to him - it's unbelievable for her to copy 7 times of his War and Peace, it must be love for doing that. Anyways....maybe the love he's referring to, doesnt necessarily correlate to romantic love.

And then somehow lately this extraordinary has been running through my mind. I think no matter how ordinary a person is, he/she cud be extrao, While, no matter how extra-ordinary a person is, he/she needs to experience ordinaries. Without ordinary, there could never be extra-ordinary.

So what am I trying to say?? hehe, it sounds so confusing, huh!?!?

Oh yes, I remember, I wanted to write a book 10 years ago, the title was - the ordinary extra-ordinary me. hehe........I think I am too in love with myself as always.

My friend just called and she told me she wanted to leave her husband. :) I always got such calls as I always a supportive to any form of leaving action if it's not happy. But then, I was sounding so logical and neutral that she was confused.....lol...reverse psychology - too often I support such actions, people wud then argue their way to the dysfunctional rp. The best is - they make their own fraking decision, rather than asking me, dont u think!? Anyways, she didnt really ask me if she shud leave or not, but moments like this, I guess everyone wants to hear "You are right!".

Umm, sorry, this entry is blablah, as I was playing Rachel Yamagata too loudly and I was too attentive to the lyrics, which most r kinda referring to my sentiments. I will write about love (it seems I said this before here in one of the entries and I did....^^)......more about love, and 2012 in coming entries. I have a new thought....not worldly new but my own self new.....

Till then, have a great week. Stay sober and detox for NYE......I need to take few days off from going out, drinking....I need to embark a new page of life and I need to be ready for it. Yup....I did too much during Xmas, drinking, meeting frenz, staying out late , and I feel my liver is abit overloaded. :)))

XOXO

Did U have a magical Xmas>!>!>!>!>!>?????

Always, I wish everyone a magical Xmas. But mine wasnt that magical, just going out and going out. So I wish everyone a MAGICAL NEW YEAR 2012!!!! I have been waiting for 2012 to come, and it's just crazy it's finally just days away. I remember, when I was much younger, I thought 2012 wud never come as I wud be like an old fart. Shit, now I am an old fart, but a stylish pretty kind who has many experience as her medals and scars.

I am not sure what;s gonna happen in 2012, but definitely by end 2012, I wudnt be spending alone. I know that. hehe

OK, just want to say Hi to everyone. Did want to write a dream....it was quite vivid. And will do it later. Maybe.

Lastly, done your resolution yet?!?! if not, do it now. I hvnt done but I will spend an afternoon with my notepad doing that this week. It's kinda cliche really....but it's a good cliche afterall. So why not!?!?!?!

Do leave ur comments here to let me know ur top 3 goals for 2012, if u like, U can tell me even ur 2015 goals, I wud be delighted too. :))

Shameless

Not me! Yes me....
OK, I am going to talk about TV again. Hvnt watched much movies lately. But TV, yes very much, as basically it's a mindless action, I let the whole season run at the back of my skull, while sleeping. That's my habit. And lately I realize that I like Showtime shows such as dexter, homeland, weeds, now it seems shameless is quite interesting, just always drama upon drama - and of coz each episode they could always some sorta solve the "drama".

Well, I wish our lives cud be as fun, we could ensure to solve some drama at the end of the day or at the end of the year. But then at times without issues, what a life there is to live? To experience? To feel triumphed?

more hopeful, I guess

I should give thanks, actually after negotiating with some gods, it seems I got partially what I wanted. At least one out of three fulfilled, it's pretty awesome. Though, something happened on the good news day and that made me reallllllly bitter and sad. And my heart is since still filled with some form of heaviness.....anyways, guess yin & yang.....u need to balance it with some heaviness and lightness, if not it all turns out to be indeed unbearable lightness or heaviness of being. 

Then at times like this, after close to 4 years of being single....of coz I have had different dates or so on. Yet, maybe it's winter, the feeling is quite overwhelming. It never happened much like this before, and I rarely whine about being lonely or alone in the past, except this year......guess once u have experienced love and U cant actually physically be with that person, the loneliness amplifies and it's just unbearable....

It's been really nice to have you guyz checking on me here and lately I got a mega-email, very long and entertaining. And it's good at times, U got people to share your views or express his/her own diff views on stuff with substance. It's even more challenging to reply to the points but I luv this.

then, 2012 is gonna be exciting. More things seem to be looking up, and I am going to enter a new territory that I have never been really fully equipped so it means it's gonna be super challenging, tiring, exhausting - BUT alot to learn. How to make a person fresh is one continues to find lessons, experience - and trully benefit from them, and continuously stimulate the mind makes a person more alive. And I need this aliveness very much.

Yet, a thing to note. Was talking to a fren rgd her triangle love affairs, I feel - she puts too much emphasis on "lessons", haha....guess saying we learn from our mistakes is a positive attitude, yet - relying on learning from mistakes will destroy a person. And I hope, I will be smarter in striking the balance of learning from mistakes vs relying on learning lessons from mistakes.

Heaven & Hell

Im heaven & hell! I take u to heaven and I can bring u to hell! Isn't god the one who does that!? Then I must b god! Mayb everyone actually is....god!!

Left & right! I'm living in left & right situation! My dogs - they are sleeping on my left & right sides! I turn, they follow! My body of left n right sides no longer belong to me!

Life & death! Every morning I want to stab or jump so I can be dead dead! Yet, I try to live in the ebby of much waiting waiting & waiting for all these years!!

Black or white! Hving no white hair pple mock at me gor not using my brain yet everyone wants to dye their hair black so they can look young!

Pathetic n jealous life I'm leading!!!!

I HATE days LIKE THIS

These few days have been dreadful due to some reasons so I luv this song, it just speaks my RAINY spirit.

Some guyz are so weird. OK, this german guy I met via Linkedin, I told about. He buzzed me again and asked me when we could "shag" or his words - "lets have a dinner and sweet time", haha. I said, I cant, I got a bf....:P I really didnt want to hv a sweet time with him. But I am not someone who wud ignore a buzz.....

Then he asked me if I loved my "bf", I said yes I love him. Then he said, you love him then why dont you have a naughty time with me??? kakakakakak

What kind of rationale is that, man!? I am flattered, frankly....I am not a pretty gal. Normal, not ugly. Figure wise? in HK standard, I am FATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. But I am not fat, I have curves, ok!? HK galz have no curves, what so nice about skinny? OK....so yes flattered but...I think guyz are always like this? I dunno....just awkward for me.....

Have been living in colloid hydrogel

Way too long....what the heck is that!? It's actually more scientific term for quicksand. :)

I realize today I have been running inside of the quicksand, no wonder I am so tired - but u watch discovery channel, U know it, once U r being put there, the chance of getting is tough by urself. OK, so that has been my state for long long time.....did I choose? No, I wud say No, I was forced to or simply put there by the almighty hand. Yet,

I think, I am always addicted to challenges or metamorphosis....wud it be a way god is trying to break me and mould me again!? But this time, frankly, this little joke is abit too much for a poor single lonely gal to handle. All sides....absolutely crushed. But then....

A note to think - I am not dead yet, so...does it mean I have a chance, surely I do, I know it, as I could feel, finally I got a hang of how to get outta this quicksand and now I am abit scared to get outta it. U know....abit like the stockholm syndrome....hehehe.....

And then was talking to a fren I havnt talked w for more than 4-5 yrs. What I was trying to explain to her, the first 2 yrs were training mind, and this year is training heart. And they all suck....haha...no, I know in few yrs time, when I look back, I would appreciate every moment of my life these 3 years but at this moment - I cant. 

OK, well, always say better tomorrow....may we hv that too. Together, as buddies. :))

Looking Back

This is one of those mornings, I got up and thought of the many mistakes I made during this year and some time ago. I usually did it every few days in the past, now I do it collectively in one go. I am facing some consequences and maybe doing it now in beginning of Dec is good, so kinda - I could set some resolution end of this month. I have been waiting for 2012 to arrive since dunno-when, yes I am always intrigued by weird stuff....and Mayan calendar has been the topic btw some frenz, eg Bruce since many yrs ago.

I think I always thought, by the time 2012, I would already visit Peru and be transported away from earth, haha. Or it;s already end of time and rapture is taking place, blaaaa.

Mistakes, well....some of the mistakes I made were due to ignorance. Maybe people say I am an impulsive person....yea, maybe, so I made some mistakes. But many were committed due to my emotional state. Somewhere I heard, some women would take testosterones to cure their fluctuating emotion, and I always think maybe ie what I need. hehe.

Lately. I have been wishing abit if only I could be more like my frenz & family, then if that's the case, my life should be less turmoil (maybe). Or if I didnt rely on so much of my decision making skills, guess....I wouldnt be alone now. Or, if I did this or that, I would be a more successful person, etc.

This year is esperically obvious. I have been affected by stuff that basically handicap my every move, and frankly-----for someone who rarely exercise regrets, I feel abit regretful. so this morning, when I got up, I started analysising......the mistake I made couple of months ago, nothing big....but it may affect my fren, so what I am going to do is to take all responsibility, and that's my decision. I need my soul to be restful - despite she made half of the mistakes too, yet, people never think they have done anything wrong.....yet, I need to have clear conscience - and honestly ultimately one day I analyse myself I wud think by my doing it is an act of impulse. But I need it to be out of my head as fast as possible.

Then beginning of the year, I trusted someone - actually I havent thought about it for a while.....and it affected me abit only....as I didnt tell that person to go to hell, rather, I blessed him - may his con find his way back to him one day, U reap what U sow. So I wonder.....if I did sow something bad in the past too, hehe.

All these are not really committed due to impulse, rather coz of ignorance....not understanding something well enough....so I must put this in my head today to take heed of the lessons.

Of coz then.....some romances, and bla.....I find men do affect my emotional state alot. Maybe, as many say I am a floating person, many a times I would hope to be grounded somewhere...as pple say, to rest. Yet, I think it's not the case, so I must learn to more compartmentalize myself. It's something I forsake it for some time........

I am not moody but surely I am not in good mood. Scratching out mistakes is quite tough to the soul, but I must find ways to untie it one by one so I could be set free and I need to be free......As I do hope by the time this blog hit maybe 600 entries, or something....I could say wow, I am a free bird now....haha, flying....I doubt it wud happen by 600, but then it's a nice target, achievable and soon. :)

Have a good weekend.

Quilt Cover

Tonight is cold, and I am going to bring my not too warm quilt out soon. And I remember this quilt cover that my ex bought with me in Australia. I am not sentimental or attached to things of the past much, but tonite I somewhat thought of him as he was my refuge my hospital once. I think in my life I have come across many men - he's definitely not a core shaken nor a soul revivalist, but he is a hospital. Frankly, I used him to cure my wounds.....since after him, I have become many's hospitals.....I always think it;s a karma thing.

I am thinking over the changes I have attained past 10 years. I have changed alot. Then this word, metamorphosis came to mind and I wonder....as many people wud call me butterfly as many know I am not an earthy animal....I wonder if I am actually experiencing the bursting out pain now to become a real butterfly. I hope it is....as I still have hopes, U know. I am just slightly fearful that....that's it.

I think, I want to buy a new quilt cover with someone else...I want new memory, I want new things. I am frankly not attached to this cover, haha....nah, I am more cold-blooded than that. I just dont attach things to a face much. But lately though someone has brought out this side of me....but I am resisting that, or,...maybe with some sorta attachment is a good thing!? I think so....maybe it's ok then. I think people with not obsessive attachment is a healthy living being. I am definitely the cold-blooded kind,.....so I am learning.....metapmorphosising....and hope maybe one day I will indeed turn into a bright pretty uniquely patterned butterfly. As I said in pewvious entry.....I negotiated my way with god(s)....another thing I would put on the table is - I genuinely want to bless people with the good things I have, be it love, money, joy, care.....actually I am a wonderful person and am gonna bless many people, so I would pray when I pray maybe god could help me a little, so....in turn I can bless the world, or at least people ard me. How to draw more water from an already dry-up well, ie my arguement point.

U think god will buy? I hope he's reasonable enough to buy my negotiation points.

OK, hehe...just some thoughts before sleep. And dont mean to be negative....but ai well, as said, this is my space, I can say whatever I want and like.....:)))) But thanks for dropping by.

Collision

My mind is in collision.

Was watching TV shows, Bones, Criminal Minds. I esp enjoy their brainy quotes. These ones -

Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.
Joseph Campbell

Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.
Joseph Campbell

 

Then I query myself......I want all doors open for me, actually contrary to many beliefs, I am very dedicated in believing the universe...though my arrogant face always looks skeptical. Then my next question is - what's my bliss?? Where's my bliss? I can never answer the question - what makes u happy. I apply deduction method - to deduce what's less unhappiness. 

Just like the question - what do you want?! I have been asked many times before....and I always asked back. Usually people cant really answer this Q....genuinely. I am not sure, lately - I could answer that, but as I was going through the quotes of Campbell - another one has affected me a little. It's about marriage vs love affairs (guess means all kinda luving rp). Anyways.....so, I am asking myself today, what's my bliss!?

I feel heavy inside when I ask myself this Q, so I am going to light a cigarrette and ponders alittle....I know today I cant find the answer, but the heaviness inside I feel - it will drive me towards that goal. I think I will find it.....I know I will find it.....The universe has the obligation to help me find it....hehe

Whenever I pray, I would somewhat negotiate my way - kinda like this. I have had my shares of "bad fortunes" as my frenz quoted, but I always treat them with respect and joy as I believe they are lessons, experience I have to go through for next stage, and at the same time seeing the deeper inside of myself that - I aint that really that good as I think I am. I have recognize that without blaming anyone nor god nor universe nor my parents....I dont even blame myself (ok...lemme think I did blame, maybe at times)...severely....all I do is press on, pick up myself, try to smile and actually give joy to others. So maybe if U r listening, give me a nudge and a hand....I am not stupid, actually I am exceptionally bright, so, why torture such a potential being here on earth. Maybe....well, the other alternative is just to take me away from here and bring me to heavenly stars.

U thinjk whoever listening will help me?? hehe...I hope it doesnt sound too arrogant but trully...I have had enough of diff things. I am really getting tired in my physical, heart and brain. My soul is ageing too...I never feel my soul is ageing, as no matter how....my soul was always hopeful.....anyhow...

if U somewhat pray too, ask your gods to spare me, let me walk towards the brightest paths as I do believe with all my being & all my soulful energy, I deserve it.

Thanks.

armpits

They smell.....huh!? yes, I wonder why armpits smell so bad. But it gives me an inspiration coz of Lottie.....my dog, I have been quite busy lately so I rarely sleep or lie in bed w her all day long, so when I got home yesterday adn while we slept.....she tugged her head into my armpit. She doesnt usually sleep with her face facing me, always her ass facing but last nite, for long time....her face was sticking into my armpit. That made me realize, she missed me indeed alot.

Then got me thinking.....I luv sleeping like a small teddy bear under arms...I never thought of armpits though. But today, I realize I miss tugging into someone's armpit, sleeping.....think abt it. When I was a baby, when mom held me....the closest area wud be chest and armpits and armpits radiate most smell....not the boobs, boobs r just like pillow.....something different, when we hv real pillows, we realize, real pillows r better, so I never turn bi and men always luv boobs......becoz they always want to hv more than 1 pillow. :)

When u feel love, it makes u think more out of the zone, but also it cloes much opportunity to think outside of other box.

Surprises

Did I ever mention I luv surprises?

And I always luv giving surprises too. Maybe I like shocking pink.....or just pitch dark. I mean all the extremity, I indulge in. Frankly, how hard it is to surprise people u luv & care?

I luv thou little surprises from frenz. E.g. this bday, Bruce & his wife gave me 2 gifts that are supposed to be given by lovers....hehe. Or at times my dog surprises me with her questionably sweetness when I am moody or a gentle msg to tell me I am missed.....or someone told me he wud check on my blog frequently here to see if I am ok......all these r so luving.I luv every gesture someone makes to make me smile and surprise me

Lately....

My very sweet fren asked me to attend a party, becoz she wants to introduce me to her frenz - like a parent's day. I find this to be soooooo sweet......and I am glad with honour to be the mom of the day. And I hope I could be a well-behaved mom. :)

I have been moody, emotional terribly for weeks, due to various situations. Yet, hving all these little surprises at times intrigue me to move on, to be a better fren, better person, possibly one day better lover and better mom to my dogs.

So, think of a little surprise to give to your honey or ur pets or maybe ur parents. But most of all, give to the one U indeed luv becoz very likely they so deserve it. :)

frak fake

I am not a fake person but when U grow old, U just hv to be......esp, U r working w many assholes. N fake smile to fake them to think u r stupid or innocent, a fake innocence to fake they can con u or a fake to make u keep the project, u just hv to fake all the way......

how frak?

no, I just hope to fake my way through to buy some times but for a person like me I hate faking too much, way too much. If I dont want smile, I cant. I want to love I love. I want to cry I cry. But now. I smile, laugh, talk in fake tones....yuck! OK, I am so grown-up and I should.

Shit, ignorance is such a bliss. Not adventurous or ambitious is just a fortune. I always ask myself....why mom has 5 kids......only me behave like a nutjob!?!?!?!OK my siblings are handful too, but they aint as crazy and ups & downs like me. Frankly.....when I am standing outside of that circle, I feel a hint of jealousy. Then some frenz have told me how they feel what they r doing comfort them, a secure job, a stable family......

Why am I not wanting the same thing? What I want absolute love or impossible adoration or romantic success in life & career.......? I live in fairy tale, as I always said.....maybe also ie how I win many frenz, frenz love me....who wudnt luv me when I am kinda silly-ingly dreaming like a lunatic in an adorable way?! I thank for my frenz who see great stuff in me, esp Bruce.....he has been encouraging me, praising me all these years......giving crazy ideas to me and asking me I should do....

How can I not continue to dream on when people want me to achieve impossible? I think.

maybe in many ways, many have their dreams too......and I seem to be indeed like a bird which would indeed try to flip her wings to fly to Mount Everest. Thou....I am afraid of cold, I may never be able to reach the summit, yet however, my frenz know......I wud flip my wings.

hehe,thanks.....dont worry, I will continue to flip flop flip while trying to fake frak fake. :)

Sheung Wan is so growing on me

I think....maybe 5-6 yrs ago, why I wanted to move to SW? 2 reasons....I saw many gay couples and I wanted to live away from my family, as far as possible.

Gay couples? Why?? Well, to me it's like "Fu Shui" thing - somehow I find gay couples tend to be non violent and they are so nice to be looked at. :)))

And of coz SW is quite a busy place during the day and silent place during the nite. If I live in a residential area, I find the noise level and to me the pollution level bad - e.g babies always cry at nite, parents always yell at kids at nite, couples always argue and bang door at night, then, everyone turns on the air-con the highest capacity and U have to turn it on too, as all exhaust gas just compass your flat.

Then, of coz as couple of entries ago, I talked about my stroll in SW - man....I know 1-2 people just by sitting at the cafe. It's nice...I like...as we just talk rubbish anyways. What do you expect to talk on Sun!? World economic or end time? Well, we could too, of coz, but everything becomes so light over a cup of coffee.

Then, my dogs are welcome there, and esp Lottie is like a little human luving everyone, hugging everyone........frankly, half a day away from her makes me moody. So now, my wallpaper on iphone is her face only, pls dont tell my another dog, shadow....hehe.

Then at one of those lanes around cafe, they have floral shop that let you sit out on the streets to do some flower decoration urself, or I passed by a small gallery opening with some youth doing some singing and instrument on the streets. Well, if you do live in HK, you know...it's uncommon for all these happenings. I feel like I have been transported back to Melbourne....

But though, I think this stretch of streets will become too famous, once again - problem in HK, people flood to a location becoz we cool people hang out then we would escape from the overcrowdedness to another surreal place - but I hope this wont happen so soon, maybe another 3-5 yrs time!!?? since surrounding still stand many old short bldgs, developers will take alotta saliva to convince them to move, coz most of these bldgs cud be owned by the owners while running biz downstairs....(hence they cud still survive at this time in HK, this horrible era of.....loss & no found).

Hope....U can enjoy my SW too. At SW....:)

Tears & Blood and I am no idiot

Chinese saying goes, there's blood in every penny we made. OK, usually quoted by older generation. 

At this hour, I feel the same. Just for making that amount - not even enough for me to buy one side of the boots, I feel - there's blood oozed out everywhere. Whereas for tears, I think - I am way better than most people....so I shudnt cry.

Then, somewhere I read or heard from TV lately. Yes shud be Battlestar Galactica - you make the choices and you become the choices. So I made a choice (no, I was forced to) to have my own biz, now I have become my own biz. haha.

Frankly, being alone to do a so-called biz or self-employed isnt easy. And I think I dont have much specific skills - I am not a designer, thou too many (almost 99% of people who first meet me) would think I am one (no matter how glam or shabby I dress). I am not anything....sometimes ie how I feel. I dunno....is it a way god is trying to drain me from something, so I could be more flexible!?!?! (I think of the scene in recent episode of Bones - the corpse juices....kinda they have to drain it before they could examine the "bones")

I am very tired. I indeed feel drained. Just translating a press release is tiring me out - OK I never really work in PR before. haha......but somehow people think I can write such for of coz beauty products. If I count by every word, the few ones I did, I should get maybe 5 times more. But if someone could pay 5 times more, why do they want me? might as well get a pro!?!? :))

So, I am stuck. I am caught in between.

I have many threads of "projects" opened - but none is finalized. I wonder....if I am an idiot!? Seriously....ie what I am thinking. Is it me? or is it luck? OK, well what everything has in common is me....so it must be my problems. But it's hard to accept, coz I am not really that stupid....I pick up things so fast.....I always innovate whatever my hands put into....so what's going on!?!?! I am really tired.

Then people around me keep complaining......I dun understand what people are complaining!!! Have I complained much? As above said, u make the choices and U become the choices, and I believe - we never want to be the choices, then why we choose in the first place!? On a positive note....maybe god just wants to groom me into a real biz person. Yet then I wonder.....if I could be one!?!?!

HK really isnt my place. But I did try to weigh if I should come back there back then - and my conclusion was - it's going to lead me to the same place if I wud be there or here, just the paths could be different. This is my upside and also my downfall. I am too positive.....I believe in 2nd chances......I believe in learning from the paths......

So today, I am tired. I dislike the thing I am translating as the products are so boring....so fucking boring, it bores me out completely! OK, so I am like everyone else, I am complaining. So just may I complain silently.....:)

Beginning of the blog, I was comtemplating committing suicide, then it got better.....then worse.....lately, I just want a silent death. I am not sure if I could see myself through....this drag of exhaustion.....very hard to explain. This exhaustion is not like volcano explosion that one can see, but more like collective bubbles bubbling from hot springs.

That's all for today. Cant say something very positive lately. So be it, let it be......

check

nail done, check!
hair wash, check!
shower done, check!
translate an article, check!
turn off my phone, check!
feeling miserable, check!
feeling happy, also check!
talking to my dogs, check check!
going out, check!
meeting new pple, check!
seeing frenz, check!
just freaking going out, check!
my vegetable, yummy soup....not yet check! Sitting in fridge but make it tonite, ok, will check!

when u cant tell the difference

I think most pple hv it, but I usually cud tell the difference
it's day dreaming & real dreaming
I just had that this morning
but all is so hazy

I think.....I cant remember what I think
guess I was sucked into a vortex of thoughts

I need a good dream tonite
:))

International

AS I said earlier, I am sad N lonely. Every step I take is like dream-walking.
I was at internation, aka ParkNShop. I basically roamed around the whole area 3 times.
Back n forth. Back n forth.
I dunno how I got back....but I made it home.

It's strange. When u got nothing anymore
u dont need to rush home
iphone becomes meaningless
Whatsapp isnt even the most important app anymore

u know....
it's strange. I feel strange.
sometimes, its just nice to know someone is checking on u
i feel safe
now, i dont feel that anymore
except safeless and lonely

Still
have a wonderful weekend. from, me!! :))

Solo

Once, I had a friend sitting across me on my balcony telling me she felt lonely. I could feel her anguish. Loneliness is so holy and shitty. Human is but an island, so we all experience it. Yet, to some, loneliness is a way of life, part of their being and existence. As for my fren, I think, and pray for her that she would find the man who deserves her, while, he would love her no matter what! Adore this beautiful soul.

As for me, I am always fine with loneliness. But once in a while, I just feel I am loneliness flooded. it's too much to bear. 

Well,I will be fine soon but then.....today, I feel I have been rotten with sadness & loneliness. It just cripples my soul.

Everyone, have a loneless weekend. Luv, from me.

A redbull in the morning

I think.....many men think I am high maintenance or hard to please. I dunno....it depends how U keep your consistency. But I have to say I am the easiest....but mind U, I am not the dumbest....if possible, I cud be the smartest gal a guy wud ever date :P

I think to please women is so easy. At least to me, it genuinely is.

To me, when someone sends me a msg at night to say goodnite, even though we are not physically together....maybe forever.........I would still feel it's a goodnite kiss. Or a morning msg to be there with you, to me,....it's like a redbull for the morning.

Easy, yes? Maybe. But many cant be consistent with that. And many men would do that in the beginning of a rp becoz they still hvnt fully got hold of the women....after a while, it drains off. I see it often. Experience it often.

Men, really.....either U never do in the beginning, or else U shud keep doing until u die or she dies. 

but of coz, also, women are demanding...when she gets one msg, she wud then want thousand or even want the men forget abt sending but rushing to their home. something like that. 

I think a healthy love affair is highly based on this give & take, understand without demand and consistency. Women r not that difficult to please, at least most arent. And as for me, I think I am easy to please, but just that all my ex-es use the wrong ways............I can only sleep when I get a gdnite kiss or I can only work when I get a goodmorning hug (metaphors anyways).

Maybe, U can try. Even U r into a rp for forever....but its important to hv loving gesture routines to make the other person feel loved. And as for women, what shud they be consistantly doing for men? Oh well, simple.....give blow jobs constantly. :))

:P

Another nut week on shows

Watched - frankly some I dont even remember. :)

- Kramer vs kramer

- Sophie's choice

- Confession of a dangerous mind

- stranger than fiction

- rewatched Bridget Jones' Diary I & II

- Notting Hill

- The Aura

- Crazy Stupid Love

TV shows -

- Homeland

- Dexter

- Person of Interest

- Merlin

- fringe

- Bones

- Supernatural

- Gossip Girl

- NCIS

- Criminal Minds

- Desperate Housewives

- The vampire diaries

Guyz, U must watch Homeland. I usually hate anything related to serious CIA shows or terrorist related, of coz except 24, as it's so ridiculously crazy that within 24 hrs, U could get killed, revived, then shot, then have sex, then again shoot someone, then meet the president, then save the president..........

This one is as exciting (not as breathless) but equally exciting as the cast is EXCELLLLLENT!!!!!!! Just by watching them looking at the monitor saying "NO" - I was already awed with breathlessness. It's not just the suspense, thrill. care chase or politically correct speech or righteous or idiotic Jack Brauer bravery - just simple huma - flawed, nakedly crazy humans. Just that most of them are working in CIA. hahahahahaha

 

People always say I got nothing to do hence I watch so many shows. Actually - many a time I would trade my sleep.....:)))) And Pls mind U, I dont go out at all....over weekend or so. How could it be? U?? yes, me......I rather stay home N watch my shows 24 hrs..............:))))))))))

Stroll Around Hong Kong

Hong Kong is just a little place and yes we are crammed...crowded....a dense city with many bldgs and people. But sometimes amongst this concrete jungle, we can find a place or two that has a vortex of tranquility to calm your soul, to make you smile a little when you leave. I have found such places. Of coz, besides the secondhand bookshops I talked about few months ago - some hidden cafes or lanes can give you tremendous pleasures.

 

From Sheung Wan MTR, pls check the map - I just know how to get there as I live around here for total of 3-4 years from 2003/4 3 years, until 2011 6 months - Sheung Wan has changed alot, hence I just realized such hidden lanes exist. Anyhow, from hollywood road At Sheung Wan, you will find the upper station street, and you would find to me a pretty damn prettt vintage-ish chinese walkup bldg, which I almost lived there (I wanted to, as it is PINK). And up you walk, you see some old shops - e.g. electrician or some new modern shops like Aesop or even some small galleries with maybe 2 paintings....:) .......OK, whatever I am saying now sound like 30 min walk - no, it was just within 3-5 min stroll, you would capture all these under yr memory. Kinda awesome, dun u think?! U dont get to see such in many other lanes or other parts of the world much such scenes......

Then U walked up further, you would first be greeted by this "Secret Ingredient" shop (I got no idea what they do there, maybe catering) or a goddess (Kun Yin) temple (the red thing):

Then just turn left, you would see some small bldgs, it's just a very short walk - max 5 mins u r done, but amongst there, you could find various small shops, cafes -

Then, check out one of the small lanes - you will find this little cafe Knockbox Coffee that only opens on Sat & Sun from 12:30-6:30 - and from what I gather, all they do is talk. haha....I mean talk about coffee, about making frenz, yet they are very serious about making coffee. I was even told that if you have good coffee beans, you could actually bring there for them to brew. I just tried their iced-dropped coffee which took them 8 hrs to brew and it tasted like whiskey to me - I was abit drunk (tipsy) for a little while. I am sure I will frequent there alot more from now on, as their coffee is indeed pretty good

 And it's a great place to know people who are just strolling and stopping for a cuppa. :))

if by any chance you walk by Soho, sheung wan, hollywood road, I highly recommend you to check it out, and just to feel - how such these few lanes take u away from the craziness of HK life.

 

Caveman theory

One of my ex-es : he said 2 things I agree with him 100%, other things NO, these 2 absolutely. :)

1st is - if science could perfect fertilization without the need of sperms, basically women r going to rule the world, men wud become obsolete.

2nd is - men are just cavemen.

Oh actually, of coz he has the 3rd, men r controlled by your dumbsticks.

OK, well, lately various things occurred that took me to rethink what he once said to me, of coz, I could expound more, he's just being man - keep it short. :) 

I am not a feminist, on the contrary, I find many woman behaviour is dumb and idiotic. I dont wish for women to rule the world - I think, we should get metrosexual men, the real kinds to rule the world.

Metrosexual men could be straight or gay - basically they are 2 in one, Man's mindset & physique with a touch of femininity.  When God created Adam, I am sure he felt it was alrite and he knew all the flaws in his creation - yes e.g. controlled by dumbsticks. In order for not creating - hybrids (I believe at that time, it shud be feasible) of human/animals , maybe a goatman or a snakeman coz all men have a need to shag and somehow to spread the seeds. The action is kinda involuntarily, so I am sure even perfected Adam would have such (flaw) need to use his tool - and later on it became dumbstick. :)))) - partially caveman theory developing now.

And lets now forget about Adam, as Adam already sounded more intelligent or learned. 

While, for cavemen, we would not be talking about bible time 5-7 thousand years ago, but we are talking about Neanderthals or so, and they needed to learn. I think from all the coloring books or maybe even caves - we could see men were supposed to hunt and women were supposed to gather crops + take care of children. So it's very clear why women like shopping - as we were once a gatherer....we gathered crops...:)))) So we gals have all excuses to shop becoz it's jusy inborn thing, ya know.

OK, for cavemen - why men r single minded towards a prey?  Why men r hunters? It's just a gene thing. Hunters need to be precise, as you have a whole family to feed - either killed by the (I believe it used to be gigantic) giant preys or hunt it. I am sure - even back then, men luved challenges, so bigger the better, more difficult to hunt the better.......translated into modern terms. hohoho.....U know what I am getting at by now for sure.

Now, if a woman ignores the man more, the man would be more precise wanting to hunt - as it seems everything is more delicious. OK, this is purely 100% non-metrosexual males. If the prey was near them or was just a tiny rabbit - they would just leave it and think - oh well, we got a chance later. Translated to modern terms???? Bingo....if a woman treats him well, nice, sweet - the more he walks away (I am still referring to 100% non-metrosexual males). 

That brings me to conclude one point and finally I am giving women some credits. I realized....men love to live in regrets (Ok , maybe it's hard to correlate what I have been bullshitting about above but this is my conclusion), while, women  live in the present.

yes, men live in regrets and women live in the present. How many men or even yourself - would find back their ex-es? While how many women would do that? Frankly - when a woman finishes gathering, they move on.....they move onto another crop, if the other crop is much better, they would not turn back to the previous field. While men? It's very strange. Even they may have caught a challenging prey, they would always mesmerize the previous rabbit -shit they wud think, why didnt I catch it as well???!?!?!??!?! 

hehe, it sounds like I am bullshitting about men. Yes it's true. No hard feeling, but some men just make me feel sad.....why they are so ridiculous?!?!?! But guess, as said....it's a gene thing and surely guyz still have the caveman in them. Period. :))